Music In Our Hearts
Chapter 5: No Surprise
Faith finally stopped talking to catch her breath.
"Feel better?" Angel asked.
"No. Worse."
"Hmm... Well, at least you're feeling it."
"What?"
"Faith... you can't keep your emotions bottled up so you don't feel the pain."
"I am feeling the pain." Faith said angrily. "Don't you dare say I'm not hurting!"
"I didn't say that. But there's a difference between hurting and feeling the pain. Believe me, I know. You're going to hurt, no matter how much you try to fight it. But you can bottle up the pain and ignore it. You're realy good at doing that, Faith. You don't even notice that you're doing it anymore, do you?"
Faith hesitated, knowing he was right, but not wanting to accept it. It hurt enough losing Buffy as it was.
"It's just... It hurts too much... That's all..."
"You're not used to it. Being hurt, I mean. Yeah, you can get beat up, and you can nearly get killed, and you shrug itoff and go do it again. But you're not used to getting hurt where it counts. Your heart."
"It hurts bad enough... losing Buffy... I don't want to feel it all..."
"Losing Buffy? Faith, you've got it wrong."
"What?"
"You don't want to hear this." Angel backtracked.
"What do you mean? What do I have wrong?"
"You really want to know?"
"I'd appreciate the enlightenment."
Angel sighed. "Okay, but you asked for it. Remember how I said there's a difference between hurting and feeling pain?"
"Yeah, that was, like, five seconds ago."
"Well, there's also a difference between losing someone and leaving them. You didn't lose Buffy. You left her. Something else you and I have in common. I left her, and she turned to you. But now you've left her. Who's she going to turn to now?"
"I don't know. I don't care."
"Yes you do care!" Angel shouted angrily. "You do care!" He lowered his voice again to try and speak calmly. "I can see it in your eyes, Faith. You care. You don't want her to get hurt. In fact, I'll even say you want her to be happy even above your own happiness. I don't think you're mad at Buffy for not coming forward and talking to everyone about you two. I think it just made you afraid that you're not right for her. Like, even after five years, she's only with you because she's on the rebound. From me."
Faith found Angel on the ground, clutching his nose before she even registered her fist sailing through the air. She never even felt herself get angry.
"See? That's what I'm talking about. You're getting defensive, like you're afraid you have to defend your territory from me. You think of Buffy as yours, but you're afraid she still thinks of herself as mine. You're scared. Faith, I think you made a mistake. I think you should call her." Angel looked up at a table, and Faith noticed he'd walked them into the living room, right up to a phone.
Faith had the sudden urge to pick it up and call Buffy, but she stopped herself. Instead, she just turned to walk away, saying "Can I just pick a room to crash in? I'll leave tomorrow." She didn't really expect a response, she was gone before he could reply.
Angel got up off the ground and wiped his bloody nose off on his sleeve. He picked up the phone and dialed from memory.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Buffy? She's here."
"Hello?" Buffy asked. She hadn't seen that number on her Caller ID in ages, but she recognized it, anyway. Angel.
"Hey, Buffy? She's here." Buffy set the phone down on the table. She didn't have to ask who he was talking about. She could hear it in his voice, just as she heard that he knew about them.
"Buffy, she's gone to bed now. She's so exhausted, I think she walked the whole way here. She's asleep by now. I'll call you tomorrow for you to talk to her." Angel just hung up the phone, leaving Buffy listening to the dial tone.
There was no way she was going to talk to Faith over the phone. Her door slammed closed before she even realized she was walking. Outside, putting her jacket on. Down the street. Sunnydale had never seemed so big before, but within the next two hours, she was out of town, running along the side of the highway.
Despite what Angel told Buffy, Faith was not asleep when he called Buffy. She heard the whole conversation. Her heart leapt at the possibility of speaking to Buffy, but she knew she shouldn't.
"There. You have all night to get ready to talk to her." Angel said, standing in the doorway of the room she'd picked.
"What?"
"Don't even. I know you were listening. You know I'm going to call her tomorrow. You need to talk to her."
"No, I don't. If I talk to her, I'm just going to end up crawling back to her." When Angel didn't respond, she caught on. "You know that. That's your plan." Faith scoffed.
"You two need each other. I can see that. I love Buffy still, but she loves you, and you love her. You two need each other. You made a mistake when you left, but you're too stubborn to admit it was a mistake."
"No I'm not. I know it was a mistake. I'm admitting it. But it's a mistake I have to stand by and live with."
"Then you're even more stubborn than I thought. Go back to her, Faith. She'll take you back, I know it. Everyone else not knowing about you two isn't an obstacle anymore, you don't have to worry about it. That was reallythe only obstacle. Now that Buffy knows everyone knows, she won't be as afraid to tell them anything else. You two can be together, and everything'll be okay now."
