Hello everyone! I have a surprise for you! I am posting two chapters back to back... Okay, so it was originally one chapter that got waaaaay too long and had to be split. But hey, I'm updating! Also, thank you to all the follows, faves, and reviews! It all helps me to keep going!
NightElfCrawler: It saddens me to hear that you haven't been a fan of the direction the story is going. But if I could give some advice, it would be to let all your expectations go. You wrote that your still hoping for the ending you've envisioned to happen, but more than likely, it won't. I've seen some fics use the concept of the ending that I will, but how I interpret the ending is different from them. So, I fear if you don't get rid of your expectations, you'll hate the story. But as a reader, you have a right to your opinion. I thought I should just give you a fair warning. And yes, there is more than just darkness ahead. But fear not, there is light at the end of the tunnel! Aleta Wolff: Reylo is such an unlikely couple, and I think that's one of the reasons why people had a hard time wrapping their heads around the idea of their relationship. But I'm with you in that I hope episode nine isn't a simple Ren turns to the light and then dies or something. I feel like that's lazy writing. So here's hoping JJ can deliver a great story! lucel18: I recently watched Strong Woman Do Bong Soon and loved it! Highly recommend. I always love your reviews because you touch on so many things. I loved writing how Leia chose to stay with Ben. I was so proud of her for making that decision! And ya'll better watch out for Mama Leia. She's gonna be fierce! You hit the nail on the head by bringing up Ben's possessiveness. It is mentioned in this chapter. Thanks for the review! Guest: Yeeeessssss I love the jingle lol. MaelsiC: In that vision of his potential future, he does still have the dark side with him even when Snoke is dead. But, there is more to that vision than I showed. By the end, you'll understand what I mean.
Anyway, I would like to dedicate the next two chapters to my mother, whose birthday is tomorrow. Thank you so much for loving this story and for pushing me to learn and do things that put me outside my comfort zone. I love you and hope you have a fabulous birthday!
Chapter 46
Several datapads and dozens of datachips were scattered across the desk, a pair of heavy lidded eyes gazing at the chaotic mess with apprehension. A tinge of overwhelming responsibility jolted through Finn's body every now and then, reminding him of the severity of the situation.
Arkanis was deep into the slumbering hours of the night, but Finn knew that like him, no one was sleeping. Everyone was either hard at work identifying and organizing the bodies, or digging graves.
So many teenagers and infants and children. All the promises of adulthood now gone for them.
Finn rubbed his face aggressively, wishing he was still helping his subordinates instead of sitting in an office. But his attempt at helping only made the workers uncomfortable, their quiet whispers and questioning eyes already viewing him as a leader that looked out of place.
"General Finn," he whispered into the still air, not liking the sound of it. But that wasn't the only thing bothering him. He'd gone from being a nobody to being propelled into Hux's place as the General of The First Order, and the pressure of such a position was threatening to suffocate him.
But his need to make his fellow troopers proud gave him the strength to keep going.
Finn picked up the nearest datapad, looking over the schematics for transforming Heritage Hill into a graveyard memorial for all the bodies that would go unspoken for. It was tempting to use orbital cannons to decimate this whole place, but Finn felt like what happened here shouldn't be brushed aside. It should have a place in history, a reminder to future generations of what evil could accomplish and destroy.
A good portion of the day had revolved around making contact with some of the planets in the Unknown Regions and Outer Rim Territories, the parts of the galaxy that were deemed not populated enough to be worth exploring by the New Republic. Unchecked, these star systems were where the First Order was able to amass such a large army right under the government's nose.
Some had replied to their messages and were on their way to Arkanis. But Finn knew that a good amount of these bodies would go unclaimed, which was why they needed to be wrapped and buried in marked graves. No one wanted to see the sight of rotting corpses, nor smell the accompanying aroma that would infect the air. If someone came to claim one of the fallen, then they'd be exhumed. If not, Finn would try to make sure that none of them were truly forgotten.
These were his people. They came from nothing, just like him.
He'd done some digging into the First Order archives when he'd gotten the chance, finding that the only thing Hux got wrong about his family was how many credits they had sold him for. It was fifteen, not ten. But what's five more credits? He was still close to worthless to those people. Just like his deceased sister.
