As promised, the next chapter!
SheLitAFire: Hmmmm... Interesting question. If I answer, I might give something away. So I plead the fifth! The ending is just different than what I've seen done in other fics. So that's the main reason I'm nervous. Thanks for being proud of me! It means so much. I've grown so much as a writer and I've enjoyed getting to know you as well. I appreciate you helping me with editing these last five chapters! And I'm glad I didn't kill Chewie either. He was originally supposed to die, but I just couldn't do it. I'm so glad I changed my mind! MBellicose: Thanks! I hope you love this chapter as well! It's a bit fluffier than what I normally do, but maybe that's needed. Aleta Wolff: So both you and SheLitAFire are right with one of your predictions! Read on to find out! :)
Chapter Fifty
In the medical alcove aboard the Falcon, Rey ran her hands down the deep blue dress, trying to smooth out the wrinkles around her midsection. The silk moved with her fingers, the material coolly caressing against her skin. The fabric almost felt as though it were made of air, the kind you felt after the rain-washed atmosphere drifted through an open window in the wake of a storm. The high neckline and long sleeves covered up most of her scrapes and bruises, which she didn't want Ben to see. She even had a hard time looking at them, so she opted for maximum cover-up. The only revealing part of the flowing gown was the back, the low cut swooping down to her lower spine. But since she was sitting propped up with the help of some spare pillows and blankets, it couldn't be seen.
Rey had been lucky to have left some of the clothes she'd gotten from Spira on the Falcon. Otherwise, she'd be doing this wrapped in a blanket so she wouldn't be shown in just her undergarments.
Finn and Harter had tried talking her out of getting into the dress, arguing that her body still bore multiple injuries that still weren't completely mended. But when she told them what she wanted to do, and that the pain of getting into the gown would be worth it, they obliged by agreeing to her wishes. As Finn went off to find a datapad and talk to Ben, Harter and Caliiya helped her get ready.
After giving her a warm sponge bath and getting her dressed, Harter pulled her hair back, making a double roped braid that wrapped around her head, leaving some loose hairs to drape around her face. She told Rey that the style was what a young woman of Alderaan would wear during the ritual, and that Ben would more than likely recognize it immediately. But Rey wanted something of his lineage to be here with them, so she urged Harter to give her the braids.
Caliiya applied some makeup – even though Rey detested the stuff – to her newly washed face, making sure to keep it as natural looking as possible per Rey's request. Caliiya gently worked around Rey's tender lip and swollen eye, mostly just trying to even out her skin tone so the bruises weren't as noticeable. That was the only reason Rey had agreed to have the goopy substance painted on her skin; she didn't want to look as battered as she felt.
"Are you sure Leia won't be mad that we're doing this?" Rey asked Harter again, needing to be reassured for the fourth time. Last thing Rey wanted was to be on General Organa's list of people she detested.
Harter lightly chuckled. "Again, she's not going to hate you, Rey," she said as she put a pin in her hair. "She'll understand your eagerness. And the need to do this privately."
"Maybe you can have an intimate ring ceremony, just for her," Caliiya suggested, dabbing at her forehead.
"Oh, she'd love that," Harter agreed. "You could ask her to choose one of her mother's dresses for you to wear. She's kept them all in hopes that Ben would one day give her a daughter-in-law."
Caliiya dabbed at her nose. "And I hope we're all invited."
"Of course," Rey said, trying not to move her lips too much since Caliiya wanted her to stay still. "Though, I'm not sure if Ben is really a ring person. I personally don't wear jewelry."
The corner of Caliiya's lips ticked upward. "I have a feeling that if you were to give him a ring, he'd wear it constantly. Because it's from you."
"But he wears gloves."
"He won't after this."
Caliiya took a step back, surveying her work. Harter joined her, smiling down at Rey. When all they did was just stare, Rey began to feel uncomfortable.
Harter patted her hand. "You look beautiful, dear." Rey didn't really believe that since she looked like the human equivalent of a punching bag. But still, she appreciated Harter for saying it.
Keeping her voice low, Caliiya asked, "You sure you'll be okay when you see him?"
Rey shrugged. "Only one way to find out." She was pretty sure she would be fine, but the way Finn had described how she lost it the first time she saw Ben made her stomach tighten.
Snoke is gone. Ben's alive. Snoke is gone. Ben's alive. The mantra in her head helped to calm her nerves.
Rey started pulling and twisting at her fingers. "I haven't been sure how to bring this up, but I wanted to thank you both for coming to help me on Moraband. I know I endangered all of you–"
"Felt like another day of the week to me," Caliiya quipped, and Rey wasn't sure if the woman was actually serious, or being sarcastic.
"Still, thank you."
"You're very welcome."
When Finn came back, he notified them that Ben would be out soon. Rey's gut flipped, her fidgeting becoming worse as each second passed. They left Rey alone in the main hold when Caliiya deemed them to be done, giving Rey enough time to second-guess what she was about to do.
But she didn't want to wait anymore. She'd put her life on hold for too long. She wanted her future to start as soon as possible, because hell, she deserved it, and she knew tomorrow was never promised to anyone.
