The Last Day on Earth:

The name of this chapter was named after the song of the same name by Kate Miller-Heidke that inspired it. Some of the text in this chapter reflects this song. Look up the song to better understand.

Dean followed a ribbon of moonlight. This light was a blade turning in his belly piercing his feet with every step he took.

Sam stood on a stone, looking out over the night and the lake. The solitude swallowed him. Replaying every conversation and every hallucination that had ever happened since the day that Jessica had died and sent his life straight to Hell.

And Dean ached and ached inside. Because he understood what it was to lose the love of one's life. He had just watched it happened not more than a few weeks ago. A love of a different kind that had broken him so many different ways.

Dean came and stood beside Sam on the stone. They stared at the moon in silence for a long time. And then Sam drew a deep breath.

"Do you know what it feels like? To remember someone like that...And every hour that you wasted in denial that you still miss them. That every time their name is spoken you die a little bit again." Sam swallowed. Dean let out a shudder. Sammy's words took the thoughts straight out of Dean's head and blew them like sparks over the water.

"I only ever loved one person like that. It was different for me than it was with you. If it was the same for me, it would have been weird." Dean shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Who was it?" Sam licked his lips, head tilting a bit to the side. Dean felt a sudden stab of wonder. With that lead, really? How did he still not know?

"You."

There was sudden echoing silence. Dean swallowed. Oh, how he ached and ached and ached inside. That Sam could still not know how many times he'd grieved for him over the years. That some of the wrong done between them was because of that unresolved grief.

Sam suddenly turned to his brother, lips rounded in an expression of absolute shock.

"I remember it was the last day on earth….It was the end of the world. The ground below us crumbling and collapsing. You fell like a stone, right out of my world. And I remember another time when the world was ending again and the stars or angels fell straight out of the sky. Over and over again, something happened that brought the planet to its knees, and you were always somehow at the center of it. You were always the scapegoat walking off that cliff, paying for it-I don't know why!

I remember sleepwalking and dreaming that you would come back to me when the dust had settled when the smoke had cleared…" Dean swallowed. Sam's lips trembled. Dean nodded slowly.

"You know, the first time I lost you...It maybe took a year, but...It killed me in the end. That's what I did without you...I crashed and I burned too. Losing you sent me straight to Hell." Dean swallowed. Because now that the words were coming out, he wanted to keep them in. They were scary and they hurt.

"And the second time I lost you, I spent a year...Living some lie. Some pretend apple pie life that you made me do...And I did it for you because I promised. And I was too proud to say that it was a fake perfect ending because it felt too weird to call it what it was. That I had lost the love of my life ...But to be fair, calling it that would have been next to impossible because of how creepy that it probably sounds. But that's what I did. I put all those dreams in a box with the Devil forever...That I'd be dying alone...I couldn't deal with the thought and I still can't." Dean sucked his teeth. He closed his eyes. The light of the moon engulfed them, all white, all holy fire. Sam let a shuddering breath, unnerved to his core. Dean couldn't bring himself to look at him, but the words were coming out now after all these years, and he couldn't stop them.

"It hurt, every time you came back to me. It hurt like dying because I knew that I'd be digging a grave again. And next time would hurt worse than the time before. Hope getting twisted up in the trick that was our jacked up life. It hurt like the next time you decided to freaking die for me, and I watched your insides bleed right out of your mouth with every trial you up and decided to carry on your own. I would do some pretty stupid things, some hurtful things to buy more chances. Anything to keep from going through that again. And I loved to lose my mind because it was easier than that…" Dean bit his lip.

"Every second chance…It hurt like dying because it was so much wild freaking happiness on top of the fresh dirt of the grave I'd just dropped my guts in-again." Dean shook his head. Sam was struggling to breathe, eyes half closed. Dean nodded and took him by the collar, making him look into his eyes.

"I'll be damned if, after all you've said, I didn't dig that grave up again recently. I-I you were gone again. The world ended all over again. So, hell yeah, I know what it feels like. I am a friggin' expert on what that feels like. So much so that I said yes to a freaking nut job angel to keep it from happening again…So much so that I would rather cut my insides out and fry them for breakfast than ever have to do that ever again." Dean had surprised himself. He bit down on his lip. It would probably be bruised tomorrow.