He could go to his home planet of Artorias and seek them out... but the more he thought about it, the more he asked himself why? His family didn't want him, they made that quite clear when they sold him away. And if those people were even still alive, what would he say to them?
"Hey, remember me? The kid you tossed aside? Well, I'm back now, looking to be a part of a family who clearly has no regard for a child's future. Mind if I stay for afternoon meal?"
He could use his family's surname, but he didn't want to. Poe had named him, so why couldn't Finn give himself a last name?
His thoughts went to Poe and Jess. He figured there were some types of grief you just never got over. It tore at your heart, and as time passed, formed scar tissue in the place your loved ones had been.
Finn threw the pad across the table, feeling bitter over his origins as his eyes stung with tears over the loss of his friends. But he wouldn't let his emotions get the better of him. Not again.
Not after what happened earlier.
Out of all the people who surrounded him on Arkanis, the one person he finally crumbled in front of had been Ren. His new boss, so to speak. Supreme Ass of the galaxy. But as Finn held a holo-conference with the man, relaying his ideas for what they could do with this cursed place, he couldn't stop the sobs that robbed him of his voice. All those deaths on top of no longer having Poe, it was too much.
Surprisingly, Ren didn't belittle him. Nor did he order him to stop. The man waited, listening with a patience Finn didn't even know Ren had as he voiced his heartbreak.
"I know I'm due back tomorrow," Finn had said, "but I–"
"Don't rush. Stay there," Ren had interrupted. "Remake that place in whatever way you see fit."
If only it were that easy.
Finn lifted his arms over his head, stretching his back, feeling a sharp sting on the right side. Sometimes, it baffled him just how far Ren and his relationship had come. He could still clearly see the man who had slashed his back open, the snarl on his face, the rage in his eyes. That person wasn't necessarily gone, but Finn knew Ren's intentions had changed.
A knock came at the door. He called out as Rey entered, her cheeks and nose red from being outside too long. When she had left, Finn could tell she wanted to be alone. He gave her the space she needed, waiting for her to return.
"Hey," he greeted, watching as she sank into the chair on the other side of his durasteel desk. "How are you?"
"Better," she said, offering a hint of a smile. Then she bit the inside of her lip, eyes darting around the bare office. "I shouldn't have left you so abruptly like that. All of it just kind of... got to me."
He sighed, knowing what she meant. "Don't worry about it. I'm just sorry you had to see all that."
"It's not your fault," she assured quickly, her expression suddenly growing tight. "Snoke is to blame. For everything."
Something in the tone of her voice, the way her eyes lost that usual sparkle, made Finn uncomfortable. On instinct, he wanted to shy away from her as he was reminded of what happened on the bridge aboard the Finalizer, how she was compelling those people to...
Rey was a dangerous individual, but he knew he had nothing to fear from her. She'd been willing to kill Hux and the crewmen to save and protect him. Still, when her expression reminded him of Ren's whenever he was out for blood, Finn couldn't help becoming slightly concerned.
He nodded knowingly, agreeing with her completely. It all came back to Snoke, in the end. "A little late to be coming by," he commented as he adjusted his posture in the chair. His rear had grown numb, reminding him that he needed to get up and move at some point. "Have you been outside this whole time?"
She softened into a part of herself Finn recognized. "Yeah, I just got back. Thought I would check on you. You know, make sure you were okay."
He relayed his plans on what he wanted to do with the place, and she agreed that a memorial was a great idea. He went on to tell her about their efforts in contacting all the planets the First Order had taken children from, but so far, they'd only received a handful of replies. Finn wanted to make things right and appear as if he had everything under control, but he couldn't hide the toll it was starting to take on him. His exhaustion was so evident in his voice, his heartbreak so obvious in his eyes.
He kept the findings of his origins to himself. Admitting out loud that he was sold into servitude would take time, and even though Rey's beginnings were just as bad as his, he didn't feel like confiding in her. At least her ancestors were people of greatness; his were insignificant. Finn was envious of her; it was wrong, he knew, but he couldn't help it.
Rey told him he should go to bed. He reiterated the same to her. Neither had any desire to sleep.
"Have you talked to Ren since we left?" Finn asked. Rey had told him about their argument on the way to Arkanis, so he knew those two hadn't parted on the best of terms.
