VII

Nell broke her engagement to Vincent Marquand that afternoon when he visited despite the fact that Adam had given her no encouragement at their shared breakfast. Vincent asked Nell what it was that caused her to end it. Had he not been adequately attentive? He had certainly been busy lately and if he had given the impression that he was losing interest, he was most sorry. Nell assured him that he had been the most perfect fiancé but she had of late realized that she didn't love him and therefore, their marriage would have been a travesty.

Vincent had been confused. Love will come later, he said. They were well-matched, the two of them and what would he tell his parents and his friends? He asked her to reconsider—think for a few days before she announced it; he would return for her final answer in two days. And Vincent kissed her lovingly on the cheek. Nell smiled gently, almost crying—Vincent had always been kind and thoughtful and she knew she was lucky but Nell felt that she would be cheating not just herself, but Vincent as well if she married him.

Adam Cartwright was also a confused man. He couldn't deny that he was attracted to Nell—any man would be and she had done her best to signal her interest in him and now she had declared it. But in a manner, Adam felt it was ridiculous. Older men having young wives was not unusual. Wives in this part of the country where survival was a constant struggle made quick work of the fairer sex and many wives died in childbirth or from disease or just, it seemed, because dying was easier than living. Men looked for younger women to replace their lost partners and provide more children and a body at night but Adam never considered himself of that ilk. And Nell was young and had no idea what a full physical relationship would entail; of that, Adam was certain. "Nell, do you really have any idea what it would be like to be married—especially married to me?" Adam was determined to talk sense into her.

The waitress lingered as she refreshed Adam's cup of coffee. From the few times she had been to the table of the dark-haired man and the dewy, young woman who looked at him with such adoration, she gathered that he was trying to convince the woman not to love him. That was interesting enough in itself but the fact that she herself found him attractive, made them of even more interest to her.

"I do know what it would be like…"

Adam placed his hand on Nell's and then looked up at the waitress.

"Oh, I as just going to ask you if the food was okay—you haven't eaten anything." The waitress said.

"No, the food's fine," Adam said.

Nell sat, waiting and thrilling at Adam's hand on hers. She noticed the difference in their skin tones, his was darker and his hand was so much bigger than hers with long, elegant fingers—those of an architect, she thought. Nell also noticed the slight dark hairs and she shivered slightly at the evidence of his manliness.

The waitress left and Adam turned back to Nell, releasing her hand.

"No, Nell, you don't know." Adam stated. "You probably think it's just laughter and flowers and light, but there's always a dark side."

"I know we will be happy. Adam, I would do anything to make you happy. Going to sleep beside you, having you hold me in your arms and waking up next to you—oh, Adam, I can't think of a lovelier life. And I know you would be a wonderful husband—kind and good and generous."

Adam shook his head and sighed. He had to think of something and then it dawned on him-what better than the truth?

"Nell, I have to disabuse you of your schoolgirl notions now. You don't know me," he continued in a low voice. "You think it would be grand and romantic to bed down with me every night but you don't know what hungers I have. I do want you, Nell, you are the tastiest morsel I've seen in years, but I'd swallow you whole, bend you to my will and use you to satisfy myself. Then, in the morning, I'd take you again, just as roughly. Did you fantasize about that? Did you think the birds would sing outside our window as I gently made love to you? It's not like that—life isn't like that and neither is sex. It's usually a quick satisfying of a nagging urge because life won't wait for leisurely lovemaking. You need to grow up, Nell. You're only a girl. Grow up and understand what strong feelings drive a man to take a woman."

Nell pushed her chair back and pulled herself as straight as she could, her lip quivering and Adam feared she was going to cry. He immediately regretted being so candid.

"I'm soon to be 19. My mother was married to my father at 14 and I was born just a month shy of her 16th birthday. Perhaps I am naïve and perhaps I do put graces and virtues on you that you don't own because I think so much of you, because I love you so but I am a woman grown and I know what I want. I don't want Vincent—I will not marry him. I can't bear the thought of spending my life with him as I don't feel toward him the way I feel about you. You can put all the slanders on yourself that you want but it doesn't change a thing." Nell stood up and Adam rose as well. "Goodbye, Adam. If you don't come calling on me, it will be the biggest mistake of your life as you will never find anyone who will love you as much as I do."

