AN: I'm sorry for the late update. But it's a long chapter to make up for it ;)

Thank you so much for all your lovely comments and reviews. You made my days. Thank you so very very very much. You make me so happy.

Chapter 6.

July 09th. Six months. 182 days. Eight missed calls. No answers. Nothing changed. One step forward, two steps back. The same damn thing. Again and again.

She hasn't moved in hours. Sitting in the corner of her room, knees pressed against her chest. Forehead pressed against her knees. Breathing in. Breathing out.

Why wasn't it getting better? She was laughing again, thinking about the future, leaving the house sometimes. She had even put on a few pounds and on rare occasions she even slept through the night. Those last 70 days she felt like her life maybe was just that. A life.

Since the evening on her steps, he kept his promise. First thing in the morning she always got a text message from him and throughout the day she received a few more. No big meaningful words but for her they meant everything. His little jokes, they were what kept her sane. And in the night the called her. Just a few minutes talking to get her mind off of her life.

On day 117, after a week of texting and talking they went for coffee again. He remembered how he liked hers and ordered before she came.

On day 125, they went out for lunch. Just hot dogs at a park bench while he watched people; researches for the book.

On day 136, they went to see a movie. It was a comedy and he hated it. She liked it.

On day 142, she saw his loft for the firs time. They ordered takeout and she listened to the ideas of his new book.

On day 156 she met his family. He invited her to join him and his daughter to the park and have dinner with them and his mother afterwards.

It was the first time in 156 days that she truly felt happy. At first she was scared, meeting his family felt like this relationship – whatever it was – was so much more than in reality.

But just after a few minutes she opened up and Alexis was a great child. She was open, carefree and happy. She could not remember a day she had laughed that much. She knew that it had to be before. Before everything.

On the way back Rick stopped at a grocery store. She did not know why but she never imagined him a cook. But he was and it was amazing. It was one of the first meals she enjoyed since. Since everything.

And his mother. She did not know how to describe Martha Rodgers. But since she walked into the loft and that older woman hugged her and told her she was 'truly stunning' she felt okay.

It was a great day and she would not change a thing. That night she slept through for the first time since. Since everything.

And now she was here again. On the ground, wishing she could just cry. But the tears she shed in the morning were long dry on her cheeks and all she felt was a stab in her chest, the inability to breath and the tightness in her stomach.

Her phone rang again. Call number nine. She knew it was him but she just could not pick up. After 182 days she was just back to day one. She ignored him all day.

When she woke up in the morning she thought she could handle the day. The six months anniversary of her mothers death. No, not death, murder. The six month anniversary of her mothers murder.

After waking up she got a text message from Rick. Instead of his usual jokes he told her in the morning he wrote 'Just call me if you need someone to talk to'. She did not need to talk and so she did not call. She really believed that she could survive. But before she even had chance to leave the room she heard a shatter from the kitchen.

Running down she saw her father throwing bottles on the wall. He was drunk. He was always drunk. She tried to make him stop but he didn't. He stormed out on her, saying that he did not want to see her face. She looked too much like her mother. The only person who understood how she felt, the only person who knew all the questions she had, walked out on her. Left her crying in the kitchen. He was supposed to be there for her. They were supposed to be there for each other. Instead everything was falling apart all over again.

Since then she hid in her room. Alone.

Her phone rang again. Why did she tell him the exact date? This time it was a text message grabbing her phone with shaking fingers she pressed 'read'.

Kate, please answer your phone. If you don't, I'll come over.

She felt her heart stop beating. No, no, no, no, no, how could he do this? He would not be coming over. He could not come over. Not now. Not ever. What did she get herself into?

As her phone rang just moments later she winced. The phone still in her shaking hand the lump in her throat grew bigger.

Pressing the 'accept' button she held the phone to her ear, not saying anything. She didn't trust her ability to speak at that moment. Resting her head on her knees breathing was all she could do.

"Kate-" said his concerned voice on the other side. She didn't answer.

"What happened? You were supposed to be over for lunch. I called you all day long."