The door to the private quarters slid open. Rey's breath caught in her throat and she froze, fear spiking through her as much as she didn't want it to. Fighting Snoke was still so raw in her memories, flashes of Ben's eyes glaring at her, his fists connecting with her face. But then she took a deep breath, deciding that Snoke was no longer going to subjugate her life.
Their life. Together.
Ben stayed in the doorway, gaze on the floor, unsure. His hair was damp and slicked back, showing the entirety of his face and even his ears, a look she'd never seen on him before. Rey found she quite liked it. It allowed for the angles of his features and jaw to be seen, making him look older, more masculine. There had always been a tinge of boyish quality to him when he hid behind his hair. While she liked when he looked disheveled, this older looking persona he was gracing her with was more than ideal. Hell, Rey might actually prefer this more.
And the shadow on his face that hinted at the beginnings of a beard did nothing to cool her down.
Adding to the perfection, he wore the simple ensemble of a black long sleeved shirt and trousers. Compared to Ben, Rey was way over dressed. She blushed and grew hot. Not out of embarrassment for her attire, but out of wanting him. She could barely move, and yet her body couldn't get over just how good he looked in every possible way.
To Rey's dismay, Ben didn't move. Her hands started to shake, her nerves overwhelming the yearning she felt only a moment ago. She swallowed back a thick wad of saliva before letting the words pour from her mouth. "I'm so sorry, Ben. I… I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for being so stupid. Because of me, you almost died. And to think that the last thing I could've told you was that I hated you makes me sick. I don't hate you." She had to clear her throat as it became more constricted. "I would never leave you, Ben, and I'm so sorry for making you think that I did."
"I shouldn't have lied to you," he whispered, not lifting his gaze.
"No, you shouldn't have. But we'll find Korkie some other way. And if we don't, then we don't. I already have a family: in you, in Soniee, in Leia and Luke and Finn."
His torso tensed as he pinched his eyes between his forefinger and thumb, visibly distraught and on edge. But his feet remained planted in the doorway, so far away from her.
"Ben," she beckoned, "come over here. Please." If she could, she would've gone to him the moment he appeared, but she was too weak to be doing anything other than giving the med alcove's padding a job.
Ben took a few deep breaths before closing the distance between them. She offered him her hand. He took it with a nervous reluctance before sitting on a small crate.
Rey gave his palm a squeeze. "Look at me," she tenderly implored.
His glimmering eyes met hers, so much passion bristling behind that stare. "Why did you go there?" he asked delicately, his tone hurt, but not angry.
"I just… I wanted Snoke out of our lives. And after finding out about Korkie, I was so angry… but not really at you. I blamed Snoke for everything, for all our struggles and for your incessant need to keep things from me. And then Kayani and I got to talking and…." Her voice trailed off as Ben gripped her hand tighter upon hearing that woman's name. "None of these are good excuses. I know that. I was incredibly brash and stupid and because of it all, I almost lost you. I am deeply and forever sorry for what I've done to you."
Ben's head flinched back. "Done to me?" His eyes bounced across her face, pained. "Rey… look at you."
"No," she said sternly. "Don't do that, Ben. None of this is your fault. None of it, do you hear me? Everything that's happened is on me and me alone."
"How can you even look at me?"
"Because I know that you weren't the one who did this to me."
"I tried to fight him off… I tried to give you a chance so you could get away or kill him."
"I know. And you helped me more than you know." Rey paused briefly. "I– I do want to tell you everything that happened, but I still need some time." Ben nodded supportively. He probably was in no hurry to hear it.
His eyes started to roam up and down her body, and Rey was momentarily confused by what he was doing. He rested his palm gently on her injured knee, siphoning off his power in order to heal her.
Rey quickly brushed his hand away. "Don't."
He tried to touch her again. "But I can–"
Rey blocked him with a firm grip. "I can feel how exhausted you are. I don't want you wasting your strength on me."
"It wouldn't be a waste."
"I'm not in any mortal danger. And it's okay to let modern medicine do its job once in a while." She refused to back down, and Ben could see that. He conceded to going back to just holding her hand, but he made his disapproval known with the way his mouth set into a hard line.
Rey glanced down at their interlocked grip. "Finn told me how I reacted to you when I woke up. Did I hurt you?"
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine… but you will be. We're both breathing, and Snoke is out of our lives."
Ben nodded slowly. He inched closer to her, taking in a deep breath. "Rey, I'm stepping down as Supreme Leader. I'll follow you wherever you want to go, and I'll help you rebuild the Jedi Order into whatever you want it to be."
Rey blinked. "Ben–"
"You're more important to me than the First Order. I admit, I got… lost for a while. But when Snoke was pushing me out, I knew nothing else mattered to me but you. I thought power would bring me comfort, but having you in my life is far more superior to any title. So let's leave it all behind. Have it be just you and me."
"Well, it wouldn't be just us. Luke and I were planning on doing this together."
Ben worked his jaw. "I guess he can come along," he mumbled, failing horribly at hiding his aggravation.
Rey found his expression to be amusing. She smiled at him fondly. "I appreciate you saying this to me, I really do. But I think you should be Supreme Leader."
