Thank you all for the follows, faves, and giving reviews! I know I said that the next chapter wouldn't be out till after the movie, but surprise! Then again, the chapter did get really long so I had to split it. So this is part one of the two part battle. But does this mean the end? Nope. Stuff happens after. The ending is done in three parts. This battle is the first. I know you shouldn't drag out endings, but I don't want to leave any loose ends. I love when a story gives proper resolution. So that's what I'm going to do.
Standing Cowardly: I'm so happy you love the story! It's hard to find reylo fics where they keep the same characterization throughout the whole story. But I will attest that it is so hard to do! It's one of the reasons why it takes so long for me to get a chapter out. You found it through tumblr? That surprises me since I rarely post it on there. I should post it on there more. Lol. I know waiting for chapters is hard, trust me, I've been there. But the good news is there's only maybe four chapters left! I'm sorry the last chapter hurt your soul! But thanks for giving me support in killing off those two characters. While this is fiction, I like to mix some reality in. Hope you guys appreciate that. emonpersia: I hate me too. It was sooo difficult to write that part. I cried realizing I won't be writing anything from Poe's pov ever again. Ugh. Now I'm getting emotional. The road ahead will be a bumpy one for all characters. Aleta Wolff: The end of the chapter was heart wrenching. It was a challenge to write and sometimes, I procrastinated because I didn't want to write it. I know I try not to give anything away with my story, but I can say it won't have a RO ending where everyone dies. That movie messed me up, to be honest. I was a blubbering mess. So I wouldn't do that to you guys. Sage McMae: Thanks for leaving a review and liking it! Guest: I didn't try to blindside you all by making you think Finn would be the one to go. Just happened that way. And Ben in this chapter… well, he isn't in a good place. He doesn't take it well while in the moment. You guys might not like how he treats Rey in this chapter. But things will be on the mend. I promise. SheLitAFire: Baaaaad idea to read that chapter in public. Sorry for making you emotional! I really liked writing Finn and Hux. It wasn't too long, and the dialogue was to the point. Both men were trying to unnerve the other, both sort of succeeded. But Finn still refused to talk. *sigh* I love Finn. Lol. All the characters should avoid caves. Nothing good happens in them. But I wanted Rey to experience what Ben kind of went through. I'm cruel, I know. Especially having Jess die in a cave similar to the one she was locked up in. I get what you're saying that you liked it, but it was still rough to read. And Poe talking to Jess… I'm not kidding when I say I cried while writing all that stuff, because you can't help projecting yourself into the character's story and wonder what you would do if that was you. What would you say to someone you loved as they were dying? Ugh. I have a lump in my throat now. I was so stressed killing two characters off. But how I see it and what Poe thought, someone has to take that first leap into the unknown. And it was him and Jess out of the group. I'm glad you saw it more than them dying. It wasn't meaningless. It does help alleviate some of the stress knowing I have your support in taking it slow if I want to. Really, it does help. Thank you so much! astrogoddess: I was trying to get that flow right and it nearly made me throw my laptop across the room! I had to dig deep to make my vision come out on paper. Took me a while to get it right. Thanks for liking it! I have the same complaint with rebels. I know it's kid friendly show, but come on, adults watch it too! Lol. I admit, I was going for heart wrenching, but death should feel that way. I wanted you all to really feel it, and it looks like you all have. And Ben does not take it well. Neither does Rey, but she has a much more rational head on her shoulders. And she is less violent. Thanks for appreciating the time I put into this story! Comments like that help me to keep going. MBellicose: Oh, I'm going to finish this story, I promise. While I struggle at times, I made a promise to myself that I would see this all the way to the end. And I have read too many fics that have been abandoned and I don't want to do that to any of you. I'm sure we've all been there, and it is beyond frustrating. I will persevere! Lol. KatMichBow: Holy crap, indeed. Hope you were able to fall asleep after reading that and that your heart was okay. Yes, Ren does react horribly. And Rey carries the guilt. You're good at predicting these things! You wanna finish writing this story for me? Lol Jk (sort of). Yup, the remaining space children are gonna have it rough. But there has to be conflict! Thanks for thinking the chapter was great! It seriously kicked my butt. And I appreciate you not throwing anything in my direction. For now….
And fair warning, Rey pov is one big rollercoaster. lol. Anyway, lets get to the chapter and as usual, author notes at the end!
Chapter Forty-three
Finn shivered violently against the restraints, no longer able to control any of his bodily functions. The faint smell of ammonia made it clear that he had wet himself, but how long ago was that?
He'd been in and out of consciousness, the loyalty officer never allowing him to fully drift off to sleep. But he had lived in that fuzzy place where the line between consciousness and slumber blurred. That place had let him feel the false sting of liberation.
Head still tightly secured, he started to drift again. But then something happened in the room that prevented him from going there.
Blaster fire. Shouting. A scuffle.
With the weight of the whole galaxy on his lids, he tried to open his eyes and failed. Then he was falling, the restraints no longer holding him in place as hands caught him before hitting the floor. His back flattened against the chilly floor, his mouth trying to form words, but just mumbling gibberish.
"He doesn't look good," said a filtered voice belonging to a man. To a stormtrooper still wearing his helmet. "I–I don't think we can have the others see him like this."
"That's why I brought this," a woman replied, tone also sounding mechanized.
Finn came back to reality with a shout, his limbs flaring out and his eyes bouncing around wildly, settling on the dead loyalty officer close by. Heart thundering in his chest and breaths coming out with force, the two stormtroopers tried to ease him into a sitting position, his bewilderment palpable from his deeply furrowed brows.
"It's okay. You're okay." the female one said, her hand on his shoulder. "I'm PK-3861, and this is FG–5694"
"Quindon," the man snapped at her, taking off his helmet. His skin was dark, but not as pigmented as Finn's. Hair was also similar, but his eyes were a deep blue, and he was currently glaring at PK-3861. "I told you to call me Quindon from now on."
"You should think about giving yourself a different name."
"Well, I like it," he stated firmly.
"Fine." The woman let out an annoyed sigh. "This is Quindon. We had to give you a dose of adrenaline. What you're feeling are the side effects. We might have to give you more as it wears off, but you're going to be okay. We're on you're side."
He glanced to the left again, getting a better view of the charred hole in the loyalty officer's head. "My side?"
"We're getting you out of here."
"And taking me where?"
Quindon was the one to answer. "To join the rest of us. We've started a coup to take over the Finalizer." His face didn't show even a hint of humor.
"You… what?"
"Those holovids you've been recording about your time with the First Order," the woman explained. "We've all seen them. A small few of us decided we would leave, just like you. But then the group kept growing and we got to talking and… we've agreed to fight back. As long as the First Order is prominent in the galaxy, there's no life we can truly live. That's what you said, remember?"
Finn blinked quickly, wondering if he was still in the interrogation chair, unconscious and hallucinating. But no, he knew reality when he felt it. "Yeah… I do."
Never in all the scenarios Finn had fantasized did he think this would be happening. The troopers were waking up and looking for leadership in their quest to break free from their chains. He hadn't been the only soldier to have desired something different from life. He wasn't the only who had dreams.
The validation stung his eyes.
He was finally not alone.
The woman removed her helmet, her piercing hazel eyes pressed with purpose, pale skin taut with determination. "You started this, and by having you with us, we could possibly get more to join before the battle starts."