"Sort of." Her brows tightened together. "He said he'd be willing to compromise when it came to the Jedi, but I don't know if he actually means it."
"I don't think Ren is the type of person who would say something he didn't mean."
"He would if he thought he'd lose me."
Finn rested his arms on the desk, leaning forward. "You would actually leave him over this?"
Rey exhaled deeply, leisurely shaking her head. "This isn't the future I wanted. I have no desire to become an Empress, ruling over people and telling them what to do. I don't know the first thing when it comes to politics. I don't even have an education. But to answer your question, no," she said, voice lowering. "Despite everything, I could never leave him."
Finn hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath until his body forced him to expel it. There was a time when all he ever wanted was for Rey to never see Ren again. Now, it was hard to imagine one without the other. "Well, to be an Empress, you'd have to marry him," Finn joked, attempting to lighten the mood.
"Yeah..." Rey shifted nervously. "About that... He's asked me to marry him three times in the last day."
Finn's eyes widened. He hadn't been expecting that. "And?"
She shrugged indifferently. "And what?"
"Your answer, Rey," he blurted out. "What did you tell him?"
"I haven't given him an answer. There are things I need to do before I accept."
How she phrased the last part sounded odd, but Finn ignored it. "But you are going to say yes, right?"
Rey gave him a significant look. "Eventually. As long as we both make it out of this alive."
It was weird how unemotional Rey appeared as she was telling him all this. He thought a girl would be excited over the prospect of marriage, especially if there were no longer any obstacles standing in the way. "The war is over. There's nothing to wait on. You both made it."
"The war might be over, but I can't shake this feeling that..." Her eyes shifted left, right, then finally down. "I might not have as much time with him as I had hoped."
"What do you mean?"
She considered him for a moment. "Can I tell you something I haven't told anyone?" Finn nodded. "On Jakku, before Luke and Chewie found Ben and I... I saw someone."
"Someone you knew from your scavenging days?"
"No. That would be far simpler." She bit at the skin on her lip, twisting her fingers in her lap before catching herself and wiping her palms on her capris. "It was the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi." Finn froze, even though he was already still. "It was brief, he didn't linger more than a minute. But something he said has been bothering me."
Putting his own insecurities about his family aside, he asked, "What did he say?"
"That when the time came, I needed to let Ben go." Rey threw her hands up, her frustration peeking through her voice as she spoke quickly. "What does that even mean? Is he going to die? Is Snoke going to come out of the shadows and get him? And why should I let him go? I would never do that to him. Sure, we're having our differences right now, but things should be getting better soon."
Finn tilted his head to the right, frowning. "You plan on compromising with him?"
Rey's mouth snapped shut, like she said something she shouldn't have. "Uh, yeah, something like that."
Finn rubbed his pointer finger and thumb together, thinking. "I don't know, Rey. What Kenobi said sounds cryptic. Maybe you shouldn't be putting too much focus on it. It's obviously upsetting you."
"If someone told you that about Caliiya, how would you react?" she abruptly asked.
He grimaced. "We don't have a relationship like you and Ren." No one did.
"Yeah, but you fancy her," Rey said, listing forward, elbows resting on her knees. She was searching for something from him. Affirmation? "And she is obviously interested in you. Something is starting to form there. So just imagine if you two did get into a more serious relationship, to the point where there was no one else but her. Could you let her go if someone told you to?"
"No," he responded without much thought. But he meant it.
"And would you try everything in your power to make sure it never happened?"
He opened his mouth, nothing coming out at first. "Yeah, I guess I would."
Her posture straightened, her spine hitting the back of the chair as she raised a hand to him. "So you get it. You can see why I have to do this."
What the hell is going on? "Do what?"
For a fleeting moment, it seemed like she desperately wanted to tell him something. But she caught herself. "Uh... just make sure Ben is okay. Try to mend things." Finn could tell she was lying. But before he could get a word in, Rey took the conversation in a different direction. "And about Caliiya, I know what she did to you on the Eravana."
Finn couldn't help getting defensive. "Okay, first of all, Ren is dead set on hating her and isn't the best person to believe when it comes to what happened on that ship."
