Monogram and Carl were hopping around the agency on pogo sticks.
"Your move." Perry said to Peter.
Peter looked at his cards. "You got any twos?"
"Go fish." Perry said.
Peter pulled a card out from the deck. "We seem to be missing a lot of cards."
Perry sighed. "Monty flushed half the deck down the toilet this morning."
"It's strange to see the humans going all wacky." Peter said. "You never realize how dependent you are on them until they're not there."
"Occasionally they go back to normal." Perry said. "I had a couple of conversations with Phineas and Ferb last night."
Lowe wandered into the room, covering his neck. "Is Monogram… normal at the moment?"
Perry pointed at Monogram, who was currently yelling at Carl because he was unable to do wheelies on his pogo stick.
Lowe frowned.
"I can help you with something if you need it." Perry said.
"It's nothing, most likely." Lowe said. "I've seen other animals with it today."
"With what?" Perry asked.
Lowe grimaced and removed his hand from his neck. A flower was sitting innocently on his shoulder.
"You get seeds in your fur or something?" Perry asked.
"I don't know how it happened." Lowe said. "But when it appeared… I don't know what it is, exactly."
Perry came over and took a closer look.
"It's a pretty flower." He said. "Is it attached to you?"
Lowe picked the flower up and held it out. "Not exactly. But I've realized that though it's possible to move it, I can't stop it from touching any part of me." He appeared to be trying very hard to open his fingers. "If I put it back on my shoulder, it stays there. But some piece of me has to be touching it at all times."
"You said other animals have this flower?"
Lowe nodded.
"Strange. When did it appear?"
"Last night."
"I'm giving out free pistachio nuts!" Monogram announced, tossing some into the air. "Free pistachio nuts for everybody!"
Kyle the kangaroo opened up an umbrella to shield himself from the raining nuts.
"You don't think… I mean, you know… your…" Perry said.
Lowe smiled weakly. "No. My father won't bother me any more, thanks to you. Besides, he never knew what flowers were. And I saw something similar in a back alley near the Danville thrift store, which I'm sure he's never been to."
"Hmm." Perry said.
...
Perry recognized the alley as the old hideout of the Silencers, the gang Prince once belonged to.
The first things he noticed were a few broken bottles, a trashcan, and a beat-up door barely big enough for much more than a dog to enter.
Strange, plantlike growths had developed on the trashcan. They appeared to be feeding on it.
"What's with the plants?" He wondered aloud.
The plant steamed a little.
Perry took a step back, nearly hitting the beat-up door. He stared at it for a moment, then back at the can.
He knocked on the door.
There was no answer.
He pushed the door open. He had to use a lot of force. The hinges weren't working very well.
Cautiously, he entered.
It was about the size of a tiny bedroom. There was an old couch and a bunk bed inside. The walls had once had some kind of wallpaper on it, which was now ripped and faded. It was very dark.
On one of the bunk beds sat a small bag with coins spilling out of it. There was a chest-of-drawers nearby. The drawers were all opened and their contents spilled out over the floor, as though someone had raided them.
Perry bent down next to the pile. It was mostly clothing. He pulled out a pair of scuffed boots and a belted black skirt.
He carefully folded the skirt and placed it to one side with the boots. He searched in the pile until he found a sequined leather jacket.
The jacket had handcuffs on the ends of the sleeves. The handcuffs had been broken apart by a saw.
Perry folded it up and placed it to the side.
He heard close footsteps. Perry quickly yanked a few more clothing articles out of the pile and stood up.
"You." Rex the cat growled, staring at Perry. "I thought I killed you."
"Oh, you must have met my evil twin." Perry said.
"Taking things, are we?"
"These don't belong to you." Perry said.
"They do." Rex said. "They were in my home, and therefore they are mine. She forfeited them to me when she left the Silencers."
Perry dashed past him.
"And don't come back!" Rex called after him as he ran out of the alley.
...
"Ooh, nice duds." Peter said when Perry returned to the agency. Perry placed them on the floor.
"They're Prince's. He never gave them back to her." Perry said in disgust.
"Oh." Peter said. "That lizard?"
"No, not Damien. Rex. Her former leader from the Silencers. Jerk."
Peter shrugged. "Do you want to play Go Fish?"
Perry shook his head. He glanced over at some of the other agents.
Remy was sitting at a table with Gary the goose and Baby Ned the narwhal. She was showing them something on her robotic hand.
"You ever seen Remy around?" Perry asked Peter. "I don't remember her being here before."
Peter shrugged. "No. She's probably not a new recruit, though. They're usually babies, and she looks about two or three."
