Sitting with your legs perched on either side of a donkey was a not a comfortable way of traveling, let me tell you. To this day, I still cringe at how much my behind had ached, and how itchy the inside of my thighs had become. Therefore, travelling on the thing did not put me a great mood that day, despite the nice weather, and the sudden reappearance of Bilbo Baggins.

The Hobbit had come running at us from behind, waving the contract in his hand, all done up in his travelling gear. He'd signed it, in the end, and Thorin had informed me that since Bilbo had decided to come, I would be getting my share of the treasure.

I hadn't realized that him not coming had affected my share, but okay.

The arrival of Bilbo had happened hours before, and still we bumbled along in the countryside, through a mass of trees, with the sun peeking heavily through the leaves. The wood we traveled through was simple, yet it was lovely to look at. I didn't voice my fascination, because the men I traveled with were quite used to scenery such as that, while I was not.

I was used to concrete, houses, tall buildings and cars.

'Will you stop moving about back there?' said Fili, voiced laced with amusement, as always. 'You're bothering the pony'.

I'd glared at his back, my hands lingering around his waist to stop me from falling sideways. 'Maybe if I had a pony to myself, we would't be having this problem,' I informed him with snark. 'You guys have freaking dragons, Elves and Wizards, couldn't I get an enchanted carpet up in here, or at least a broomstick? No, that would be even more uncomfortable, actually'.

'What are you wittering on about, Millie?' said Gandalf from further up the group. I had not, at the time, realized that it was not just Fili that could hear me, but the other Dwarves too. I'd muttered a 'nothing', and had ceased in fidgeting, though I dreamed of finally setting up camp.

My prayers were answered many hours later, hours that were filled with me falling asleep with my forehead pressed against Fili's back, the pony sneezing and waking me up. I pulled away from my makeshift pillow, and blinked lazily up at the orange sky.

'Daylight is waning,' said Fili, in response to my yawn. 'We will be setting up camp further down this hill. Mr Bilbo said that he spotted a good place within the rocks to sleep'. I guessed that waning meant, like, setting or something, so I'd nodded and flexed my fingers, cracking out any stiff bones. 'I am am sure that you are very tired,' he said sarcastically.

I glared at his back. 'Yeah, and I'm sure you're just exhausted from steering a pony all day'. This earned a sharp and hearty snort from Kili, who rode just behind us, to the right.

'I, for one, cannot wait to get some food in me,' said Bofur heartily, following the line of ponies as they began descending down a path down the side of the hill. 'And to sit around a nice, warm fire'.

I nodded in agreement, suddenly all kinds of serious. 'Amen to that, sister'.

I ignored the pointedly baffled looks and instead swallowed, trying desperately to bring some moisture to my dry mouth. 'Has anyone got some water?' Kili, the little gentlemen that he was, rode closer to us and handed over a leather satchel thing, that, apparently, had water in it. Unsure, I had unscrewed the top and taken a sip, trying desperately to keep the liquid from spilling all over me.

The mission, in the end, was a success. 'Thanks,' I told him, handing the bottle back. Still, his eyes lingered on me, even after I had given the bottle back. 'Fili, your brother keeps giving me the stink eye, and it's giving me the creeps,' I informed the older of the two.

Fili glanced back once, scoffed, and then proceeded to ignore me, though I am sure that he had no idea what I had said.

'We will walk the rest of the way,' called Thorin from the head of the group. 'And lead the ponies down the pathway. Come, dismount,' he urged, dropping from his own pony with manly, warrior-like elegance.

Elegance that I would have killed for.

'This going to be interesting,' I muttered, sliding sideways off of the pony after Fili had dismounted. It seemed that sliding sideways was not how I was going to get off of the pony, for Kili, leaving his ponies side, brushed his brother out of the way and offered me two arms, his hard stare fixed on my startled face.

'May I?'

Oh, you may.

I swung one leg around the pony, grasping desperately for some balance. 'Dude, anything to get me off of this pony,' I told him, and with that, I gave a little spasm of a push forward, Kili caught me, settled me onto the ground, and it had all been very swoon-worthy.

I had not noticed Fili's half-amused smile, because he had turned away from the scene. I wouldn't have noticed anyway, not with my warm cheeks, unsteady feet and brewing sneeze.

I followed them down the side of the hill, along the rocky pathway, trying desperately to get the sneeze out of me. Annoyingly, it was one of those ones that made your eyes water, then disappeared when you were sure you were about to sneeze.

While I grumbled about the cursed sneeze, we had finally reached our resting place. After setting up the ponies in their area, the Dwarves worked on setting up their own camp. I, myself, worked on grabbing the chewing gum from my bag and sticking a piece in my mouth. I then hummed to myself while snooping around the contents of my bag, rubbing some Vaseline on my dry lips.

'Fili, Kili,' called Thorin, turning to his nephews. 'Scout the area, and take the girl with you. Let her gather some wood for the fire-'

I stood up straight and pursed my lips at the King. 'My name,' I'd started, hand on my hip and eyebrow raised in an unimpressed manner. 'Is Alexandria Millicent Fournier, not girl-'

By that point, Fili and Kili had already firmly turned me around and pushed me back up the pathway that we had just walked down. I walked between them, unable to escape the person-prison.