His mouth hung open. "But… what you said before–"
"Was wrong. I think you could do some real good in that position, maybe make the galaxy better than it was before. I should've believed in you and stood by you – which is what I'm gonna do now."
"You'd support me?" his voice cracked, and it nearly broke Rey's heart. If all of Ben's power was to be stripped away and his need to control everything disintegrated, what was left would be a boy who just wanted someone to believe in him.
Rey cupped his face. He leaned into her touch. "I would. Even if everyone turns their backs on you, I'll always be with you." She paused before adding, "But just so you know, I'm still re-establishing the Jedi Order."
"I won't stop you."
Her palm slipped from his face and nestled back into the confines of his hand. "And I'll probably want your help here and there. Maybe even bounce ideas off of you."
"I am forever at your disposal," he promised ardently.
There was still much to discuss, but the moment Rey had been looking for finally arrived. She could feel it. This was it. "I love you, Ben. Will you marry me?"
He tensed, cocking his head to the side. "Huh?"
Rey giggled at how she'd caught him so off guard. "I want you to marry me. Or have you changed your–"
"No" he blurted out, then quickly amended the word. "I mean, yes, I'll marry you. No, I haven't changed my mind." He bent further into her personal space, searching her face for generosity. "You're sure?"
"Never been more sure about anything in my life. Except that I love you, and want to be with you for the rest of my days."
As his eyes welled with tears, she felt so powerless from not being able to wrap her arms around him. Instead, he rested his head on their linked hands, his torso shaking from trying to keep himself together.
"It's all right," she murmured. "Just let it out. I've got you." Ben fell apart then, the culmination of all the different emotions he'd been experiencing over the last day finally breaking through his solid exterior. She ran her fingers through his hair, her own silent tears running down her cheeks, leaving tracks through the makeup.
When his sobs began to recede, Rey garnered the courage to speak. "You ready?"
He craned his up, frowning as he hiccuped. "For what?"
She wiped the moisture from his cheeks with her thumb. "To get married."
Ben blinked, sniffled, and did a whole lot of staring. She called out to Finn, watching as Caliiya and Harter followed him into the main hold from the corridor. They had washed up nicely, spot cleaning their battle worn clothes the best they could. Finn's stubble had been freshly razored away, and the two women had styled their hair in sophisticated updos.
Ben's eyes went to the group as his brows furrowed. "What's happening," was all he was able to say.
Rey propped herself up a little bit more, looking to Finn. "Did you find what you needed?"
Finn held up the datapad, giving it a shake. "Yep. It's all pretty straight forward. Both of you repeat the marriage oath, sign the document, and then it's official."
Ben snapped his attention to Rey, eyes wide, searching for an explanation. She patted his arm. "Ever since Finn was made a captain, he's had the power to officiate weddings. Still can, even as a general."
Ben looked at her as if she might be there or might not. Rey worried he might be going into shock; he was rarely left this speechless. "So…" She shrugged sheepishly. "What do you say? Want to make this official?"
He twisted one of her loose tresses between his fingers, expression softening. "Well… this certainly explains your hair." Rey giggled, but went silent when he got close enough for her to see the amber specks scattered throughout his dark irises. His eyes held hers, and he was so serious; so very, very serious. "I love you, Rey." He stroked her cheek, his touch burning her in a way that felt so good. "If you want to do this right now, then so do I."
Rey's lips formed a radiating grin, her heart thundering in her chest. Keeping their hands entwined, the group surrounded them. Caliiya revealed Rey's pyro flower from behind her back, now in a new pot. She held it out to Rey, who took it with a reverence. "A bride needs a bouquet. At least, in my culture, they usually have one."
Rey inspected it, remembering how the little flower had been left on the cockpit floor. With everything going on, she'd forgotten all about it. "Thank you, for repotting it."
"Repotting it? I found it already like that on the control board in the cockpit."
Rey's eyes went to each one of them before finally settling on Ben. From the way he stared at her, she knew he'd been the one to save her precious little flower. She held it on her lap as she mouthed to him her gratitude.
Caliiya and Harter settled on a nearby crate as Finn stood at the base of the alcove. Harter held a small recording device, nodding to Finn to begin.
Finn cleared his throat. "So there's, uh, nothing in here to really start off the ceremony. It's all rather bland, but I thought you guys deserved a nice opening. So I searched and found something I thought was fitting… if you want me to read it."
Ben looked to Rey, who nodded her approval excitedly.
Finn took a deep breath, stood tall, and dove right in. "An unshakeable union between two beings is a place where the savage winds cease, where no clouds can block the warmth of the evening rays. It is a place where the sun may set without fearing the darkness to come. Where one soul can whisper to another a language only its mate can truly hear. A place where togetherness means peace, hardship means trust, and union means forever. Always remember that marriage is a blessing we give to one another, an eternal bond of soul-mates."
Next were the oaths.
Rey went first, repeating the words after Finn, and then Ben followed. They kept their focus on each other, the promises they made binding into their souls as indelibly as if they were etched into their bones. The words they spoke were things they already practiced, an understanding between the two of how they wanted to be cared for.
They sealed their oaths with a kiss.
