Rigorous training indeed. Even now my hand is sore. While I of course stayed fit in Konoha, it wasn't to actively push beyond my limits, just an overall desire to get stronger. From my first training session with Fukasaku, I was expected to hold up a waterfall. I'd of course heard of meditating under one, but not actually holding one back. It took me a good hour and a half to figure out a way to do it with a jutsu, another hour to actually design it, a whole four hours of getting soaked before I could hold it for longer than a couple seconds, and then after that I had to skip lunch and practice holding it back, which I had to do until sunset- and I couldn't do it all in one try, as the compounding difficulty and strain of the jutsu forced me to let it go every few minutes. I'd never felt so thoroughly soaked in my entire life as that night.
When I woke the next morning, I could barely believe how sore I was. Normally after a day of practicing jutsu you might feel a little winded, and fine the next morning. I suppose that because even though chakra takes your spirit and your body, most jutsu are done in an instant. Even ones that can go on for longer- like my use of the Transformation Jutsu when I was in the royal city- just leave you tired, not sore. I don't know if Fukasaku was aware of this or just wanted to see how I'll handle the challenge, but I can easily see this helping to increase my reserves if I keep it up. Thankfully, I only had to work at it until noon, and was allowed a break for lunch. I wanted to go look for Naruto and eat with him, but to be honest I was a little too tired to get up at that moment. I ate with Fukasaku, who had a hearty mix of various bugs that he assured me was very nutritious. I had trouble swallowing them, but at least they weren't still alive.
After lunch, we headed back to the oil-fall. "Come, sit." I obeyed, and Fukasaku dipped his hand in the pool of oil, and anoints my forehead with it. "Begin your meditation, and I shall instruct you in taking in natural energy."
"I thought I wasn't going to become a sage like Naruto," I wondered.
"Not immediately, no. Nature and its power are not merely tools for war, but an art and palette of colors few appreciate and understand. Though I sense your determination, I also sense that you are a painter at heart, Hinata." I think about that for a second, and close my eyes. The stillness comes easily, but I need a moment to calm down before I'm completely motionless. Slowly and all at once, the sense of the energy in nature around me reveals itself like a flower blooming. I sensed Fukasaku beside me, as well, and the natural energy sliding in towards him. He pauses, then starts again, pulling in the energy slowly. "Breathe," He quietly whispered into my mind. Physically inhaling would upset my stillness, so I try inhaling with my spirit, instead. This seemed to do the trick. I'm not sure of of how much to take in so I stop after a short "breath". "Good. Now breathe out…" The rest of the afternoon was spent "breathing", which was a relief, for the most part.
In the evening in the treehouse, I was on my own thinking for a while before Naruto came back. Between my sage training and practice with sensory jutsu, I think I finally noticed something about the watched feeling: it's not that it's stronger during those quiet and empty moments, but more like the wall is thinner, and there's less resistance to it. I think it's what made that time in the Common Garden at the palace so bad, when I was trying my hardest to empty myself and sense my surroundings. It makes me sick and angry. I think tomorrow I'll try attacking it instead of letting it get to me. I thought of trying to tell Naruto about the watched feeling again, but as I laid in my bed waiting for him I fell asleep.
The next morning I expected Fukasaku to be at the waterfall, but instead it was Gamaspeed. "So here we are here we meet again hey hi hello how ya doin' come on let's get started come on come on."
"Am- am…" I sighed and shook my head, and started working up chakra. I made the Dragon hand seal and flung up the jutsu, taking hold of the waterfall and starting to cycle it back up and in on itself. Though the waterfall was only from arm to arm and up about thirty feet, it had a strong flow, and already the mental strain of cycling the water was heavy on me.
"Ah yes there ya go good stuff good stuff, keep it up now, ya know my grandpa always said 'Gamaspeed my son when yous got a waterfall don't be afraid to hold it back because sometimes, sometimes ya never knows who's gonna be comin down it after ya', well actually my gramps got his tongue cut out for insubordination but I'd bet he'd say that right about now." In spite of myself, for a moment I wondered about what Gamaspeed's family is really like. Before I could go too deep down that hole the jutsu demanded my attention, the size having swelled to just overhead. This is where I usually have trouble with it and let go, but I couldn't let that happen in front of Gamaspeed right then. "Ah, not bad not bad at all keep it up come on come on that's how ya do it keep it up come on come on!" My annoyance with Gamaspeed's talking finally got the better of me, and I had to leap backwards to the water wouldn't come down on me. "Not bad not bad pretty good there ya know, but ya might wanna try lettin' it leak once it swells up instead of having a balloon that's too big to handle, ya see?"
