CHAPTER 6

Holly was slowly starting to get into her routine. It had been 2 and a half months since she moved here and though it still didn't feel like home yet, she was getting used to it. She'd start off her mornings with her 5k runs, switching up her paths to take in the different scenery San Francisco had to offer. She was enjoying her job, and she got a long really well with her colleagues for the most part. She hadn't really made any friends outside of work yet, which wasn't surprising since she was still shying away from social activity. I really need to get a life soon she thought to herself.

She used these morning runs to relax, clear her mind before starting her day. Head phones in, morning sun having just raised in the sky, fresh air surrounding her. Only this morning, her run was interrupted by a phone call.

She picked up the phone and looked at the caller ID while wondering who the hell would be calling her so early in the morning. When she saw the area code, she realized it was a call from Toronto which was 3 hours ahead of her time zone, which started to make more sense given the hour. She took a seat at a nearby bench to answer the call, anxious to find out who was on the other end.

"Hello, this is Holly Stewart" She answered

"Hi Dr. Stewart? This is Anne Bristow calling from Children and Family Services. I'm the social worker assigned to Gail and Sophie's adoption case. Is this a good time?"

Holly had been wondering when she was going to be receiving this phone call after she had sent Gail her new phone number and details to pass along for her reference when she got to San Fran.

"Yes of course, hi Anne. And please, call me Holly."

The conversation lasted about 30 minutes, Holly answering both personal and work related questions about Gail and questions related to how she has seen Gail interact with children in her life. Holly could easily answer all of Anne's questions because she could recite every detail about Gail in her sleep.

"Well Holly, that is about all the questions I had for you today. Did you have anything else you wanted to add that you think would be relevant?"

Holly paused for a moment and knew she wanted to make sure she said everything right.

"I've seen Gail with Sophie and I've heard her talk about her every single day we talk and I can tell you with absolute certainty that there is no one else that could love that child more than Gail already does. She lights up even with the mention of Sophie's name and talks about everything she does and says with such awe. And Sophie, I can tell, adores Gail. It's actually funny watching them interact because somehow they're so much alike, Sophie even shares Gail's sarcastic wit." Holly pauses for a moment to regain her composure, feeling suddenly very emotional.

"When Gail loves, she really really gives it her all. She's fiercely loyal, and I know she would do just about anything to keep the ones she loves safe. She's got a great sense of humor that makes everyone laugh, and though sometimes she can seem like she has a hard exterior she is actually very soft and has a huge heart when she lets you in. And when she does, she makes you feel incredibly loved, like you're the only person in the world that matters to her, like she'd sacrifice anything to make you happy. She will be great at being a mom. Actually better than great, she will be amazing. It's impossible for someone like Gail to be anything but amazing." Holly felt a tear running down her cheek. Saying all those things about Gail out loud stirred up intense emotions, confusing and terrifying emotions.

"Thank you very much Holly. I can tell you really care about Gail. I'll be sure to make note of your glowing recommendation. It helps a great deal to talk to people who know Gail so well. I think that's all I will need from you, but if anything else comes up I will give you a call."

"It was my pleasure. Nice speaking with you Anne, goodbye" Holly took her phone from her ear and hung up. She sat there for several moments, unable to move or form any logical thoughts.

"I'm a fucking idiot. Huge, hopeless idiot. How did I even graduate med school?" Holly thought to herself as she was overcome with a sudden realization. Talking about Gail to Anne was easy because Holly memorized every little quirk, habit and personality trait that Gail had, memorized every part of her body, those piercing blue eyes, the curves of her face, her adorable looks she would give. She knew everything about Gail because every part of Holly was in love with her. Completely and utterly in love with her and there was no convincing in the world that was going to be able to stop these feelings.

"What the hell am I even doing here?" She said out loud. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to be away from Gail. She never should have step one toe on that plane. She should have stayed and been there in any way that Gail needed her. Been there to help her prepare for Sophie, for motherhood. She should be there holding her in her arms every night when they fall asleep.

Now she was feeling panic, like she might be too late. Panic that she took too long to realize she was a complete lunatic to ever think she could get over Gail. She knew she couldn't stay here another day, another hour. She put her headphones back in and immediately started running faster than her usual pace. Running to get home andpack a suitcase and get on a plane. She'd already decided she'd be taking the next plane that left to anywhere close to Toronto.

As her brain quiets down for a moment she can hear the song playing in her ears

Dreams, that's where I have to go
To see your beautiful face anymore
I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio
Hope, hope there's a conversation
We both admit we had it good
But until then it's alienation, I know
That much is understood
And I realize

If you ask me how I'm doing
I would say I'm doing just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
And finally I'm forced to face the truth,
No matter what I say I'm not over you
Not over you

"I thought I deleted all these kinds of songs dammit" she says to herself. But instead of skipping it, she listens and almost laughs at the nearly perfect timing. She didn't need another sign, but confirmation never hurts.

She made it to the airport in record time, having tossed everything she could fit into her suitcase and left her apartment, calling the airline on the drive over to see what flights were available. As luck would have it, she managed to book a seat on a flight headed to Toronto in 2 hours. Granted she had to pay a steep first class right price, but she didn't care. She just needed to get there as soon as possible.

She called her boss before leaving for the airport and explained while she was eternally grateful for the opportunity he gave to her, she would have to move back to Toronto for personal reasons that needed her immediate attention. He sounded disappointed, having seen Holly's potential, but said he understood and wished her the best of luck with her future endeavors. Holly had meant it when she was she was grateful for the opportunity, but she also knew she wasn't even a little sad about leaving. In a previous life, before Gail, work made her feel happy, satisfied, and usually trumped her personal life. Post-Gail however, she wasn't happy just having her work. It was no longer enough to keep her happy. In fact, the only thing that was enough was Gail. She still felt like a complete idiot for not realizing it sooner.

Holly took to her very spacious and cozy first class plane seat, grasping her lunchbox keychain in her hand and she stared out the window waiting for the plane to start moving towards the runway. She took a big sigh as the speakers started to crackle.

"Hello passengers, this is your Captain speaking. Wheels will be up in about 15 minutes where we will be heading to Toronto, arriving at approximately 2:30pm. Sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight and thank you for choosing Air Canada."

She didn't have a plan when she got there, she hadn't really thought it through. Her only plan thus far was that she was going to show up on Gail's doorstep and hope like hell that it wasn't too late.

She had left her heart in Toronto and hell or high water she was determined to get it back.