Finn wiped his eyes. "Battle?"
Quindon went to grab a dark bag by the entrance, handing it to Finn. He looked inside to see officers clothing. "We're in hyperspace right now, but the whole fleet is heading to Jakku."
Finn took off his shirt, replacing it with the black, newly laundered one from the bag. "Why?" he asked.
PK shook her head. "No idea. They tell us where to shoot and we pull the trigger. You know how it goes."
Finn quickly changed in front of the troopers, which was somewhat awkward since neither looked away for privacy sake. But after being tortured for hours, it was hard to really care about propriety.
They lead him from the room, troopers stationed at certain checkpoints, all of them nodding in their direction, whispering to each other after they passed. Finn asked them how much of the ship they had under control. Since they didn't want the rebellion to be known just yet, it was only a small section of the ship that was closest to the interrogation room and included the hangar next to it. Finn had been hoping for more, but it's a start.
But the main take away from walking down and through all the corridors was that something was wrong with the spinal device in his back. His right leg wouldn't fully lift, leaving him with a slight limp. He tried hiding it, but was sure the other two noticed.
A dark figure suddenly appeared from an adjacent hallway, jumping onto the two troopers escorting him. The attacker was fierce and precise in her blows, going in for a quick kill with a riot baton. But Finn grabbed at the woman, preventing her from finishing the job. He then saw her face and couldn't stop himself from enveloping her in an embrace.
Caliiya remained stiff and on edge.
The troopers groaned as they got back to their feet.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, pulling back and giving her a once over to make sure she was all right. She was wearing the same officers uniform as him, which made him wonder how long she'd been on the ship.
"You know this woman?" Quindon questioned, catching Caliiya's attention.
"And I remember the two of you," she snarled, trying to get to them, but Finn held her back. "You tied me up and stuffed me in a closet. Bet ya didn't think I'd get out. I should kill you–"
"Don't," Finn interjected. "They helped free me."
Caliiya's body calmed slightly, but her face was still full of contempt. "That's what I'm here to do."
Pk raised her hands and asked, "Wait, aren't you an officer?"
"Borrowed the uniform so I could get to him."
"You're lucky to be alive. And," Pk smiled mockingly, "looks like we did your job for you."
Caliiay scoffed. "I would have gotten to him first if you two hadn't jumped me!" She faced Finn, her anger amusing him, but he was smart enough to hide it. "I want it noted that if it wasn't for these bucket heads, I would have saved you ten minutes sooner."
"Dully noted." The corners of his mouth curled up as he went in for another hug, this one being softer and more intimate than the first. "I'm glad you're here," he whispered in her ear.
"Really?"
"Really."
Caliiya and Finn were reminded of the pressed time and reluctantly parted, all of them hurrying to the one hangar under their control. He could feel Caliiya glancing at him, noticing how his right leg was getting worse. She didn't bring it up. There was no point. Finn knew his predicament.
Walking onto the catwalk, Finn stood as straight as he could, hands grasping tightly to the rails, trying to hide how much he was using the rod as support. Overlooking the hangar, the duratseel walls and reflective flooring stretched on and on, Ties hooked to their divider attachments, crates of weaponry lining the perimeter. It was a sight that was familiar and not at all inspiring anymore.
What really held his attention was all the people gathered down below.
The majority were mostly stormtroopers, but amongst them were pilots, mechanics, engineers, interpreters, and even some officers, their different colored uniforms peppering the floor in an odd combination of colors. The diverse group never mingled with one another, but scanning the crowd, Finn witnessed them all talking freely, coming together for one shared cause. It was a sight so odd, Finn actually rubbed his eyes.
Just as his heart felt the exhilaration of excitement, it was lanced by the realization that this wasn't nearly enough people.
"Is this everyone?" he asked Pk as he scanned the crowd.
"Not by a long shot." His head snapped to the woman's face, her smirk looking as if she had some good news to share. "We wanted the rebellion to come as a surprise, so workers and low level troopers were all we could keep here. Everyone else is getting ready for battle with their assigned squadrons. But they are waiting for orders to defect."
"Orders?" Caliiya asked. "From who?"
"From him," Quindon pointed to Finn. Caliiya gazed at him, impressed. "You started all this after you deserted. We all didn't just wake up this morning and think about betraying the Order. This has been in the works for months, waiting for the opportunity."
Caliiya kept up with the questions. "How has this rebellion gone unnoticed?"
Pk and Quindon shared a look, one that was marked with sorrow. "There were a few close calls," Pk answered, talking slowly. "Some of us were caught using the HoloNet and were publicly executed. We found out later that they'd been tortured and questioned beforehand, never once giving us up." She looked to those below. "They died for this to happen."
Finn nodded. The odds were stacked against them, that was obvious. But this was his calling. He felt it in his bones. "I need to know where every fighter is stationed," he ordered. "And then I need to get in contact with the Resistance."
"The first I can do. But contacting the Resistance will not go unnoticed."
"It will if I contact General Organa personally. I just need a datapad." The two troopers rushed off in search of what he needed.
He glanced at Caliiya, noticing her frown. "I'll understand if you want to bail before things get ugly. You came to get me out of here, not fight in a war."
Caliiya spread her palms on the rails, sighing, eyes roaming around the expansive place. "Call me a softy, but I really want to see you guys succeed in this." She met his gaze. "So, I think I'll stay and help. Plus, I got the impression that Ren's girlfriend might murder me if I walk away and let you get killed."
Finn chuckled, covering her hand with his, finding it to be cold. He moved his thumb across her skin, the feeling of contact warming him in a way a fire never could. "You might die if you stay," he honestly admitted, hoping to be wrong.
She shrugged. "Well… how I see it, no one gets out of this existence alive, anyway."
"Sir," Quindon interrupted, handing Finn the datapad. He quickly logged into his own account. "There's one problem we have yet to sort out." Finn glanced up at the man. "How will we be able to differentiate the ones on our side and the ones who aren't?"
Finn wasn't sure why, but his mind thought of the first time he'd ever been in combat. How it had all disgusted him. The fear over seeing his fellow comrade killed before his eyes, being able to do nothing about it. More than likely, the same was going to happen here. He wondered if these people were truly ready to kill those who once stood beside them, who were once their ally.
Finn touched his face, like he was reliving the moment his friend slid his fingers across his helmet, painting it red with blood.
That was when Finn got an idea. Those out in the field won't be able to wear the symbol, but the ones on the Finalizer could.
"Have any red paint?"
()()()()()
Pulling at his sleeve, Rey slowed Ren down to something resembling a blundering run. He fought against her, trying to break free so he could get back to the ridge. "Ben, stop it!" she shouted. "There's no time–"
Digging his heels into the sand, he swung his arm out, almost knocking Rey over in the process, treating her as if she were an impetuous nat. "So you'd leave him there to die?" Ren bit back. "Or are you too much of a coward to go back there, seeing how you lost control and killed all those men. Too scared to see those corpses?" That remark earned him a hard, cold cutting slap right across the face.
But he let the shock roll off of him as he turned away and continued running back to the ridge. Pulling at his forearm, Ren basically dragged her along, the extra weight slowing him down to a jog. "I am not a coward," she growled. He twisted from her grasp, eyes still on the mountain, focus still on getting to Poe.