"That's…" That's actually decent advice, though it'd be one more thing to keep track of during an already difficult exercise.
"Yeah I know I know but hey, don't you humans use dams and stuff like that in your rivers and all that jazz? Come on, try it you'll like it come on one more time do it again come on come on let's go!" My determination to not let Gamaspeed's talk get the better of me spurs me on, and after the ripples settle down I start the jutsu again. It builds up at the same speed as always, testing my limits in just a handful of minutes. I try to put Gamaspeed's tip into use, and let a small stream fall away while I cycle the rest back. It's easier than I'd thought it to be, and takes a little bit of the load off. The effort and focus make me lose track of time as I keep up the exercise, but after what can't have been much longer I tremble and have to let the water go. "Not too shabby pretty sweet job there, good word good work." I have to catch my breath, and Gamaspeed continues. "Alright now, Mister Fukasaku said for you to practice river walking and now that's what we're gonna practice, ya hear?"
"Excuse me, but, aren't we already river walking?"
"Nah no what no way don't be so literal, he meant making a current to glide on and fly around, hence the name river walking." I takes me a minute to figure out what Gamaspeed said, but once I do, to me it still seems pretty literal. "Now I'll show ya how it's done now look close so you can see what's goin' on, ya hear?" Without further ado, Gamaspeed slides of in a blur, circling around me and then sliding to a stop in front of me. "See there that's how ya do it now come on come on give it a go, whaddya waitin' for come on come on let's go!" My first couple attempts only disturb the water, having made the recommended currents below the surface. My next try was with the surface tension. This was definitely smoother, though at the time I wasn't entirely sure if it was any faster than simply running. "There ya go there ya go not bad, now try to keep up! Like my pa always said 'Gamaspeed my son live fast, you never know when you're gonna die!'" With that Gamaspeed raced off, and it wasn't until I had nearly caught up to him that I realized…
I had the phrase in my head for the rest of the day. I'll admit now that perhaps I was being unfair in my personal opinion of Gamaspeed. Though my opinion of him had changed, his fast non-stop talk still got on my nerves. The river walking was surprisingly taxing, as I'd guessed that without solid ground to provide resistance it would be easy. I never once caught up to Gamaspeed, though on a couple occasions I got close when we were going downstream.
It was in the evening at the treehouse when I was finally able to talk with Naruto. He was sweating just a bit when he came in, but not breathing heavily, and he smiled when he saw me. I thought of us being out here, far away from Konoha and any people who might object to us being together, alone. I started to blush but cleared my throat and spoke before I could get too nervous. "Naruto, can I tell you something?"
"Yeah, sure. What's up?"
"I… when I'm near you, I- I feel like I'm being watched, and… I feel pressured to do certain things, and be o- open... to…" I can't finish that sentence, not even in front of Naruto. Naruto lays a hand on my shoulder and looks into my eyes, and I feel all the cluttered thoughts and worries that have been building up over the last few months begin to break up.
"Hinata… you don't have to worry about someone watching you. No matter what, I'll be around if you need me, okay?" I can only nod, and Naruto continues. "And, what kind of things is it making you want to do?"
"To, um, to ki- to…" My face flushed burning hot, but still Naruto didn't quite seem to get it. A part of me wanted to show him, but I didn't want another episode like the one in his apartment. "To… what I've wanted for a long time…" I added in a whisper.
"What did you want?" Not in that voice please, not while you're touching me. That's too much.
"...While I was under the Infinite Tsukuyomi, I dreamed of a quiet life in Konoha, with you. I… just want some part of that while I'm here in the real world, where it's not a dream."
"That's, that's really nice of you to say, Hinata. I'll do what I have to to be there when you need me." But the thing is, I need him, and I want him, and I want to need him, always. I couldn't get those words or something like them out, and I started to tear up. Naruto hugged me, and I let myself go, sobbing onto his shoulder.
