CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Spencer was on her Way back to the office from an unannounced home visit. The young mother was doing really well as Spencer had suspected she would do. She became involved when the police were called to the home due to a noise violation. When they arrived they found a party involving drugs and alcohol. The child was asleep in the bedroom unharmed, the mother was at work and unaware that her boyfriend was throwing the party. The boyfriend became physical with the police and was arrested. The child was placed in foster care, the mother was given parenting classes, assistance with safe daycare, and the stipulation that until the boyfriend completes the required drug and parenting classes he was not to be near the child. The mother had completed all her required classes and kicked the boyfriend out of the home. During the visit today Spencer saw no evidence that the boyfriend had returned. Spencer would request that the child be reunified with the mother but continue to be monitored. Spencer would continue to do visit's and check in on the phone often, more to be a support system for the mother than because she felt that the child was in harm. Cases like this gave her hope, hope that parents could change, hope that they would put their children first. Something that her own mother never did, the drugs, alcohol, and other men alWays came before Spencer. A lesson that Spencer learned at a very young age.

Age 4

"Glenn where is mommy, I'm hungry." Spencer asked as her and Glenn sat in the living room. Mother had left earlier that day saying she was running to the store and would be right back. That was hours ago as now it was dark outside and Mother still hadn't returned.

"I don't know." Glenn replied, trying to hide the fear in his voice. He didn't want to let Spencer know how scared he was. Mother had never left them alone for this long before.

"Where did she go?" Spencer asked again as the tears started filling her eyes.

"I don't know." He repeated but that was a lie, he knew where she was. He may not know exactly but he knew what she was doing. The only thing mother loved she was drinking somewhere and forgot all about them.

"Why did she leave us?" Spencer whispered as the tears fell.

Glenn who was angry at mother but couldn't take it out on her so he took it out on Spencer "I said I don't know, stop asking me so many questions." He yelled.

Spencer buried her face in her hands her little body shaking as the sobs overtook her. She tried her best to not make a sound, something they both learn quickly, if mother heard you crying then the punishment would be longer. Glenn felt guilty for yelling at Spencer, it wasn't her fault. He wrapped his arm around her little body "Spencer I'm sorry, come on I'll see if I can find something for us to eat."

Just as they were getting ready to walk into the kitchen the front door open, both froze, Spencer hiding her tear streaked face in fear that mother would see. Instead it was their dad that walked in Spencer and Glenn both ran to him "Dad" they called in unison. Steve noticed the tears on Spencer's face and the look of fear in both children "Where is your Mother?" They both looked down at their feet afraid to answer "It's okay, tell me where she is." He said softer, his heart breaking at the reaction of his children. Glenn finally spoke "We don't know, she left a long time ago and hasn't been back."

Their father look shocked "You've been home alone?" Both children just nodded. Their father loaded them into the car and headed towards Mother's favorite bar. He told the children to wait in the car as he went in to look for her. Spencer was watching out the window when they came out of the bar, Mother furious was yelling at her dad. Her father was trying to get her Mother who was drunk to the car without causing a big scene. During the drive back to the house Mother and Father were arguing Spencer did what she alWays did when her parents fought she tuned them out pretending to be in a different world belonging to a different family. She turned her focus back to her parents when she heard her father ask "What is more important me and the kids or the alcohol?" Mother just laughed and answered "My alcohol."

That day Spencer learned a lesson she would never forget she wasn't important, her mother didn't love her and if she wasn't important enough for her mother to love then how could anyone else love her. She shook her head bringing herself out of the thoughts of her past. She no longer believed she wasn't worthy of love but sometimes it was hard to fight the thoughts that were imprinted onto her by the one person who was supposed to love her and protect her no matter what. She pulled into the parking lot at work having no trouble finding a parking space. It was the day before Thanksgiving and most people took the day off or left early. Spencer didn't have a reason to do either so here she was figuring she would get caught up on her reports while the office was empty. Walking in she was surprised to see Ashley's car in the parking lot, she figured that Ashley would be at her parents helping getting dinner ready. She remember the invitation to join the Davis's for Thanksgiving dinner but seeing how Ashley wanted nothing to do with her outside of work she didn't think the invitation still stood. She went straight to her cubicle fighting the urge to see Ashley not having a work related excuse to speak to her. She was busy typing the motion for court on the home visit when she heard Ashley gathering her things to leave, they were the only two in the office everyone else having already left for the holiday weekend. Not expecting Ashley to stop by and talk to her she missed the question "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"You know something don't change, you use to get so lost in your own head that I would have a full conversation with you before you realized I was even speaking." She smiled to take the sting out of her words not wanting Spencer to interrupt them wrong.

"I'm sorry, I was…um I was thinking about the home visit I just completed." She lied not wanting Ashley to know that she was thinking about how everyone was leaving to go spend the holidays with people they loved and she would be spending another holiday alone. Ashley studied her for a moment and Spencer wondered if she knew she was lying. Ashley always could tell when Spencer was trying to hide something but instead of calling her on it she said instead "I had said Mom wants to know if you will be able to make it tomorrow for Thanksgiving dinner?" That was partly true Christine had called Ashley the day before about Spencer invite to Thanksgiving dinner but had left it up to Ashley on whether or not she extended the invite again. Ashley had thought about it all night, she went back and forth, not knowing what spending a family holiday with Spencer would be like. In the end she had decided that she would extend the invite for her mom, her mother had loved Spencer like a daughter and Ashley now knowing the guilt her mother felt in not stepping in for Spencer motivated her to remind her of the invite.