Muscles suddenly going rigid, Ren almost tripped from the abrupt change in motion, but was able to get his body out of the lock in time to catch his balance. He whirled around, pushing the Force back against Rey, throwing her down onto the sand. He loomed over her, eyes askew with accusation. "You dare use the Force on me?"
The lashing out didn't faze Rey as she stood, lifting her chin. "You'll have to get through me if you want to go to Carbon Ridge."
"Hey!" Poe's muffled voice came from somewhere on the ground, the comm having dropped sometime during Rey being a hindrance. She got to the device first. "Rey isn't letting you come back here because she knows there's no time. The men will break through the doors soon, anyway."
"The detonator and the datapad-"
"Are with me." Poe laughed, but it seemed to be without mirth. "What a monumental coincidence, huh? Almost like fate knew that blowing up super weapons is kinda my thing. Can't stop now." Fate. Ren really hated hearing that word. "That was a joke. You two can laugh."
Ren came closer to Rey, his voice rising. "You can't do this. I-"
"Get Finn. You two have to get Finn. He has to make it. Save him, okay? Tell him to live a long life. Whatever kind of life he's always wanted. As a free man."
Ren looked to the ridge, branching out his power in an attempt to connect with the dead-enders inside. But the power of the schism hindered him in even sensing a single spark from the living.
He was stuck, torn between accepting current circumstances and trying to change them.
But then his frantic heart slowed, his executive functioning listening to that small piece of light within him, the part that told him that destiny was for the individual and that there were simply some things that no outsider could alter.
This was Poe's final act of his journey.
Ren would never make it to him in time.
"Poe…" Rey whispered solemnly.
"And BB-8 is yours, Rey," Poe continued. "Keep him in your family. Pass him down to your children. He will like being part of a legacy. He's been by my side for so long. I would've kicked it long ago if it weren't for him. He's your now."
To this, Ren glanced at her, saw her hesitate to respond. She met his stare, her aggressive demeanor softening as she saw that he was staying put and not running from her.
How he wanted to, though.
"I'll take care of him." Tightly, she closed her eyes, a tear escaping.
Rey couldn't have children.
But some situations were comforted with a lie.
Poe went on to tell them what to say to his father and Jess's parents before addressing Ren.
He snatched the comm from Rey, interrupting Poe. "Ben. Call me Ben."
He didn't know where the sudden need to hear this man say his true name, but it was a need born from something he still didn't quite understand. Was it to feel closer in friendship? A sincere farewell?
Out of love that was of a different kind; one that was unlike what he had for his mother and Rey?
"Ben," Poe tested out the name. "Don't go back. Keep fighting and end this war, but don't go back to the person you were," he pleaded, passionately.
Ren squeezed the comm. "I won't."
There was a second of silence before Poe chuckled. "Gods, I'm shaking so bad I can barely hold the comm. Am I weak for being afraid?"
"No," Ren quickly answered. It was then he felt truly useless, the urge to aid the hopeless ripping at that small part of his heart that held pure sentiment. This was his friend's last moments. And Poe was afraid, as all sane people who faced death were.
As once Ren had been.
With actions now unfeasible, all Ren could give him were words. "Know that what awaits you after this is peace. Your spirit will ascend to a different plane of existence, where you will become one with the Force. Pain will be non-existent, and you'll be free."
"Did you go there? When you died?"
Ben was momentarily speechless. He smashed his lips together, swallowing hard, brows quivering. "Yes," he forced himself to say. To lie. There had been nothing awaiting him. Just black – black for those who didn't deserve eternal sanctuary.
But Poe did. So to the light he would go.
Poe said something of a threat, but it was pointed at the dead-enders trying to get to him. It wouldn't be long now.
Rey encompassed Ren's hand, looking at him with approval, nodding that he had said the right thing. He didn't want to be touched right now, but he didn't stop her.
Moments passed as they waited to hear Poe's voice again.
"Mom," came Poe's soft tone from the comm. Childlike and innocent. Ren frowned, wondering what exactly Poe was seeing.
A spectral of light shot out of the plateau so fast, Ren had no time to cover his eyes from its searing haze. It lifted all the way past the atmosphere, the ethereal trail leaving behind waves of iridescence. And then it was gone, only to be replaced with the plateau blowing apart.
The noise of the explosion reverberated over the still landscape as efficiently as a thunder clap, the ricochet tearing through Ren's chest, causing his heart to flounder uncontrollably. The earth quaked as chunks of rock flew into the dark, a pillar of fire erupting with a villainous billow, so unlike the light that had preceded it.
Everything was lit ablaze, a violently wondrous picture against the backdrop of twilight.
The rest of the world disappeared then, just for a few moments. The smoke from an obliterated Carbon Ridge rose and expanded, it's tendrils seeking them out as ash sifted down all around them. But all Ren noticed, all he felt, was the sting in his eyes, the rush of heat from the flames, the shock of realization.
The moment had come.
His friends were truly gone.
Gone: the heaviest word in the Basic language. In any language.
Tears ran down his face and into his lips, adding the taste of salt to recognition. Ren blinked as he dropped to his knees, his eyes burning from the blinding horror, mouth loose and open. Neither he, nor Rey, could look away. Both coming to grips with what was laid out before them.
Flashes from above caught Ren's attention. He looked back at the remnants of the plateau, paused, and then slowly gazed upward. The Resistance must have just arrived. There was the beginnings of a battle unfolding above, the convolution of ships seeming to stretch beyond the curvature of the planet, displaying no marks of an end.
The screech of Tie fighters sliced through the sound of the rumbling flames, but all Ben wanted to do was watch as the ridge burned. It was hard to care what came at him next. While he had appeared to have accepted the fate of his friends, actually witnessing it become final yanked the light right out of him, leaving him empty. Betraying him.
Always betraying him.
From his periphery, he saw Rey spin about, trying to locate the impending Ties.
"Ben, we need to go," she murmured.
He didn't flinch.
Rey kneeled down and nudged him. "Ben, the First Order and the Resistance are fighting just above the planet. The Tie's are getting closer."
Yes, I know.
But still, not a twitch.
"Ben!" she shouted, grabbing his face and turning him to her. But his eyes, even though staring at her, remained unfocused. His thoughts somewhere else. Lost. How did he get back? "Ben," Rey said more gently, caressing his cheek. "I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. But you can't shut down on me right now. I need your help." He blinked, a new swell of glimmering tears leaving wet tracks on his cheeks, reflecting orange from the fire. She wiped them away, clearing her voice of pent up emotion.
"We'll mourn them later," she promised. "But right now, I need you to be the warrior I know you can be."
Ren's grief stricken expression fell away like bark off a dead tree. What remained was a cold, callous stare. He was quick to push her away as he stood. "You need me?" he pointed to his chest, questioning. Rey was frozen on the sand, watching Ben as he tore at his hair. Flung his arms. Trying to get out of his own skin. It was too restrictive in there, like a straight jacket becoming tighter the more he fought against it. "I needed you to let me go back. But you got in my way! I could have saved him! I could have made it!"
His words ran on repeat, his voice rising with each passing breath. This was all her fault. She held him back. She gave into hopeless submission all too quickly. This was all her doing.
There… there could have been a chance.
Rey rose cautiously, ignoring the sand that stuck to her clothes. Ren fell silent, breathing heavily, waiting for her to argue. To give him a reason to yell at her. "No, Ben," was all she said.
