This one time, when I was very young, I accidentally stood on a baby duckling. I can hardly remember the incident - I must have been four, or maybe five? Anyway, I'd been running around the local duck pond in Spring time, when the ducks eggs had hatched and the chicks were swarming around mine and my dads feet to catch a nibble at the bread crumbs we had been throwing about.

I don't really remember standing on the duckling, I just remember it happening and how distraught I had been.

I'd felt ill, upset, disgusted. I was little and I didn't understand why it had died, why it had wandered so close to my feet and why it just wouldn't move. The mother duck had darted away with the rest of her ducklings, back into the safety of the deep water. I remember feeling guilty, because I'd killed her child. Her baby.

My dad had picked me up with his big arms and hoisted me up on a hip, dropping the bread bag at the sound of my startled wails. I just remember him comforting me, and telling me that it was 'just one of those things that happens'.

But there, in the chamber full of gold, treasure and mithril - there had been no comfort for me. My father had been worlds away from me - dead, practically. I was, once again, lingering at the outside of a group that didn't quite know what to do with me.

Just like old times.

I'd pressed my hands tightly together as the company surrounded one of the piles of gold, listening to Thorin's words. He had been hiding beneath a heavy pile of gold, in the corner of the room where Bilbo had also lingered, invisible because of his ring. They had heard the exchange, and were lucky to be alive. We all knew it, and I had seen Kili and Fili's relief as they had gripped at Thorin.

'The foul beast has left the Mountain for a time, and in that time we must decide how to carry out-' Thorin stood atop a small pile of gold, adjusting his clothing and watching the Dwarves who fumbled throughout the cavernous room, wondrous and in awe. He was cut off, surprisingly, by Gloin.

'Are we not going to help the people who helped us?' saidthe Dwarf gruffly. 'After the lasses stunt over there, the Men and Women of Laketown will be dead by the afternoon'. He turned to look at me, and through the stiffness of his expression, I had seen disappointment and shame.

'The dragon planned to attack Laketown, with or without Millie's words,' said Thorin quietly, blue eyes addressing the still company. 'She has bought us time that we needed desperately'.

'At the price of hundreds of lives!' Gloin carried on. I bit at my thumb suddenly, but to only to ensure that I would not start to weep pathetically again. I had cried and mourned the lives that had been on my shoulders, and it would selfish to cry anymore. I had no right to cry, and that was fact. The bite hurt, but the pang of Gloin's words had sunk deeper. 'It matters not whether he would have attacked the Town or not, it matters that she ensured the act of murder'.

My punishment would be to endure the foul words, the insults, the accusations - all of them true. I promised, then, to fight as hard as I could to save this Mountain, to somehow repay Laketown. Let them kill the dragon before he attacks them. Please. Let them end this. My thoughts had been selfish, I know.

'Enough!' rasped out Thorin, voice gravelly and rough in his shout. 'What matters now is the time that we are wasting time, and that we will no longer be able to leave the Mountain-'

'Aye?' questioned Dwalin. 'What was that?'

Fili spoke, 'When I reached the others to gather them, we closed to door behind us so that Smaug would not see it. When we closed it, the key whole disappeared...' he had trailed off quite uneasily.

'We're trapped,' said Ori nervously, after a small pause. 'What if he comes back, where will we hide then?'

'We best hope that the Men of Laketown know how to fight a dragon better than us then, laddie,' said Gloin, putting much emphasis on the meaning. He had looked at me, past his mass of knotted, ginger hair. I'd stared back, neither defiant nor upset.

Because we had known that Smaug was merely away from home, we were quick about searching the hall. The Dwarves had gathered gold and gems into their hands and stuffed the treasure into their pockets, while letting anything that they could not carry fall to the ground with disappointment As they spoke, I had wandered throughout the mixture of piles, tripping through the gold that had pooled at my feet. I took nothing.

'-It is why you asked Bilbo to escort you into the chamber, I know this,' said Balin, crouching beside a great mound and staring at it with memory filled eyes. Thorin stood behind him, watching as Fili and Kili had drawn their hands through the gold, not yet taking, but looking. Feeling their new found home. Thorin's eyes snapped to Balin's back.