"True," Rey agreed, way too easily. "He does like to tend to his grudges and keep them alive. But I wasn't going to bash her character. I was just... If you like her, then I do. She did risk her life to come save you, and that counts for a lot."
"It counts for everything," he added, feeling his cheeks grow hot.
Rey gave him a coy smile. "And I saw how close you were sitting next to her on the shuttle ride down here."
"We were talking." Really, they were. Caliiya had told him more about her life growing up and the hardships she faced when her father passed and left her alone. But when she inquired about his upbringing, he fumbled with what to say before being rescued by a Lieutenant informing him they had hit atmo.
"Uh huh." Rey rolled her eyes. "She wanted to do more than just talking."
"How do you know?"
"It's all in the eyes."
Rey teased him some more, both of them falling into an atmosphere that felt light and friendly. It was like taking a mighty breath after a long day with little oxygen. They talked like that for a little while longer before Rey declared that she should try getting some shut eye. After she left, Finn just sat there, not immediately getting back to work. He couldn't shake how strange and bizarre some of Rey's questions were. Even her wording was weird. Something was going on with her, but he figured it could wait till morning. He should let her get some rest with what was left of the night.
His mind idly began to drift to Caliiya. Finn was humble enough to admit he had zero experience with women, but he felt like something was starting to form between them. Not just attraction, but something deeper and more steady. It was hard to think of her as that bounty hunter who betrayed him on the Eravana, only looking out for herself and no one else.
Finn started to daydream, imagining what it would be like to fall in love. What would it feel like to be kissed? To be touched with affection? To be with a woman completely? In all those different scenarios, Caliiya was the one to appear. He knew he shouldn't be fantasizing about her in such ways, but Finn had a feeling she wouldn't mind so much.
So he kept going, envisioning her skin, her eyes, the curve of her hips...
"Finn." He jolted awake, a line of drool sliding down his chin and joining the puddle on the desk. Wiping his jaw with the back of his sleeve, he glanced at the chronometer, seeing it was just after daybreak. "Finn," Caliiya's voice came through his comm, her impatience evident. "Something's happened in the main hangar. Answer your comm!"
He fumbled for it, bringing it up to his lips as his other hand tried rubbing the sleep from his face. "I'm here, I'm here. What happened?"
"You should get down here. Now," she stressed.
He bolted out into the hallway, running to the hangar and expecting to find it in shambles or on fire. But as he entered, out of breath and skirting to a stop, everything looked as it should be: Ships were still intact, the walls and floor were pristine, and the weapon crates were neatly stacked off in the corner.
"Over here," Caliiya called out from the entrance of the viewing office, motioning him to come. As he entered, three of his men were unconscious on the floor, the others sitting with their heads in their hands as Dr. Kalonia began to assess them. Finn kneeled down, checking one of the supine men for a pulse. "They're alive," Harter assured him.
He stood, shaking his head. "What happened?"
The guard Harter was looking over glanced up, appearing just as confused as his superior. "We... don't remember, sir."
"They don't even remember ever coming here. Like, to the planet," Caliiya explained. "The last thing they remember is volunteering to come to Arkanis. And as to what happened? Rey is what happened."
"What? No, she would never–"
"I found the security feeds from the middle of the night," Caliiya steamrolled right over him. "She must've been in too much of a hurry to delete them."
Finn stood there, looking at her. Caliiya had to be mistaken.
As if she knew what he was thinking, she nodded to the monitoring screens, a holovid of the recording already up. "Take a look if you don't believe me."
Finn's hand was slightly shaking as he initiated the recording, and then his heart fell all the way down to his boots.
It showed Rey sneaking up to each one of the guards, her arm outstretched, eyes focused. There was a moment before they fell unconscious where they were frozen, face scrunched in pain. She then gathered them up, stuffing them carefully into the viewing office before motioning to something off screen. BB-8 rolled in, but then stopped. Rey stooped down, saying something to the droid that was too quiet to be caught on the cameras. Then they both hurried to one of the smaller shuttle ships, igniting the engines and flying out of the hangar bay.
By the end, Finn's breathing had deepened and sweat bloomed across his brow.
Rey was gone. She really did it. She left them all behind, all because she couldn't handle Ren becoming Supreme Leader and not sharing her views on the Jedi Order.
