Chapter 11 =)

Ashley walked through her door Friday evening sore and exhausted, after leaving Spencer's house last weekend her mom called letting her know that on Monday she would be discharged from the hospital. She had called Aiden asking for the week off to help her father, rearrange the house so that her mom could easily move around. Her mom now needed to use a walker, so Ashley and her father moved her parents' bedroom from upstairs to the spare room on the main level. Of course Christine knew that something was bothering Ashley, she also knew it had to do with Spencer. She decided not to push her into talking knowing that she would talk when she was ready.

Ashley had been glad to have the excuse to not have to face Spencer, she was still as angry as she was when Spencer first told her as well as hurt. She didn't want to think about Spencer anymore tonight so she decided to get an early night's sleep, she picked up her phone and saw that Spencer had called and left a message, Ashley decided not to listen to the message tonight, just wanting to sleep. She undressed and crawled into bed, but no matter how hard she tried to keep the blonde from entering her thoughts, it was her only thought.

The next morning Ashley listened to Spencer's voicemail "Hey Ashley, its Spencer. I hope everything is okay with your mom; I would like to talk to you. Please call me." Ashley wasn't ready to talk to Spencer, so instead she called Kelly, Marie's foster mom. Marie's case didn't get assigned to her, but she felt drawn to the little girl. She didn't think about the reasons much because the main reason was that the girl reminded her of Spencer.

She had been in contact with Kelly every few days, checking in on Marie making sure she had everything she needed. After the two women had talked for a while, Kelly asked "Why don't you come over for lunch?"

"I would love too, as long as you think Marie would be alright with it."

"She will be just fine, how about eleven?"

"Sounds perfect" Ashley hung up the phone feeling a lot better than she did when she woke up. She started getting ready so that she had enough time to stop by the store before going to visit Marie. Ashley walked up and down the toy aisle, not able to decide what to buy the girl every so often she would pick up a toy, thinking this is the one until she found another one that might be the perfect toy. She settled on a stuffed dog that sang the alphabet, counted to twenty, and sang songs "it's cute and educational." Not meaning to say that out loud she jumped when she heard someone behind her say "Oh I got that for my son, he loves it, I am sure your child will love it too." Ashley started to respond that it wasn't for her child, but instead just said "Thank you, I hope so" she went to pay for the toy very excited to see the three-year old blonde.

Ashley knocked on Kelly's door feeling excited and nervous the toy for Marie in her hand hoping that the little girl like it. Kelly answered the door "Hey, come on in."

"Thanks for inviting me" she showed Kelly the toy "I hope she likes it."

"I'm sure she will" Kelly led Ashley to the playroom where Marie was sitting in the middle of the floor not playing with any of the toys "just don't be hurt if she doesn't play with it."

"What do you mean?" Ashley stopped not wanting to enter the room until she and Kelly talked.

"She doesn't play with toys, I've tried to get her to, let her know that she's allowed to touch them, she looks at them like she's interested but doesn't interact with them."

Ashley walked into the room and again amazed at how similar Marie was to Spencer, not just the emotions in her eyes, but the color of her hair, the color of her eyes, and the shy way she looked at you. Ashley sat down next to Marie "Hello, Marie I'm Ashley, do you remember me?" Marie looked at her, almost studying her then she climbed into Ashley's lap. The brown-eyed girl's heart melted when the little blonde laid her head against her chest, she wrapped her arms around the girl feeling the same instinct to protect this child as she did so many years ago sitting in the creek with Spencer.

"I brought you a gift" pulling the stuff dog out, the little girl's eyes lit up when she saw the dog. Ashley pushed the dog's paw and it started singing Twinkle Twinkle causing the little girl to smile. Ashley handed the toy to the little girl, who held it away from her like it was a foreign object so Ashley pushed the dog's paw again showing Marie how to make him sing. The girl just sat there looking from Ashley to the dog that's when it dawned on Ashley, Marie didn't know how to play. The poor girl has more than likely never had toys she looked at Kelly "She doesn't know how to play."

"Oh my gosh, I hadn't thought of that."

Ashley decided right then to make it a weekly visit for nothing more than to come and play with Marie

"If you don't mind, I would like to visit at least once a week, just to play with her. I can get you information on teaching a child to interact with objects, such as toys."

"That would be wonderful, you are welcome anytime."

Ashley stayed until Marie was asleep, her and Kelly agree that Sunday's at lunchtime would be a good time for both of them for her to visit. Ashley decides to stop by her parents' house to say hello and see how her mom is doing. While driving Ashley is making a list of toys and games she is going to introduce to Marie, she could have a therapist do this, but she wanted to show the little girl all the fun toys are.

