Breathe No More:

AU_Spoilers for early S14:

Chapter inspired by Breathe No More by Evanescence

Sam hadn't known that Jack was sick until his sickness was a nightmare thing. And by that time, Sam realized that he also was sick. That he was sick on the inside. No one and nothing could reach him, because this was his second chance and he was losing it. He was losing him, so it looked.

He cared for him. But didn't he care for him? He stood in the bathroom mirror crying his eyes out as he washed the blood from his hands. He'd just fed him. Or he'd tried. The drink, the water, the stubborn child had barely taken a sip off of it.

Sam was crying and he'd bit his lip. Blood was streaming from his mouth. No, he'd punched the mirror. And for a second, there in the blood, there with his own mocking eyes looking back, he was standing in a thousand mirrors of the past.

We break his mind. Lady Beville's voice came back like the ghost of every demon he'd ever cast out. Of course, that was the point, wasn't it? That was always the prize wasn't it?

Lucifer's real face was smiling back at him in the glass. Like he'd done all those years ago when he'd tried to drive him into battle.

"Hey, kid. Remember we got work to do…"Lucifer winked.

"You're dead…"Sam shook his head.

"So are you, champ…"Lucifer's eyes started crying blood. No, not Lucifer. Bloody Mary.

"No...We killed you too…"Sam was shaking. Was that her tears or his glass?

"You killed them...Everyone you ever loved…"Sam saw Jessica's face burning in the glass along with him-courtesy of Lady Beville's hallucinations that had continued after her torture stopped. He tried to touch his Jessica and it cut him, it bit up into his fingers and his wrist. He croaked as blood from his wrist drained into the sink. He was crying now.

"Why won't you die?" Dean's voice from the hallucination.

"Because you deserve to…"Lucifer.

"You're dead."

"So are you. And then you'll be with me. And then-what I'm gonna do to you...For what you did to our son?"

"Our son?" Sam choked on the thought of the implication. Lucifer laid his head back laughing, laughing and his laughter was all around him.

"Can't be ours because we never...You lost your virginity to Kelly Kline so we never…"Sam blinked, frightened by the idea.

"Mm, maybe...But your body and your soul and everything else belongs to me now...Your souls over here on the other side with me now...So I own you...And sooner than later you'll be with me in Hell-again. Round and round...And I'll torture you like you can't even conceive for letting our son go like this…"Lucifer clicked his teeth.

"Shut up!" Sam punched the glass again. Pieces of mirror stabbed into his neck now. He hissed. Blood was welling up from him in all places.

He'd broken the sink. The water shot up from it soaking him wet and cold. He was in that shower again, in Lady Beville's dungeon.

No one can take that much pain and not break. No one…

"GAH!" Sam screamed. And they were right. They were all so right.

He was breaking now. Breaking now like the porcelain sink he'd torn out of the wall, stabbing into his kneecaps. He slipped in the mess of himself, and cut into his legs. He sobbed as blood rolled down him, soaking him along with the water and the burning sensation of a wall that had crumbled into tiny pieces long ago but was cutting him wide open with the razor snowflakes.

Lacerations made him slip as he tried to flop like a fish on the sand out of the bathroom. He heard Jack calling his name. Jack needed him, but he couldn't get to him.

Sam wasn't sure how much longer he could do this. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe, and soon he'd slip back into the devil's grasp again. He'd never escape him no matter what. And now...now he had failed everyone he'd ever loved because he was that broken…

"Wait, hold on, bud. We're coming." Dean ran into the room across from this bathroom. Jack was there, coughing, exasperated.

"What is it, Jack? What do you need? Anything at all…"Cas' summer rain voice. Cooling the moment.

Jack's wailing coughs. Sam groaned…

JACK! NO, JACK! God, please!

This was the one loss Sam Winchester the Tormented would not survive. Lucifer may have been his constant tormentor, but Jack had siphoned all the light and good that his father ever was before he fell. He was the morning star.

"It's Sam!" Sick as he was, Jack had one thought. The first person he'd ever so openly and honestly admitted love to, of course. Yes, Cas and Dean were both his Dads as well, but Sam had been "father" from first sight.

"What about Sam?" Dean's voice raised in terror. Jack tried to get up and get to the bathroom.

"He's in there...The bathroom across from my room. He locked himself in there...He...I coughed on him. My blood…He...Is he okay? I think I upset him maybe…"Jack coughed.

Dean came to the bathroom door.

"Sammy! Open the door, man. Are you okay?" Dean leaned against the door.

Dean, help me...I can't,...I can't….

Sam laid down, face down in the broken porcelain.

"Cas, I hear running water...Your gonna have to break in."

The door was ripped away from its hinge after a moment. Dean was on his knees next to Sam before Sam realized that real-time had passed.

"What the Hell?! Sammy…." Dean hissed through chattering teeth. Sam felt himself being lifted up in slippery hands, hands tar sticky with his own blood…

"Is he? Cas, please tell me he's not-"Dean let in a shuddering resigned breath and choked, gulping back at horror as he laid his face in Sam's blood-soaked hair. The next thing Sam felt was Cas' gentle hands on his chest, healing him. His eyes fluttered open.

"Sam? What on earth?" Cas plucked several shards of glass and porcelain free from Sam's skin as he lay there shivering in Dean's arms.

"I-I didn't mean to hurt myself. I'm sorry, it's just….He's just...I lost my cool I...I can't...I can't take it...Anymore…."Sam's teeth chattered. Cas' eyes crinkled with concern. Dean was the color of a newspaper.

"I-I just...I don't know...What you want from me…."