Spencer not expecting the invite was caught off guard "Oh um" Ashley mistaking her hesitation quickly said "if you have plans already it's okay, mom just wanted me to remind you" she started to turn to leave when Spencer finally found her voice "No wait! I just wasn't expecting the invite to still stand. I don't have plans but I don't want to intrude. I know you're angry with me and I don't want to ruin your thanksgiving by being there." Ashley's expression soften "Your right I am still angry with you, but I will not let my anger run my life. My mom loves you and has missed and worried about you for so many years it would be unfair of me to deny her the chance to see you and spend time with you because of my feelings. She left the choice to me and I'm inviting you. Would you please come for Thanksgiving dinner?"

Spencer could see that Ashley was telling the truth and she did not want to spend another holiday alone "What time should I be there?"

"We usually eat around two but you are welcome to come over anytime"

"Okay, see you tomorrow."

Ashley gave a little wave and turn to leave.

Thanksgiving Day found Spencer standing outside Ashley's parents' home. She could hear the laughter, music, and what sounded like a child running by the door. She wondered who would be there that would have a child. She was nervous, not ever having a family Thanksgiving, not knowing how Ashley were respond to her being there. Ashley had told her that she wanted to invite her but Spencer wasn't sure she was doing it because she wanted to or because she wanted to make her mom happy. She hesitated before finally knocking; when the door opened Spencer was surprised to see Maria in Christine's arms.

"Hello Spencer, I'm so happy you could make it." Christine said with a smile adjusting the little girl to one side so she could give Spencer a hug. "Hello, Mrs. Davis thank you for inviting me."

"You know better than that Mrs. Davis stuff, it's Christine. You know Maria, correct?" Christine pulled Spencer into the house giving Maria a quick kiss on the head. Spencer could see the adoration and love in Christine's eyes when she looked at the girl. "Yes I do, did her permanent foster home not work out or is she just here for the holidays?" Spencer gave the little girl a tiny wave and a small smile not sure if Maria remembered her and not wanting to make her uncomfortable. Maria laid her head on Christine's shoulder never taking her eyes from Spencer. Spencer glanced at Christine when she said "That is Ashley's story to tell you." Spencer confused by the meaning looked back at the tiny girl just as she finally waved back and Spencer heard the tiny voice say "Beaw." Christine looked at Spencer laughing "She has trouble with her R's." Spencer nodded continue to look at the little girl remembering the stuffed bear that she gave Maria the day they removed her from her home. Ashley walked in "She still sleeps with the bear you gave her. That is a wonderful thing you do and I'm not ashamed to admit that I stole your idea and now have a trunk full of stuffed animals."

"Hello Ashley, do not be ashamed, I think it's more like sharing my idea. The important part is making the children as comfortable as possible." Spencer realized that her voice had taken on the business closed off to emotion tone. She knew it was because of nerves but was afraid that Ashley would interrupt it as anger so to soften the tone she added with a laugh "besides I shared it from another case worker that I shadowed when I first started." Ashley laughed and said "Sharing. I like that. Happy Thanksgiving Spencer."

"Happy Thanksgiving Ashley."

"Ahway" Maria called happily reaching out for Ashley. Spencer laughed again "Ahway?" Ashley blushed "It's her way of saying Ashley, we are still working on it." Spencer again wondered what the situation was with Maria when she saw Ashley take the girl and wrap her in a hug. The girl laying her head on Ashley's shoulder and Ashley gently patting her back. "It's about her nap time, I'm going to take her upstairs and lay her down I'll be right back." Spencer watch her walk up the stairs then followed Christine into the kitchen "is there anything I can help you with?"

"No thank you, everything is about done. Help yourself to something to drink and Spencer please make yourself at home here."

"Thank you." Was all Spencer could say afraid that all the emotions that she was feeling would overwhelm her.

Spencer sat quietly at the table enjoying the banter between Ashley and her parents. Enjoying the laughter and smiles, watching as Christine doted on Maria just like a grandmother would. She reminded herself to ask Ashley about Maria if they had a moment alone. After the meal Spencer slid out back on the patio needing a moment to get her emotions in check, she was feeling overwhelmed never having a normal family holiday meal. When she heard the back door quietly open she discreetly wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Spencer are you out here" Ashley called from the door Way, Spencer was standing in a dark corner.

"Yes" She said as she stepped into the light from the door way.

Ashley took a moment to observe Spencer noting the tear streaks on her cheeks, she stepped out and closed the door "Why are you hiding in the dark, crying?" Knowing that the only way to get Spencer to talk was to be direct.

Spencer went back to leaning on the railing, "Do you know this is my first Thanksgiving Dinner that didn't involve fighting or beatings? So I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself that's all as well as extremely blessed to be here. Thank you for inviting me."

Ashley stood next to Spencer "I wasn't going to invite you, I've been so angry at you since finding out why you left. I am glad I did and that you came. I would like to move on from this, maybe try being friends again?"

Spencer turned to look at Ashley the tears filling her eyes again, "I would really like that, I am really sorry that I didn't come talk to you all those years ago. I was confused and scared but that's…"

"No more apologizing, we both made mistakes, we were young living with hard choices." She stuck out her hand for Spencer to shake "Friends?"

Spencer laugh taking Ashley's hand "Friends"

"Girls I'm getting ready to serve desert so if you want some I advise you get here pronto."

Ashley reached out her hand taking Spencer's as they both walked in the house smiling.