Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Note: This episode had the team meeting up with Fargo in an attempt to save him and his friend after a game he created took a sinister turn. In the game, Claudia is forced to face off with Dr. Michener from the psych ward. She manages to defeat the doctor and presumably her fear. But at the end of the episode she attends an open mic night and plays a song about losing one's mind. That, combined with her emotional state after facing Michener, leads me to believe that the fear went far deeper than the led the team to believe. This chapter was originally a one-shot dealing with that, but I decided to put it here instead. Enjoy!
To Sleep, Perchance to Dream
Myka was sitting on the couch when the front door to the B&B opened and closed. She looked up from her book to see Claudia standing in the entry way.
"Hey, Claude," she said.
"Hey," Claudia said as she leaned her guitar case up against the wall. She took a step into the living room, jamming her hands into her pockets. "Where's everybody else?"
"They decided to call it a night," Myka said.
"Early night," Claudia said as she came around the couch. She dropped herself dramatically onto the cushions.
"Not really," Myka told her. "It's almost midnight."
"Wow, you are getting old," Claudia said with a grin. Myka gave her a look. "Kidding."
"I made some hot chocolate," Myka said, motioning to the blue mug sitting on a coaster on the end table beside her. She liked to make her own stovetop hot chocolate when she wanted to relax. Needless to say, it tended to disappear pretty fast. "You want some?"
"Sure," Claudia said eagerly. Myka got to her feet and headed into the kitchen.
"How was open mic?" she asked over her shoulder.
"It was okay, I guess," Claudia said noncommittally. She kicked off her shoes and pulled her legs up onto the coach. A cabinet opened and closed in the kitchen.
"Just okay?" Myka asked curiously.
"Yeah, I mean, you know," Claudia said. "It was a small crowd. No big deal."
"It is a big deal," Myka said. She came back into the room with a red mug in her hands which she carefully handed to Claudia. The younger agent grinned excitedly when she saw the marshmallows floating on the top. "Playing in front of people is a big step. You're broadening your horizons. Plus, you sound great."
"I am so getting my room sound-proofed," Claudia said, taking a drink from her mug. Before it touched her lips, Myka saw a smile on her face.
"Next time you play, you are letting me come with," Myka said firmly.
"Whatever," Claudia said with a grin.
Myka smiled at her before returning her attention to her book. A comfortable silence fell, broken only by the ticking of the clock. It was just after midnight when Myka finally reached the end of her chapter.
"Okay," she said, placing her bookmark and closing the book. "I'm going to bed. Are you going up?"
"Nah," Claudia said. "I think I'm gonna stay down here for a while."
Something in her voice caught Myka's attention. For the first time that evening she took a good look at Claudia. The younger agent seemed tense as she stared down into her half-full mug, her eyes looking at something only she could see.
"You okay?" Myka asked carefully.
"Huh?" Claudia asked, looking up. The thoughtful expression vanished. "Yeah, totally."
"Claude," Myka said gently. Claudia immediately looked down. That was all the proof Myka needed. She reached over and set her book on the end table before turning to face Claudia. "Are you okay?"
"Not really," Claudia admitted, looking down into her mug.
"Is this about the game?" Myka asked. She pulled her legs up under her and placed her arm on the back of the couch.
"Sort of," Claudia said. She reached over and set her mug on the end table before settling deeper into the couch cushions, her arms crossed over her chest.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Myka asked carefully. Claudia hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to say. Myka waited patiently. She knew by now that pushing Claudia would only cause her to close herself off.
"Do you ever feel like maybe you're going crazy?" Claudia asked finally.
"Sometimes," Myka said with a nod. "This job is enough to make anyone go a little crazy. Look what it did to Artie."
Claudia grinned as Myka had intended.
"Yeah, well, I was crazy before I got here," she said. It was meant to be a joke, but her tone caused it to fall flat.
"You're not crazy," Myka assured her.
"I checked myself into the loony bin," Claudia said strongly. "Voluntarily. Anybody who does that obviously has a few screws loose."
"You were seeing a person who should have been dead," Myka reminded her. "Of course that made you question yourself."
"I guess," Claudia said, looking down once again.