"We don't want anything from you but for you to be okay?" Cas tilted his head. Dean let out a gasp.

"He doesn't mean us…"Dean was shaking now. And suddenly, suddenly Cas understood. And he burst into tears.

"Oh, no. No, I'm not him, Sam! No, he's dead now, Sam. You're safe from him now…."Cas ran his hands through Sam's hair. Sam reached up and took Dean's shirt in his hands. He would barely look at Cas mistaking him for the unholy angel who only ever caused him hurt.

"So much blood...I never meant...Why don't you just let me die, already? I never meant...So much blood…"Sam was gnashing his teeth.

"Go help Jack. I've got him…"Dean gripped Cas' arm. Cas nodded. Then, Dean turned his full attention to Sam.

"Sam? Hey, buddy….Look up here at me...It's Dean. It's your Dean. Not 9 years ago...Not in Hell…It's just Dean..."Dean lifted Sam to where he was looking at him square in the face.

"But how do I know? It would be just like him to create a life like this and take it...To make a child like that and kill him...And I...I can't...Dean, I can't…"Sam shook his head.

"No, but I can...It's okay. My turn, Sammy. My turn. Let me carry you." Dean pulled Sam into his arms.

"Where's Sam? I wanna see Sam. Is he okay? I thought I heard something break." Jack sounded distressed. Cas could be heard in the other room.

"He's...He sometimes...After what we told you...Sometimes Sam gets sick too...In his mind...Sometimes he sees things that aren't real and it confuses and upsets him. Give him a minute. He'll come to you. I promise." Cas was so reassuring Sam even from the dazed place he was in he almost believed him.

Dean took Sam's face. Sam thought that he should breathe no more. There was no way he could make his lungs work. Cas may have stopped the bleeding and saved his life, but he was still drowning on dry land. He and his brother knelt in the shattered porcelain of their broken lives. Of all the times both hopes and dreams were dashed like this in the broken bones of their beloved dead people….

"Dean, if he...I can't…"Sam was shivering. Dean nodded.

"We'll figure it out….Listen here...You can't go on without him? He won't survive this without you. And me and Cas would rather assume eat angel killing bullets than for something like this ridiculous crap to happen to you again. Little brother...I'm here. Cas is here. Jack's still here...You're really here with us. We'll make it work, buddy…"Dean kissed Sam's head firmly on his scalp, shuddering when he got a mouthful of blood. Sam groaned.

"I'm sorry...Did I upset him? When can I see him?" Jack's voice.

"Oh God! Help me get up…"Sam scrambled. Dean lifted him. Sam sputtered, trying to find an explanation for his appearance.

"He needs you now. You're just gonna have to do the best you can. But I'm right here." Dean took Sam's hand holding him up. Sam nodded. Dean helped him climb out of the demolished sink bits. He tripped in the blood and practically ran back to Jack.

"Hey, buddy. I'm sorry...I...um...I accidentally broke the sink. Are you okay?" Sam reached his arms out. Jack covered his mouth.

"You're REALLY bloody! Are you hurt?!" Jack tried to get up.

"Nu-uh! Nonononono, son, you need to lay back down." Sam stumbled to Jack and hugged him to his stomach, hand in his hair as he eased him back into the bed. He was dripping blood on him.

"Sam?... Are you okay?" Jack was crying now.

Cas and Dean stood back in horror watching Sam who had just completely fallen apart for all the things done to him over the years trying to be strong for Jack. Dean's knees were giving out and Cas caught him by his wrist and tucked his hand in his. Dean was shaking and thought about letting go, but Cas clamped down on the hand and gave him a look that said Let me hold you up. It's my turn.

"Shh...I'm sorry I scared you, buddy...I'm okay. Cas fixed me. I just...I accidentally broke the sink." Sam smiled apologetically and smoothed back Jack's hair.

"Sam? But they told me that you sometimes...That after what my Dad did to you…"Jack was biting his lip.

Sam sputtered and swallowed.

"Oh, no, no I'm okay...I'm gonna be okay. And so are you, bud. And so are you...It's okay. You rest now, alright? Do you need me to get you anything?" Sam was chewing his lip scrambling for anything that could make the boy feel better. He'd not thought of the simplest thing. Jack reached and put his arms around Sam, pushing his face to his neck.

"Please, Sam. Please be okay. I don't think I could...I don't think I could take that…"Jack wouldn't even say it. Sam nodded.

"Go to sleep. It's gonna be fine when you wake up. It was an accident. I'm okay now...I am. I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do it, but I'll be okay and so will you. S'alright…."Sam held Jack until his sickness made him fall asleep.

He pulled away from him, looking sheepishly at his feet.

"I'm sorry...I honestly didn't mean to do all that… I saw...him in the mirror and it scared the crap out me…"Sam was biting his lip.

Cas coughed. He looked at Dean to ask if he was okay to stand on his own now. As if on cue, Dean let go of Cas' hand and smiled. Then Cas turned to Sam and he reached out with shaking arms and hugged him close.

Dean discreetly took Sam and Cas at the same time under an arm in a sort of side hug. He gently prodded them out of Jack's room. Then, he pushed the door mostly closed to let the kid sleep.

"Okay, guys, we need to talk about what just happened. Kitchen. Now." Dean tugged at the hem of Cas' trench coat and the angel stood up, cringing at all the blood Sam had splashed on him. Sam frowned.

"But I'm…"Sam indicated his state.

"If anybody asks us, our cover story is that you were cleaning my weapons. They'll believe you. But no, we need to talk about this exactly like it is so we're leaving you just like you are for a minute until I get my head around it." Dean pulled both his brother and his best friend by their wrists into the kitchen then without another word.