Rey and Ben's union had been inevitable from the time the bond had formed, intertwining their destinies and allowing them to find one another. They each were the center of the universe for the other, being at ease in each other's company, comfortable and loved. They would remain devoted, from sicknesses to family tragedies, through disagreements and rough times. Eyes would never stray; hearts would never beat for someone else.
They each signed their names on the holo–doc before being congratulated. Ben even took Caliiya's hand in a firm shake, which didn't escape Rey and Finn's notice. He accepted her kind words, and Rey could sense that his ire for the woman was slowly fading away.
Once Harter was satisfied with the hugs she had given, the three of them left Rey and Ben to have some time to be together. Of course, as much as Rey would like to consummate the marriage, everyone knew they couldn't. Rey was still not in a good state physically. But still, she appreciated them for giving her and Ben some space.
They laid next to one another, half of Ben's body hanging off the alcove, giving Rey enough room so she wouldn't be crammed. He kept stroking her cheek, gently, so he didn't disturb her bruises. Her heart thundered in her chest as he slowly, inexorably brought his lips to hers.
She wished he lingered longer, but he drew back. Her lip pulsed from the contact, or was that from the lingering swelling? She'd rather believe it was from Ben.
His hand eventually drifted to her chest, resting his palm between her breasts, feeling her heartbeat thrum against his skin.
Rey urged him to snuggle closer. She placed her arm atop his, unable to fully embrace him due to her panging injuries. But as she felt his nose brush against her jaw, and the heat of his breath fanning across her skin, she sensed the arms of infinity wrapping around them both, holding them close.
Linking them forever.
()()()()()
A pair of thick black boots ticked against the glossed inky floor of the Finalizer, its occupant unsettled and bursting with impatience.
Pacing up and down the long corridor, Ren ran his hands through his hair for the fiftieth time. Then rubbed the back of his neck before doing the same to his face, making his nose sting. He couldn't stay still; not while Rey was in the med bay being operated on and going through a round in a bacta tank.
After making it back to the fleet, Rey had been taken to the medical wing with haste. Ren was stopped from following her inside, Harter talking him down from doing anything brash by convincing him she would be in good hands. Much to the head doctor's disapproval, Harter went with Rey, promising she would stay next to her and keep him informed.
That had been an hour ago.
Once Rey had been taken inside, Finn and Caliiya had gone off to… Ren really wasn't sure where they'd gone. They had told him, but he hadn't really been listening. Either they were seeking updates about Arkanis, talking with Bre, or finally resolving all of that sexual tension fizzling between them. Ren was hoping it was the latter, only because if he had to catch another glimpse of Finn daydreaming his dirty little fantasies, he was going to light his own eyeballs on fire.
Ren huffed and glanced at the door.
What was taking them so long? They no longer lived in the dark ages when a surgery took hours upon hours to complete.
He was tempted to barge inside and demand an update. How was he, the Supreme Leader, ruler over the entire galaxy, relegated to staying outside? He was the one who made the rules; he was the one to be obeyed.
He walked up to the sealed entryway… and didn't break it down. Some rational part of his brain was still functioning, telling him that going inside would just distract the staff and his presence would get in their way. If he wanted them to be sufficient at their jobs, he needed to let them work in peace.
So he settled on waiting.
And what did he think about? All the twists and turns of his and Rey's relationship that had led them to this exact moment.
She was going to stay with him. After everything, she believed in him more than his own family ever did. Leia was still here, yes, but her doubts were more than palpable through the Force. Rey, however, actually believed he could be a good leader and make the galaxy into something wholesome and united.
Ren didn't know affection could be said in so many different ways. He vowed to himself that he would make Rey proud.
Love, he realized, was like making your first lightsaber. When it was young and new, it was unblemished and shiny. You always wanted it with you, its gleaming blade holding your attention and filling you with optimism of what it would be like to try it out. Usually, the first couple of duels were awkward as the two got used to each other, but soon both would grow comfortable. With more usage, the blade lost its wonder and the hilt took a few blows, cracking under the pressure.
Your own body acquired it own scars as well, matching what was being held in your hands. But what you received in return saved your life: Once the pair of you was so well acquainted and entwined, the saber became an extension of your arm. The weapon protected you and protected those you cared about; it gave you the confidence to face your foes and defeat your fears; and wherever you went, it was always clipped to your belt, ready to defend your heart whenever you needed it. However, proper maintenance was always required. For it to work properly, you had to repair the nicks on the hilt, clean out the vents, and check the crystal to make sure it was not damaged.
Ren had been naïve to think that just loving someone was all it ever took. Turns out, while your heart was the soil in which love's roots grew deep, effort was the nutrient that kept it thriving.
"Ben!" Leia pushed past the two troopers escorting her and came darting down the hall. She barreled right into her son, almost causing them both to fall over. Coming up from behind, Luke and Casterfo were helping Chewie to stay balanced, both men situated under each of his arms.
Leia backed away, sensing Ren's eyes on the group. "Chewie–"
"He'll be fine," Luke assured him. "But he needs medical attention."
Ren went to the control panel by the door, ordering for someone on the other end to let them in. The threat hidden beneath his tone made the door open within seconds, allowing the trio to scamper inside. Ren caught Luke glancing back at him before the barrier closed.
