I'd felt eyes all around me, in the dark places where I tried hiding out of sight, and on the walls and in the shadows as I ran through my clan's estate. When I woke up I still felt watched, and the dim light before dawn was visible through the window. Naruto was still asleep, and I wanted to walk over to his bed, and curl up and go to sleep beside him. But I didn't, and stayed awake, staring at the ceiling.
I tossed and turned for a while, thinking of Fukasaku's advice about finding my center. The waterfall training had been so difficult, and I'd been so frustrated with how it and everything has been going I couldn't focus; I've been seeing Naruto less here than I hoped, I keep being expected to do impossible things, and on top of that the watched feeling still follows me around…
Naruto stretched and yawned. "Hey, Hinata. Good morning."
"Good morning, Naruto…"
"Ready to get out there and kick some butt training?"
"I'm as ready as I can be." Naruto grins and chuckles, and I get a small bit of hope that things will go better today.
I held on to that as I came to the waterfall, where Fukasaku was waiting. "Have you come prepared today?"
"Yes, sir. I'm ready."
"Very well. We shall begin as we did yesterday." Fukasaku nods and hops up to the top of the waterfall, and I take a deep breath before beginning the jutsu. I barely have the waterfall up before I can feel it being blown back at me. I'm not quite sure if it's confidence I have today, but I have determination: I will not be moved, and I won't fail this time. I'm not sure how still I can be while doing this, but I try to calm my motion as much as I can, and breathe. With the struggle of the drastically increasing difficulty of holding back the waterfall, I let go of trying to be still, and simply close my eyes to focus. As with the other times with Fukasaku blowing down it's even faster than normal before I have to drop the waterfall, but I feel I'm on the right path. I don't wait for him to call me to start again, and do so right after the splash comes down. It takes a moment for the ripples to quiet, and once they do I let my eyelids slowly shut. I try to force the jutsu out from the bottom of my heart, but I find that no matter how hard I push back, Fukasaku blows the waterfall at me even harder. Suddenly I almost give up, retreating inwards while trying to hold back the waterfall. My determination wavers, and I shrink in farther. My body almost trembles at the strain, and at that point, I just shut everything out. I feel as if I'm lost in a typhoon and only a second later, it gets to be too much and I have to let the waterfall go. But, for some reason, Fukasaku is smiling.
He never told me why. The "breathing" session at the oil-fall wasn't quite as restful as the others, as I was instructed to take in sharp breaths from different angles and points, instead of the usual calmer patterns. After he lets me go in the afternoon, I decide to work the slower patterns on my own at the treehouse. I get changed from my soggy workout clothes into the outfit I normally wore in Konoha, and sit on my bed. It's a relief to have something soft and solid underneath me after the stress of the waterfall exercise and the ground around the oil-fall. Slowly I still my mind and body, relishing the quiet of the room. In moments I'm at peace and motionless, and my sense of the natural energy of the surrounding forest awakens. In, and out. I breathe for several minutes before I decide to try. The watched feeling is of course on me, and like with my sage training, try to breathe it in and control it.
That's not what happens. It searches around inside me, alive, then looks out through me. The world blurs and twists into something bizarre and alien, and I struggle to fight it and take my vision back. I can't. I feel myself get up and look around, then stop by Naruto's bed. An intense and warm feeling blossoms from a very private place, and at that time, the watched feeling leaves me. I look down at my pants, and tear up in shame and fear, and head for the shower. I'm not sure how long it will take to feel clean.