CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Ashley walked in to her parents' house fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall "Mom" She called out. "In the kitchen" Judging by smells coming from the kitchen her mom was working on Thanksgiving dinner. Ashley walked into the kitchen not looking directly at her mom, Christine glanced up immediately knowing something was wrong "what's wrong?" Ashley gave a small smile "How do you do that?" Her mom just shrugged and said "I'm your mother." At that the tears that had threaten to fall since Ashley had left Maria crying at her new permanent placement fell. Her mom quickly wiped off her hands going to her daughter and wrapping her in a hug "What is it sweetie?" She led Ashley out of the kitchen and into the sitting room sitting down on the couch. After several seconds Ashley finally stopped crying enough to speak "I just left her, she doesn't know them, she doesn't trust them and I just left her." Christine being confused and not knowing who Ashley was talking about "left who honey?"
"Maria, she's a ward of the state."
"Is that normal, aren't a lot of children scared and cry when they are placed in foster care. I never notice it upset you like this before."
Ashley knew she wasn't making sense, this was her job but in the few weeks since Maria was placed in foster care Ashley had grown attached, which was why it was common practice for the caseworker to take children home. "She's special, from the first day I felt it in here, and she touched her chest right over her heart. She looked at me with those big blue eyes that were filled with hurt and fear and I fell in love." Christina looked at her daughter for several minutes before deciding to ask the one question that popped in her mind "Honey, are you talking about Spencer or Maria?"
Why was she this upset she had placed many children in foster care and most time then not they cling to her, crying, scared to go. She had never had it affect her like this, today however, after holding Maria while she slept, smelling her curly blonde hair. Then seeing Spencer standing at her cubicle with hurt and fear in her eyes, watching as Spencer tried to hide it before walking away. Getting the call that they found a permanent placement for Maria that by paper should be perfect a single mom with a 4 year old daughter. Watching as Maria woke up looking up at her with bright trusting eyes no longer having the hurt and fear. Then watching as the hurt and fear returned as she handed her over to the foster mom while Maria cried and called out for "Ahway" her sweet little way of saying Ashley. Ashley closed her eyes seeing both Spencer and Maria with matching blue eyes filled with hurt and fear. She couldn't do anything to remove the look from Spencer eyes, she had her own anger in the way but Maria, she was different Ashley could make a difference but figuring out how was the problem.
"I suppose I'm talking about both, they both have had my heart. Something happened with Spencer today, she had the look she use to have a kid. I wanted to go to her make sure she was okay, but I'm still so angry I don't know how to get passed that. The look in Maria's face today was the same look that Spencer so often had and it broke my heart. When she started calling out to me saying my name in the cute little way she does I nearly lost it."
Christine waited before speaking to make sure that Ashley was done "As far as Spencer goes I'm only going to say one thing, anger has kept you girls apart for too long already. Was what Spencer did right, no… maybe…." Ashley started to interrupt and Christine stopped her "Let me finish. Think about Spencer's world back then, everyone had failed her. Her parents, her teachers" she was quiet tears pooling in her eyes "I failed her" she whispered as a single tear slid down her cheek.
"How did you fail her?" Ashley asked reaching for her mother's hand "You didn't know."
"That's not true, I didn't know the details but I knew something wasn't right. I noticed the bruises that you guys tried to hide, I noticed the hurt in her eyes. I could of done something but I didn't I failed her."
"Mom" Christine held up her hand stopping Ashley from saying anything else. "So again I say think about Spencer's world, everyone had failed her, and everyone had hurt her. So was what Spencer did right, no she should have trusted you but did she know anything different then hurt, no. So what she did was right for Spencer."
Christine pulled her daughter into a hug "Sweetheart, you have been given a second chance. Will your relationship be as close as it once was, I don't know, it may become closer, it may not. Point is you have a chance to see where it goes."