'You shouldn't talk to him in that manner,' said Kili patiently. 'I know that our Uncle can be quite difficult sometimes-'

'And if by difficult, you mean emotionally constipated, then yes, he is,' I cut in, seeming more miffed than I actually was. At the time, I'd just wished that Thorin would stop being so bloody moody with me, and everyone else. It wasn't my fault that I had come from a world that revolved around modern life, rather than wars fought with swords, axes, and women that were thought of as something other than fighters.

Both brothers laughed after a small, awkward pause. 'You have a way with words that I sometimes envy,' said Fili, slapping me lightly on the back.

I'd been rather proud of that compliment.

We stopped atop the hill, and they waved me over to the edge of a wood that was close by, to gather some wood. 'We can keep an eye on you, at least,' said Kili, cracking a smile at my glare. I turned away from them, and started over for the forest while they searched the area for any signs of...well, Lord of the Ring type creatures, I guess. Were Orcs meant to appear in The Hobbit?

I had hoped not.

The only thing that I knew about getting wood for a fire, was that it should be dry. Obviously. Baby sloths probably knew as much about the art of making a campfire. I hatedcamping. I hated the uncomfortable sleep, the change in temperature, the sound of animals, and the grogginess you felt in the morning. On top of that, I had no place to shower.

I trod back to the edge of the path, my arms full of broken twigs, long twigs and any other assortment of twig. The only plus was that they were all bone dry, thanks to the sunny weather. I had wondered what season it was, seeing as in England, when I had left, it had been June.

Fili and Kili joined me soon after, after using their apparent 'sharp eyes' to seek out any oddities. Apparently they got the all clear, because soon they were leading me back down the path, bugging me into letting them carry the wood pile for me.

'Will you two quit it,' I snapped at them, entering the camp. 'Jeez, I'm capable of carrying a pile of sticks, thank you-!'

I had spoken too soon.

A rock that had, obviously, appeared out of nowhere slid beneath my foot, resulting in me tripping rather ungracefully into the camp, smacking into the innocent Ori, and scattering the gathered pile of twigs and wood onto the rocky floor.

A wry, 'you were saying, my Lady?' from Kili.

I stooped down, my face burning and my pride punched, hung and pebbled. I glanced up at Ori, who looked to be biting back a smile. 'Sorry' I said stonily. 'And you,' I half turned to the brothers, who were sharing amused smiles at my expense. 'Shut up'.

They held up their hands, mouths tightly shut, and knelt beside me to gather up the wood and the twigs. The other Dwarves were rolling their eyes and muttering things such as, 'youngsters', 'women', and 'why isn't the food ready yet?'

I feel you, dude.

Half an hour later, we were all scattered around the camp, using wooden 'plates' to eat our bacon and beans off of. I was sat as close to the fire as I dared, my face warming against the flames. Despite the sunny weather of that day, the temperature had quite suddenly dropped. Everyone was talking quietly among themselves, or staying quiet, lost in their own thoughts.

So, of course, I had decided to ruin that.

'So,' I had started, taking my stare away from the bright fire. I noticed Thorin's stare of dread on me, but continued. 'What's everyone's favorite colour, then?

Brief silence reigned in which Dwarves blinked at me. Dwalin had held a hand to his forehead and shaken his head from side to side slowly, as if not knowing whether to find my questions funny, or stupid.

The silence was broken by Kili, who sat against a rock with his brother. 'Mine is blue'. I could have kissed him. Like, seriously.

Fili joined in after, and I was quite close to forgiving them. Almost. 'Mine also. Uncle?'

Thorin, who seemed to have a permanent look of deep annoyance on his face, looked at his nephews. For a moment his face softened, and he said, turning to me, 'mine is gold'.

Right, didn't his dad have like a super-duper gold fetish or something?

After Thorin decided to join in on the whole 'sharing' thing, so did everyone else.

Nori said, 'grey'.

Ori said, 'white, like paper'.

Dori said, 'red'.

Oin said, after me repeating the question twice, 'silver'.

Gloin said, like Thorin, 'gold'.

Bombur said, 'green, like grass'.

Bofur said, 'wood-colour, like mahogany'. Effie, eat your heart out.

Bifur said, 'black', to which I snorted out, 'emo', to which everyone else simply ignored.

Balin said, 'orange'.

Dwalin took a moment to think, and then said, 'yellow, I think'.

Bilbo said, 'green', without fault, and I thought that maybe he was thinking of The Shire.

I smiled brightly at them all, happy that they had decided to humor me. 'And mine's green too. There we go, now we've all shared a little something, doesn't that just feel good?' I stood, brushed off my breeches, and spun around to make way for my bag, which hung from a rock. As I approached it, I heard Bifur mutter to Bombur, 'it just felt pointless to me'.

I sent him a stale glance, hand burrowed in my bag, but stopped short.