Lunch, right. He invited her as a distraction for the anniversary. She thought it was a good idea. Spend time with people who seemed to care about her, not thinking that much about her mother or worrying about her father and all the liquid that was going down his throat today.

But still, she didn't answer.

"Kate? Talk to me." he insisted. She cleared her throat.

"I couldn't." she mumbled trying to sound as normal as possible which, of course, was not possible. There was a sigh on the other end and she imagined him running a hand over his face in frustration. He either acted like a twelve year old or someone much older than 27. Right now she just wanted the twelve year old. She could not handle his seriousness today.

"Listen, I know today is hard-" he started. Why did she tell him the exact date? He never forgot and since she knew him each month on the 9th he was especially careful around her.

"How about I come and pick you up?" he asked. Against her legs she shook her head.

"I really can't." It was getting painfully hard to breathe and she felt a sob raising from deep within her throat. Talking was not good. Talking made her feel.

"Yes you do, and you will. I'll be there in half an hour." The stern tone in his voice let her knew that he was being honest.

"It's late." she mumbled knowing that it was too late to try to convince him otherwise. The clock on her nightstand just crossed 9pm.

"It's not. I'll be there. I'm sorry, but you shouldn't be alone tonight."

"I-"

"Kate, listen." His voice was gentle, worry leaking through. "I'll pick you up, make you hot chocolate and order a pizza since I know you haven't eaten anything today. We don't have to talk about anything, at all. It's your choice but I'm not sitting here knowing that you're going through hell right now."

/

He saw her as he parked in front of her house. She sat there on the stairs, head in her hands, elbows resting on her knees. She didn't even look up at him. Getting out he walked around the car approaching her on the stairs.

"I really thought I had to carry you out of the house." he smirked and ran a hand lightly over her back as he sat down. She didn't even move, just shrugged her shoulders. Grabbing her elbow lightly he got up, dragging her with him. Hands falling from her face he had a chance to look at her face.

Circles under her bloodshot eyes, pale skin, hair hang messy around her face. He thought about just pulling her into his arms – taking her away from everything, making her forget everything that went wrong. But he didn't. That was a boundary he was not going to cross. Not when he knew that she was going to run.

"You certainly had better days." he said, trying to lighten up the mood.

Running her hands through her hair she looked embarrassed.

"Don't worry, you're still hot." Beautiful, she was still beautiful. The smallest smile appeared on her lips as she let him guide her to the car.

Suddenly she stopped in track turning around to face him. "What?" he asked.

"Alexis, you took Alexis with you." she said shocked and her voice wasn't as weak as it was on the telephone earlier.

"Yes." He walked around the car shrugging his shoulders.

"You shouldn't. She... it's late and Rick... you shouldn't-" she muttered, stumbling over her words making him smile slightly in return.

"Kate, Kate." he said holding his hands up in surrender. "No problem. Mother wasn't home and she already slept when I put her in the car. She won't even notice. She always loved sleeping in the car."

Kate just kept on starring biting her lower lip. "Just get in the car, it's no problem." he tried to assure her. He saw her breathing in deeply before she opened the door and slipped into the passenger seat. After securing the belt she leaned her head against the window looking out into the city.

He drove, stealing glances at her all the time. He wanted to say something, anything, to make it better. But she just sat there with closed eyes. Alexis even breaths coming from the back. How could he make it better?

/

He carried Alexis into the loft, she walked a few steps behind him. Still not understanding why she even agreed to come here she sat down on the couch while Rick tucked Alexis back into bed. She would be lying if she said that being here did not make it better.

Pulling her legs underneath her body she heard him coming back down the stairs and disappearing into the kitchen area. She was so exhausted. Leaning her head back onto the couch she closed her eyes for a moment trying to think about nothing. But instead the fact that being here really helped her calm down flooded her mind.

A shuffle next to her made her open her eyes. Rick sat down, putting two cups of what looked like hot chocolate with marshmallows on the table in front of them.

"Thanks" she mumbled taking the cup between her fingers, letting the heat from the beverage leak through her hands into her body. Even thought it was July and warm outside she was freezing. Taking a sip she let the warm liquid run down her throat.