"I'll think about what you said mom, I'm just so hurt and angry." Christine squeezed Ashley before asking about Maria "now tell me about this little girl that has you so upset." Christine smiled when she saw Ashley's face brighten at the mention of the little girl's name. "Mom she is an amazing child, she is beautiful, smart, and for everything that has happen to her in her young life she is full of love." Ashley pulled out her phone and showed her mom a picture of Maria that she had taken when the little girl was with her at the office. Maria was sitting on the floor playing with the stuff dog that Ashley had brought her just as Ashley went to snap the picture Maria had looked up at the camera with her big blue eyes and small smile. Christine couldn't help but notice how much Maria resembled Spencer it wasn't just her looks although they did share blonde curly hair and big blue eyes, it was the haunted look that was still visible in her eyes that they also shared. "She is adorable, do you think you are so attached to her because she reminds you of Spencer." Ashley just shrugged "Yes and no, at first that was what drew me to her. I looked at her and saw Spencer but now it's her alone. I would do anything for her, I would give up anything just to see her smile and to protect her."
"Sounds like something a mother would say about her child." Christine said studying Ashley to see how she would respond. Ashley didn't respond for several moments before tears filled her eyes again "Yes, that is it, she is my daughter, and I have to go get her." Ashley jumped up about to head for the door when Christine grabbed her arm stopping her "Whoa slow down, I'm sure there is a proper way to do this and not just walking into her foster home and taking her." Christine smiled not surprised by her daughter's sudden reaction. Ashley had never been one to follow protocol.
Ashley took a deep breathe your right "I have to call Aiden" she began digging in her bag looking for her phone when her mother reached out and grabbed the phone off the table handing it out to Ashley "looking for this?" Ashley went to grab the phone when her mother moved it out of her reach "You need to take a deep breathe, this is something that is a lifetime commitment, take a breath and make sure you are a hundred percent sure this is the direction life is calling you before you make that call." Ashley took a couple deep breathes, closing her eyes, centering herself. She knew this was a huge commitment, was this what she wanted, did she want to be responsible for a child full time. Maria's trusting eyes and sweet smile flashed in her brain and she reached out "Yes mom, I'm sure. She is meant to be with me." Her mom hugged her tight and handed her the phone "I can't wait to meet my granddaughter." She then left the room giving Ashley some privacy.
Ashley took another deep breath not sure if it was nerves or excitement that she was feeling as she scrolled through her contacts looking for Aiden's number. She paused once more "I'm insane" she said to herself as she hit send on her phone. She held her breath waiting for Aiden to answer, letting it out slowly when she heard him pick up
"Aiden Dennison speaking, how may I help you?"
"Hi Aiden, this is Ashley, I need to talk to you about something do you have a moment."
"Of Course, Ashley. Is everything alright."
"It's about Maria."
"Is there a problem with her current foster home?"
"Kind of" She answered not sure how to say what she wanted.
"Want to elaborate?" he said and Ashley thought she heard a smile in his voice.
"You know that she was with me over the weekend and that we have grown close."
"Yes" Aiden drawled out the word like he knew where this was going.
"I want to adopt her" Ashley finally rushed out. She was surprised when she heard Aiden's quiet laugh "Well that is not what I was expecting, I was expecting you to ask to be her foster parent."
Ashley let out the breath she was holding afraid that Aiden would flat out say no "I don't want her temporarily, in my heart she is my daughter."
"You know you have to wait for her father's parental rights to be terminated which won't happen until after he is officially found guilty and sentence. That is scheduled to happen sometime in the next 6 months. You will have to hire an attorney to file that appropriate paper work to adopt her. I don't think I have to remind you that this is a serious commitment."
"I know, I just know in my heart that this is the right thing. Can I foster her until the adoption if finalized?"
"Yes, that would be a good idea. That way if things don't go as smooth as we all hope they will we can find her another placement before anything is finalized."
Ashley ended the call with Aiden and went in search of her mom telling her what he had said. Then all the doubt and questions surfaced she looked at her mom with a panicked look "Oh my God! What did I just do? I don't have anything for a child, what am I going to do with her while I'm at work. Where is she going to sleep?" Christine stopped her before she could work herself into an even bigger panic.
"I will watch her of course while you work, it will give us the opportunity to bond. Let me get dressed and we can go shopping. You have the spare room we will turn into her room." Christine started to walk out of the kitchen excited about the idea to have a little girl to shop for.
"Mom, you have food half cooked all over the kitchen"
"No worries, nothing that can't wait to be finished." She responded as she rushed out of the kitchen.
