A/N: As most of you who commented said, this is going to be a tough one. Things will get really real in this chapter, so hold on and try (?) to enjoy?

Jane was currently pacing in the restaurant bathroom, having fled the happy scene that was taking place at the dinner table where her wife had just been announced as her soon to be boss, something that her wife had distinctly not told her. A myriad of emotions were swelling in Jane: anger, hurt, jealousy, and pride. Yes, pride was in there too because despite all of Jane's wants and desires for herself, she could never not be proud of her wife's achievements, her love so deep for Maura.

The real issue was that Jane didn't like being kept in the dark, especially about something that would change the dynamics of both her professional and personal relationship. It was one thing when Maura had made Commander before Jane. It made sense. Maura was slightly older and had been at Top Gun longer. She deserved to make rank before Jane, and things had worked themselves out when Jane had followed suit shortly after.

But this? This was something entirely different. Jane would have to report to Maura. Any possibility for promotion or advancement would go through Maura and honestly, the more she thought about it, Jane was pretty sure there was some military code somewhere against that. And if there was, that would mean that Jane would have to be reassigned, as she was now the junior officer. This whole thing was giving Jane a headache and the announcement had just been made. What about when everything came to fruition? Korsak had said that it wouldn't be official for awhile so that gave Jane some time to figure things out but she was none too happy with her wife for putting her in this position.

Exiting the bathroom once she had gotten her emotions in check, Jane returned to the table and sat down next to Maura. Maura turned to look at Jane with a questioning expression on her face that Jane shook off, indicating everything was fine. Maura held her gaze for a moment more, assessing Jane, but then shrugged, deciding to let go of whatever she had been thinking. Jane knew her wife well enough to know that Maura had picked up on Jane's upsetedness and she would have a reprieve of this dinner before they would get into it back home later.

Jane tried to enjoy the rest of dinner which hadn't been too hard as the company was good and the food even better. She even gave Maura several heartfelt kisses throughout the meal, happy for her love, despite all of her own inner turmoil. Jane tried to compartmentalize as much as she could. It had worked for the most part. That was until they got into their car to head home. Then it was if a dam broke and all of Jane's pent up emotions came flooding out, right into the car.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me," Jane said quietly, keeping her eyes on the road, even though Maura was the one driving. She couldn't look at her wife right now. The sight of her which usually filled her with joy only caused her pain.

"I was not allowed to talk about anything, Jane. Even Korsak saying anything tonight is against protocol. I would have told you as soon as I could," Maura responded calmly, although her hands tightened around the steering wheel. Jane tried to listen to the rational words but her feelings were not logical. She was hurt on many levels.

"Maura, why would you want this position? You never expressed wanting to teach. Every time we talked about our future, you only mentioned being an active duty aviator," Jane said slowly, turning to face Maura for the first time since they entered their car. She watched as Maura winced at her words, Jane hitting a nerve about something.

There was a tense silence as Maura continued to drive, her lips pursed as Jane watched that big brain of her wife's work. As they pulled into their driveway and Maura shut off the car, she finally turned and looked at Jane, pulling both of Jane's hands into her own.

"Jane, you are right. I never wanted this position but after these few months apart, I knew that I could not continue to be deployed. I needed to be with you and when Cavanaugh mentioned that Korsak was thinking of retiring, it just seemed like the perfect way to make that happen." She paused to bring Jane's hands to her lips, kissing each knuckle in turn before continuing.

"Baby, I have been miserable without you. I have never felt such depths of despair before and you know how my childhood was. I cannot be away from you now that I have finally found you." Jane watched as a single tear slide slowly down Maura's beautiful face and her heart ached.

Jane was glad to know the true strength of Maura's love for her and it made her feel so loved that Maura couldn't be without her. However, that didn't change how this all would effect Jane's career. Maura had seemingly sacrified hers to be with Jane, not realizing that she might have also sacrificed Jane's in the process.

"Maur, I love you. So much. And I was miserable without you too. But, I don't think you realize what you've done." Jane paused to allow her words to sink in. Maura's face contorted into a look of confusion, clearly not getting what Jane was trying to say.

"Baby, you will be my boss. My commanding officer. I'm pretty sure that isn't allowed, which means that I am going to be reassigned. You know how much I have been enjoying being an instructor and now that is going to be taken away because you decided to make a decision without discussing things with me first."

Jane saw the realization as it dawned on Maura that she had forgotten a variable when she had been evaluating her options. She let out a gasp as it all hit her. Jane let go of Maura's hands and moved to get out of the car. She needed space. Jane understood that Maura was trying to fix things but the fact that she had never once considered Jane, her wife, in that decision, not really, was a big problem.

Jane didn't get far, as she felt a hand on her wrist, pulling her back into the car. Jane allowed herself to plop back into her seat, but pulled her arm away, crossing both arms across her chest in a protective manner. She was feeling very vulnerable right now and it might not be the best time to try to talk things out as she usually lashed out when she felt like this.

"Jane, please, baby, I'm sorry. I didn't think things all the way through. I just saw an opportunity to be close to you again and took it, for us," Maura said, pleadingly, her hand coming to rest on top of Jane's arms, still crossed tightly.

"I find it hard to believe that your big bad brain somehow forgot that you would be my boss," Jane snapped in reply, still not looking at Maura. Maura withdrew her hand at the jab and Jane instantly felt bad for her harsh words. She loved Maura's brain and knew that it was a sensitive topic for her love. Jane didn't really mean to push on old wounds.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Jane let her arms fall to her sides, tilting her head back to lean against the headrest. She closed her eyes, breathing slowly, trying to get her emotions under control so that she could finish this conversation on the right note.

"Maura, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be cruel. I'm just really hurt right now and you know how I get. I don't want to lash out at you which is why I was trying to leave." Turning her head slightly to look at her love, Jane continued, "I love you Maura, you know how much. But right now, I don't like you very much so I need some space. I'll sleep in the guest room tonight. Goodnight."

With that Jane opened the car door and began to make her way to the front door. She heard the sobs that were coming from the car and they made her eyes water and her chest tighten, but Jane kept walking. They were both hurting right now and neither one of them could console the other. Jane pushed the door open with tears streaming down her face, closing it softly to try to block out the cries of the love of her life.

A/N: So I made even myself cry with this chapter. How are you all doing? The ladies will have a lot to work out as we are at the half point of this story. As I have said before, this is Rizzles and I don't like unhappy endings so stick with me. Until next time...