He didn't want her sympathy. Didn't want to see her demeanor be so calm, so honest. Like she was the truth, and his beliefs were a lie that festered with denial.
The anguish unfolded from his chest, strangling his veins, tangling in his brain among the cobwebs of past sorrow. But among the astringent nets were also his skeletons of anger, more haunting and impressionable. More inviting than grief.
As if the universe knew he needed an outlet, stormtroopers rushed over a nearby dune, aiming their blasters. But before they could fire, before Ren and Rey could react, the sand beneath the squadron shot up, a nightwatch worm landing on the soldiers, crushing them instantly.
Ren zeroed in on the giant slug, feeling robbed of the chance to let loose his cathartic aggression on the very people he knew were the enemy. He put his hand out, readying to take out the sand worm just as Rey batted his arm down, putting herself between him and the beast. "No," she entreated. "He… he's a friend."
Rey and the grotesque oversized maggot held eye contact for a moment before it slithered back into the confines of the sand. He scoffed at her more than questionable alliance, but she didn't seem to notice.
If Rey wanted to stand there, awestruck over an oversized slug, then Ren wasn't going to stop her. What he was going to do was find a way to take out the crazed pressure pounding in his skull.
He searched the sky, zeroing in on the red lights of the Tie fighters. Seeing beyond what mere eyes could perceive, he extended his awareness among the pilots, finding one weak enough to be influenced.
Ren fused with the man's mind, controlling his actions, making him veer off from the squadron. The Tie landed gently before him. The pilot climbed out, movements tight and robotic. Not his own.
Rey came up next to him, puzzled, glancing from the pilot to Ren. She tensed as the darkly clad, helmeted figure stopped in front of them, waiting for an order.
So Ren gave him one. "Grab your blaster." The pilot unclipped the weapon from the holster strapped to his thigh, holding it in his gloved hand. "Put the muzzle in your mouth and pull the trigger."
The pilot took off his helmet, stuck the muzzle in his mouth, and fired a bolt through the back of his skull. Rey yelled out, but was too late.
Watching the head snap back and the body crumble, Ren waited for the euphoria of control to ignite his blood, bringing along with it a sense of control.
He felt nothing. He'd been betting on something like this to sooth him. But the lies of comfort had been deceiving.
With the Force, he lifted the body in the air and put as much of his power behind the push as possible, grunting in anger as the body faded into the twilight.
"Did that make you feel any better?" Rey asked. He ignored her. Something was wrong. A high, shrieking musical note, a bow drawn sharply over strings, was scraping against the inside of his skull. He rubbed his eyes before marching off to the Tie fighter, getting only a small piece of control over the headache.
Rey's wide steps struggled to keep up with him. "What are you doing?"
Before she could touch him, he turned, his cold stare freezing her midstride. "I'm getting Finn."
She glanced at the worsening battle above. "We try this and we'll most likely die."
Ren's eyes pinched, head tilted as he closed the distance between them till they were almost touching. "Is that what Kayani is telling you? That you shouldn't come with me?"
Jaw slackened, Rey shuffled back a few steps, stumbling over her words. "What– How–"
Ren's gut twisted; she didn't even try denying it. "How long have you been lying to me?" Her breathing hitched, hopefully from the guilt. "You know what, it doesn't matter how long. Only that you did. Is the need to accumulate power really worth that much to you?"
Rey swallowed. Licked her lips. Put out her hand in a calming gesture. "Ben, it's not like that–"
"Like what?" he cut her off harshly. Rey flinched, a shade of fear coloring her face. But as she stayed quiet, Ren deduced her silence for an answer. "Oh, you think you are using her? Is that it?" He let out an unexpected laugh, running both hands through his hair as he shook his head, sinking into a state of disbelief. "Well, sweetheart, I'm sorry to break it to you, but she is playing you. You think I can't recognize manipulation when I see it?" His expression tightened, tone as cold as space. "They make you think you're in control, and then when they have you right where they want you, they bleed you dry and leave you a ghost of the person you were before. And when she does that to you, there will be nothing I can do to stop it. You'll be faced with either death, or living as an empty shell while everyone around you smiles and laughs and goes on with their lives – but you remain trapped within yourself, struggling to even remember what those emotions ever felt like."
The defiance Rey had shown in the beginning had melted away by the time he was finished, being replaced by obvious pity. "Don't look at me like that," he demanded.
"What happened to you won't happen to me," she admonished genuinely.
And stars, she believed it. Whole-heartedly. She believed that the way his life turned out had been a one-time deal, only to be dealt to one unfortunate soul. And since he'd won that grand prize, she would be exempt from such an outcome.
What foolishness. The immaturity.
His jaw clenched, his teeth pounding from the pressure. "That has to be the most naïve thing to ever come out of your mouth."
He rounded on his heels, heading to the ship.
"I lied to you. Fine," she conceded as she ran to him. "I deserve some of your anger. I won't fight you on that. But I–"
A wraith like roar suddenly rammed into his brain, a wailing of lamentations gnashing against his grey cells, causing dark spots to enter his vision. It was a pounding, excruciating, debilitating prison he was being dragged into, where he would be caged with the pain, chained to it with madness.
Rey's screams quickly became incoherent as his skull threatened to crack open, drowning any outside perception. He could only focus on the torture.
Just like Carbon Ridge, his insides were in chaos. A mess of violence. Something was clawing at him. Something was soaking him in its rage. Something so vile, so perverse…
Snoke.
He knew about the weapon being destroyed.
But Ren didn't have a chance to fight back against the fierce and abrupt onslaught. He didn't understand how his master could find him when he couldn't before. Couldn't make sense of any of it as he felt himself being dragged into the pit of his own subconscious. The things down there that he kept hidden, the things that shamed him, the truths he found forbidden, flooded his minds eye.
His dead father.
His aged mother.
His disappointed uncle.
Poe and Jess.
The many faces of the people he's killed.
When he looked at them all, the pain intensified, reminding him that he would never rid himself of the guilt and the grief. That one day, it just might kill him.
The images shimmered and evaporated, the darkness cloaking his vision.
()()()()()
"Ben!"
Rey was at a loss over what to do. Didn't understand what she was witnessing with her own two eyes. She just kept screaming his name in desperation and fear. Watching. A bystander.
Ben was floating a few feet into the air, body withering and twisting in unnatural ways, his hands clawing at his skull and face. The wailing was the worse part. It had a raw quality, the realness of a person consumed by pain that knew no limit or end.
Edging closer to his flailing form, she stretched out her hand and grabbed at his ankle–
Rey was no longer on Jakku.
She stood between two shimmering, translucent curtains, like sheets of thin glass. On one side of the glass, darkness. On the other, a jarring mixture of bright colors. She lifted a finger, touching the side that held back the swirling pigments. Upon contact, the glass shattered, freeing the trapped hues as the unlocked pressure threw her through the twin pane.
The pelting light made her squint, raising her hand to give her pupils cover. Blinking, she did not recognize the place; a vast meadow flowing like a sea of green grass in the breeze. The field surrounded a palace, grey stoned spires stretching into the sky, it's grand staircase leading up to a pair of opened doors. Inviting. The feeling of home engulfing every crevice of her soul.