Leia went right back to wrapping her arms around her son. They held each other for a few moments before Leia looked up, her hands cupping his face as she fought back tears. "I didn't know if you'd make it, and I hadn't seen Rey. Then you disappeared and the temple started to collapse…"
Ren grabbed her hands and held them against his chest. "We made it. I'm fine, but Rey needed surgery." Leia drew back, worry commandeering her once elated expression. "The amount of power it took her to kill Snoke almost…" His voice cracked. "He almost killed her. I almost–"
Leia cut him off. "It's not your fault, Ben. Snoke was the one who hurt her, not you. You can't blame yourself for this, okay?" She waited till Ren nodded his head, glancing down at the hands holding hers. "All that matters is that she's alive; you both are." Leia took a moment to breathe in deeply. "What about Kayani?"
Ren's forehead creased. "I… I don't know." There was so much Rey still needed to tell him, so many questions he needed answered. Like why could he still feel a faint echo of the bond he had with Kayani? Snoke's connection felt similar, too; not quite there, but somehow was.
He was too afraid to look any closer at it.
Leia pulled her hands from his and ran them up and down his arms as she gave his body a once over. "And what about you? How are you doing?"
"Physically, I'm fine."
"And what about the darkness within you?" she asked, her eyes brightening in anticipation.
He shrugged, trying to appear impassive. "Still there."
She blinked away her expectation. "But Snoke–"
"I told you, his death would change nothing," he said in a harsh bite. Leia stilled, but didn't move away from him. He sighed, his tone descending to something softer. "I know everyone was hoping that the dark side would be absolved after he died, and I admit, part of me was hoping the same thing. But it's still there. It will always be there."
She gave his biceps a squeeze. "Dark side or light, it doesn't matter. You're still my son."
Something about this whole exchange felt oddly familiar, but he brushed the feeling aside to focus on his mother.
"It doesn't bother you that I'm…" He'd been about to say, "ruined." But the term wasn't right, not now at this point in his life. He searched for something a bit less that was more fitting. "That I'm broken?"
"Broken?" she reverberated, self-conscious about the word. Not liking its flavor. "I've never thought of you as broken. Lost and misguided, yes, but not broken." He didn't quite believe her, and Leia could tell. She shook him, as if she could make him understand. "Listen Ben, the decisions you've made have led you to where you are today. Your path was never destined to be a straight one, and I don't know why. Maybe we'll never know. But what I do know is that you've always had a good heart, and I'm proud to be your mother."
He tried to look away, but she pressed her fingers to his cheek to turn him back to her. "I love you, Ben. Who you are is enough for me."
He couldn't stop his lips from quivering, nor his eyes from stinging. Acceptance was an odd feeling, but a welcomed one. "I love you, too. Thanks–" He hesitated, the next word to come from his lips feeling as though it were being used from a different lifetime, snatched from a young boy with desires as simple as being recognized and loved. "– mom."
Leia smiled. He couldn't remember the last time he had truly made her smile. Was this pride he was feeling? Was it real?
Because it was everything. And it was beautiful.
The door to the med bay opened. Harter, now dressed in the white shirt and pant ensemble all doctors were required to wear, smiled as she rushed to Leia. The women embraced each other, both expressing their relief that the other had made it.
Ren quickly wiped at his eyes as he let the two women have a moment before he interrupted, inquiring about Rey. "She's fine," Harter explained, her voice dropping to that professional doctor tone that came so easily to her. "We were able to repair her knee and take out her appendix before it burst. The damage to her ribs had to be mended, and her time in the bacta tank went well. They're cleaning her up and she should be awake in the next ten minutes. I can take you back to her room so you can see her."
Ren stepped forward, and then froze. He turned back to face his mother. "It's okay," Leia urged. "I'll wait out here so you can have some time alone with her. Just let her know that I have her lightsaber when she wants it. Or, what's left of it anyway."
Ren didn't move.
"What is it? Are you nervous about telling her that you sliced her saber in half?" his mother asked in jest, her smile dying away when Ren didn't mirror her mirth. Now that Leia had brought it up, Ren wasn't particularly looking forward to telling Rey that he'd broken her saber staff.
But his stomach was tightening for a different reason.
He rubbed his sweaty palms against his shirt as he said, "Well… there's something you should probably know first. Before I go in there." Ren exhaled a shaky breath. "Rey and I… sort of got married aboard the Falcon on the way back here."
Leia raised a brow. "Sort of?"
…."We did."
"Oh. Uhhhh…." Too many emotions swept across Leia's face for Ren to read her properly, her stare out of focus before going back to him. "You two didn't want to wait?"
"With everything that's been happening, we wanted to get it done as soon as possible."
Harter stepped in, her hand gripping Leia's arm. "I recorded all of it, Leia. So if you want to watch it, you can. And Ben and Rey were planning on throwing a ring ceremony so family could be there." That was news to Ren, but he hid his surprise. "Just don't be upset with them. I told Rey you'd understand their eagerness."
"I…I'm not upset." Ren's eyes narrowed. "I promise," she assured him. "And I do understand. I just, for so long I thought that marriage was something that would never happen for you." She embraced him again, resting her cheek against his chest, nestling into him. "I'm so happy I was wrong. Congratulations, Ben."
