Chapter 11:Remembering the past

Xena POV

"Wow!Is it you really in every picture?" Gabrielle asked again in wonder, touching all the walls of the large hall that we were crossing right after Ares left saying that he will be missing for 3 days because of an war in East.

I just nodded and smiled indulgently at her childlike behavior…It was truly me in every image painted on the freaking walls…..me fighting in his name, leading his armies, conquering cities, slicing to pieces every living and breathing thing who dared raise a sword against me, and it was all in his name….It was all for the glory of the God of War.

…Back then I actually believed that I needed all that power… I was so obtuse when it came to my vision of peace….peace through slaughter just like he had taught me….I would never go back to that, never…Not with Eve and Gabrielle present in my life, that is…

And now I had one more child to consider…one more child that would be forced to carry the burden of my past mistakes on his shoulders…..But I could still make up for that…their future could be so very different from mine….Ares would definitely stay out of my way….

"Are you listening Xena?"

"Yeah.." I uttered lowly, while casting a long glance at my daughter. She was still sleeping peacefully in my arms….She was so beautiful I sometimes found it hard to believe that she was real.

"What was I saying then?"

"Something about the pictures…"

"...I''ve been ranting about it for like endless minutes…!" My friend's straightforward accusation broke out cuttingly.

"Ranting is a good word for it….They're just pictures Gabrielle!"

"Well sorry, I know that your past with Ares doesn't count amongst your top 5 favorite subjects to debate but still….How could anyone ignore this, Xena? This looks like a museum! Pictures, statues, engravings….He must have been really obsessed! I mean..this is not normal Xena…"

For the love of Zeus, I just couldn't restrain that wave of laughter breaking out of my lungs as a completely shocked expression washed over her face when she laid eyes on a marble life size statue of me riding Argo during the Corinthian War….

"I rest my case…." She barely whispered, her mouth open wide as she was carefully analyzing every detail of it. " He's crazy!"

"I can't say I disagree…" I muttered, aware of how right she was.

"Well, come on…..my room is right across that hall…" I finally added, trying to snap her out of it.

Seconds later, she began talking again.

"What's behind all these doors? …."

"What's important is on the left side…on the right one there are just rooms filled with artillery and such."

"Maybe not anymore…" She implied, scanning my face to decipher some hidden reaction that stubbornly refused to appear.

"Ares is not the type to cope with changes…." I simply answered, pushing open the heavy wooden doors to my room. "So… here it is."

My voice was shaking when those last words left my lips and I don't know why but being there again felt like I was sliding back to my past self. Needless to say, it made me very uncomfortable.

"This is insane Xena!You actually lived here?!" Gabrielle exclaimed in surprise.

"Most of the time when I was not in some camp with my soldiers…..Yeah.."

I entered the room and looked quietly around ..It was exactly the same- no dust around, meaning that somebody was regularly cleaning the place.

My heart nearly stopped when I noticed the bed….there were black, silken sheets covering it….That sure brought back a lot of memories…

Heavy velvet curtains were covering the windows, keeping the light outside, so I made sure to firmly push them away…..The sight was breathtaking just like I remembered it….

Given the fact that the fortress was built up in the mountains there was a pretty spectacular view of the covered in snow peaks. One again, Gabrielle made sure to express her surprise.

"Wow Xena! Can you see this? I swear this landscape is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life! It's absolutely amazing!"

" It's not so amazing once you get used to it…." I sighed, placing Eve on the bed.

"Who could ever get used to this ?! It's like we're not even on Earth any more!"

"You're just exaggerating…It's only snow…And a bunch of rocks….And it's terribly cold more than half of the year…."

"Gods you can be so insensitive at times!" She complained, laughing a little at my statement.

"What's with that wall over there? It's huge!"

"It surrounds the fortress….kinda keeps the uninvited guests outside…." I casually replied, taking a seat on the edge of the bed next to my daughter….The silk felt so good beneath me after so many years…."I've lost count on how many times I tried to get passed it….Ares always made fun of my humiliating failures to get to the other side without his permission…"

"But is it true? Is the wall invisible?"

"Invisible to human eyes yes, and so is the fortress…."

"So…nobody can really find us here….no one human, I mean…"

"That's right..Do you want to know anything else?"

I could clearly see that she still had a lot of question in store for me…

"…When did you actually lived here ?" She asked waisting no time, her gaze wondering once again throughout the room.

"I was really young…After Lyceus had died, Ares kinda of took me under his wing and taught me how to fight… He brought me here. I liked it, at first. We used to train a lot…But when my thirst for blood blew out of proportion and Ares refused to let me have it my way I decided to take the matters into my own hands...He wanted perfection for me, he wanted to mold me into the ultimate Warrior….I wanted revenge and action….We didn't see eye to eye any more…That's when I left…"

"So you knew him for so long …I guess I always knew that.."

I gave her a startled look.

"I mean Xena, you should see yourself when you are together…you may hate each other but, there is something so obvious besides that….You're still in love with him, aren't you? "

I didn't answer…The Bastard was indeed my first love but now…now there was too much history between us…I still longed for his presence though, I couldn't deny it….

"I knew it…" Gabrielle murmured, giving me an all knowing smile.

"Too much have happened between us…..and it still hurts like Tartarus to talk about it…."

My memories were whirling inside my mind so fast that I couldn't finish my phrase.

"So… you two were lovers…" She insisted, twisting the knife.

"That and much more…" I replied on a guilty enough tone to put right about anyone in prison. "He was my friend, my mentor, my lover, my father…..everything I needed…."

"You never told me this."

"Well now you know….Now if there's nothing else, I would like to take a bath and get some sleep….I'm tired….."

Gabrielle nodded her acceptance with a pleased smile on her face.