A silhouette in the distance caught her attention, coming closer, the tall frame and raven hair making him more than recognizable. Ben was smiling, a pure element of happiness almost making it seem as if her were shimmering in the sunlight.
Nearing, the glow didn't leave. He was different, but in a way that was godlike. Everlasting. And the way he gazed at her was like he'd been living without her presence for a very long time.
Gently, he cupped her face between his hands, memorizing her face, breathing in her scent. "I'm so proud of you, for everything you've done and accomplished. I never left you." He took a shaky breath. "Thank you."
"For what?" Rey was able to say.
"For forever."
Ben leaned in and kissed Rey's warm lips, letting the innocence change into a fiery passionate kiss, his hands working their way around her body–
The whiplash from the sudden change in scenery left her cognizance in a jumbled fury of firing synapses as she tried to process what just happened, remembering the feeling of Ben touching her. Wanting to go back there.
But now, she was standing alone on a shoreline, the soft ocean waves overlapping one another and pulling the white bubbly crests out to sea, masking the sand with transparent fading water. The flaring hues of the sun melted into the horizon, cloaking the never ending sight with a breathtaking umber and mixing with the iridescent turquoise.
Rey had seen this place before. Smelled the briny aroma.
It was Spira.
This beach was where she had learned to swim. Well, attempted. Her eyes went to the shallows, roaming over the spot where her and Ben had shared their first kiss.
Ben. Jakku.
"Such an exquisite place… for a grave," a deep, masculine voice said from behind.
Slowly, Rey turned, seeing Ben standing just outside of the brush. Looking at her. His expression souring, disgusted.
As Rey peered into those irises she had become so used to seeing, a shiver of ice ran up her spine. Behind those eyes, Ben was nowhere to be found. This person wasn't even Kylo Ren. The malevolent signature was undeniable, but all at once puzzling:
This was Snoke.
He stalked forward, the movement all wrong from Ben's usual gait. Rey's boots sunk lower into the softening sand, the sun disappearing in one fluid breath, casting them in shadow.
Something cool and heavy touched her palm. In it was Ben's lightsaber.
Rey heard the crackling sound of a plasma blade, but it wasn't from her. Ben lunged forward, raising a blue saber in a high arc to strike her down. But Rey didn't defend herself. She couldn't. Even knowing Ben was no longer behind those obscure eyes, the body that threatened her was the very one she had loved – had been intimate with. Had shown her vulnerability to.
Chalk it up to nostalgia or cowardice or love, it didn't matter. She closed her eyes and….
Rey was propelled back to the present, her body skidding across the warm sand, the grit gathering beneath her fingernails as she tried to find purchase. She coughed out some desert gravel and scrambled about, seeing she was on Jakku once again. The battle was still going on above, and the Tie Ben had commandeered was still in the same position as before.
"Ben," she breathed out, springing to her feet.
Hurrying to his unresponsive body, Rey saw the red streaks of scratches all over his pale face, beads of sweat and blood mingling together. Her shaky hand hovered above his sternum, hesitating. If she touched him, what would she see?
What had she seen?
Possibilities.
She held back a sob as she gazed at him, so broken and vulnerable. One of those futures was everything she had ever wanted. The other, one she couldn't let come to fruition, no matter what she had to do to prevent it.
A few heartbeats passed before she could touch him, her veins still holding the fear of what she just experienced in the last vision. But this was Ben. Not Snoke. What she saw wasn't real. Ben was still here.
"Ben," she said desperately, shaking his broad torso. Rey looked over his body, making sure there weren't any visible wounds. But why would there be? This wasn't caused by stormtroopers.
This reeked of the dark side.
Rey surveyed the surroundings, making sure they were still alone before placing her fingers at his temples. She closed her eyes, evened her breathing, probed against the barrier surrounding his mind… and was blocked from entering. It wasn't as if she was even close to breaking through, for she quickly realized that a significant amount of power was needed to get inside.
But maybe... maybe she could find a way. After all, having Kayani's power within her gave her an upper hand when it came to strength.
Frowning, she made another attempt at entering his psyche, only to be denied.
By Ben.
She sat back on her heels, glaring at the unconscious man. Why would he reject her help? She'd been closer to getting through that last time!
But the answer came in the sound of a ship crashing into the planet, the flames lighting up more of the tumbling landscape. If she became trapped in his mind, who was left to protect them? Still, the logic infuriated her.
Rey cursed, rubbing at her grimy, blood crusted face.
Ben would have to get out of his predicament on his own. At least until Rey could get them to safety.
"How am I supposed to do that when you weigh over two hundred pounds?" she said, exasperated, as if he had actually given her the instructions to carry him across the desert.
The Force, she thought, rolling her eyes. All she needed to do was lift Ben into the Tie's cockpit and get them to the Falcon. Simple.
Except controlling his trajectory and speed was more difficult when you had to work slow. It was like she was back at Riosa's penitentiary, lifting Finn and–
Her heart wrenched thinking of the two other names.
Not wanting to let her emotions get the best of her, she quickly went to work.
Ben bonked his head a few times against the Tie's frame, his leg almost getting caught on one of the ion engines. His descent through the hatch was sloppy, his limbs thunking against the opening, his body falling to the floor.
Some bumps and bruises were a small price to pay to stay alive.
Rey climbed inside, straining against Ben's heavy build as she sat him in the gunner chair and strapped him in. Buckling herself in the pilot's seat, she looked over the controls. Everything in this fighter ship was extremely high tech and modern, shiny and new. Opposite of what she was used to operating, but somewhat familiar from the simulations she used to run. She couldn't stop her fingers from trembling over her childish excitement of flying one of these in real life. Simulators just didn't do the real thing justice.
Something slammed into the side of the Tie, tilting the ship, lifting half of it from the desert floor. Rey held onto the control panel as they came crashing back down, a huge wave of water sloshing against the viewport.
Water…. Water?
Awestruck, she watched the waves sweep between the sand dunes, engulfing the terrain in a shimmering sea that by all logic shouldn't even be there.
Another swell hit the Tie, and Rey worked quickly to get them in the air, but the skies of Jakku were now ablaze with war. The nocturnal atmosphere was sliced by weaving bursts of ionized particles and interspersed with flames of starfighter explosions. Trails of the debris pummeled into the desert, marking it's last resting place among the skeletons of the battle fought between the Empire and Rebellion decades ago.
Rey dove back toward the planet before joining the storm of confusion. Except she'd been seen, and now had an A-wing on her tail. The shockwave of a direct hit rocked the Tie as Rey fought with the twin flight sticks, barely keeping the ship out of a tumble that would have sent her crashing into a high dune.
The whole situation was conflicting. Instinct told her to take out the problem, but her conscience argued that whoever was in that A-wing was on her side.
She thrusted forward, retroboosted to a stop, zipped to the left and right. On a whim she gave the ship a spin, corkscrewing just as canon fire zoomed past her. The screen below flashed green, showing another Resistance fighter joining the fray. Again, she spiraled forward and then up, dodging the spray of fire, looping around as the pressure of the sudden shift in gravity drilled into her temples, constricting her lungs and crushing her chest.
For a moment, she thought she saw two Ties firing upon the other, but she must have been going too fast to interpret it correctly.
Rey was now so close to the main battle. Too close. But by maneuvering behind both of her pursuers, she saw the opening she needed to break away.