Ren had to clear his throat. His mother had taken the news better than he thought she would. "Thank–"
"But just so you know, there's no way you're getting out of throwing a ring ceremony." She cocked her head back, pegging him with a controlled gaze as a smile slithered its way over her lips. "Don't worry, I'll plan everything."
Ren was worried. "If you could keep it small–"
She patted his cheek, shushing him. "Oh, Ben. It'll be whatever size I want it to be."
Ren stared down from his greater height and somehow felt smaller than she was.
"Great," he said under his breath, dragging out the word.
Leia stayed in the hall as he followed Harter inside, this part of the med bay set up like a square: rooms lined the perimeter, while high counters and monitoring systems made up the middle. Whenever he passed a human employee, their eyes would go wide before averting his gaze. Some would even turn around and run away. Neither Harter, nor Ren commented on any of their reactions.
She brought him to a door near the end of the corridor, hand going to the operating panel. Her palm hovered above the mechanism before she glanced up at him. Ren could sense her unease. "So, before you go in there, I think there's something you should know."
A jolt ran through Ren's body at that moment, and he suddenly knew why this whole situation felt like it had somehow happened before. On Ahch-To, the visions he had in the cave, the one where Han had found him after Snoke had been defeated– it was too similar to what was happening right now.
"Is Rey pregnant?" he blurted out, taking Harter by surprise.
Her mouth floundered as she stumbled over her words. "Actually, I was going to tell you that she wasn't."
Oh.
Ren ran a hand through his hair, frowning.
"Were you expecting her to be?" Harter asked.
"No, I just…" He didn't even know how to explain to her what was going on in his head. "If she isn't, then why bring it up?"
Harter's trepidation came back. "Well, Rey thinks she might be. She asked me to run a pregnancy test while she was in surgery and it came back negative. I even went as far as to check if her uterine lining and hormone levels had improved, but they've only gotten worse."
Ren pursed his lips. "Have you told her?"
"No. She's still asleep."
"I'll do it, then."
Harter opened her mouth to protest, but Ren was already through the door and inside Rey's room before she could speak.
The lights were dimmed, the shadows dark and hazy as he neared Rey's bed. The sterile sheets were situated up to her chest, her hair pulled back and damp from being cleaned after the bacta tank. The monitor next to her bed showed her vitals, smooth and steady, all the readings normal. Ben stretched his body out next to hers, getting close enough so he could properly hold her.
She fit the same.
She felt different.
Holding her, it was as if it were the first time all over again, that moment where he tucked her head below his chin and all his senses became in tune with how a body felt against his, the warmth seeping through his clothes. Smelling the scent of her hair. Arm going numb from her head resting on his bicep.
But even while on the Falcon, she seemed… different. Not a bad different, more like an older, more stable different. Her spirit had aged significantly over the past day, her experiences molding her into a new woman that Ren needed to figure out.
While waiting for her to wake, he studied her face, all evidence of the fight now gone. In its place was tanned flesh, defined cheeks, and perfectly curved lips.
When she began to stir, she groaned, her eyes fluttering open. He slid into the chair already situated by the bed, not wanting to startle her. A spike of fear electrified his cells. What if she reacted to him the same as when she woke on the Falcon?
When her groaning intensified, Ren placed his palm to her forehead, smoothing back her hair in gentle motions.
Rey turned to see him, not a hint of terror or panic behind her stare. "Ben?" she croaked.
"Hey," he whispered with a smile. "Harter said you did great. You're as good as new."
Rey clucked her tongue, frowning at the dryness. He grabbed a glass of water from the side table and angled the bed upward so she could gulp it down. He wiped the excess from her chin, and then took the empty glass to put it back on the tray.
She brought her hands up, rubbing her fingers together. "I feel fuzzy."
He chuckled. "That would be the drugs, but they'll wear off."
"I don't like how it makes me feel."
"Some people do. If you did enjoy the effects, I'd be slightly worried."
Rey rested her head back on the pillow, as if it weighed the equivalent of a boulder. She took in a few deep breaths. "Ben?" she said again, as if he weren't already giving her his full attention. "Just before I went under, I remembered that I forgot to tell you something." She stared at him uneasily, and Ren waited for her to continue. "BB-8, something happened to him and I wasn't able to–"
Ren interrupted her by grabbing something from his pocket and holding it up. Rey's eyes fanned open, her hand taking a few tries before she was able to snatch it. "Is this…?"
"Yep. It's BB-8." Rey studied the rectangular piece of hardware. "Or, the part that matters, anyway. We just need to get him a new orange and white body, and then you'll have him back just as he was before."
She held the gift to her heart. "Thank you. I promised Poe I'd take care of him, and I thought…"
Ren glanced down to the floor, heart heavy from hearing Poe's name. He wished Poe and Jess had been present at the wedding. He wished a lot of things when it came to them.
The chatter between them was kept light as Rey processed the drugs out of her system. He let her know that he told his mother about their marriage and how he was a nervous mess while waiting for her operations to finish. When Rey appeared more lucid, he recounted the events that led up to him being pulled into the cavern with her and Snoke, expressing his confusion on how he even got there.