No…. No, that conclusion didn't sit well with him. Rey hadn't been lying when she told Finn that she would never abandon Ren. But then why leave and be secretive about it?
"Well," Caliiya spoke from behind, "thanks to Rey's excessive memory swipe, these people will now have the chance to relive what happened here a second time."
He spun around. "You haven't told them?"
One of the knocked out guards started to groan, catching Harter's attention. Caliiya helped in trying to ease him up. "Honestly," she muttered, averting Finn's gaze, "I just... I can't."
And Finn couldn't blame her.
Pivoting back to the holoscreen, Finn studied the paused holovid, trying to formulate Rey's motivation for disappearing.
Maybe she couldn't handle being surrounded by all the dead. Her reaction to seeing the deceased children had been the most adverse out of anyone else here, and Finn didn't blame her for losing control of her abilities in a time of extreme stress. He had half expected her to level the whole building. He almost wanted her to.
But she would have told Finn why she was leaving if that were the case. So that left one final conclusion – Rey was going somewhere she shouldn't.
And now it was Finn's job to relay such news to Kylo Ren. Before he arrived to Arkanis, Finn had received a private message from the man, the contents being short and to the point:
Keep an eye on Rey.
Finn might as well put a bolt through his brain right now, because Ren was, without a doubt, going to murder him.
Finn sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, already feeling the beginnings of a splitting headache forming behind his eyes. There were only two people in this whole galaxy Ren wouldn't purposely maim: Rey and his–
–mother.
"Ready my ship," he ordered Caliiya, who for once didn't scoff at him for acting like her superior. "We're leaving as soon as I return."
He sprinted back to his office, placing a direct holocomm to Leia Organa. He waited a few minutes, refusing to cut off the signal till someone answered. The beeps seemed to go on forever before Leia's hologram projected over his desk, wiping the thick crust of sleep from her eyes and not looking too happy about being woken up. "Finn, what's–"
"Rey's gone." Finn went on to explain what had happened, watching as Leia's eyes widened when he described how Rey had knocked out the guards and stole a ship. Finn was out of breath by the time he finished, both him and General Organa looking at each other in silence.
"I was going to come back to the fleet and help search–"
Leia cut him off. "Let me talk to Ben. Don't disconnect," she ordered and then rushed out of the room.
As the minutes ticked by, Finn became antsy, his heel tapping against the floor as his knee bobbed up and down. When he couldn't bear it any longer, he turned off the transmission and headed back to the hangar. He couldn't wait anymore. He had to do something.
()()()()()
A world of mountains and red sand, Moraband was once the thriving home of the Sith. Now, it laid abandoned after the widespread devastation from numerous wars. Not much had survived, but what remained was located on the surface – the Valley of the Dark Lords. The basin was a wasteland that harbored intact temples and sacred tombs of the ancient Order of the dark side, their once prominent statues now scattered across the consecrated graveyard.
It was well into the night on the planet, the stars in the sky non-existent from the looming thick cover of crimson clouds. The low sky imparted a claustrophobic tension, ominous and guarded. Along the warm breeze came the swirls of the sand, climbing into the air as if on a journey all their own, enjoying the intermittent freedom from the violence of the sand storms that plagued the area.
All was quiet as time passed lazily.
Hidden away in the darkness near the top of a nearby mountain, Rey was perched on her elbows, feeling every beat of her heart pound against the warm stone she lay upon. Her focus was on the ancient Sith temple below, one of the only ones that had any reads of organic life and was still intact. Looking through her electrobinoculars, she zoomed into the canyon, the night vision scanning among the tall clay pillars and the entrance into the mountain. Rey figured that back in this place's prime, those tall double doors must have exuded grandness and power. Probably even looked beautiful, too. Now, most of the hieroglyphs and writings had faded, following the once formidable religion into obscurity.
The growing heat between Rey's shoulder blades screamed for reprieve, but she didn't grant them any relief. Something in her gut told her this was the place, and with so much on the line, she couldn't afford to miss a single moment. She desperately needed some sort of confirmation that she was right. If she went back to Ben empty handed, he'd be furious with her. But with some evidence, maybe she could simmer him down to a level of frustration. Frustrated Ben she could handle.