"Three may be pushing it a bit. I think around one." Perry said.
"Still too old for a new recruit." Peter said.
Perry nodded.
Remy caught his eye and smiled at him. Perry smiled back.
"That is one thing." Peter said. "She only appeared when the slime did."
"Peter…"
"I overthink things." Peter said.
Perry yawned.
"Tired?"
"Yeah. I think I'll sleep in my lair tonight. Home's not so easy to sleep in anymore. I always have to keep the boys from doing something weird."
"Will you be lonely?"
"I don't know." Perry said. "I didn't really think about being lonely." He sighed. "I guess I should… I don't know. Maybe I'll listen to an audiobook or something."
"May I recommend 'A Very Handsome Panda' by yours truly? I got it published last year, and it's read by Devon the dog."
"No thanks. I read that book already. All you did was write 'A very handsome panda' like eighty-two times."
"It was a motif." Peter said. "A recurring symbol for life."
"To show how annoying life can get?"
"Hey, it'll help you fall asleep."
...
"I am a handsome panda. A very handsome panda. Such a handsome panda." Said the panda chief.
"I'm sure you are." Perry said, adjusting his panda-bear hat.
"Handsome panda, handsome, panda, Perry, Perry, Perry…" The panda chief sang.
The panda chief's voice slowly faded into Phineas's voice. "Perry! Perry!"
Perry woke up.
"What?" He rubbed his eyes.
"It's time to get ready to go!" Phineas said. "You promised you'd come to our Wizard of Oz play!"
Ferb nodded.
"Wha- did I sleep all morning? It's late at night already?"
"Yes, come on! We have to get in our costumes!"
Perry followed Phineas and Ferb out of his lair and up into their backyard.
"Ferb, where's my top hat costume?" Phineas asked. He turned to Perry. "I'm the top hat." He said proudly.
"Um… I think it's called the Tin Man." Perry said. "Or the Metal Man… or something. Been a while since I read the book."
"No, I'm the top hat." Phineas insisted.
Ferb came over with a black-and-white strip of paper. He tied it around Phineas's shoe and glued a paper top hat on top.
"Perfect." Phineas said.
"Um… I hate to be a bother, but isn't a costume… supposed to, you know… go on your whole body? Not just your shoe?"
"Oh yeah." Phineas said. "Ferb, get Candace's platypus costume."
"I thought you were a top hat." Perry said, beginning to get annoyed.
"The top hat is a platypus." Phineas said.
Ferb came back a few moments later, and Phineas put on his costume. He started hopping to the car so as not to ruin his top hat costume.
Ferb was dressed in a purple suit.
"Come on, mom, we have to go." Phineas called.
"Hold on, Phineas." Linda shouted from the kitchen. "I'm almost done freezing the chocolate milk ice cubes. Why doesn't it freeze faster?"
Perry sighed. "I'll walk you two there."
"Yay, thanks Perry!" Phineas said.
...
"Thank you for coming to the Wizard of Oz!"
The curtain opened on Ferb, some kid in pajamas, and another kid wearing a Ducky Momo bike helmet.
The children began to sing the intro to "Tiny Store of Terrors."
Perry was fairly certain the famous musical Tiny Store of Terrors had nothing to do with the Wizard of Oz.
"Tiny store, tiny store of terror, bop shoo bop, so much terror terror…"
Phineas jumped onto the stage.
The four launched into a song from North Atlantic, "I'm Gonna Pet That Cat Right Outta My Hat".
Perry sighed. At least all the people attending the play were just as crazy as the kids performing it. They clapped and cheered.
Perry's alert phone started beeping. He looked around before he answered it. He doubted people would get mad at him for talking on the phone in the state they were in.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Perry! It's Remy! We're getting some real strange signals from Danville Mountain, and when we came to look at it, it was all covered in woodchips! We're gonna climb it and see if we can find out what's going on. Slime's everywhere around this area. I think we might kinda be close! Anyway, we'll need a field agent's help and none are available."
"Roger."
"My name's Remy."
"Right. I'll be there."
Perry hung up and looked up at Phineas and Ferb. They were doing a hoedown dance to a tragic song that Baljeet was singing, while the kid in pajamas was sticking his finger in his cheek to make a popping noise.
"Sorry, boys. I'm gonna have to miss this for the world." Perry whispered. "I hope you understand. I love you."
They didn't hear him, of course.
But as Perry slipped out, his eyes locked with Phineas's for a moment.
He could have sworn he saw a flash of conscious sadness pass over his face. But the hoedown dance continued.
Perry dashed off into the night.