A/N Thanks for sticking with this. I know the updates have been sporadic at best.

Much love.

She returned two hours later, tired but invigorated from the chilly winter air to find her apartment empty and a note from Elliot on the counter letting her know that he had taken Kathleen back home.

Saturday night rolled into Sunday morning and Elliot hadn't returned. Olivia had called him once and left a message just to check in but he didn't contact her until late that night. The shrill ring of her cell phone startled her out of her half-hearted attempt to sleep and she quickly reached for her cell phone on the night stand. Checking the caller ID to make sure it wasn't the station, she answered with a quiet "Hey, El."

"Hey. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"Really? You still ask that after all these years of me answering 'no.' You know I don't sleep that well when we've got a case anyway."

"You haven't heard anything from Cragen on that, have you? I know he sent us home for the weekend but I was really hoping something would turn up from the canvas of the last vic's apartment complex."

"Haven't heard. So, where are you?" Olivia asked, wanting to divert the subject from the gruesome case they were still caught in the middle of on top of everything else. She had just been going back and forth between spinning the details of the case around in her mind and worrying about Elliot and his kids as she lay under her cool silk sheets staring at the dark ceiling. She'd rather not think about the case anymore now that Elliot was actually returning her call.

"Driving. Just left Queens."

"How's Kathleen?"

"She's okay. Took things much better than Maureen. She's always resented her mom a little bit I think. Ever since her bipolar diagnosis, Kathy has handled Kathleen with kid gloves and it really wears on Kathleen's patience. I talked to Kathy a little bit too. Told her that we need to talk to the twins soon and that I wanted to be there when she told them so things didn't get twisted as I'm sure she would like them to."

"That's good. Stand your ground, El." Olivia said, stifling an unintentional yawn.

"I'm so sorry, Liv. I'm probably keeping you up. I'll hang up and let you try to sleep."

"No, El. I'm fine. I wasn't sleepy until I heard your voice actually. You just relax me, that's all." The words were out of her mouth before she realized what she had revealed and he heard her gasp a little at the realization of what she had just said. It was definitely not like her to tell him something so intimate.

"Ah, I see." Elliot replied, his lips curled into a smile.

Changing the subject quickly Olivia asked "So, I assume you're staying in your apartment tonight?"

"Actually, um, I was hoping to crash on your couch again, if that's okay. Your place is much closer than mine and I'm falling asleep behind the wheel."

"Oh, of course." Olivia said with probably too much enthusiasm since Elliot was now audibly chuckling on the other end of the phone. She slapped her palm against her forehead and pinched her eyes closed, trying to regain her composure. "I'll set some linens out for you. Just use your key."

"Thanks, Liv. If you're asleep by the time I get there, sweet dreams."

"You too, El." Olivia half whispered, blushing in the darkness at the sweetness in his voice. Her heart fluttered in the most cliché sense and she about smacked herself as she hung up the phone. She did not do this. She was not some crazy teenager whose boyfriend was spending the night. This was Elliot. He was over all the time, this was nothing new to her. But somehow, knowing that his marriage was done opened a hole in the anti-Elliot wall she had so carefully constructed around her heart and she had yet to figure out how to patch it. Knowing that he would be sleeping on her couch in probably nothing but his boxers and undershirt did absolutely nothing to help. She closed her eyes to the darkness and immediately images of him changing in the locker room, biceps stretching his t-shirt, abs rippling under the thin material as he switched button ups stormed into her consciousness. She soon found herself imagining the feel of his hard skin under her soft hands, running her fingers over his tight pecs, skimming his biceps with her fingertips as she moved to thread her hands behind his neck. She pictured herself capturing his lips with hers and pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Just once she wanted to experience what it was like to be loved by Elliot Stabler; to feel his full weight pressed on top of her. She craved to feel his lips pressed against her skin, to feel him drag his tongue down the column of her neck and over her collarbone, to feel what it was like to give herself completely to the only man she had ever truly loved, to feel him fill her completely.

But no. She wouldn't let herself dwell with those thoughts. The intimate gestures and looks of the last two days were merely a result of his tumultuous situation. She imagined the prolonged glances, she was sure of it. The heat she felt each time he locked eyes with her was surely only experienced by her. And the hand holding? Merely a result of the divorce. He needed to feel someone was there for him, he needed a foundation. That was it. She knew he didn't feel anything but friendship towards her and she was just going to have to accept that….again.

She heard her lock move and shortly after her door opened and closed and the lock clicked back into place. Elliot's heavy and usually determined footsteps were soft and unsure sounding to Olivia's heightened hearing the darkness afforded her. She listened to Elliot search the linen closet. She had gotten so caught up in her fantasy that she had forgotten to set out sheets for him but he knew exactly where they were. She heard him sigh as he pulled off his belt and slipped out of his shoes. She heard the soft clink of the buttons of his shirt as they hit her glass coffee table as he set his folded clothes down. She was right, he was in his boxers and t-shirt. Her mind spun again and soon she was lost in the fantasies she only allowed herself once in a blue moon and never when he was here. She knew him so well, had memorized his every movement, mannerism, scent, and muscle that she sometimes swore she could feel him with her These dreams of hers that she allowed herself only when she was on the edge of sleep brought her comfort but they were too embarrassing for her to think about in the harsh, judgmental light of day. The ones where he is beside her running his hands through her hair, skimming his thumb across her cheek bone. Reverently brushing her hair out of her face and placing small intimate kisses from her temple, down her cheek to her jaw and finally to her lips. These fantasies always involved him looking into her eyes, telling her he loves her with all his being, that he can't live without her and he was a fool to not realize this sooner before he finally climbs into bed, wraps his strong, protective and holds her close.

She drifted to sleep with the scent of his cologne on the edge of her mind and the hard planes of his chest against her back, not realizing that this time it was more than a fantasy. Not realizing that he had slipped in between her sheets and was holding her with his face tucked into the nape of her neck smelling her lilac hair as she drifted into the best sleep she would have in years. No, Olivia just settled into what she thought was his imaginary presence and let her love for him carry her to sleep.