Author's Note: This is for alyssialui, who wanted a chapter from Draco's point of view. This chapter covers some of Draco's thoughts in regards to his father during different times in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
He missed his father. He missed everything that his father had represented.
How many times had he used his father's name as a warning? How many times had he used his father's name to show just how serious he was about something?
But now his father's name was no longer a threat that he could use. Now his father's name meant nothing but disgrace. And because of that, his name now meant nothing but disgrace. In the eyes of the public, his name had been tainted by his father's crimes, the crimes that his father could no longer deny.
His father's name was no longer respected, which meant that he was no longer respected. His identity was tightly linked to his father's identity. He was judged just as his father was judged.
Despite everything, though, his father's name still meant something to him. His father's very presence still meant something to him. His father was still everything to him.
He had always been eager to imitate his father. He had always admired his father's confidence and his father's ability to make others tremble in fear with just a glance. The son was now using those same techniques to survive everything that was now coming his way. He could never allow the world to see just how weak and just how afraid he felt now that his father was imprisoned in Azkaban. No, he would continue to act like his father had acted. He had to act like his father had acted. He couldn't let anyone see how pathetic he had become without his father.
He had come to realize very quickly just how much he needed his father. His mother tried her best to keep the both of them strong, but it just wasn't the same. They weren't complete without his father.
Both he and his mother appeared as cold and as unfeeling as ever whenever they were out in public. But behind the walls of their manor, they were slowly falling apart. Their walls of steel were slowly beginning to break and crumble. They were missing and needing the head of their family.
His mother tried her best to be strong around him. But he had caught her crying several times whenever she had thought that he was not around to see. His mother was strong, but she was missing a part of herself now that her husband was in Azkaban.
He didn't even want to begin to imagine what life must now be like for his father. It didn't make sense. It couldn't be real. His father was proud and dignified, everything a Pureblood was supposed to be, everything he wanted to be. He couldn't comprehend in his mind the image of his father being reduced to something less than a Mudblood or a Muggle. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right.
And it was all Potter's fault. Potter would one day pay, and he would pay dearly. The son intended to make his father proud.
And the son would make the Dark Lord proud as well. He would not fail the Dark Lord. He could not fail the Dark Lord. His family's lives depended on his success.
He would fix everything. He would reestablish his family's glory and pride.
But it was a task too big for him. He couldn't do it alone. He was nothing without his father's strength and confidence. Without his father, he could no longer believe in himself. He had been reduced to his father's current level.
His father had often been hard and cold towards him, but now he realized that his father had been trying to prepare him for the realities of life. His father had wanted to make him strong enough to endure whatever storms came his way.
But he wasn't strong enough. No, he was weak, too weak to help his family, too weak to make things better for his family. His father would be ashamed of him. He was ashamed of himself.
His mother would never show her shame, but he knew that he had failed her as well. He had failed to redeem his family in the Dark Lord's eyes. He had failed to redeem his father in the Dark Lord's eyes.
As the son, he was supposed to be his father's heir, his father's future. He had forever ruined his father's future with his failure and his weakness.
He didn't know how to fix the mess that his life had become. He really needed his mother's comfort. He really needed his father's strength and confidence. He was missing a part of himself without his father to turn to for support, just as his mother was missing a part of herself without her husband by her side.
He missed his happy life at home. And for that happiness to return, he needed his family to be reunited and to be made whole once again.
And he needed his father back for that reunion and that completeness to happen.