Sam's eyes fluttered and he shook his head. He looked up at the moon, then he looked back at Dean. He let a deep breath and he shook his head.

"I-I uh… I don't know how to respond to that. I mean, you've never opened up to me-not like that... before." Sam shook his head again, looking at his feet, blinking. Dean swallowed and nodded.

"Just say you'll look out for yourself." Dean sucked his teeth, waiting for Sam to say something. He was struggling with himself. Dean could see that.

"But I can't just say that because...Because see that's how I survived losing her. I loved her-God, I love her. And I will never "not" love her. It's why even if I wanted to, I won't be settling down. That spot was hers but even she...She wasn't the love of my life. And that...That felt like weird to say because well...The way that sounds it would be very hard for someone to understand because it doesn't mean what it sounds like. And by the time I was ready to tell you that you… Well, you know...It's just...it wasn't right to try to open up to you because of all the crap I'd pulled and-"Sam shook his head, face wrinkled with pain now…

"I mean, I never realized that you...After I fell-"

"You've got to freaking be kidding me. If you say that you didn't realize I would what-! Grieve for you?! I just might throw your ass in the freaking lake. Hell yeah, I grieved for you! You took a freaking swan dive into Hell-and at the time I thought it was forever and-Look at me." Dean took Sam's shirt again. Sam was blinking, eyes so dull from the sudden stroke of grief that they looked like fish eyes.

"But...When I died...We weren't brothers anymore. Not at the time." Sam shook his head. Dean grappled his shoulder so hard Sam let out a soft cry of pain. Dean made him look at him, startled though he was by the dead look in Sam's eyes.

"We may have had words and issues back then, and a few times since. But if you ever say that again, I will kick your ass from here to the dark side of the moon and back. Capisce?

Now you look at me and understand something. I don't do this opening up stuff because when the words are on my lips its like chugging battery acid. Get it? It freaking hurts to talk about what you mean to me because you mean that much. I grieved for you, Sam. I went nuts grieving for you. And I have chest pain to this day sometimes. I lie awake at night grieving for you and you're alive at the moment. I hurt for you because you've gone through all this crap and you thought..." Dean bowed his head, lips twisting in a grimace. Unbelievable.

"What...What do you mean that you have chest pain?" Sam's face had blanched. Dean smiled, feeling a more gentle emotion overtake him now. This would be okay. He could open up to him if it made him feel better.

"I mean that I had a heart condition after you fell. I was grieving for you so hard that I had to go on some kind of medicine to keep me from having a heart attack. Which I abused by mixing enough alcohol to knock out a Golem with it. Lisa put me in the hospital for some kind of organ failure like 3 times before you came back." Dean bit his lip at the look of shock that thrilled over Sam's horrified face.

"And sometimes when I get to thinking about stuff between you and me...My whole body hurts, Sam. You've got to understand. If something happens to you again, it will literally kill me in every sense of the term. It always does. So promise that we will actually die together next time." Dean swallowed.

Sam's bottom lip trembled and he shook his head.

"You-You were so bad off that you…" Sam bowed his head, blinking in horror.

"I didn't tell you that so you'd feel bad. But look here, kiddo, I literally pulled you out of a fire at the beginning of your life. And that's what set the tone…"Dean frowned. Sam was pale and looked like he'd be sick.

"You good? Wanna go back now?" Dean rubbed Sam's shoulder. Sam looked up at Dean, eyes shooting sparks now with life.

Sam smiled at Dean. He drew a shaky breath and then he laughed softly, amazed by what he'd been told. Dean nodded and smiled. Sam grabbed Dean's coat and held onto it for a moment.

"Mm….Yeah, okay, yeah...I think...I'm tired. I...Damn! Let's go back."

"Yes, let's." Dean wrapped his arm around Sam's shoulders and they plodded back in the direction of the fire.

Cas and Jack sat near the fire in horrified silence. Cas had told Jack the truth. Judging by how green around the mouth the boy was, he was still processing it.

Everyone smiled awkwardly at Sam. Sam went to his sleeping bag and collapsed in it. He didn't move a muscle again until the morning light washed over his face.