A/N: I know this story feels kind of sad at the moment but don't worry, I have a plan! The RB writers made me sad enough this season so I'm planning to end on a happier note. If you like the story and want to stick with it I promise I will deliver some warm fuzzies. Thanks for reading and I have no beta, so any mistakes are my own and I apologize in advance!
Chapter 2
Still clutching the sweater in her arms, Gail couldn't help but continue to remember that night, even though it pained her heart to spend so much time thinking about Holly.
She opened the door less than 10 minutes after she received Holly's reply to her text, thinking to herself Wow that was fast. As soon as she opened the door she caught sight of that stunning brunette standing there in her doorway with a look that could only be described as desperation and longing. She was wearing that soft grey sweater Gail loved to cuddle up to, and black tights that hugged her in all the right places. She had a surge of emotions and thoughts running through her head, trying to drown them out by reminding herself, keep it cool Peck, you cannot be throwing yourself on her in this doorway. She's here to sleep remember, no funny business. As she led Holly into her apartment and to the living room she could feel Holly eyeing her, and in order to break the tension palpitating between them and to try and disguise her emotional state she looked back at her and broke the silence with her usual Peck wit. "Your eyes are going to be the only thing undressing me tonight Lunchbox. We're implementing a PG rule. Don't think I don't notice you staring at me like your glasses have x-ray vision" she said raising her brow and letting a slight smirk escape. Gail knew she hadn't meant that, there was never a moment she didn't want Holly to undress her, she just needed to say it out loud in order to try and convince herself that she wasn't going to let anything happen that would make this already excruciatingly painful day even more complicated by giving into their physical desires.
"Don't worry, I have more than enough mental visuals saved up in my head of what's under those clothes. I don't need x-ray glasses for that" Holly replied, also flashing one of her signature crooked smiles. Jesus Christ that backfired so hard Gail thought to herself. She could feel her face turning red and forgot for a moment to inhale. Resisting Holly Stewart was not going to be easy. Once she regained her composure she decided to deflect that comment by changing topics completely. "If you're still feeling wide awake we could pick a movie to watch before bed?" She knew Holly wasn't there to talk, and she was happy about that. Not that she was planning to avoid talking altogether this time, she knew it had to happen, but she was content to just forget about the technicalities of their situation for the night.
"Sure, a mindless comedy would great right about now" Holly replied.
They each took a seat on the couch, apprehensively trying to decide how close to sit to each other. Holly had, after all, wanted to come over to be next to her, fall asleep in her embrace, and Gail knew that and had also wanted the same when she sent that text she had tried not to send. She wanted to feel as close as possible to Holly tonight, but didn't want to push the boundaries that would cause havoc on their current predicament. She looked at Holly sitting just out of arms reach, knowing most likely she was have the same internal contemplation, and said "Not all of us have huge arms Hol, you're going to need to shimmy a little closer over here if you want a piece of this Peck cuddle" Holly let out a huge smile and moved her body directly beside Gail's and let her head rest on her shoulder as Gail wrapped her arms around her. As though it was an old habit she couldn't break, Gail planted a soft kiss on Holly's forehead as they assumed their positions and the movie started. She felt Holly's body tense up for a moment, and then put her arms around Gail's waist and held tightly as though she was never planning on letting go.
The movie credits rolled and Gail had felt as though she didn't move an inch the entire time, nor had she been paying any attention to it. All she could focus on was Holly cuddled up in her arms, her smell, the way she breathed, how soft her skin was. You're doing good Gail, now just go to sleep and you won't create another mess to deal with in the morning she told herself. "So, I guess we should probably try and get some sleep now otherwise neither of us will be able to wake up for work tomorrow" Gail suggested. Holly nodded in agreement and they made their way to Gail's bedroom.