"You want to-" he started, propping one arm up on the back of the couch, turning into her direction. She knew what he wanted to say. Do you want to talk about it?

"I feel like I should... but I don't know if I can." she whispered tired of lying. Tired of pretending that she was fine when she clearly wasn't. This right now was as honest as she could get.

"You can start wherever and whenever you want." he said taking a sip of his own chocolate. She nodded, more to convince herself that she could than to him. They have spend a lot of time together in the past two months. And she did talk about her mother and her father and everything – a few mentions here and there – but they never really sat down to talk about her feelings. It was just something she didn't do.

Until now.

"I feel like... I feel like for every fucking step I take forward I take at least two steps back..." she leaned back putting her hands flat on her tights. "I just... I don't even think it's because of... the anniv- because of today. I've been feeling better." she almost winced.

"I know." he said. His fingers stretching on the couch and she hoped he could just lay them on her back or her shoulder or anywhere. But he didn't.

"Did I tell you I've been planning to go back to college?" she asked, a hoarse laugh escaping her throat.

"You're going back to Stanford?" he asked with a smile.

Shaking her head she bit her lip. "No... no. I've send out my de-registration form yesterday. I can't go back there. I thought about getting a degree here."

"That sounds great. And then?"

"I don't know. Maybe I can go to police academy. Trying to give families the answers we've never got." The last part came out as a whisper. She saw a smile forming on his lips.

"Then I can really write books about you. You have no idea about all the ideas I'm just getting." She couldn't help but laugh a little. How could he always do that? Make her laugh when all she wanted was to crawl into a hole and die.

"And then today..." she continued, changing the subject. "I wish I could have one good day. And I wish my dad-" she swallowed the lump in her throat. "I wish we could be there for each other... and I'm really scared I'll also lose him if he doesn't stop drinking, and, and-" she stumbled over the words.

He then reached out his hand, laying it on top of hers, palm pressing to her back, fingers finding the space between hers, calming her in return. She took a deep breath through her mouth trying not to let his reaction on her show.

"And my mom. She always said that life didn't delivers anything that we can't handle. But... I really don't feel like that and I'm so scared-" she turned her hand underneath his pressing their palm together, holding onto him.

/

"I don't want to disappoint her." He heard the sob before he saw the tears. He knew she was trying to hold back, trying not to break down in front of him. But he also knew she was slowly losing that battle. Pulling her closer he he lay his arm around her shoulder, guiding her head to his chest in an effort to comfort her. For a man who lived off his words he surely lacked right now.

He was just glad that she did not pull away right away as he thought she would. Instead her hand came to rest on his forearm, her nails digging into his skin. Part of him was breaking but the other part was just glad that she finally let him see some emotions.

For several minutes he held her until she moved away from him, but her hand kept on holding his arm. She yawned.

"You tired?"

"Yeah." she breathed not looking at him.

"Do you want to stay here? We have a nice guest room?" He was sure that she was going to decline his offer and that's why he was shocked to see her nodding slightly next to him. He couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face.

"Come on, I show you the room." he said getting up slowly, her hand slipped from his arm but he grabbed it between his pulling her up to him. He guided her up the stairs and into the guest room, turning on the light before letting her step into the room. She turned to him, letting his hand go and slightly smiling at him.

"You're alright here? If you want to talk some more-" he began.

"No, no. I really need to sleep. Maybe... maybe that will help a little bit." she mumbled.

"Okay." he answered. "Oh wait a second." he said. He came back a few seconds later with sweat pants and a t-shirt in his hand handing both of the clothing items to her. "Sleeping in jeans seems to be really uncomfortable." he explained.

She nodded. "Thank you."

"Good nigh." he said smiling.

"Good night." she answered. He turned around to walk into his bedroom.

"Rick?" she heard from behind him and turned around. Kate stood still in the door of the guest room, biting her lip like she always did when she was nervous.

"Thank you, for... everything." she said with a small smile.

"Always."

AN: What do you think?