The rush of excitement was buried beneath the sudden blinding light and concussive shock of her left wing panel exploding. The ship spun uncontrollably as she held firmly to the flight sticks. But there was no leveling out. No relief as her head became dizzy and her guts churned in an effort to expel its contents.
Not sure how close she was to the planet or even if the angle was correct, there was only one option left: Eject.
The wind hit her face with such force that it immediately filled her lungs to capacity, nearly bursting them within her chest wall. Soaring in the air, it felt like her limbs and cognizance were still with the ship somewhere. But once the shoot deployed, her senses were given some time to play catch up.
Descending back onto the desert planet, Rey searched through the bursts of fire and pockets of darkness in hopes of seeing Ben's ejector seat.
She couldn't make out anything discernible.
Even with using the Force to slow her fall, she still hit the top of a dune with enough power to rattle her bones and almost shatter her teeth. The shoot became caught in the breeze, dragging her relentlessly across the arch. She punched at the belts release and rolled to a stop, sand scraping against any exposed skin. Not taking a moment to even catch her breath, Rey sprang into a run and traveled among the valleys of the dunes, sensing that Ben was close and alive.
But by the time she got to him – out of breath and drenched in sweat – a dozen or so stormtroopers were already unbuckling his comatose body, debris of the wreckage surrounding the area.
Rey didn't recall screaming, but she must have given out something akin to a warriors shrill because all the soldiers turned to face her in perfect unison. As she sprinted forward, lightsaber lit and a feral expression leaving her snarling, they fired at her. But every shot bounced away as she kept charging, an invisible, instinctual energy shielding her from taking any damage.
Rey's arm shot out, Force stunning every living being. With her plasma blade, she disposed of them quickly, her eyes dancing around wildly as she crouched next to Ben, waiting to see if she had left any alive.
Movement caught her periphery. A stormtrooper she had missed stepped out from behind the hiding place of part of the rubble. His rifle hung limply from his hand as he put both arms up, walking to her slowly, surrendering.
Breathing hard, she eyed the unusual soldier, sensing fear and… compassion?
"You're Rey of Jakku, right? The Jedi?" He stopped a few feet from her.
Rey's brow's puckered in confusion, her grip tightening on the humming saber, the yellow blade casting an illuminating haze upon them both. "You're a friend of FN-2187," he stated more than questioned.
"You... you know Finn?" she suspiciously asked, relaxing slightly.
"Only by reputation and from the vids on the HoloNet."
"Is he alive?" she asked anxiously.
"Alive? Hell yeah he's alive," he said enthusiastically. "He's leading us in the rebellion."
Rey disengaged the saber, but her confusion just got worse. "What rebellion?"
"Among the stormtroopers, of course." There was no lie behind his words as he went onto explain what was happening within the First Order, just conviction and belief over what the man was now fighting for.
Rey felt like hugging this complete stranger, but decided to instead assess how Ben was doing.
Now that she trusted the present company, she went to flip Ben onto his back, the trooper hurrying to help her – which was a relief because her arms suddenly felt like they had the rigidity of seaweed.
Placing her hands on his chest, she evaluated his injuries through the Force, the trooper staying quiet and observant.
Since Ben had been unconscious during the fall, he had no way of bracing himself for the rough impact. His right femur and arm were fractured, as well as three broken ribs. But he wasn't bleeding anywhere, which Rey counted as a win.
She'd take anything as a win at this point.
Rey tried healing his leg, but mending an injury required a surge of transferred energy, and she didn't have enough to complete the process. It remained half mended.
"So this is Kylo Ren, huh?" the trooper mused, looking the body up and down. "He doesn't look that scary."
"You should meet him when he's awake," she muttered. Rey kept her stare downward, the disappointment in how weak she was blatant in her lined features.
"Is he going to be okay?"
Rey shrugged. "I don't know. Even if I get him back to our ship, flying through all that," she gestured upward, "is going to be a challenge."
"There usually is some sort of confusion during an air battle, but it's worse since there are Ties shooting at other Ties. It's hard to tell who's on our side and who's not. But this is the only chance we have of–" The trooper straightened and glanced over his shoulder, scanning the area.
Rey became alarmed. "What is it?"
"A squadron is coming this way." His attention went back to her, and Rey wished she could see his face as he judged her appearance. But she could guess as to what he saw: a tired and beaten young woman. "Is it alright if I carry him?" the man offered.
Rey swallowed back her pride and nodded. The soldier was built more like Ben, so it was easy for the man to place him across his shoulder, jogging with the extra weight of a couple hundred pounds.
Rey guided them in the direction of the Falcon, their journey taking them out of the dunes and onto the hard, flat desert. Not much concealment there, but they could move faster. But just as Rey was starting to feel like she was going to make it, the trooper stopped and placed Ben on the ground, taking a moment to pant.
"This is as far as I can help you. There's another team coming from the east and will intercept you if I don't get them to use a different route." The soldier noticed the way Rey's face fell. "I'm sorry, but if I they find us with him–"
"I know. You should go," she told him, the words combating against her mouth as she said them.
The man glanced to the side again. "The Force or something will help you, right? Isn't that how it works?"
That's not how it worked, but Rey could sense the man's worry for her and that he was second guessing if he should leave. But if he was found with them, she didn't have the strength to defend him. He'd most likely be seen as a traitor and killed. "Yeah," she lied, putting on a confident front. "I'll be fine. The ship is close by."
It wasn't.
The trooper unclipped a comm from his belt, handing it to Rey. "It's already synched to the channel Finn and the others are using. If you want to get ahold of him, you can do it through this."
Rey held it to her chest, like it was a prize most cherished. "Thank you."
He nodded before jogging in the direction of the incoming troopers.
"What's your name?" Rey called out, needing to know.
Stopping, he turned and said, "JM-813." He paused. "I hope to meet you again, Rey of Jakku."
"And I, you."
Then the man was gone. And Rey was alone. All on land was still, though the atmosphere raged above.
It wasn't long before she wished for the soldier to return; her strength both in the Force and physically was beginning to waver. Exhaustion had started off as a heavy jacket until it became heavy bones, the innate fatigue wearing not just her body, but her emotions as well. The moment of her collapse finally came, her upper body laying across Ben's chest to take that tempting break of a rest.
Maybe she could contact Finn and he could...
Could what? He had a full on rebellion on his hands. He didn't have time to help her.
Through the crippling feelings of being a failure, a sudden presence made her glance up. Standing in front of her was an older man, wearing the beige robes that were similar to what Master Luke would use. "Please," she pleaded, setting aside every morsel of pride. "Help me."
His eyes were full of fondness as he looked upon her and said, "Help is on the way."
In an unnatural way, his voice sounded distant, like an echo implanted into his tenor. Studying the man more closely, there was a gleaming haze surrounding his form, and the vague view of him being transparent. In his eyes there was a touch of recognition. He knew her… and she knew him.
Rey's eyes widened. Something clicked beneath her pleading stare. "Obi-Wan," she whispered.
His face registered a suggestion of an old, ancient smile as he nodded. But it soon faded when he shifted his gaze to the man she so ardently clutched onto. "When the time comes, Rey, you must let him go. I'm sorry that your destiny is so intertwined with his. But it has been planned this way for a very long time."
"Let him go? But," she searched for the right description. "He's my family."
