How Long Will I Love You?

Name of the chapter is after the song of the same name originally by Waterboys but listen to the Ellie Goulding version as that was the version that inspired this chapter.

The werewolf was killed and the day was done. They were too far away from the main road to go back into town before sun up and they were all beat. So, Dean had the wild idea to camp there on the beach of a lake. They were in upstate Michigan.

All the excitement of the last few hours had changed Jack's mood from enraptured giddiness to curious sadness. Dean was building a fire out of driftwood. Cas had set up a tent and laid out some sleeping bags. Sam was setting out some gear to clean in lake water as well as a few tins of canned meat so they could cook a late night supper.

Jack was idle, sitting on a log seat, staring up into the oblivion of the stars. Suddenly, his sadness overtook him. Sam looked up, startled when Jack burst into tears.

"You okay, buddy?" Sam sat down next to Jack and put an arm around him. Dean looked up at Cas. Cas sucked his teeth, watching Dean's fretful eyes. Here his whole family was, fearful and fragile. How could he help them?

"It's just...I'm sorry, but...You were talking about your Dad and memories of when you were kids and then...I thought about my grandparents and my mother and I-I want my mother back. The memories we didn't get to have!" Jack bowed his head. Sam looked like he'd been stabbed. And then, he pulled Jack to his chest.

"You know somethin'? I lost someone I should have had a future with once too…."Sam held his breath.

"You mean Mary? But you got to meet her after a while." Jack scrubbed at his tears. Dean looked up from what he was doing. Cas tilted his head in curiosity wondering who Sam was about to mention. Dean held his breath. He already knew.

"No...No, when I was young, I went to a college. Standford...The one in California? And I met this girl...This...beautiful girl. Her name was Jessica." Sam smiled. Jack looked up in wonder. Cas gathered closer.

"You've never mentioned her before?" Cas sat down on the log, watching Sam in wonder. Dean dropped a heavy pile of wood next to the fire.

"That goes to show how beautiful she was and how much it hurt when she died." Dean hadn't known her either, but he could say that with confidence. He'd laid eyes on her once. That was enough to love her.

Sam looked up at his brother, near to tears now. Jack watched him in wonder. Then, he looked back at Jack.

"You have to understand, Jack...Jess was more than just a girl I met...She was the most special, most beautiful girl that I have ever known." Sam held his breath. Jack's tears were coming in heavier now, noticing the look of indescribable pain in his adopted father's eyes.

"You loved her?" Jack held his breath.

"Oh, yes. Very much. In fact, I still do. I would have married her, you know. We would have had a family. I even shopped for rings…"Sam smiled, biting his lip. He took Jack's shoulders. Dean sat down next to Cas. Cas spluttered mouthing the name "Jessica" silently wondering why on earth Sam had never talked about her. For a moment, Cas felt like he really didn't know his friends all that well.

"You know, Jessica...She was a lot like you. She was very curious and smart and wanted to help anyone she could-"Sam's voice cracked and he let his hand go up to Jack's face.

"She told me once that she wanted to have kids someday. She asked me, 'what if we got married? What if we had kids, like forever from now?'..."Sam bit his lip and closed his eyes as his other hand came up to Jack's opposite cheek and thumbed away a tear.

"She said,'Sam if I ever had a son, you know what I'd name him? After my grandpa. Jack.'." Sam opened his eyes and the pain smoldered there, searing like the Hellfire he'd stepped out of. Jack's jaw dropped.

"When you were born, I remembered...I remembered and I thought to myself. 'Well, Sam here's a second chance.'. You never had a Mom and I...I never became the father of Jessica's son.' Sam swallowed and smiled. Jack nodded, understanding. And Sam pushed Jack to his chest. He put his hand in his hair. He was avoiding Dean's face because his jaw had dropped understanding the bond Sam had made with Jack better now.

"She used to ask me, "guess? How long am I gonna love you?'" Sam laughed. Jack swallowed and closed his eyes.

"And what was the answer?"

"As long as there are stars above you…" Sam looked up at the stars and laughed. Jack followed his gaze.

"See, Jack...It's like I told you once. You have to have hope that there's somewhere better for us when we leave this world. Somewhere without sadness...pain. You have to hope that it's true. Your Mom and my Jess...Somewhere past all this the ones who slip away can still hold on forever. Sometimes their wishes, their prayers...Their love. Sometimes it gives you a second chance. My Jess wanted a son...And one day, forever from then, you were born. And you maybe weren't her son, but you are mine. And she was mine. So in a way, her dream came true…" Sam lifted Jack's face and wiped the tears from his eyes with the sleeve cuffs.

"They go on loving, they live through us. Make those memories that you lost through your new family...Do it for your Mom if you can't do it with her. And I promise, as long as there are stars above you...she'll see...and she'll be proud, Jack. She'll be proud.' Sam stood up. He crept in the center of the circle. Dean shook his head, horrified that Sam had never told him this before when they fought over him.

"Be careful, too. There was something else Jess used to say to me. When I asked her what I'd do without her? She said 'you'll crash and burn'. And one day...one day when I forgot about the people who loved me and the lesson she gave me….That's exactly what I did." Sam held his breath. And then, he bowed his head and walked away, down the shore, away far out of their sight down the shoreline of the lake. The silver moon stood out behind him, a lamp to guide his path until he was clean gone from their sight.

The others sat in silence contemplating what he'd said.

Jack gasped.

"What...What does that mean?" Jack bit his fingernails. And then, Dean felt his heart sink. They never had told Jack what Lucifer had really done to Sam. Dean looked at Cas who was holding his breath. Cas nodded to Dean to go after Sam.

"I...I'm gonna go find Sammy….You and Cas should probably talk about it."Dean stood up slowly, legs suddenly weak.

Sam...Oh, why hadn't he opened up before? So much pain that could have been spared.