I stood back a little, not quite seen. 'I know that it is in here, Thror spoke of seeing it here last. It fell beneath the treasure - lost. I saw this happen'.

The Arkenstone.

'If anyone finds it, they will tell you,' said Balin, standing finally to turn to Thorin. His eyes caught mine, and his smiled a small smile, bowing his head. I jumped a little at being caught and smiled back, rather jumpily. After that, I had started to wander around again, watching the Dwarves as they tried to suppress their glee.

There had been a pull at the back of my coat, and I turned to find Kili behind me, hands pooling with gold and gems. I blanched a little at his stern, dark look - I hadn't seen one like it directed at me before. Immediately, I had felt dreadful, and the need to cry had come back more than ever. But I had repressed it - I was a Dwarven Lady, I was made of stone.

I'd blurted out an apology and Kili had sighed and shaken his head, holding the gold out toward me.

'This is yours,' he said, stepping closer and bowing his head a little. With this motion, it had felt like he was protecting me from the outside, the judgments, the stares. 'Your share of the treasure. Take it, you were promised it'. I had cringed a little, knowing that if I had taken it I would have felt ill, and knowing that if I didn't I would be making a scene. Kili sighed at my hesitation and, in the end, had dumped the gold into my bag.

'Millie'. The way that he had said my name made me tense up all over, dreading whatever he was going to say. 'Millie, what you did-'

I had stopped him. 'I know,' I said, though not unkindly nor meanly. 'Really, I know. I know every little thing that was right and wrong about it, Kili. Honestly, I do'.

He paused and the muscles in his jaw jumped. 'You realize, then, how the others will not be so quick to forgive? Wait, I'm not finished'. Kili had rested his hand on my shoulder and brought me a little closer still. 'Forgive isn't the right word. Millie, silently we had all hoped - not, no hoped - we had all wondered if Smaug would go to Laketown, and whether it would buy us time. Your bravery - and I use the worst bravery very loosely - did buy us time. Instead of killing us first, he-'

'Will kill them first instead,' I'd deadpanned.

'...Yes,' sighed Kili. 'I know you don't want comfort, but please don't listen to Gloin. I...am not wholly well with the decision that you made, but each of us understands why you did it. I don't want to offend you, but Dwarves are a strong race, and we do not usually buckle so easily to the threats of a dragon. We would have fought him'.

I had sagged at the inclination of his words. I had not yet truly proved how Dwarven I could be.

'I know. That's why I did it. I saw you move forward when Smaug threatened Laketown, and I couldn't-' I broke off, voice cracking though I hadn't even begun to cry, not tear up. 'Can't lose you,' I'd stated gruffly. 'Don't like how much you mean to me, but if you die - I don't know what I'd do, Kili. I'm strong, I'm independent - my role model is bloody Beyonce - but if you had died-' I cut myself off once again, chewing at the side of my mouth angrily. 'So I did the first thing that came to my head'.

Kili had lowered his gaze.

'I'm not trying to justify it,' I said quickly, fumbling over my words. 'I'm n-'

But I had been silenced by Kili's kiss. I could see only three of the Dwarves at the other end of the hall, and the knowledge that no one would see us behind the great, hulking piles of gold put my nerves at ease. His kiss had been slow and his hands soft against my cheeks, tilting my head back a little as he hunched over, due to my height.

For that one moment, I had forgotten about Laketown, and, selfishly, it had been a relief.

He was Kili and he was mine. He did not agree with my actions. Disproved of them, really. Yet he comforted me subtly, letting me know that I would survive this, and that I would redeem myself. His words sunk deep and he had known it and he had wanted them to. He needed me to know that he understood, but he was not going to coddle me over my decision.

He was exactly what I had needed.

The kiss was desperate and broken, all clutching hands and sharp, short kisses against quick lips. We might have died, I had thought. He was burnt once, and in that moment he might have died. We all could have. I did what I had to do, no matter how disgusting, nor how repulsive. And I will live with that decision, and I will live with him.

Kili's hands had lingered at my waist, pushing away my coat and gripping at my shirt. My thumb brushed over his cheekbone, and he had pulled away quickly, breath hot against my face. His hand lingered by my cheek, and mine by his.