Rey filled in the answer to that one.
"You can teleport?" Ren asked, incredulous. "Like, actually transport your atoms from one place to another? How far can you go? Do you just think of the place and you're there? Can you really take me with you? Is that because of the bond? How do you do it? What does it feel–"
Rey raised her palms in a barrier. "Whoa, slow down. I still don't understand everything about it yet."
"Could you teleport right now?"
Rey stared at him flatly.
He resigned himself to sit back and calm down. "No. No, of course not. You should wait till you're stronger. Sorry, I was getting a little carried away." He folded his arms across his chest as he chewed at his lips, unable to resist one last question. "Would you be able to teach me how to do it?"
Rey shook her head, chuckling. "You're like a child who just stumbled upon treasure."
Ren gaped at her a little too dramatically. "Atomical transportation is the most valued piece of treasure in existence. I'm surprised you're not freaking out about this like I am."
Ren could tell Rey was amused by his youthful enthusiasm. She didn't know the ins and outs of her new found ability yet, but she promised that he'd be there as she discovered the answers. And maybe along the way, he could find out how to do it for himself.
They discussed the topic a bit more, Ren already planning out a training schedule for the two of them and how they would chronicle all their successes and failures, as well as all the different theories they needed to prove or disprove. Rey agreed to whatever he had in mind, which just made him giddy for when Rey was declared well enough to leave this place.
When Rey voiced that she was ready to tell him all that had happened, it scorched Ren's current enthusiasm to ash. He didn't want to know the details, but he knew he should. So he remained still, never once interrupting her as he listened. She started with how she saw Obi-Wan on Jakku, and the things he told her. Then it shifted to Moraband. Emotions cycled through him: pain, relief, confusion, admiration, anger. Once Rey reached the end of her tale, silence ensued as she let him think over everything she'd recounted.
She'd been able to interact with those who had passed on, allowing her to finally meet a semblance of her parents. It brought him a certain amount of peace to know that she'd seen Poe, Jess, and his father as well.
Through it all, though, there was one part in particular that stood out to him the most.
The fact that Rey had met their son. Her asking for a pregnancy test now made a lot more sense.
Ren rounded his jaw, gulping back the big lump in his throat. "Rey." She met his gaze. "Are you sure you actually saw our child?"
"What do you mean?"
He leaned in closer, voice lowering to a whisper, as if a gentle tone could help Rey not take what he was about to say badly. "You don't understand the extent of Snoke's power. He could conjure up illusions and make you believe they're real. Make you see things, even interact with them."
She shook her head. "No, this was real."
"But–"
"It wasn't an illusion," she snapped at him. Then took a breath. "He's real, and because he was real, I now know I can have children."
He kept his eyes on her, steeling himself for what he was about to say. "Harter told me about the pregnancy test. It's negative. And she said you haven't improved enough to even have children. If anything, you've gotten worse."
Ren knew that Rey was the type of person who needed the truth to be bluntly stated. Her denial had held her back too many times in her life.
Rey looked away from him. He could sense her jumbled emotions, and was waiting for her to breakdown. But with dry eyes and a tight face, she turned back to him and said, "All that means is that it'll happen sometime down the road. Probably unexpected."
"Rey–"
"It'll happen. You'll see."
And that was the end of the discussion. He hadn't gotten through to her.
Ren didn't share in Rey's hope that a child was awaiting them in the future. She didn't mention the child's name, and nor did Ren ask. He was sure what Rey had seen was just a cruel apparition of Snoke's making, but he didn't have it in him to crush her optimism completely.
Visitors began filing into the room, filling the small space. It was against protocol to have people in the medical wing after hours, but seeing how he was the Supreme Leader, none of the staff turned them away.
Ren situated himself in the corner as he let Finn, Luke, Leia, and Caliiya crowd around Rey's bed, all of them swapping stories and talking about the unplanned wedding. Leia approved of how Finn conducted it, calling classy and short, just how all weddings should be.
But even as Ren stayed to the background, letting them each have their moment with Rey, she would still take a moment to meet his stare and smile. He'd give her a small grin, and then it would disappear as her attention went back to the others.
Self-doubt and loathing always seemed to find a way back into his mind.
Why wasn't he enough for Rey?
He thought he'd been, but now with her so adamantly believing they would eventually have children, what would happen when she found out it just wasn't going to happen? Would it cause her to resent him for some reason? Would her grief over being barren – which he thought she'd gotten past, but apparently not – consume her?
Why couldn't it just be her and him?
Rey didn't fully understand what taking care of a child would entail. She just saw it as an opportunity to give the little one a better life than the one she had had. Like through the child, she'd get a second chance at growing up right. But children were rarely subservient to the paths their parents wanted them to take.
Ren was proof of that.
And if he were to be perfectly honest, he still had no desire to be a dad. He didn't want offspring. It had been difficult to watch Rey struggle and accept the fact that parenthood just wasn't in the cards for them… but secretly, he'd been relieved. The fact she couldn't conceive was the easy way out. They would never have to fight over whether or not to have kids, and Ren could hide his true feelings from her so she didn't get hurt. It was horrible, he knew, but he couldn't help how he felt.
