XV

Nell hurried into the house; Dawson had dropped her off in the front and then took the buggy down the alley to the carriage house in the back. The warmth of the house faced her as she opened the door and the lamps were on to fend off the early-falling winter night giving everything a golden glow. Nell pulled off her gloves and was going to leave them on the table when she saw the huge bouquet of carnations and greenery. Her breath caught. Nell looked for the card and found it in a small envelope tucked within the blooms.

"With all my love."

She quickly tore the card in half and crushed it in her fist, grabbed up the bouquet with the other and held it against her jacket; it was so large as to be unwieldy.

"Mrs. Chevy," she called out as she entered the main area which led to the main room in one direction and the dining room in the other. Nell looked down at the beautiful flowers. Their singular scent rose around her—so calming. "Mrs. Chevy!"

Mrs. Chevy came out, wiping her hands on her apron.

Nell was impatient. "Dispose of these flowers immediately before Mr. Cartwright gets home. I don't want him to see them. Put them in the rubbish and don't say a word about them."

In a low voice and indicating the main room with her eyes, Mrs. Chevy quietly said, "He's home. Those are from the Mister."

Nell's face went white. She turned and took the few steps back to where the area opened in the main room and saw Adam sitting by the fireplace, the flames high; Nell decided that he must have recently put on fresh logs. He gazed at her evenly, a small smile playing about his lips.

Nell smiled nervously. "The flowers are lovely, Adam. Thank you. There was no signature on the card, so I…" Nell looked down at the bouquet in her arms. She didn't know what to say.

"So you thought you would destroy any evidence," Adam said lowly. "Tantamount to lying, isn't it?"

"No, I just…it isn't lying. I didn't want you to be upset, that's all." She looked at the flowers and then forced a smile. "I'll put them in a vase." She turned to go but Adam called her name. She turned back, her heart thumping.

"If I had asked you, Nell, had I come home later, if you had received any flowers today, you would have said no, wouldn't you?"

Nell started to speak-she tried to form the words but just couldn't say them.

"Not only that," Adam continued, "but you would have involved all the household staff in the deception, wouldn't you have? You would make a cuckold of me in front of the whole staff."

Nell just looked down. She felt like a small child being called to task but this was a hundred times worse. "I just didn't want you upset again."

"Really, Nell? Come to me." Adam put out an arm, beckoning her to him.

Nell hesitated and then walked over to him. He reached out and taking her arm, he gently pulled her onto his lap. She didn't relax though; she felt the mood he was in, the tension in the air. Adam took the bouquet from her and smelled it. "The florist was out of roses. Carnations just aren't romantic though, are they? Robert Burns didn't write, Oh, my love is like a red, red carnation, that's newly sprung in June, did he? Secret lovers don't send carnations. You ought to know that, Nell." He tossed the bouquet into the fire and Nell gasped slightly as the paper about them curled and caught while the petals and stems smoked as the flames reached them.

"Where have you been this afternoon, my pet?" Adam asked as he reached up and unbuttoned her suit jacket. Nell said nothing as he then began to unbutton her blouse. He pulled up one side of her skirt and slid a hand up her leg. He slid it up the inside of her thigh and fingered the slit in the crotch of the pantalets. Nell's' heart pounded and her breath became shaky. She knew Adam was checking to see if she had been with a man, feeling if any of his remains were still seeping out and onto her underclothes. "Well? Where have you been?" He was so quiet, so stealthy and his voice retained the same, honeyed quality as when he whispered his love for her as they lay together in the dark and he found his pleasure between her thighs.

"I was at Abby's." She was barely audible.

"Were you?" She nodded to him. "All this time? You were at Abby's all this time?" Adam removed his hand from her thigh and unbuttoned more of her blouse, revealing her neck and part of her bosom. He kissed her hotly above her breasts, placing his lips on the rise of her mounding flesh.

Nell gasped again as she felt her desire rise. "I…I stayed for tea and…." Nell felt Adam's mouth travel to her neck. She closed her eyes and dropped her head back slightly. Adam always delighted her with his mouth, his lips, his tongue; she shook slightly in anticipation.

"Did you go anywhere else? I can ask Dawson, you know but I'd rather not humiliate you or myself." Adam went back to kissing her gently.

Nell knew she had no choice. "I went to Vincent's." She stiffened as she expected to hear his wrath but instead, he kissed her throat again and then she heard him speak, his mouth next to her ear.

"Nell, if you're having an affair and I find out, I will snap your elegant neck. Do you understand?"

She barely managed to nod and whisper, "Yes."