Adam was speechless and Nell, her head held high, walked out of the hotel restaurant. As soon as she climbed into her curricle and took the reins in hand, a sob escaped her and then the tears fell down her cheeks as she drove back home.

Adam directed the window-sign painter as to exactly how he wanted the window to look, the flourishes had to be elegant—not too flowery and the names should be large but not overwhelming; after all, they also had a shingle. Jess had sketched out the design for the names on the window and Adam showed it to the painter.

"Very good, sir," the painter said and began to create the template on the glass. Adam looked around the vast room. Jess was at a drafting table making his first design in the new office—the partition to separate the main office from the rest of the room. The thin wall hiding the former fitting rooms had to be removed and Adam picked up a sledge hammer resting against the wall; he wanted to hit something.

Jess had already asked him about his dinner at the O'Connor's but all Adam would say is that it was fine. He didn't mention Nell coming to his room and how he had told her bluntly that marriage with him was a bad idea. So Jess, who had rarely seen Adam in a bad mood, left him alone, not asking about Nell. He had planned on teasing Adam about her crush on him but thought better of it, especially when Adam swung the sledge hammer and half the wall fell away, the wood splintering.

"What'd that wall ever do to you?" Jess asked.

"If something's got to go, no sense in wasting time." Adam swung again and the rest of the partition cracked and fell away from the supporting wall.

All that afternoon, Adam was tense. He found himself glancing through the large front show window at passing women, expecting to see Nell's lovely face. By four in the afternoon, Adam knew that he hoped that Nell would show. But she hadn't and since Jess had invited Adam home for dinner with him and his wife as he often did, when they locked shop for the day, Adam walked with Jess down the streets until they reached his modest house that was on a narrow dirt street.

"Adam," Bee Spence said, "hope you like eggplant; I made my mother's recipe for moussaka." Her name was Niobe but Jess had taken to calling her Bee. Once he had joked to Adam that the real reason he called her Bee was because when she was mad, he felt the point of her stinger.

And Bee, who had a bawdy sense of humor—along with an unfortunate amount of dark fuzz on her upper lip and cheeks, "Maybe if I felt the point of your stinger a little more often, I'd be in a better mood."

So the friends ate and talked about the shop and when Bee would start as their receptionist and then as Bee washed up the dishes, Adam and Jess shared some more wine and sat at the now-cleared dining table.

"What's bothering you, Adam? You haven't really been yourself all day—a little jumpy."

Adam swirled the dark liquid in his glass, took a swig and started. "Miss Nell O'Connor came to my hotel room at the crack of dawn this morning to tell me she loved me and insisted we have breakfast downstairs."

Jess was amused but surprised. "You're shittin' me!"

"I wish I were. She wants to marry me. I have the impression that Nell has always gotten whatever she wanted, whether it was the best thing for her or not; all she has to do is ask. I did my best to discourage her—listed a few of my faults at breakfast but she didn't seem to believe me. And, to make things worse, I think I hurt her feelings."

"Probably for the best."

"I'm trying to convince myself of that. Nell rose up like Venus rising from the sea—as fresh and clean and so very beautiful and told me that no one would ever love me as she does. How's that? And then she marched out and…I expected her to come by the shop today but she didn't. I feel like a cold-hearted bastard."

"Let me ask you something, Adam, do you love her?" Jess had watched his friend's face, saw that Adam was struggling with his true feelings.

"Love her? I don't know—I don't think so. In a way, I suppose I do. I mean how can any man resist a woman who says she adores him? And when she's as nubile and tempting as Nell, well, it's difficult to separate plain goddamn lust from love." Adam poured himself another drink. "What is this stuff?"

"Xinomavro—Bee's father sends us a case or two every so often. It's a bit acidic but I like it."

"Metaphorically, we could say…" Adam raised his glass and then took a sip, "a bitter wine for a bitter man." Adam chuckled at his pun. But Jess was worried. He didn't like seeing Adam in one of his dark moods so he pulled out a deck of cards, called Bee in and they played cards while Adam drank too much and Bee and Jess exchanged worried looks. Finally, they convinced Adam to sleep on their settee as he was really too drunk to wander back to the hotel through the streets of Sacramento. So Adam spent the night there, dreaming of Nell as a cold, marble statue; he was Pygmalion who had fallen in love with his Galatea who didn't respond to his caresses or his hot tears of frustration. And when he woke, Adam knew he had to see Nell.