He'd once offered her the option of adoption, and he hoped she didn't take it. Because if she wanted to, he wouldn't be able to tell her no.
First truth: He would be an abysmal father.
Second: He didn't want to share Rey's attention with anyone else. And a child would certainly change the dynamic between them.
Still a selfish bastard, through and through, his conscience murmured from within.
Ren stepped out of the room, deciding to find Harter or one of the doctors to ask how much longer Rey had to stay. But as he exited, he bumped into an armor-clad trooper.
The soldier immediately stood at attention. "Sir," his voice clipped, heels clinking together.
Ren eyed the man up and down, finding him to be an inch or two taller than himself. "What are you doing here, trooper?" he demanded sharply.
"I heard that Miss Rey was here, sir. I was…" the trooper faltered for a moment. "I was hoping to visit with her."
There was nothing about this man that felt alarming, and the surface of his thoughts held no ill content. Ren was puzzled, and annoyed. "Why?"
The trooper cleared his throat. "We met on Jakku, sir. You were unconscious at the time, and she was having difficulty dragging you. So I helped her get across the dunes by carrying you… sir. I came here wanting to make sure she was all right."
Ren's posture tensed. Rey had told him about this trooper earlier in their conversation. She even asked if he could find out if the man had survived, because she was eager to meet him again. "You're JM-813."
"I am."
Ren looked up and down the deserted corridor. "How'd you get in here?"
"I snuck in… sir."
Ren regarded him with less piercing eyes now that he knew who the trooper was. "Thank you, for helping Rey when she needed it."
The trooper was momentarily flustered by the gratitude. "It was my honor, sir."
Ren stepped out of the man's way, motioning to the door. And everyone thought he was incapable of being cordial. If only they could see how he was currently treating a stormtrooper. "You can go inside, but don't stay long. Rey should be resting."
The man bowed his head. "Of course, Supreme Leader."
Before the soldier could press the operating panel, an idea popped into Ren's head. "Trooper," he said. The man turned back around. "How would you like to be reassigned?"
"Sir?"
"I was wanting to put together a security detail for Rey, and was wondering if you'd be interested in leading it."
"Me, sir? I don't have the qualifications for–"
"Rey spoke highly of you. That's all the qualifications I need."
The trooper was stunned. When his brain finally started functioning again, he straightened his spine and pressed a fist over his heart. "I swear on my life, no harm will ever befall her."
Ren fought back a smile. He had a feeling this trooper had been the right choice. He already had a connection to Rey, and his loyalty to her was very apparent. "I want you to recommend six other soldiers to join the detail. Have their names on my desk by early morning rotation. Your new promotion will start once Rey leaves the med bay."
"Yes, sir."
Ren took a step closer, eyeing the soldier through the visor of the helmet. "Rey will try to tell you that she doesn't need anyone guarding her, because she can take care of herself. Whenever that happens, ignore her. I want you to follow her orders – just not the ones where she tries to get you to leave. Because ultimately, you follow what I tell you. Understood?"
The trooper was still, too still that it was obvious it was being forced. But Ren did nothing to alleviate the man's nerves. He always did believe that instilling a certain amount of fear into his subordinates helped in culminating a high level of reliability. "Of course, sir."
Ren let the trooper go into Rey's quarters, watching him till the door shut and cut him off from his view.
It was now technically the middle of the night on the Star Destroyer, causing the staff to be close to non-existent. As Ren passed a few of the rooms, his eyes caught hold of Chewie through a window, his big body lying on one of the standard medical beds.
He entered without a second thought.
Chewie watched through groggy eyelids as he came closer. Ren stopped once he was close enough to inspect the Wookie's chest wound. There was a thin bacta patch covering it, but Ren could sense that it was nearly completely healed.
"You doing okay?" Ren asked, slightly skittish. He'd never been alone with Chewie like this, the last time being before he left for Skywalker's academy. So Ren wasn't sure how Chewie would react to his presence, wasn't sure–
Chewie grabbed his arm and pulled him down into one his famous, furry hugs. Ren tensed against the flagrant show of affection, not knowing what to do with his hands. But as the moments passed, so did the tension and awkwardness. He placed his palms on the Wookie's shoulders, closed his eyes, and breathed in Chewie's musky scent.
It reminded him of better times.
Of a home long yearned for.
Chewie hugged him tighter. "Aaargh raarr." I'm glad you're back, Ben.
Ren didn't know what to say. The deeper the emotion, the harder it was to express. So he resigned to staying quiet. As the silence pressed in, it flayed open his chest, stripping him bare and leaving him as he was at his core:
Content.
Finally.
Have I ever written Ren this nice? It's so rare that I do. lol. I know the wedding was so simple and not even remotely extravagant, but I felt like the way I did it fit with the characters in my story.
While searching for some inspiration for the opening to Finn's marriage speech, I came across the perfect description for it. It was so good, I barely changed anything about it, but it is written by sallypilcher. So all credit goes to her!
Two more chapters left my friends. Hopefully I can hunker down and get them done soon! As always, thank you for all your support and for reading the story!