Holly started to remove her sweater before getting into bed, and as she lifted it over her head her tank top moved up with it, exposing nearly all her stomach. Gail couldn't avoid staring. She tried to avert her eyes, but her eyes refused to cooperate. Shivers ran down her entire body. You're in deep shit now Peck. Holly threw her sweater in the laundry hamper and pulled down her tank and pretended for Gail's sake that she hadn't just caught her staring. She climbed into what was dubbed her side of the bed by Gail when they were together and patted on the other side motioning Gail to come join her. Gail instantly complied and assumed the little spoon position and they pulled the blankets over. Holly's arms were wrapped tightly around Gail and their legs tangled together, Holly's breath softly touching the back of Gail's neck. She was convinced Holly could feel the heavy pounding of her heart as her body lay tensely pressed against Holly's. Her eyes were wide open, her mouth starting to motion to say the words she knew she shouldn't.
"Um…Holly?"
"Yes?" Holly replied, her voice anxious to hear what was about to come out of the blonde's mouth
"If I decided to veto my own PG rule, would that be terribly inappropriate? I mean, I know you said you just wanted to sleep next to me tonight, it's just that you're here and being all ridiculously adorable and sexy at the same time and I can't help bu…" and before she could finish her nervous ramble she felt Holly turn her body to face her and they embraced in a kiss that was wrought with intense passion and desire. Once they opened that door there was no closing it, that night would not be spent sleeping. It would be spent giving into all of their physical desires that had over powered any ounce of willpower either of them attempted to maintain.
Gail put the sweater back down onto the bed beside her. Holly had forgotten to take it the morning after she spent the night. Probably due to the fact the morning after their night that involved very little actual sleep, Holly had nearly been late for work and her mind was not in a stable state as she left in a panic. Gail looked over again at the sweater and decided to pull it over her head and wear it. She missed Holly so damn much and to fit with her evening theme of loathing in self-pity she decided to fall asleep with the faint scent of Holly lingering in those soft grey threads.
It had now been a week since Holly had left Toronto and she was trying desperately to get into a routine that would give her hope of becoming distracted from her thoughts and emotions. She decided to start with ramping up her jogging routine, use her mornings to explore the city that was her new home while blowing off steam. She grabbed her iPod shuffle and out the door she went, unsure of exactly the route she would take but being open to the possibilities of where she'd end up. Less than 5 minutes out the door and the next song on her iPod starts humming in her ears
Adele – Love song
Oh hell no. Not today Holly thought to herself and she gave a slight shake to her iPod to queue the next song.
John Legend – All of me
You have got to be shitting me. She gave it another shake, determined to get back to focusing on her run that was slowly starting to seem like a bad idea.
Passenger – Let Her Go
Seriously?No…Just no. This is not my day. Sweet Jesus have a little mercy Holly begged as she gave it one last shake to hopefully be granted a break.
Mr Ms – Dark Doo Wop
"The universe hates me today" she groaned out loud as she ripped out of headphones and finally gave up on her iPod producing any songs that would take her mind of the one thing she was trying to distract herself from. That last song in particular sent her mind straight to Gail, and how it had been playing in the background the night Gail had first allowed herself to be completely vulnerable with Holly, sitting on her bathroom floor with almost all her hair in her hand. Much to Holly's surprise, that had been only one of many times Gail would open herself up to Holly like she had never done before with anyone else. Including the night after they had both unwisely given into their physical desire to be close to each other after they had each dropped their respective news bombs.
She still remembers every look and every word of that next night vividly in her head. Gail's text she had undoubtedly procrastinated sending until she could no longer keep it in.
Gail: You kind of took off in a hurry this morning. I'm sorry if what happened last night made you even more upset. It was my fault.
Holly stared at her phone for a few moments before typing her reply. She knew they had to talk, and she knew it wasn't going to be easy for either of them.
Holly: It's not your fault Gail. I wanted it just as much as you did. This situation is just…so complicated. Can you come by tonight after shift? We should probably talk now. We can't pretend forever.
Gail replied almost instantly, no doubt stressing over her phone screen waiting to see Holly's reply.
Gail: I will be there at 7:30
Holly spent the last half of her shift, completely distracted, growing more anxious and emotional the closer 7:30 came. She had gone over and over in her head what she wanted to say, what she was hoping to be able to say, giving herself pep talks that this was going to be what was best for them, especially for Gail. No matter how hard this was going to be, she convinced herself it had to be done and she had to stick to her resolve.
