Dear Diary,
Today is my last day in London, at least until Christmas. I am bound for University College, Oxford to read Chemistry; the same College that my father and brother attended. A few weeks ago this day seemed so far away, but it has sneaked up on me and suddenly I am packing my life into a suitcase and a few plastic bags. It's only when you're forced to pick and choose between which possessions are essential and which can be left behind that you realise how much crap you have accumulated in your short life. I am eighteen years old, and though I try to clear things out at least once a year, the amount of pointless junk I elect to keep is truly embarrassing.
It's not as though I'm particularly sentimental. Perhaps the most pointless keepsakes I posses are in the form of clothes. Pointless, but at least understandable. For a shockingly long period of time, it was my goal to be able to fit back into the clothes I wore as a ten year old, and although I've now accepted that it will never happen, I just can't seem to bring myself to throw them away. As I alluded to before – even though my disorder is not currently active, I am still obsessed by it. I still imagine what it would be like to wear those clothes again. I still live in hope.
I have not packed those clothes to take with me. Perhaps this is the first step in letting go of them. I will also not be bringing a set of scales, but I am clinging on to the thought that I can easily buy some after I arrive. It is my habit to weigh myself twice a day; morning and night, just to check that I haven't somehow ballooned in the intervening hours. I am extremely reluctant to stop, but I know I must. You must stop this childish game Sherly. I don't think Mummy's nerves will last another of your bouts in hospital. Mycroft, my brother, never did understand. I believe he never tried to. But we are more alike than he would care to admit.
He works for the government now in a position which, despite being relatively low down from what I can deduce, allows him to believe he is important and deserves the utmost respect. I liked him more before he took this job.
Sherlock Holmes
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