Hi, so I just got nominated to do the Ice Bucket Challenge that is storming the world. It's done... and I couldn't help but write a short fic about our Sith Lord that we love and hate: the evil Darth Sidious. It's just for fun, so here it is. :)
Darth Sidious Does the Ice Bucket Challenge.
Darth Sidious, the former apprentice of Darth Plagueis the Wise, dark lord of the Sith who would bring the Jedi Order and the Republic down onto its knees stared at his hologram screen intently.
His usually pale blue eyes were now a molten gold and red whilst he gazed in shock at the flickering blue screen. His hand hovered over the mouse, which in turn hovered above the little arrow that would play the video. A little further on the left, was Count Dooku , sitting in his chair inside the deck of his Separatist warship with nothing on but a pair of crimson shorts.
Intrigued, he clicked the mouse button.
"I thank you…. General Grievous for your nomination to participate in the 'Ice Bucket Challenge'."
The Count did NOT look amused. And how in the seven Tatooine hells did that cyborg pull the challenge off!?
"I nominate my former apprentice's - and who I almost consider to be a grandson and want to turn more to the Dark Side than that Skywalker boy – Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi and…."
The future Emperor's eyes widened in anticipation. He unconsciously found himself leaning closer to the screen.
"Darth Sidious."
His pale, skeleton-like fingers clawed into the desk. His heart stopped. 'How dare you…'
The video recaptured the Sith Lord's damaged attention with the sound of the clanking of droids as one B2 Super Battle droid approached the elder Sith Lord and former Jedi with a large bucket. It dripped with condensation. There was a lot of cold water and ice in that thing.
The droid tipped the bucket.
The water and ice cubes tumbled down onto the Count.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH, SITH SPIT!"
Sidious watched with a smirk on his face as his apprentice leapt out of the seat in the blink of an eye, drenched beyond comprehension and sputtering. The surrounding droids chuckled in their mechanical monotone voices. The recorded Sith Lord promptly turned around and sent a monstrous Force push towards the droid who had done the deed, flinging it against the far wall.
The Chancellor had to admit that it brought him great joy to watch his apprentice suffer. After all, he had been nominated and not doing it meant galactic shame!
Nominated….
'Oh, Sith Spawn.'
On the ice planet of Hoth, Darth Sidious stood in nothing but his signature black shorts that said 'Sith rule' on the front of his waistband and 'Jedi smell' right on the back over his backside.
Why, oh why, did he choose the most chilling planet to do this dreaded challenge on?
Because he was the dark lord of the Sith, and he would not be bested by ANYBODY! He would show them all! ALL OF THEM!
ALL would envy his resilience as he took it without flinching. They would tremble with fear once they discovered that NOTHING could deter the famous, hunted and elusive Sith Lord.
"Hit the play button, Gunray. The play button. THE ONE WITH THE POINTED ARROW, YOU SCUNTED SLIME!"
The Neimodian hurriedly fumbled with the small recording device in his hand, so much so that he accidentally dropped it onto the snow with an "oops."
"YOU FOOL!" Sidious snarled, his twisted, gruesome face squashing even more. Honestly, the oaf would one day cause his face to melt.
Gunray snatched it back off of the snow before it could damage it, brushing any residue off with a nervous chuckle. "Please don't zap me, My Lord."
Sidious could only muster a growl in response to the pathetic creature's plea. "Just get on with it!"
After another five minutes – which, albeit, was beginning to get to Sidious with the freezing temperature outside – the Neimodian finally managed to hit the right button. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaand you're on!"
Sidious cleared his throat and offered a gruesome grin.
"Greetings, my future slaves of the galaxy, and thank you Lord Tyrannus for your nomination. I nominate… my future apprentice, Anakin Skywalker and Nute Gunray to participate in the Ice Bucket Challenge. If you value your lives you will do this in… twenty-four hours."
"WHY ME!?" Nute's terrified and quivering voice practically trembled the perfect video he was actually recording.
"BECAUSE YOU ARE A FOOLISH OAF AND A SLIMY FISH WITH A RIDICULOUS ACCENT!" Sidious snapped. "AND BESIDES, I SAY SO!"
Later on, when he looked back at this video, he would find that his face was as red as a cherry tomato.
Here it was – the moment of his glory.
Taking a deep breath, the Sith Lord switched his gaze to the Toydarian he threated to slice in half to bring the bucket.
It was MASSIVE, with the printed red words of 'DARTH SIDIOUS RULES!' around all of it.
The bucket tipped and the water fell.
The moment the liquid and hard ice touched his skin, he regretted his decision to do this blasted thing on Hoth immediately. It was spine tingling! Earth shattering!
He felt as though he were frozen instantly, right down to the bone.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH, YOU BANTHA FODDER, SLEEMO! CURSE WHOEVER MADE THIS DAMN CHALLENGE! CURSE THEM TO THE SEVEN TATOOINE HELLS!"
Both Gunray and the Toydarian were laughing hysterically.
"It hurts!" The Toydarian wheezed, flapping in the air next to the soaking wet Sith Lord.
"I think my sides are splitting!" Gunray was practically on the floor, clutching his stomach and kicking up snow.
Sidious glowered at the two.
"You'll pay for your treachery!"
He promptly shot what he made sure was going to be the most EXCRUTIATING bolt of lightning towards the Neimodian….
ZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAPPP!
Forgetting that he was soaking wet and that basic science dictates that water and electricity do not mix, Darth Sidious, fearsome Sith Lord, the deceiver of both the Jedi and the Republic, and the future Emperor of the galaxy had shocked himself.
"ASSKGNJBJDNDHDJNB BLAH GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRRCH!"
The Sith Lord's silver hair was static, with black burning marks on the ends, emitting tendrils of smoke. His pale white, flaky skin was smoking, hot, and covered in third degree burns.
After the force of the shock stopped him from bunny hopping from side to side he stood there, completely and utterly dazed.
The spectacle only made his two spectators laugh even more.
Grinding his teeth together in rage, his eyes flashing with malice, he spoke.
"We. Are. Repeating. This. We will get this correct."
"Too late, Sid! It's already on the galactic web!" The crazy Neimodian laughed manically all the more. "TWENTY MILLION LIKES IN THREE SECONDS! A QUARTER OF A MILLION SARCASTIC COMMENTS! ONE SAYS WORST ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE EVER! ANOTHER SAYS EPIC FAIL!"
The Toydarian was now on the floor, dead. The poor thing had laughed too much. But at least he died happy.
The news caused something to snap inside Sidious and before he knew it he had raised his arm again and zapped himself once more.
As the laughter continued – now hollow in his ears – and the biting and chilly air breezed past him, Sidious stared up at the sky with tears in his molten eyes.
'I'm so dead.'
So there we go. Just a small bit of fun that I enjoyed writing. Hope you enjoyed! :D