The next morning, I didn't want to get out of bed, but I knew that if I stayed in it would only get worse. Naruto was already up and away by the time I left for the waterfall, and I missed him on the way there. When I got there, Fukasaku handed me another waterfall related task. "Follow me," he said cheerfully, before hopping up to the top of the falls. I started to walk towards the cliff when he stopped me. "No, not that way. Up the waterfall."
"...The waterfall, sir?"
"Yes, indeed. Gamaspeed told me you showed promise with river walking, so your first test is to come up this waterfall to meet me. When you do, we will stop a moment to eat." My first try ended exactly how you can guess it would have, as did the next several. Besides actually going up the waterfall, there was the choppy water at the base that was a problem- it's difficult to walk on water like that. The falls itself was very even, going clear over the cliff and not coming into contact with it. For my next try, I decided to build up some momentum, and circled around the pond before trying to leap up. I made it, but once again my feet sank into the falls, and shortly after I got pulled down with it. My next try I attempted a lighter step, but instead of the falls it was gravity that forced me down.
After the next couple tries I thought about that for a second, gravity. This was almost like tree climbing practice, but instead of a fixed point of chakra the amount I needed to expend constantly changed. I caught my breath, and then after going down river I came back up, as fast as I could. I managed to stay in place on the waterfall for a few seconds, but soon fall back down- I was thinking a little too much like tree climbing practice. So, aside from my own gravity pulling me down, I also had the force of the waterfall to deal with. For the next several tries I made it a few feet up the waterfall, only to stay in place for a moment.
"Explosive effort! Do not be a fish, be the rock skipping across the river!" Fukasaku called from on top of the waterfall. I nodded and gave it another try, and was able to make it halfway up before stalling! I kept running, but couldn't move upwards, and fell again. I tried once more, keeping my "skips" closer together, giving all the effort I could to move against the current. This time, I made it level with the cliff, and was able to run over the edge. Once I did I shot forwards, and was well past Fukasaku before I stopped. I let the current carry me back to him, and then hop onto the bank. That was exhausting, to say the least. "Ah, well done. Here," He said, offering a bowl of mixed bugs. I bowed gratefully and sat down, and said a quiet itadakimatsu before popping a beetle into my mouth. The snack was a short one though, and soon I was back down at the pool holding back the waterfall, which I had to work at until lunch…
The next morning was begun holding up the waterfall as usual, though I received a surprise early on: as I was cycling the water back in on itself, there was something pushing back, more than the current of the water. I had to let go, and when I leapt back the water blew back at me. I looked up, at Fukasaku was at the top of the fall, a gust of wind being blown from his mouth. "Again!" I lost a bit of hope knowing I had even more to work against while holding back the waterfall, and for the next several tries I couldn't hold it back for more than a minute. It kept going on and on like that, but somehow, it became worse. "You will need to become the wind to still the waters, Hinata!"
"But- how, sir?"
"Open yourself to nature! Now, again!" I start the jutsu again, and almost immediately am met with resistance from from Fukasaku." It's too much of a struggle to find my stillness but I try my best to hold back the waterfall. These efforts are quickly broken, and the water is blown out of my control and back at me. "Farther in, find your center!" I have to catch my breath, and try again. I try to go farther in once I have the waterfall up, but the struggle takes so much focus, and the jutsu unravels sooner than before, a brief burst of typhoon lashing the pond. Fukasaku hops down to land next to me, his face stern. "Where is your confidence, Hinata?"
"I…" I didn't have it that morning, and was too ashamed to admit it to Fukasaku.
"You cannot be afraid to breathe! If you cannot have your confidence and breathe, you will not find your center. That's the foundation of all sage training."
"...I'll try, sir." Fukasaku seemed as if he was going to say something about trying, but then he hopped back up to the top of the waterfall. Though I wouldn't say I was calm, I let the focus I needed wash away all the worries for a few moments.
That afternoon I was almost too winded and sore to follow Fukasaku to the oil-fall. It was a relief to just breathe and let everything go for a while, and I think I may have accidentally fallen asleep once or twice. It was hard for me to look at Naruto that night in the treehouse, even though I wanted him to hold me, and fall asleep in his arms. I've been spending most of today writing, taking the surprise day off easy. I hope I'll be able to find my center when I get back to training...