*Gasp*… Is that two chapter updates this weekend? Well, it's technically Monday, but whatever. Yes, I got two chapters out. I'm rather proud of that actually. Take it as a gift because I missed last week. And the week before was a one shot. But yeah, all credit for the Percy Jackson series and characters goes to the amazing Mr. Riordan.
Broken
Chapter 5: Shot Through the Heart
Nico
Well, I'd like to say that my appointment was uneventful. I'd like to say that I kept my cool, and Percy didn't even come up. After all, that's what had been happening for about a week. That's what convinced them to let me go in the first place. But no, right as I was finally getting to leave, Percy visited. I managed to keep my cool for about five minutes. I mean, my psychologist saw something was wrong, and questioned it. And so, of course, I broke down. I told him about Percy's visit. I told him how I saw that all too familiar emptiness in his eyes. I told him how I needed to help him. I cried.
He listened. And listened. And watched. And observed. And wrote. I had no idea what he wrote. It could have been good. Or it could have been something like "patient has regressed back to the state in which we started." When I stopped rambling, he stopped writing. Then he asked me something. "Are you still in love with him?"
I was stunned. I had told him about Percy at the beginning of the sessions. As time went on, I talked about him less and less. The last time we talked about Percy, I had told him that I no longer loved him. And yet, here I was. I knew what I should say. But was that a lie? How did I feel about Percy? Was I still in love with him? Or was it purely platonic. I thought back to our meeting. "Yes."
The single, muttered word rang out like a gunshot, lingering in the air. I could almost smell it. He wrote. He wrote so much, I worried about the condition of the paper. As he wrote, I spoke up again. "It's not like it was. I mean, he's with Annabeth now. I know that. I respect that. I'm not going to impulsively kiss him again. Or at least, I hope I don't. That wouldn't be good. Anyway, yeah, I still love him. And I know that I'll never be with him. And I'm trying my hardest to get over it, but I guess I'll have to just deal with it, you know? I think I'll always be in love with him. And I'll always be the one he won't love back. That doesn't really matter though. You know, he has done some stuff that should make me hate him. When he pushed me away that day, a small part of me wanted so bad to hate him. The way he acted to Luke, even if he kind of deserved it, would've been a closing deal for me. If that wasn't Percy, if it was just some guy who wanted to date Annabeth, and there were many, I would have hated him." I paused for a second to see if that would invoke a response. But aside from the scratching of his pencil, all was quiet.
I continued. "But there's just something about Percy. I don't even know what it is. But when I look into those green ocean eyes, when I hear his voice, I feel like everything that was important, all my insecurities, they're all gone. All that's left is a feeling like- I don't know. Like I'm home, if that makes any sense. Like I finally belong somewhere, and that somewhere is his arms. I know, it's stupid. He doesn't want me like that. If he ever holds me, it'll only be in a 'younger-brother' sort of way. And while I accept that, I can't help but to feel a little angry, you know. It's nothing against Annabeth. She's amazing. She's the sister I miss so much." He knew about Bianca too. "And I'm not mad at Percy either. He doesn't like me. That's not his fault. But there's still anger. And I have no idea who it's directed to. It makes no sense." More scratching. More silence.
After a minute of silence, he looked up at me. "You don't know who you're angry at." He said. "I'm not sure that's true." I studied his expression from across the table. "Nico," he said, "you're close to an answer. I can't give you that for you, though I wish that I could. Think about it. You're angry. You're not angry at Annabeth, who would be the obvious target of aggression. No, you don't hate her. Nor do you hate Percy. You even said that you could never be angry with him. Who's left? Who are you angry with? Who do you blame?"
I sat there for a second. Not because I didn't know. His speech had made it pretty clear to me. And not because he was wrong. He was right. But I didn't want to admit it. "I'm angry with myself." I said slowly, as if any syllable could end me. "I blame myself. I should be so much more. Maybe if I was, I would be worthy of him. Of Annabeth. Of Bianca's memory. They all deserve so much more than I can give them. And I can't even admit it without a professional intervention. How pathetic is that? That's why I'm angry. I can never be enough for any of them."
He stopped me. "You are not pathetic Nico. If Bianca was still here, she would say the same thing. You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. Most people would never admit something like that. Hell, most people admit that they still loved someone who broke their heart. At least, not to someone else. It takes so much bravery to say what you have today. I can tell you, if Percy was here, he would be proud." I looked at him again. He was so sincere. And he knew what he was talking about. Percy is one of his patients. So, would Percy really be proud. Would Bianca really say that? It sounded like something she would say, but still. His expression didn't change. I smiled.
An alarm went off on his clock. The session was over. "Well," he said, "That's it for today." He put out his hand. "I think we did some good work today."
I shook his hand. "Thank you Chiron."
"And hey, starting next week, you better be ready to call me Mr. Brunner. You can't be going around calling the Principle by a nickname." We both smiled. Things were going to be ok. I was sure of it.
To be continued…
So hooray for Nico's perspective. Yeah. So I wasn't actually going to write this yet, but my roommate decided that he was going to play Madden all night. Obnoxiously loud. He's still playing. At 4 o'clock. So, this is the result. Hope y'all like it. If you want to learn more about any of the characters, or if you just really like/hate it, R&R this sucker. (Reviews would be best.) I'm really looking forward to future chapters. Alright, Until next time. Make good decisions. Peace!