Mostly.
Either way, she accepted that Ben would be mad at her for doing this. But lately, when wasn't he upset with her? It was almost becoming their new normal, as much as Rey didn't want it to be.
Her chest tightened as she remembered how their last conversation had went, how he looked so heartbroken when she said she hated him. And truly, she had meant it in that moment. But that's all it was; a moment. The more she asked herself why he would do such a thing to her, the more she started to understand. It wasn't just his anger over Kayani that drove him to lie, but he must believe that if more of her family were to appear, she would give him less and less of her time.
Selfish of him, yes. But Rey could understand.
Rey's ears perked up as she heard what she believed to be incoming ships. Looking skyward, she focused the binocs on the three shuttles that landed near the front entrance. Storm commandos marched down the ramp, congregating near one of the pillars still standing. These elite stormtroopers were special forces, trained to deal with extreme combat situations. Rey recognized the silver scout trooper armor from when she found datapics of them while scavenging a few years back. That rare find had allowed her to catch a glimpse into what the galaxy had once been like.
The troops suddenly stood at attention as their commanding officer came into view. Rey immediately recognized the woman from Finn's description: Captain Phasma.
Where had she come from? She wasn't on any of those shuttles, and nothing had come out of those entry doors.
The soldiers started to move, following their leader as Phasma headed straight for the rock face. The woman wasn't slowing down, and was about to walk right into–
She disappeared, along with all the others. It was a cloaked entrance, its shield programmed to take on the look of its surroundings, like the one on Carbon Ridge.
Clever tech, Rey thought to herself. Expensive, too.
"My brother must be here," Kayani commented.
"I think so, too."
Rey lowered the binocs, checking to make sure it had all been recorded. Rey beamed, knowing she had the evidence she needed.
She unclipped the comm from her belt, bringing it up to her mouth. "BB-8, I'm sending you the recording from my binocs. Send it directly to Ben and tell him that I'm positive Snoke is here." Rey synched the recording to the comm channel her and BB-8 had agreed upon and sent the vid, but the signal came back incompatible.
Her brows furrowed. Had BB-8 somehow heard her wrong? She tried the comm three more times, each with the same outcome.
Rey groaned, not wanting to trek the two miles back to where she'd hidden the ship just so she could get a message out. This was why she brought BB-8 along; so she didn't have to waste any time with hiking.
She let out a deep breath and started down the steep mountain. Once hitting the bottom, she broke into a jog, recalling the way in which she'd came. Dressed in her black jumpsuit and grey arm wraps, she was the first to admit that such attire was not practical to wear in a desert climate. But to remain hidden she needed to blend in with the night, even if that meant she had to endure sweat uncomfortably trickling between her cleavage and dampening her hair. The feeling made her think of Jakku, as much as she didn't want it to.
When the shuttle finally came into view, Rey sprinted the rest of the way and used the Force to lower the ramp. She rushed onto the ship and went straight for the cockpit, breathing heavily while yelling out, "BB-8, what channel are you on? It would be quicker if you sent–"
On top of the control panel, her datapad caught her eye. The screen was lit, showing that she had a message waiting for her from Ben. Rey scooped it up and opened the file, seeing that he'd sent it an hour ago. Maybe she should just reply back to him with the assembled information instead of having BB-8 do it. But as she went for the binocs in her side bag, she paused, her eyes gliding over the words Ben had wrote.
Her lids slowly widened, heart beat skyrocketing, blood rushing in her ears.
No.
Rey,
I know that keeping you from finding you grandfather was one of the many horrible things I've done to you. All the wrongs I've done against you have been piling up since the moment I met you on Takodana, and I understand that the weight of them would eventually make you realize that you can't do this anymore. If you never want to come back to me, I won't stop you. But I would regret it for the rest of my days if I don't tell you what I'm feeling.
I'd die for you, but these last few months, I've tried to live for you. That was the hardest thing for me to do, because I knew I didn't deserve to have a beating heart. Nor did I deserve your love and companionship. But you deserved to no longer be alone and I wanted to fill that role of a partner for you. However, I'd be remiss if I didn't admit to my own selfish desires. I do want you to find your family; I know how much they mean to you. But I've come to realize that it wasn't just my anger that drove me to lie, but my possessiveness over you. Either way, I feel shame for both, for both of those reasons are selfish.