"You can't know that."
"But I do. You don't have to stand by this mistake. Just talk to her, admit it was a mistake, you'll both apologize, and you two can go make up. Go back to Sunnydale. You know you won't be happy unless you do, and neither will she. Sleep on it." Angel closed the door, leaving Faith alone before she could respond.
She didn't get a wink of sleep that night, wondering how things would go when she talked to Buffy the next day.
Faith was sitting on the couch, waiting, growing impatient as Angel tried for the fifth time to call Buffy. He hung up the phone in frustration. Still no response.
"Great. She doesn't want to talk to me." Faith groaned. She'd actually gotten excited, hopeful that Buffy would take her back.
"We don't know that. She may not be home. Look on the bright side, she might just be in trouble. Something might have happened so she couldn't get to the phone."
"No. She's fine. I can tell. Nothing happened. She's just not coming to the phone."
Angel nodded. He could feel it, too. Buffy was safe.
"I'm sorry, Faith."
"Me too." Faith buried her face in her hands. "I should just get going."
"Faith, just... just stay. We'll give it a bit longer. Buffy might just be busy."
"Yeah. That makes it better. She's too busy to talk to me."
"Just give her a chance, Faith."
Faith nodded. "Fine. I'll give it a couple hours. But if she doesn't call back..."
"You'll give it a couple more hours."
"Yeah. I probably will."
Four hours passed, and Buffy never called. It was a long four hours, longer than any amount of time Faith had ever experienced before.
Faith waited another four hours, which were even longer than the previous four hours.
There was no sound in the house, until the doorbell broke the silence.
"I'll get it." Angel said, and Faith nodded, just staring at the phone.
Angel went and opened the door, smiling slightly when he saw Buffy standing on the doorstep, out of breath.
He held a finger to his lips, telling her to be quiet, and lead her over to where Faith sat. Buffy waited behind her patiently while Angel sat back down in front of Faith.
"Who was it?" Faith asked, and to Buffy, she sounded broken.
"Oh, it wasn't for me."
"What, wrong address?"
"No. She got it right, but she wasn't looking for me." Angel smiled and glanced up at Buffy.
Faith whipped around and gasped when she saw Buffy standing there, but neither of them were smiling. Angel got up and left, giving them some privacy.
"Faith..." Buffy said.
"Buffy." Faith nodded.
"I... I love you."
"Yeah... I know..."
Buffy's face turned sour. Faith just rejected her. "You... you know?"
"That's what I said, isn't it? I know."
"I say I love you, and you just say 'I know'?"
"Guess so..." Then, on seeing Buffy's angry expression, "What, did you think that you'd just come over here, say I love you, and I'd melt back into your arms? We'd go back to Sunny-D, and try to find whatever's turnin' life into a musical, and everything'd be the way it was before I left?"
"No. I expected it'd be better than before. We wouldn't be fighting anymore. Everyone would know, and I'd actually put some effort into making us work."
That took Faith by surprise. Buffy was... apologizing?
"What are you saying, B?"
"I'm saying I was stupid. I should have told them. I get it. You did everything for me, and I never returned the favor. Sure, the sex was amazing, but I never put any actual effort into us. What I'm trying to say is... I'm sorry."
Faith couldn't believe Buffy was actually apologizing. "Oh, and now you're going to say 'But you were wrong to leave me. You made a mistake, and I want an apology from you.' Right?"
"No. You were right. About everything. I don't expect an apology from you. The only mistake you made was putting up with my insecurity as long as you did. I don't blame you if you don't come back with me. It'll hurt like hell, but I deserve it. I just... I couldn't make this apology over the phone. I couldn't. And I couldn't let you get away without saying it. I'm sorry."
"Oh, I get it. You're trying to be the bigger girl, right? You figure you'd come here, make your apology, make me feel like I won, but really, you're thinking the whole time that you won after all."
"Faith, please stop trying to find some conspiracy in this. Everything I said is sincere. No one wins, no one loses. It's just an apology."
"What's the catch, B? There's got to be some catch."
"No catch. Accept my apology or don't. Say the word, and we'll get in a cab bound for Sunnydale, or I'll get one by myself. We can go home together and be together, in public and in private, or I can go home and we go our separate ways. It's up to you. It's all up to you."
Buffy leaned up against the walls, waiting. She didn't say another word.
"Then... this is all for real? You here to beg me to come home?"
"No. I'm not going to beg. I don't deserve to be able to beg. Five years. For five years I made you keep us a secret, and even now, now that I know they knew all along, even now I find it hard to talk about it. About us."