Only Fili and Kili, the closet to me, seemed to notice. 'Everything okay, Millie? You look like you've seen a ghost'.

I had turned my head a little to face them, completely thrown at what was protruding out of Bifur's head. 'Is no one else just a little alarmed at the fact that there is an axe stuck in Bifur's head?' I whispered, rubbing Vaseline on my lips absentmindedly. 'Like, seriously'.

'You've only just noticed?' said Fili incredulously.

Kili looked amused, but shushed me quickly. 'He gets a little...agitated when people point it out'.

I was utterly bamboozled. 'Uh, well yeah!' I sat down heavily next to them, resting by elbows on my knees. 'Dude, Dwarves are weird'.

'Dude,' stressed Fili, and I turned to him in amused surprise. Even Kili looked mildly humored at hearing the words stretch uneasily out of his brothers mouth. 'You are a she-Dwarf'.

Still slightly stumped at hearing Fili say dude, I replied with a quick, 'well, yeah, but I didn't u-'

I didn't used to be, was what I was going to stay, but I repaired the sentence as quickly as I could, and failed miserably at making it sound convincing. 'Er, I didn't know much about Dwarves before, did I?'

Kili and Fili looked at me suspiciously. With an air of indifference, I turned away, cringing at my overall awfulness. 'Well then,' I sighed, stretching out my legs in front me. 'I'm gonna hit the hay, so, you know, carry on with whatever you were doing before I came along'.

With that, I curled in upon myself and wrapped my cloak tightly around me, fully aware of every stone digging into my side, and the particularly sharp turn of rock that dug into my shoulder. Despite these factors, I fell into a half sleep, which didn't quite feel like sleep, yet didn't quite feel like awake.

I was awoken, quite suddenly, but a sharp screech.

I sat up quickly, groggily looking about at the camp. Many were asleep, and my eyes landed on Kili, who looked straight back at me. His face told me that I had not dreamed the noise. The sky was dark, which only added to the overall creepiness of it. The noise sounded again, and my stomach clenched uneasily.

'...What was that?' I asked slowly, at the exact same time that Bilbo did. He retreated back into the confines of the camp, his large feet carrying him along quickly.

Kili's dark eyes broke from mine, and looked to Bilbo. 'Orcs,' he mused, merely a little surprised.

My mouth dropped open in horror. 'Oh, hell no,' I muttered, moving purposely closer up the rock, toward Kili and Fili. 'I am not down with that - not Orcs. They are full on nasty little shi- bad, er, things,' I mended, catching the unimpressed gaze of the smoking Gandalf. 'Aren't they, like, constantly covered in black goo?'

Bilbo seemed to have the same idea, and practically pranced to the other side of the fire. Thorin, alarmed by this revelation, sat up fully. Oh God, if Master of Misery was wary, then I should have been crying by this point.

'They'll be dozens of them out there,' said Fili, smoking his pipe nonchalantly. 'The Low-Lands are crawling with them'.

I'd moved so far up the ground, that I had to make sure I didn't burn myself on the fire. 'You're being very calm about the whole thing,' I said, half hysterical.

Kili looked sideways at me, his mouth lifting up a little at the corner. He looked back to Bilbo, his face taking on a look of dramatically dark emotion. That little shit. I realized thathe was purposely trying to scare Bilbo. 'They strike,' said Kili, sounding mournful. 'In the wee small hours, when everyone's asleep'. I pressed my back into the wall behind me, now sitting next to him. 'Quick and quiet - no screams - just lots of blood'.

'You should take up professional acting,' I muttered dryly, to which he looked down at me, then back his brother, laughing softly at Bilbo's horrified expression.

Thankfully, Thorin came along then, standing from his spot. 'Do you think this is funny?' he admonished his nephews, who quickly looked abashed. I don't remember much of what Thorin said, mostly because I was biting back a pleased smile at Kili and Fili getting a good telling off. All I remember is that he had Kili looking downcast, and that he soon marched off to stand by the ponies.

I'd almost felt bad for the youngest Oakenshield.

I'd elbowed Kili in the side, catching his look and muttering a tired, 'although you deserved it, quit looking like he just stole your candy,' with my eyes already closed. I had a feeling, that with someone beside me, I would get a better sleep. 'He didn't mean to snap, I'm sure,' I mumbled. I didn't like it when people got all upset, it just made things super-awkward.

'Go to sleep, Millie,' said Kili quietly, just as Balin had began to speak.

'On it,' I mumbled, and half-hoped that I would not dribble, or snore.

That night, I fell asleep to the sound of Balin telling stories of a Pale Orc, a dead King, and the sad, lonely Thorin Oakenshield, my head slowly lolling to the side, and resting on his youngest nephews shoulder.

Whew, character development, yay!

Your reviews have been the highlight of my day, so thank you so much. Even the private messages have had been blushing and stuff. So, once again, thanks a bunch.

More reviews would probably have me crying butterflies, so review!

I borrowed the idea for the colour talk off of The Awkward Adventures of Meghan Whimblesby by februarysong.