On the other side of Ben, Obi-Wan kneeled, lifting his hand to her face. There was a small electric shock on her cheek as the man made contact. "The life you have led…. I hope you don't view where you come from as a curse."
"I– I don't."
He lowered his hand, bowing his head. "With what lies ahead, you just might." His image faded into the night, but somehow left behind a remnant of light. Rey squinted her eyes, realizing the light was from an incoming fighter ship, the beam too different to be a Tie. As it landed, Rey's tension melted away as she sensed the beings inside.
But before she got to her feet, the last remnants of Obi-Wan's voice lingered on the tranquil air. "You will be tested, but know you are strong enough to endure."
Luke and Chewie jumped from the small A-wing as she dashed to them, throwing her arms around the old Jedi Master. "Whoa," Luke said, holding her tight. So much relief flooded her veins that Rey didn't realize just how tightly she was holding onto the man. Didn't realize that she was crying into his shoulder until he started rubbing her back, whispering words of comfort.
"Poe and Jess are dead," Rey blurted into the crook of his neck. Luke's hand stopped and Rey pulled back to look at her master's face. "It was my fault. We were getting overwhelmed and I told them to leave Ben and I and we never should've split up and I wouldn't let Ben go back to save them and now he hates me and blames me for them dying and–" her tirade was interrupted by an unwelcome sob.
Luke put his gentle palms on her shoulders. "Rey. It's not your fault."
"But–"
The sight of an unconscious Ben caught Skywalker's attention as he ran to his nephew, going to his knees and accessing the boy's injuries. Rey and Chewie joined him, watching as the Jedi Master healed the mutilation of his face before moving to one of his legs.
Skywalker breathed in deep as he sat back on his heels, eyes still on Ben's form.
"Is the Falcon close by?" he asked, glancing up.
Rey nodded. "We left BB-8 there."
"Chewie, get Ben in the A-wing and have Artoo get ahold of BB-8. Use his signal to get to the Falcon. Then come back for us."
There was a hesitancy to Chewie as he lifted Ben into his arms, but the Wookie did as he was told, running back to the A-wing with vigor. R2 beeped from his place behind the cockpit, assuring them of their quick return as the ship flew away.
Rey wrapped her arms across her chest, holding herself. "How did you find us?"
"A feeling." And that was the only explanation Skywalker gave before he looked at her, his expression serious. "What's wrong with Ben?"
"Don't you know?"
"I want to know what you think."
Rey took in a long breath. "We were just talking – well, arguing – and then he started screaming and he levitated off the ground. He clawed at his head and then… he stopped. I think he's trapped in his own mind. And I think Snoke somehow did it."
Luke nodded knowingly. "Ben knows how to get out. We just need to give him time."
Rey couldn't believe how stoic the man was. "There is a war going on above us, and you want to give him time?"
"What do you suggest I do?"
"Go in there and help him!" Rey ordered, her voice carrying across the desert flat.
"Ben knows what he's doing," the Jedi Master countered. "And right now, we need to focus on getting the two of you out of here."
Her posture stiffened. "Out of here?"
Luke rubbed at his beard, staring in the direction the Falcon would be coming. "Leia wants you and Ben to go into hiding."
"What?" Rey stepped in his line of sight. "No. Absolutely not. I'm not running away like some coward, and I can guarantee you Ben would feel the same."
"Leia can't lose her son."
"And what about her brother? What's the plan for you?"
The question took Luke by surprise. "Leia and I came into this world together. It's only fitting we leave it the same."
The implication of what he was saying made her eyes widen. Her gut to twist. "You don't believe the Resistance can win," she mumbled.
He didn't answer.
Rey shook her head, feeling some extra determination seep into her bones. "I'm not leaving."
Luke sighed. "Rey–"
"We promised Poe we'd get Finn. And if there was ever a time for me to keep my word, it's now." She lowered her voice to get more personal. "You knew Poe's parents. They were friends of yours."
Luke nodded solemnly. Rey could hear the Falcon closing in.
"Then you'll know how important it is to honor Poe's last request."
Conflict danced across Luke's face before he finally gave in and nodded. Rey exhaled, feeling hopeful over having Luke Skywalker on her side.
The Falcon landed, the boarding ramp lowering as they quickly went to the freighter. BB-8 raced down the ramp, his half domed head swiveling about, searching for his former master. Luke Force pulled Ben along, levitating him as Rey followed, her heart feeling like it was beating within a tight cage. The small droid became quickly agitated, beeping the questions Rey didn't want to answer.
She crouched in front of him, lips pursed. She didn't want to deliver such news. "BB-8, I…I–"
But BB-8 didn't need her to finish.
The droid screeched with every expelled beep, each one reaching a higher peak than the last. But as she reached out to try to calm him, BB-8 raced up the ramp and disappeared, leaving Rey stunned.
With Ben in tow, Luke boarded the Falcon, giving Rey a solemn, but supportive look.
Gulping back the large, solid rock that formed in her throat, Rey followed the Jedi Master, gazing at Ben with a fierce jealousy over him being the one unconscious and not her.
Life was always easier when you didn't have to face it.
()()()()()
Standing in ankle deep water of the dark expanse of his own subconscious, Ren knew the situation was not ideal. Not only was he locked away in this place, but somehow Snoke had dragged him here. The implications did not sit well with Ren: All this time he'd been hiding from his former master, was it really Snoke giving him the illusion he had the power to do so?
Does Ren really have no control?
"Shit," he said briskly. The only thing that could make this worse was if that woman showed up–
"You shouldn't use such language in front of a lady."
Ren froze even though he wasn't moving. He turned, not in a hurry, slow. Languid. Like he wanted to prolong looking at this woman's face for as long as possible.
Kayani was as she always appeared: Lean and delicate. Flowing red hair and porcelain skin. An elegant white dress and a matching glow. All a lie, of course. Underneath the polished deceptions was a child, for she never had the chance to grow into a young woman.
But just because she died young, didn't mean she should be underestimated.
"You're dead; not a lady," he smugly retorted.
The barren terrain started to vibrate and billow, putting Ren on guard and on alert. But as the energy hit him, he could feel the concern and light held within the woven verve.
Ren's head looked up, as if he could see the manifestation of Rey's power trying to get through to him. All he saw was black, but he could feel her stretching through his psyche to find him. With what little control he had in this place, he blocked her from coming in.
Kayani titled her head. "You're denying Rey's help?"
Ren's gaze dropped down. "She shouldn't get stuck in here with me."
"You trust her to get your body somewhere safe?"
"I trust her with my life. Now, if you'd excuse me, I'd prefer to be alone so I can focus on getting out of here."
He turned, only to be thwarted by her presence. "With my help, you can get out of here now."
Ren pinched his eyes, knowing he shouldn't indulge such an offer. But his predicament called for him to be open to more options. "The price?"
"You think there is one?"
"Always is."
"It's more a consequence than a price." Ren didn't think there was a difference between the two. "The connection we share would deepen if I were to use my powers to aid you in escaping."
"No," he immediately said, shooting down the proposal. He ambled forward, purposefully throwing up extra water as he passed her. But every time she went out of view she popped up again.
"Why do you hold Rey back from reaching her full potential?"
Ren stopped, rounding his shoulders as he stared at her. "Excuse me?"
"So much knowledge you possess. Some things I do not even know. And yet, you do not share them with her. Is it because if she knows enough, you feel as if she will go after my brother?"