The knock at the door made Holly's heart jump. This is it she thought to herself. She opened the door to find a very nervous looking Gail, a sadness in her eyes Holly had seen before when she had gone to return the thumb at the station a few weeks before. "Hey, come in. I have fresh coffee if you'd like some?" Holly greeted. "Sure, coffee would be great thanks" Gail replied.
As they settled on the couch with their coffee mugs in hand, they both looked at each other as if to contemplate who was going to start the conversation. Holly decided she should break the silence first.
"So, I'm not sure where to start so I guess I'll just skip to the big issues since I think that those are the 2 giant clouds above our heads right now" Holly started. She looked at Gail who nodded her head in agreement, but hadn't said anything in response, to which Holly took as a signal that she should continue. "I got this job offer almost out of nowhere by a Doctor who had been following some of my cases and articles I have been publishing. He reached out to me and told me about this amazing opportunity and I got temporarily lost in a moment of complete nerd excitement that I hastily said yes right away. As soon as I hung up the phone, my thoughts immediately turned to you. I had just made my bold observation room attempt at reconciliation, which by the way was not exactly how I planned it but you tend to have that effect on me, and I panicked as I processed what just happened. I stupidly thought I would make the grand gesture of asking you to come with me. Retrospect I know it's probably ridiculous, we hadn't even had the discussion of officially being back together and I managed to convince myself you would come with me. I…I guess it was just really wishful thinking, and very impulsive." Holy admitted. She paused for a moment to gauge Gail's reaction to see if she should continue or wait for her to reply. Gail finally started to open her mouth to speak, "I can pretty much say that it was definitely not what I expected was going to come out of your mouth that night. I can't really blame you for catching me off guard as I'm sure the news of my potential impending motherhood came as an equal surprise. " Holly nodded in agreement and decided to say something before she lost her resolve to stick to her plan.
"Gail…I know I didn't react to your news well that night, but I want you to know that I think you will make an amazing mother. I've seen you with Leo and you just have this way with kids that makes them absolutely love you. You have a hard exterior with most people, but when it comes to kids you let your walls down and make them see how amazing and loving you are. I've thought about this almost every minute since that locker room and I know you can't come with me, I wouldn't let you now that I know about Sophie. I also think it's best if I keep this job offer in San Francisco. You're going to have a long and complicated road ahead of you as you continue on with the adoption process and I would be devastated if I prevented you in any way from getting Sophie home with you. I'm worried I'd be a distraction and an added level of complication to the process…" Holly faded out, noticing Gail's inability to look at her. Holly pulled Gail's face up to look at her and noticed the tears filling her eyes. Holly couldn't hold hers back anymore either, and they both spent a moment in an embrace, each consoling the other in their impossible situation. Gail pulled back for a moment to say something. "I want you to know that I hadn't planned for this, it just kind of happened. Sophie tugged at all my heart strings and I couldn't leave her to the system. I thought you were long gone after the last time we had spoken, so I poured all my energy into this little girl. I…I just feel so many emotions right now. I never thought I'd get you back, and now I feel like I'm losing you all over again." Gail paused for a moment before hesitantly saying "I know I can't ask you to stay and give up this opportunity of a lifetime, but I kind of selfishly want to ask you to spend this last 2 weeks with me…we can try and do it as friends, I just feel like I need to get any time with you I possibly can before I have to say goodbye to you." Holly wasn't sure being just friends with Gail Peck was going to be a realistic option given how they feel about each other, but she also felt an intense need to spend as much time with Gail as possible. Whatever the repercussions would be of that decision later she would have to deal with, but for now she looked into those blue eyes and wiped away the tears gently with her thumbs and replied "You are the only person I want to spend my last 2 weeks in Toronto with Gail."
Holly was now back home from her jog, where instead of clearing her mind, she spent the entire time thinking back to Gail. If this was her idea of trying to get over Gail, she was failing miserably. She made a plan to erase her iPod and start fresh, opting to leave off any and all love songs or songs that reminded her of Gail and would try again tomorrow.