"Good. Now go upstairs, undress and wait for me." Adam pushed her slightly and she stood up. Her legs almost buckled under her but she managed to make it up the stairs. With shaking hands, she managed to finish unbuttoning her blouse, unhook her skirt and step out of it. The room was cold as Margery hadn't yet built a fire to ward off the evening chill. By the time Nell had undressed completely, she was shivering. Nell pulled down the coverlet, blanket and sheets and crawled under them listening, waiting. Then the door knob turned and Adam walked in, closing the door behind him.

Night was beginning to fall and the room was becoming dusky but she watched as he undressed. He wore a belt instead of suspenders and when he pulled it off, Nell wondered if he was going to strap her. A few times he had jokingly said that she would be a far more obedient wife if he would just take his belt to her upon occasion so she wasn't sure that he might not act on it. But he tossed the belt aside and stepped out of his trousers and then his underwear. And without saying anything, he crawled under the covers and Nell waited. He kissed her, with a certain masterful authority. Adam ran his hands over her, gently squeezing her breasts and Nell decided that he was going to make love to her although he didn't appear to be in an amorous mood. She realized he was determined to remove any thought she may have of another man. And she put her arms about his neck and kissed him back. Suddenly he rose from under the covers and kneeling, grabbed her by the waist and pulling her up, he turned her around and in a rough voice said. "On your hands and knees."

Nell did as Adam said and looked back at him but he didn't look at her, just grabbed her hips and then she knew; he didn't want to look at her and so while Adam satisfied his demons, Nell felt hot tears on her cheeks. He doesn't want to see me—he doesn't want to look at me—he doesn't love me anymore.

And when he was through with her, Adam put his trousers and shirt back on and shoved his feet into his tall, western boots that always stood in the corner. Nell clambered back under the covers; she was cold and a bit sore.

"Don't be late; you how upset Mrs. Chevy is when dinner isn't served on time and she's made my favorite beef stew." Then he walked out and Nell heard his boots on the steps as he descended. I have no one to blame but myself! Stupid, stupid, fool that I am. I've lost him. And Nell wept into her pillow.

When she finally decided she had better go down to dinner, Nell put on a warm wrap and slippers but before she went downstairs, she powdered her nose and cheeks and tried to adjust her hair; she looked as if she had been ravished, her lips red and swollen from the pressure of Adam's mouth, her cheeks rosy from the roughness of his beard—and then she realized that she had been ravished. Nell felt a thrill of sexual excitement; Adam had taken her as if he had been so overwhelmed with passion that all he wanted was immediate satisfaction. She pressed her thighs together and felt the soreness resulting from his violent exertions. She would have Margery draw her a bath this evening and she would soak in scented oils—and perhaps Margery could shave her—she had read of such things, and then…a small smile curled her mouth. Nell felt completely wanton. Perhaps, she could have Adam at her beck and call then, make him beg to have her. But then she sighed. Adam would never beg; he wasn't some adolescent who would grovel for a kiss and if she denied him, Adam would probably go elsewhere. Nell knew that she would never have power over him—never. So with as much dignity as she could muster, Nell descended the stairs and walked into the dining room; Adam had started without her, not even looking up as she entered.

Nell walked to her chair but Adam said nothing, didn't rise to pull it out, just continued to eat. Mrs. Chevy came rushing out and ladled some stew onto Nell's plate.

"Now eat while it's hot, Miss. How about some biscuits?" Mrs. Chevy picked up the basket and Nell took one out, thanking her. "It's a simple meal," Mrs. Chevy said, "but you know how the Mister likes it this way. I have an apple pie for dessert and some clotted cream. Can I get you anything else?" She looked nervously from Adam to Nell and back.

"Nothing more for me, thank you," Adam said.

"I'm fine. That will be all, Mrs. Chevy." The worried woman went back to the kitchen where Margery and Dawson were sitting eating their supper.

Adam stopped eating and folded his hands. "Nell, you need to realize that, as foreign as the concept may be to you, you can't have everything. You can't be married, at least to me, and have lovers. I won't share you and that's the sum of it. Think long and hard; although I've spoiled and indulged you because I enjoyed it, because it made you happy, I won't anymore—not in that." Adam pushed his chair back and stood up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

Nell watched Adam walk away and heard the door of his den close. He had closed her out and Nell sighed. She doubted that she would see him again until breakfast and all her plans of seducing him seemed foolish now. She tasted the buttery biscuit but it tasted more like ash. It was as if the lights had dimmed and nothing was the same now.