Stars, the woman was more blunt than even him. "She'd get overwhelmed if I were to just dump everything I know on her." Which was true. But so was Kayani's interpretation.
"You think so?" she steeled her hands behind her, pacing in front of him. "The girl can process a lot at one time. Why do you think she sought me out to teach her? You and Skywalker are not doing a sufficient enough job and she knows it."
Ren never took well to criticism. And as much as he wanted to take his anger out on her, he knew his main goal should be getting out of there.
He turned his back on her, closed his eyes, and started probing the barrier.
"Her goal for learning is more altruistic than just defeating my brother." Ren held his tongue trying not to take the bait. "How can she start a new Jedi Order if she remains an amateur?"
Ren's breathing hitched, his temples protruding.
"Did you not know that was her intention?" Kayani asked.
No. No he didn't. Or, well, he sort of did. But he never thought Rey was serious about it. Didn't she know how problematic that would be? For Force users to form an organization? That's how it was in the beginning, before the Sith factioned off and the wars between them and the Jedi pulled the galaxy into darkness.
The Jedi shouldn't return. Force users cannot sharpen their abilities. He'll explain that to her and then she'll forget about those wasteful dreams. She'll see that he's right.
Ren was able to calm himself somewhat, knowing that he'll get Rey to stop with those fantasies.
Kayani cleared her throat, deciding against pressing him on his and Rey's lack of communication. "Why do you have no interest in killing my brother?"
Ren groaned. "I do. I want him dead more than anyone."
"And yet, you're doing nothing about him. Have you ever thought of what you could do with him gone? The freedom you'd have?" A thought ran across his mind before he dismissed it. Not quickly enough, though. "But no, it's not freedom you truly desire," she said slowly in mild disbelief, sensing his thoughts. "It's power. After everything that has happened, you still believe that ruling the galaxy is your birthright. Your destiny."
Running his tongue across his teeth, he twisted around, muscles tense. "You know nothing about me."
"That's where you're wrong," Kayani contested. "Do you still want to be a doctor?" Ren's brows drew together, making an indent between them. "Oh, but of course not. Those were the dreams of a child, a child who wanted the attention of their father by having a normal job. A normal life. Normal children. A life where the Force didn't exist. But all you were doing was lying to yourself. You've always wanted power. You've always wanted to be different from everyone else. Special."
Ren was starting to understand exactly why Snoke killed this woman. "Leave."
"Don't like hearing the truth? While you're loyalties are deeply with Rey, they are just as strong to yourself." She pointed at him. "You need to stop lying to yourself and make a decision, Ben Solo."
"And what would that be?"
"Would you give up your position of power for purpose?"
This conversation was one huge roundabout of anger and confusion. He was lost as to what she was trying to get at, what her motives were. "What… I don't even know what you're talking about. Being in a position of power is a purpose. But it doesn't even matter, because I don't have that.
"But if you did, would you give it up?" Ren opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He had an answer to the question, didn't he? "The future is an ever turning wheel of possibilities, one you are getting closer to colliding with."
"And you're not going to let me in on my trajectory."
"No. You must choose your own fate."
Typical.
"My fate has never been my own."
"That isn't true."
"Isn't it?" Ren contended. "The Force made the bond Rey and I now share with the intention of using it against Snoke. You needed me to get close to him. All anyone has ever done is use me."
"Intentions are not prophetic," she explained as if she were teaching a lesson. "Yes, things were set up a certain way in hopes of a specific outcome, but to choose your path is up to you. You didn't have to fall in love with Rey. You didn't have to leave the First Order. You could have chosen not to murder your father, and so on and so forth."
"You use choice against me as if it's that easy."
"It is and it isn't."
Ren said nothing. Two different urges battled in his head. His body wanted to grab this woman by the throat and squeeze till he was satisfied. But his mind reminded him that he needed to get out of here and not waste time on trying to hurt someone who actually had no physical body.
Kayani neared him. Not too close. Acquaintance close; conversation close. "You still haven't prepared Rey to let you go."
He knew what she was alluding to: her belief that Snoke would get him in the end. "Your twin is off hiding somewhere. He isn't a problem."
She spread out her hands. "And yet here you are."
"This shouldn't have happened."
"Grief can weaken even the strongest defenses." She paused, her expression turning thoughtful. Tone becoming gentle. She curled some hair behind her ear and said, "I am truly sorry about your friends."
"Your manipulation won't work on me like it has with Rey."
"I'm not trying to manipulate you. Or her."
"Well, look who's the liar now," he mocked before becoming malicious. "Just know, if you ever do anything to hurt her or give her the false idea that she can get rid of your brother for you, I'll kill you."
"I'm already dead. You rudely pointed out as much."
He took a step toward her, catching her off guard with his willingness to get closer than normal. "You're spirit is not. And I can find out how to make your demise permanent."
Her left eye twitched. "I'm sure you could."
"Leave."
"You making a mistake by not accepting my help."
"I guess that's my choice to make, now isn't it."
He held her steely gaze with his own, refusing to be the first to back down. Then in a blink, she was gone.
Exhaling, Ren ran trembling hands through his thick hair, not wanting to admit that the woman was right about him in so many ways.
There was no lying to ones self when you were this deep in your own subconscious. And Kayani could sense what he'd kept buried beneath all that newfound love and devotion Rey had sidetracked him with.
He was still the same man underneath it all, viewed as selfish. But to him, it was more pragmatism. If the galaxy was sick with corruption, shouldn't someone cure it? Someone worthy of such a position? Someone who had the entitlement to do so?
And through it all, he would acquire the power and station he'd always secretly craved. But he would use it to recreate the galaxy in a new image. He'd use it for good.
And everyone would answer to him, in the end.
He sat in the ankle deep water, closing his eyes, stretching and pulling against the walls that held him hostage while parallel processing his inner conflict.
All he's ever wanted in life was power and respect. But that changed when he met Rey. He left everything behind to be with her, to start anew. Those things didn't matter to him as much as Rey did.
They really didn't.
.
.
.
But what if he actually could have it all? He's never thought such a thing was possible, never really gave the idea credence.
Now, musing over the possibilities, all he wanted was….
A/N
So this chapter was more about emotions and where the characters are rather than action. The fighting will be next chapter, I promise. I'm hoping to get it out in the next month or so.
Also, there was a lot of foreshadowing in this chapter. But you can't take it all at face value. You might think it means one thing, but it could mean something completely different. So just a heads up!
Ren is kind of going through another crisis. You could see his instability when he was arguing with Rey. And now, he is being teased with the possibility that power might be within his grasp. It's been a while since such a thing has tempted for him, because he's been engulfed with the new relationship with Rey. But we gotta test him and Rey's dynamic with what's ahead! Rey will be put in another tight spot over his decision making. I'm excited to write it.
And now, I get to go enjoy the movie! Omg! I can't believe it's happening. Some of you might judge me, but I like being spoiled before going into a movie. It helps me to stay calm and enjoy the movie more. So I already knows what happens, and I have to say, I am disappointed in myself for not finishing this damn story before it came out. There is a certain plot point in the movie that happens in mine and I don't want you guys to think that I copied it. I know there are other fanfics that have it in theirs, so it's nothing original per se. But still, tad bit frustrating. Oh well. I can't change anything now so… what I write is what you will get!