Five hours and just as many stores later Ashley and her mom sat exhausted in Ashley's living room. "If I never step foot in a store again for the rest of my life it will be too soon." They had gone to a furniture store gotten a child size bed, matching dresser, rocking chair, floor rug, and wall decorations. Then to a clothing store where Christine had filled a shopping cart with all the frilly, sparkling, pretty things she could find. Next stop was a toy store where Ashley had the most fun testing a playing with toys before spending more money than she should have. They hit a couple other stores for a few odds and ends. All before coming home and setting up Maria's room. Ashley hoped that Maria would like it her mom reassuring her multiple times that the little girl would love it.
Both women jumped when Ashley's work phone began to ring "Ashley Davis speaking, how may I help you?"
"Hi Ashley its Chelsea, Aiden just called and let me know what was going on with Maria and that everything was clear. He should be calling you soon, would you like me to bring her to you or do you want to pick her up?"
Ashley was about to respond when she heard the beep signaling that another call was coming in, "There's Aiden now, I'll get her." She said in a rush before disconnecting the call and "Hello." She answered quickly forgetting that this was her work phone. Aiden laughed on the other end, "Well hello, I hope this is Ashley Davis I'm speaking too." He said jokingly.
"Sorry boss"
Aiden laughed "No worries, I'm just giving you a hard time. So I got the paperwork completed for you to be able to take guardianship of Maria. Chelsea should be contacting you soon."
"I was on the phone with her when you called, so I'm good to go pick her up?" Ashley couldn't keep the nervousness out of her voice.
"Whenever you want to go get her, you are clear to do so. Just let Chelsea know when you have her, now this means you will have to do home visits just like every other foster parent."
"I know, it won't be a problem. Thanks Aiden."
"Good luck Ashley, I'm here if you need anything."
She looked at her mom after disconnecting the call "Do you want to go with me to pick her up?"
"I would love too but I think this is something you should do alone, give her a chance to adjust. Then I will come visit her here where she feels safe." Both women stood grabbing their belongings "Thanks mom, I'll drop you off at home before I get her."
After saying good bye to her mom she headed towards Maria, she had to make a conscious effort to follow the traffic laws. Her mind moving to what her mom had said about everyone failing Spencer, her mom didn't say it but Ashley knew she was also one of those people who failed her. At the time she thought she was doing the right thing by keeping her secret, keeping her promise not to tell but really she was failing Spencer. Spencer needed someone strong enough to stand up for her, to tell her secret, to get her out of the hell that she was forced to live in. Hindsight was always 20/20, she couldn't do anything to change her actions of the past just as Spencer couldn't change how she had reacted. Ashley didn't know what kind of relationship her and Spencer could have there was still a lot of hurt between them. The one thing Ashley knew for sure was that she wouldn't fail Maria, she wouldn't allow her to get swallowed up in the system, and she wouldn't leave her to fend for herself. Ashley would be Maria's strength, would make sure that she was protected. She may not be able to change the past but she could change this little girl's future.
When she pulled into the driveway of Maria's current foster home she smiled when she saw two big blue eyes peeking at her through the window. The smile that appeared on the tiny girl's face just confirmed that Ashley was making the right decision. She quickly walked to the door, saying hello to Tammy who was waiting at the door to greet her.
"Hi Ashley, Maria has been looking for you since I told her you were coming to pick her up."
"Hello, Sorry about all the confusion."
"Oh no worries, she is a really sweet little girl, I just want the best for her."
"Thank you." Ashley looked passed Tammy and saw the little girl looking at Ashley with excitement as well as reservations. Ashley kneeled down on one knee and Maria ran over as fast as her wobbly little legs would allow, wrapping her tiny arms around Ashley's neck and burying her face into her shoulder. "Hi Maria, do you want to come live with me forever?" Ashley asked. Maria didn't answer but Ashley felt her little arms tighten around her neck. She picked up the little girl in one arm, shouldering her bag of clothes in the other. After saying good bye to Tammy she walked the little girl, her daughter out to the car. After strapping her into the car seat she got into the driver seat looking at the girl in the mirror she said "Let's go home."