I wish we could go to some unknown planet and leave all of this behind. I should've listened to you. I should've taken the chance to leave with you when it presented itself, but living my life in hindsight will only drive me further into madness – which is why I wish I could forget you. But every time I try, I think about that first time I saw you on Takodana; I relive seeing your memories from your youth, and I see that ocean you'd always dreamed of finding. Then, everything else follows.
What happened between you and I these past few months was the tenderest of mercies fate could have ever bestowed upon me.
Now, I remember the way you had gazed at me like I was a stranger – the first being before you left to Arkanis, and the second when I revealed my lie of omission. Instead of seeing the man you loved, you now saw an enemy. It's as if all that love became pain, pain became fear, fear became hatred. Maybe that's the way it goes; a strong hate to break what was once a strong love. And I was the one to drive you there. I know you're hurt, and I am truly sorry; yet, there has to be a part of you that knows that I hurt also.
Before you, I had no one. While with you, I had to take it one step at a time, not knowing how to navigate the realm of a relationship. At some things I failed; at others, I felt like I was treading just above water. In my naivety, I took our bond for granted, believing it to be unbreakable. While the bond will always remain, I now know that the spirit is not without its limits.
If you want to go, go. I will not stop you, nor will I try to initiate the bond from here on out. I hope as you move forward, you reminisce on the times when you were happy and not linger on the ones that filled you with grief. For me, I will move forward half the person I was, for without you, I'll never be whole. But that's how I lived before I met you; it's not a road I'm unfamiliar with.
As I write these words, I only hope that you're able to fulfill your dream of seeing everything the galaxy has to offer.
Be safe, and trust no one.
Yours,
Ben
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Rey had to steady herself against the pilot's chair, feeling as if her knees would fail her.
It had never crossed her mind that with how abrupt she'd left Arkanis and with how much she was cloaking herself with the Force, that Ben would interpret that as her leaving him. What's even more shocking was the fact Ben was willing to let her go, because he thought that's what she wanted.
Stars, leave it to Ben to jump to the most impossible assumption, all stemming from his lack of self worth and his expectation that everyone, in the end, would leave him. Rey would know; she suffered from the same thoughts.
Rushing out of the cockpit, her eyes kept skimming over Ben's heartbreaking farewell as she said, "BB-8, I need you to–"
Scattered on the floor were droid sensors, a motivator, wiring and cabling, and the orange and white armor that was once BB-8. Rey stood there, the datapad falling from her hands as all train of thought came to a halt, her mind unable to compute what was happening.
She sensed someone from behind, but her defensive reaction was too slow. Something pricked her upper arm as she whipped around, Force pushing the intruder down the hall before he could grab her. She stalked after him, his movements quick as he scrambled back to his feet and looked up at her. This man, older of age with olive skin and a shrewd stare – she had seen him before. On Spira and Lothal.
Cato, a Knight of Ren. This man was the one who almost took Ben away from her forever.
But her anger quickly dissipated as her limbs grew too heavy for her to walk, sending her to her knees. Vision blurring, head spinning, she realized he'd done something to her.
Rey sucked at the air as if it had suddenly become thick, her hands trying to claw her way up to stand. She fell back onto the grated floor. Kayani was shouting, but her voice was too far away to understand.
"Your attempts at trying to stand are futile," the man said as he came to loom above her. "The toxins running through your body inhibits your motor functions, but don't worry. The dizziness will subside in time." Cato lifted her into his arms, and after that, Rey remembered very little. He had taken her on a ship, then carried her some more, the echo of his footsteps and the coolness of the air telling her that they were more than likely inside one of the temples.
He placed her on a hard, cool surface. She couldn't move, but at least her head was starting to clear and her vision beginning to sharpen. Unfortunately, she found out rather quickly she was facing a wall, her eyes gliding over the dimly lit crimson ore that bled throughout the dark stone.
They left her like that for a while, the sound of her own breaths the only thing to keep her company. The time alone gave her enough of an opportunity to reach out to Ben, but as she went in search of their connection, she couldn't find it. She could sense it was there, but it was like grasping at air, the results of her efforts giving her nothing.