She walked into her parents' house, and found her mom sitting in the sun-room "Hey mom"

"Hi sweetie"

"How are you feeling?"

"Much better now that I'm out of that hospital, I thought I was going to go crazy if I had to stay there one more day. What have you been up to today?"

Ashley sat down next to her mom, "Nothing much, went and visited with one of the kids who are a ward."

"You're working on Sunday?"

"It wasn't work; she's not on my case."

"You did a home visit on a case that is not yours?"

"She's not just a case, she's special."

Ashley laid her head in her mom's lap stretching out on the couch. Christine ran her fingers through her daughter's hair waiting for her to start talking after about five minutes Ashley said "It's her eyes."

"Whose eyes?"

"Marie's, mom when I look at her I see the same hurt that Spencer had. She's three and has gone through more shit" her mom smacked her in the head "ouch, sorry mom, stuff than most adults. She doesn't even know how to play with toys."

"You will be good for her. Speaking of Spencer how is that going?"

At this Ashley stood up and began pacing "Well for starters, she told me why she disappeared."
Her mom nodded, waiting for Ashley to continue "Shelby, the royal" seeing her mom's eyebrows rise "well you know. Anyway, Shelby said some stuff to her on the last day of class, told her it was me that told her. Spencer believed her, instead of asking me about it, she just took Shelby of all people for her word and disappeared."

Christine watched her daughter pacing "I know"

Ashley stopped pacing "How do you know?"

"Spencer stopped by the hospital to visit."

"Why didn't you tell me that Spencer had stopped by?"

"She asked me not to, after she told me why she left I let her know that I didn't believe you had told Shelby. I think she needed time to think, it was her that needed to tell you not me. How do you feel now that you know?"

"I'm angry and hurt, how could she believe that bitch" Ashley sent an apologetic look at her mom "why didn't she come to me?"

"I don't know what was going through Spencer's mind, but I'm sure she reacted out of fear. Everyone had hurt her in some way, it was easier to believe that you hurt her than to not to. Fear makes people do crazy stuff."

"I don't know if I can forgive her mom, for ten years I have blamed myself, worried sick about what had happened to her, only to find out that I hadn't done anything wrong. How do I forgive her for that?"

"I'm not saying what she did was right, or that forgiveness is easy. The question you are going to have to decide is are you willing to continue to live without her in your life or are you willing to forgive her and have Spencer be a part of your life?"

"I don't know mom."

"Well the good news is you don't have to decide now, take your time, process this, and when you feel like you can forgive her you will."

Christine sat for a long time after her daughter had left, thinking about the two girls. Her heart breaking for them just like it did ten years ago.

6 months after Spencer disappeared
"What do you mean there is no trace of her, she didn't just vanish"

"Ma'am, it's almost like she vanished we have record of her buying two bus tickets one to Miami and the other to San Diego."

"Okay, so go to Miami and San Diego and look for her that's what I'm paying you for."

The private investigator that Christine hired to find the blonde shook his head, "No you don't understand she bought the tickets but never boarded the busses. It seems that she bought them, hoping that it would lead anyone looking for her to a dead-end."

Christine stared at the PI in disbelief "how do you know she never got on the busses?"

"I reviewed the security videos of both busses, no one even coming close to fitting the girls' description got on the bus. I'm sorry, but until another lead pops up there's nothing more I can do."

Christine walked out of the PI's office with tears in her eyes. It's been six months since Spencer ran away and Ashley was still just as devastated as she was the day she came home after finding the note. Her heart was breaking for her daughter who had spent every free moment she had looked for her friend. Until a month ago when all of a sudden she just shut down, quit looking for the blonde, quit smiling, and quit living. Christine had to do something so she hired the PI hoping he could find the blonde. Now she didn't know what to do.

She walked into her house at first she thought that everyone was gone until she heard her daughter crying. She opened her daughter bedroom door and the sight broke her heart even more, Ashley was sitting on the floor, with tears streaming down her face. Christine went to her and wrapped her in her arms wishing more than anything that she could take the pain away.

"Mom, where is she? Why won't she contact me?" Ashley choked out between sobs.

"Honey, I don't know, I wish I knew."

"What did I do?

"Ashley I'm not sure why Spencer left but I'm sure it wasn't anything you did."

Christine was able to talk Ashley into getting into bed, she lay there and held her daughter until the tears stopped and exhaustion set in.

Christine wished now just as she had then that there was something she could do for her daughter.