"It really bothers you, doesn't it?" Myka asked. "Thinking about..."
"The institution?" Claudia finished. "Yeah. Not a very happy place. Lots of crazies. Kinda like here, except that there they have doctors who are weird enough to make the fruitcakes look normal. Plus being turned into a human lightning rod is not pleasant."
"Is that why you don't talk about it?" Myka asked carefully.
"I don't talk about it because I don't want to," Claudia said firmly. "I don't even want to think about it. Especially not Doctor Creepy Pants. But it's kinda hard not to when he keeps showing up."
"Showing up how?" Myka asked, slightly confused. "You mean in your dreams?"
"Sometimes," Claudia muttered. She was staring down at her jeans again. "It's been getting better. A lot better, actually. But after today..."
Myka's eyes widened slightly as she began to understand.
"You're scared to go to sleep," she said quietly.
"No," Claudia said. She wasn't looking up. "I used to be. Sometimes. But that's not the problem."
"What is?" Myka asked gently. Claudia swallowed hard and for a moment Myka thought she wasn't going to answer.
"I'm scared I'll wake up," Claudia said finally. There was just the tiniest hint of a tremor in her voice.
"I don't understand," Myka said. Her brow was furrowed in confusion.
"What he said in the game today," Claudia explained. She looked up and Myka saw real fear in her eyes. "What if he's right? What if none of this is real? What if I really am a nutcase and this is all just in my head? What if the truth is that I'm still back there getting zapped and this is just some fantasy I've created to try and deal with the fact that I'm still alone?"
From anyone else such a question might have seemed absurd, but the pain and fear in Claudia's eyes were all too real. So were the unshed tears. It broke Myka's heart.
"Claudia, listen to me," she said, laying her hand on Claudia's shoulder. "You are not crazy, okay? This is real. I'm real. And you are not alone. You have me and Pete and Artie and Steve and Leena. And as long as even one of us is still alive, you will never be alone. Okay?"
"Okay," Claudia managed.
"Come here," Myka said. She pulled Claudia into her arms and hugged her tightly. Claudia returned the embrace, winding her arms around Myka's waist and holding on as if she would never let go. Myka could feel the younger girl shaking in her arms.
"It's okay, Claude," she promised as she quietly ran her hand up and down Claudia's back. "You're okay."
They sat there for a long time. Myka stopped talking after a while and just held on to Claudia. Eventually the younger girl stopped shaking, but she made no move to leave Myka's arms. That in itself spoke to just how real her fear was. Claudia rarely showed this much vulnerability. Myka had known she didn't like talking about the institution, but maybe what actually scared her was what it stood for: the idea that she might be crazy. Maybe what really scared her was the thought of being alone.
Finally Claudia disentangled herself and pulled away. She reached up and wiped her red eyes, too embarrassed to meet Myka's gaze.
"Sorry," she mumbled.
"It's okay," Myka assured her. She reached over and pushed a strand of hair behind Claudia's ear. "Are you okay?"
"I will be," Claudia said honestly. She put a hand to her mouth to stifle a sudden yawn.
"Come on," Myka said, getting to her feet. "Let's get you to bed."
"What are you, my mother?" Claudia asked. But she pushed herself off the couch and shuffled toward the stairs. Myka took their mugs into the kitchen and placed them in the dishwasher before heading upstairs as well.
She stuck her head into Claudia's room as the younger girl put away her guitar case.
"If you need anything," Myka told her, "I'm right next door."
"I know," Claudia said, trying to act nonchalant.
"I mean it, Claude," Myka said seriously. "I'm always here for you. Even if it's three in the morning."
Claudia nodded to show that she understood.
"Thanks," she said quietly. Myka smiled.
"Get some sleep," she said.
"Will do," Claudia assured her.
"I'll see you in the morning."
"Okay. G'night."
"Good night."
Myka headed over to her room, closing Claudia's door behind her. Claudia switched into her pajamas before turning out the light and climbing into bed. She was asleep within minutes. It was the best night's sleep she'd had in a long time.
So how was it? Too sappy? I promise the next chapter will be funnier to balance it out. Enjoy!