And then Rey felt a darkness caressing across her mind, touching her with a tendril of consciousness that made her want to vomit.
"Rey of Jakku, scavenger and orphan," a sinister, gravelly voice proclaimed. She was lifted into the air and angled around, her eyes falling upon a twisted figure whose face was heavily scarred and oddly elongated. A gold robe covered his frail body, his weathered hands peeking out from the end of the sleeves as his finger curled in, drawing her closer to him. "We finally meet."
She hung in the middle of the chamber as the creature's lips curled into a mirthless smile.
Without preamble, Snoke ripped into her mind. It was unlike anything she'd ever experienced, the searing pain torturing her in ways she never thought possible. She pleaded, tears pulsing down her cheeks before she wailed, her screams eventually subsiding due to her voice giving out. The agony got to the point where she couldn't react anymore, her body going limp as it dangled in the air.
Finally, his presence left her, the pressure in her head subsiding till it was nothing more than a buzz. Fear pressed into her like a pillow covering her mouth and nose. Enough air could get by, keeping her alive, but it was crippling all the same.
Snoke shuffled away from her, putting a hand upon the altar situated in the middle of the room. It was the only furnishing in the wide cavern. "A Kenobi descendant," he breathed out. "I confess, I did not see that coming. And it takes a lot to take me by surprise."
Rey began to tremble as she tried to find a way to free herself from Snoke's hold, but she couldn't find one.
Snoke regarded her for a long moment, head tilting slightly to the side. "I should commend you for the way in which you located me. I didn't sense you at all. You have a finesse with the Force that not most have."
"Why am I still alive?" she croaked out, nostrils flaring as she breathed more heavily. "You've only ever wanted me dead."
Snoke's eyes burned angrily. "After what you did on Jakku, I should kill you. But your purpose as of right now is different then just rotting away in a grave."
"Ben," she whispered, horrified.
"Sentiment is such a weak emotion, making people do irrational things," Snoke said in a mockery of chit chat. "He'll want to come for you, and from what I've seen of your memories, his deep devotion to you will make him get here quickly. Shall we contact him to tell him you're here?" He stilled for just a moment, then shook his head in disappointment. "Still blocking me out. But it's only a matter of time before curiosity pushes him to answer."
"You won't win," Rey snarled, baring her teeth. "Ben will find a way to destroy you."
He laughed at her, the sound like glass raking over her ears. "Foolish child. I've set things up in such a way that he could never do such a thing. You think my presence in him is only superficial? I've been with him since before he was born. I've molded him into what I need him to be. My influence over him goes deeper than a mere connection; it goes all the way to the soul."
Rey's heart beat thrummed in her chest, pounding, banging, trying to get out. If what Snoke said was true, Ben shouldn't get near this place. He would have zero chance of surviving. "Then your sister will find a way."
"Oh?" Snoke's interest piqued. "Is she talking to you right now? Are you two concocting a plan? Or has she abandoned you in the moment you need her most?"
Rey reached within herself, but Kayani didn't respond. The woman was quiet, even though this was the moment she'd been waiting for for thousands of years. But no, she wouldn't just abandon Rey. Something had to be blocking Kayani and Ben from interfering.
Snoke came closer. "Did she tell you what would become of you if she were to leave you?" He paused for effect. Rey's brows quivered. "You would die. Her essence has been attached to yours for so long, any attempt at removal would result in your death. So you see, death has always been your fate, whether it be by my hand, or hers. I'll just give you the courtesy of not lying to you."
It was then Rey wanted to burst into tears. Fear found her, speaking to her in its cackling voice, telling her to lose hope, her heart to ache and her stomach to lurch. But there was still just a sliver of courage left within her, giving her the will power of keeping her tears in check.
"I'll kill you," she snarled, letting her hate for this thing consume her thoughts.
Snoke motioned her to come closer, looking her right in the eyes as he brought her just within arms reach. He brought his hand up to her face, cupping her cheek. Even with her levitated above the floor, Snoke still towered over her. "I sense that you truly believe that."
Rey started to slowly experience her consciousness being pulled into the abyss of her subconscious mind, and she was too much of an amateur to do anything about it.