"But you do want me back?"
"You have no idea."
"Oh, I think I do." Faith said, a slight smile spreading acros her face, and she crossed the distance between them quickly, capturing Buffy's lips and throwing her arms around the blonde's waist. Buffy responded immediately, throwing her arms around Faith's neck and kissing her back hungrily.
"God I missed your touch." Faith moaned into the kiss.
"I've missed your everything." Buffy said, her voice betraying her neediness.
"But..." Faith broke the kiss regrettably. "B, we can't do this now."
"Why? 'Cause Angel's here?"
"No. I really don't give a damn about that right now. Hell, right now, he could even be in the same damn room and I wouldn't care. I just think... now that it's, like, official, meaning everyone knows, we should hold off for a bit. Do it all right this time around. The whole three dates thing, you know?"
"Faith... come on, please don't do this to me." Buffy hadn't meant it to come out as angry. She really had no anger left. But that's the way it sounded to Faith.
"B? Is that what this is? Some kind of booty call? You come here, all apologetic and shit, hoping to get into my pants one last time?"
"What? No!"
"Really? Then what's with the hostility?"
"Trust me, no hostility. I'm just..."
"Just what?"
"Frustrated. Not angry frustrated, just frustrated. I need you, so bad... right now. I need you so bad right now... I don't know if I can wait three dates to feel you again..."
"Well, you're gonna have to. 'Cause I'm not givin' it up again until then."
Buffy groaned. She really didn't like it, but she gave in. "Fine. Okay, three dates it is. Just, let's not spread them out too far, okay?"
Faith almost chuckled. "What, turnin' blue down there?" She asked sarcastically and cupped Buffy's crotch under the skirt she was wearing, not expecting her to be so wet.
Buffy hissed when Faith cupped her, and Faith looked up at her in surprise.
"Holy shit, B... I didn't know it was this bad."
"Yeah... I had to stake a few vamps on my way here, got me worked up a bit, didn't help that I haven't gotten any since our last time together. Plus, you get over pneumonia, you wake up hungry, and not just for food."
Faith was trying not to laugh, she had felt how swollen Buffy was. She desperately needed her release, and soon. But Faith wasn't about to give in on the three dates thing, either.
"Tell you what, why don't we go have that first date right now. Check one off the list, you know?"
Buffy smiled and the two of them kissed again. Faith shouted out to Angel that they were leaving, but they didn't wait for his response.
"Tara, what are you saying?" Willow asked through the tears in her eyes.
"I'm saying you're using too much magic. You use it for everything, you never do anything for yourself now!" Tara asked.
"I do too!"
"Name one thing you did without magic in the past week."
"That's easy! I... I, uh... Well there was that time..."
"Yes?"
"Ha! I made cereal for myself!"
"When?"
"Yesterday!"
"What kind?"
"Lucky Charms!" Willow said, proud of herself.
"We've been out of Lucky Charms since last Tuesday. Dawn ate the rest."
"Oh." Willow said, her pride fading.
"Yeah." Tara's expression softened. "Look, I'm just worried that you might get addicted to it. You went so long at everyone's mercy, not having any power at all that the second you get some kind of power, you want to control everything around you. I understand, I do. I went through the same thing when I started practicing. If I hadn't had my mom to teach me, I might have gone crazy with it. I just want to do the same for you. Please don't hate me."
"Oh, Tara, baby! I could never hate you!" Willow said, and hugged Tara.
"That's good. I'm glad. Look, just... just go a week without casting any spells, okay?"
"None at all?"
"None at all."
"Not even if they're important, like we need them to vanquish a demon?"
"Well, if it's to help kill a demon, I could do the spell. If it's too powerful for me alone, I'll get Giles to help. No magic at all for one week, can you do that?"
Willow pouted, but agreed.
"Okay. So, do you have any spells active right now?"
"Um... maybe a few."
"Well, what are they? I want to know about all of them."
"Well... I did one to help Dawn focus more on studying."
"Willow!"
"Well, it's not cheating! Dawn is still studying, still learning everything, I just... made it a little more fun for her."
"How?" Tara narrowed her eyes.
"Well..." Just then, they heard a scream come from Dawn's room. They both got up and ran to check on her.
"Dawn! Are you okay?!" Tara shouted through Dawn's door.
"Help!" Dawn screamed. The witches bust down the door to see a bunch of translucent Native Americans tying Dawn up and trying to cut her hair off.
"Dispello!" Tara shouted, and the holograms disappeared. Tara ran over to hug Dawn as the ropes disappeared along with the Natives.
