Chapter 42:Letting you in

Xena POV

Guilt…that was the main sentiment that I felt at that moment. The wind was blowing in my face constantly as I was urging Argo to go faster and faster knowing that the sooner I found him, the better would be.

I pleaded guilty about not having told him on time about my plans…I knew what the risks were and still, I kept my mouth shut...I must have yelled at him then and there…Only the thought alone that maybe he was in danger now, mortal and still wounded, inflicted me great pain.

He was always the constant in my life no matter what but now being mortal he could disappear forever, just like that...and this time it was all my fault.

I found hooves marks from his horse and his footprints at a few miles North from the farm and I followed them until I reached a dead end...The night came too and I only noticed the change in light much later that I normally did. I could barely find a refuge for the night now…

...I gathered some wood to start a fire to warm myself a bit and to eat something. I had a bit of bread and some cheese so I ate that and then I tried to sleep. I knew even before I landed on my bedroll that that night wasn't going to be a good rest night...I was worried sick about him and afraid that I wouldn't find him on time, that maybe it was all too little to late…

I was almost asleep when I heard the crack of the wood, the fluster of the leaves in the trees and then I knew for sure that I wasn't alone. My eyes opened instantly and I jumped up from the bedroll taking my sword in my hand and pointing it towards the intruder.

...But I was taken aback…he had found me instead.

"A…Ares?"

He looked at me with wide eyes and I let the sword down immediately.

...I was amazed and relieved also to know that he was all right.

"Xena?...Oh no no, no! I'm not falling for this one! She's dead. Who are you?"

He took a step back, shaking his head... "Xena?" he said once again. "Why don't you leave me alone..."

He was really drunk.

"Even now you won't let me in peace…you are not here...you can't…you must be a ghost..."

"No…I am here Ares..." I came near him trying to touch his face but he refused.

"You are dead...I carried you, I saw you..."

"Ares..."

It really pained me to see him like that. "Ares…come…"

I took his cold hands in mine and he looked at our now intertwined fingers…and just as fast I felt myself being pulled unbearably close to him…and then he kissed me with passion as if making sure that I was there and for real…And I kissed him back with the same need…

As we were kissing I didn't think for a minute about consequences just about me and him, just at what I had denied us for so long…but too soon the kiss ended and he just looked me in the eyes.

"See…Xena would never do that...you are a ghost...a mere phantom of my imagination, my desires…"

His words broke my heart…

"Tomorrow you will fade away just as fast as you appeared...you always do..."

"No..." I vainly protested.

He put a finger to my lips and kissed me one more time but this time just briefly.

"I need to drink something…to clear my head…" he spoke with himself.

"No…you don't!"

I took his arm forcefully and pushed him on my bedroll... "Sleep…just sleep Ares…"

He wanted to protest but as he looked at my hands on his arms he vanished the thought.

"Everything will be alright…" I took him in my arms and we stayed there embraced.

"Don't leave..."

His voice broke the silence.

"Don't leave...stay...stay with me…"

I stroked his hair in a calming response in return.

"I will stay...always…sleep now…"

Soon, he was helplessly falling asleep in my arms. My heart melted at the image.

I don't remember having fallen asleep myself, but I did eventually, right before sunrise I guess. I was beaten…As I slowly opened my eyes hours later, I found nothing but a cold space next to me. Just as soon, I felt his insistent gaze upon me and I searched for him…He sat on a huge rock in front of me.

"How can it be?"

I got up from my bedroll and got closer to him but not too close.

"Ares..." But he didn't even let me finish...He was mad.

"You...I thought you dead Xena..."

"I was…for a moment…"

"A moment?"

Now he was raging...He couldn't even stay sited on the rock anymore...

"There were 5 freaking days..."

"Ares..."

"Why are you here?...You could have ended it right now...I wouldn't have gone back…not now anyway...So...why are you really here?"

"I want you to come back…"

"Come back?..."

He started to laugh…

"You must be kidding me right?"

"No…Eve misses you...I mi..."

"Did you know?...What would happen?..."

There was a brief pause before he carried on with his line.

"It doesn't matter, your eyes tell me everything…You knew that you wouldn't die and…Do you want me to suffer, to be in pain? …cause you won this time and really big...I bought all of it…" he continued, once I refused to tell him yes.

"Ares..."

"I'm really sick of all these games...so I will do you a favor…"

"No…Ares...Listen..." I came close to him and caressed his face but he turned me down…pushing my hand aside…He was refusing me…for the first time since I had known him.

"I don't need this...your pity…"

With that, he turned from me.

"No...it's not pity!" I said, refusing to let him go this time…I turned him back to face me forcefully and kissed him, and though he didn't respond at first, being too shocked to act maybe, we soon lost ourselves in that soul tearing kiss.

I didn't even realize when we moved back to my bedroll but feeling him so close to my body vanished every thought from my mind.

"Ares!"

His name rolled with desire from my mouth.

"No…"

He instantly shouted, pulling away from me, and staring me with fury in the eyes.

"I will not play your game this time…no..."

He got up ready to leave. He was serious about it…He was really mad…

"It's not a game, Ares. Not to me…You played me so many times in the past and it pained me to see you doing all those cruel things to me…I...I just wanted to stop the suffering, denying our relationship was the best choice that I could come up with, but now…I can't do it anymore…"

"Do what?" He looked hopefully at me, wanting me to say the words.

"Denying you...us..." I kissed him one more time with all my being.

"This isn't real right?"

A quick kiss was his answer.

"It isn't the hangover?"

"No...I want you to come back with me...I will give you a real chance…"

His wide sexy grin that I loved so much spread all over his features.

"Do you really mean it?"

I nodded firmly, relieved to hear his usual self in our small bantering.

"I have a condition though..." he added playfully.

"Now…so soon and you want a condition..."

He kissed me shortly and added, in that still freshly hurt tone.

"Promise me you won't ever die on me again..."

"That...I can't really promise…we all die one moment or the oth..."

"Just promise and I will be yours forever..." he said seductively at my ears.

"Promise!"

And then his lips found mine, leaving me breathless.