"Dawn, I'm sorry!" Willow said from where she stood. "I didn't mean to..."
"What happened?" Tara asked.
"It was my spell!" Willow said. "It was supposed to make these little miniature pictures of the characters in Dawn's school books come to life so she could watch them. It wasn't supposed to make them appear life-size and give them actual control of corporeal objects or people! It was supposed to make studying more fun for Dawn!"
"That was not fun." Dawn growled, though Willow knew she was just shaken up. She had almost been scalped by Native Americans from her history textbook.
"Willow, this is what I was talking about. It could end up hurting people." Tara stormed out of the room, angry.
"Tara, wait!" Willow chased after her. "I didn't mean to!"
"I know you didn't mean to!" Tara turned around and yelled. "But that's my point! It starts with small stuff, then accidents happen. People get hurt, and it's all an accident, but then you get so addicted to the power that you start cursing entire families because someone accidentally tripped you, or teased you in some way!"
"But I'm not like that! You know me!"
"Yes, I do! And I love you! But just because you don't start out a bad witch doesn't mean you can't become one by using too much magic! There are rules!"
"I know the rules!"
"Yes, but over time, the boundaries of the rules start to blur, then you start bending the rules, and then the rules disappear altogether!" Tara sighed, and took a deep breath to calm down. "Look... I think... I think we should take some time off for a while... Clear our heads."
"What?"
"I... I think... I think we should... you know, until you can ignore the temptation to use magic so much... I think we should... We should split up..."
"Are... are you breaking up with me?" Willow asked, horrified.
"Y-y-y-yes." Tara stammered, though it killed her to say it.
"B-b-but... Tara... please... I can... I can stop..." Willow said through her tears.
"Look, the truth is... The truth is, I've been th-thinking about this for a w-while now. I've... um..."
"What?" Willow asked, now sobbing. Music started in the background, and she grew confused. I thought the spell would end now that Faith's gone?
"I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round. And now I think that I've got it all down. And as I say it louder, I hate how it sounds, but I'm not taking the easy way out. Not rapping this in ribbons, shouldn't have to give a reason why...
"It's no surprise. I won't be here tomorrow. I can't believe that I stayed 'til today. Yeah, you and I will be a tough act to follow, but I know in time we'll find this was no surprise.
"It came out like a river, once I let it out. When I thought that I wouldn't know how. Held onto it forever, just pushing it down. It felt so good to let go of it now. Not rapping this in ribbons, shouldn't have to give a reason why...
"It's no surprise. I won't be here tomorrow. I can'tbelieve that I stayed 'til today. There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow. There's nothing here in this soul left to save. Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow. God knows I've tried to find an easier way. Yeah, you and I will be a tough act to follow. But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise.
"Our favorite place we used to go, the warm embrace that no one knows, the loving look that's left your eyes, that's why this comes as no, as no surprise. If I could see the future and how this plays out, I bet it's better than where we are now. But after going through this, it's easier to see the reason why...
"It's no surprise. I won't be here tomorrow. I can't believe that I stayed 'til today. Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow. But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise.
"The kiss goodnight, it comes with me. Both wrong and right, our memories. The whispering before we sleep, just one more thing that you can't keep. Our favorite place we used to go, the warm embrace that no one knows, the lovin' look that's left your eyes, but I know in time we'll find this was no surprise." Tara cried out, then ran down the stairs, unable to stay around Willow any longer. She nearly crashed into Faith and Buffy as they reached the front door.
Buffy stared worriedly as Tara rushed past.
"Wonder what that was about. Did I miss anything?" Faith asked Buffy.
"Apparently we both did." Buffy and Faith ran back inside to see what was going on.
The song used in this chapter is "No Surprise" by Daughtry. I know I promised some songs by other artists, but Daughtry is just so eternally awesome that I can't seem to stay away. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed this chapter, as much as can be expected, anyway. Originally, this song was supposed to be for Faith to sing to Buffy as they split up, possibly for good, but I just couldn't do it. I love Fuffy too much. Tillow, or whatever Willow/Tara's "shipping name" is, just never sat right with me. I always prefered Oz and Willow together, and I think this was the only mistake Joss Whedon made with the franchise. I think it should have been Buffy and Faith to go gay together, not Willow with Tara. Oh well, I still have eternal respect for Mr. Joss Whedon. I think maybe I'll do a tribute to him instead of an actual chapter next, then get back to the actual story. That's undecided. What do you guys think? Tell me: In the next chapter, should I make it a tribute to the divine genius of Joss Whedon, or just do another chapter? I want a vote from everyone who reads this, so no skimping on the votes! Even guests can vote, so no excuses!