'You do not need to explain yourself to me,' he said quietly, eyes a little dark and lips a little upturned. 'But, Millie, please be patient with the others'.

I swallowed tightly, desperately refraining myself from dragging myself back into his embrace. He had made forgetting quite easy. 'I will,' I'd promised. 'I hardly even...want to talk to them, let alone explain myself to them. Not that there's much explaining to do. They know why I did it, and it was cowardly. In some mad way I thought that I was helping-'

Like in the stories and the movies, it was a quick kiss to the corner of my mouth that had silenced me again. And I had known that he was doing it to comfort me, to get me to be quiet and soldier on.

I paused and had lent my forehead against his chest, his chin above my head. 'Thorin came with Bilbo to look for the Arkenstone. I heard him talking with Balin, and I also think that's what he's looking for now'.

Kili gave a quick nod, causing his chin to jut into the top of my head. 'Oof, sorry. Fili and I guessed, yes. He...is becoming very entranced with the treasure here, and the Arkenstone is all that he...wants'. I had pulled back a little to gaze up at him, curious. 'We all, of course, want the treasure in here. It is ours by right, and there is so much-' He cut himself off, swallowing tightly and looking away from the mounds and mounds. 'But Thorin-'

'Dragon Sickness,' I said quietly, and Kili had just tightened his jaw and looked away once again, finding the figure of his Uncle from across the room.

Thorin had ordered us to search for armour to wear. In front of us all, though, he had presented Bilbo with a mithril shirt, all sparkling, pale metal weaved thinly to create the light, delicate armour.

'Mithril,' breathed Gloin, as Thorin had handed the shirt to a very startled Bilbo. 'A gift to be treasured, for sure, Master Baggins,' he carried on, seemingly in awe. The rest of the Dwarves were equally as thrown back at the sight of the shirt and the fact that Thorin was giving it to Bilbo. 'Mithril is mined by the Dwarves, and far better than most armour that you will come across. That is a kingly gift'.

I knew to believe Gloin, but only because he had been 'named' the expert on such things. I had known that Gloin was a Lord, and that he had a particular liking for gold and wealth. As did most Dwarves, really.

Bilbo took the light material from Thorin, who had smiled lowly at the Hobbit. 'Thank you,' said Bilbo, eyeing the thin material that had pooled into his hands. He had sounded nervous, almost flattered. 'I am very honored'. But there had been something hidden in his face, and I can't have been the only one to see it.

'It will protect you against the dragon,' said Thorin gruffly, and the matter was closed. After that, we had all bundled about to find fitting armour for each of us. I had, of course, needed light armour.

I had not walked among many of the other Dwarves, and they had not attempted to talk with me. Instead, I had stayed close by Kili and Fili, who had helped me in choosing.

I was given, in the end, a small breastplate to put on beneath my shirt. As well as this, a pair of almost matching bracers. I hadn't known what they had been at first, but Fili had quickly attached them to my lower arm with quick, dirty fingers. He was not as talkative as Kili, though he'd shared a quiet word of, 'We all do what we must in hard times. Some choose what may be considered the wrong decision'.

I'd asked him if I'd made the wrong decision, and he had shrugged, bending to pick up a stray, golden arrow. 'We'll find out soon enough, Millie'. His answer hadn't reassured me at all.

I had changed into the breastplate and put on my shirt over the metal, the cold an uninviting feeling against my skin. Pulling on my coat, I had wandered back to the others to find that they too were all armored up and slipping their coats and hoods back on over their metals and mithril. We'd studied the treasure as much as we could have, and had, obviously, found means of defending ourselves against Smaug.

But we were running out of time.

'Thorin,' said Bilbo, the voice of reason, as Thorin had waded through the gold. 'We've tried our luck for too long - Smaug will return and although we are armored, when has armour ever stopped the dragon before? We should find a safer part of Erebor to stay away in, somewhere he will not be able to find us'.

Thorin had considered this for a mere moment before nodding, face stern. Although, as I had peered at him, I could see that he was not dropping the gold that had gathered in his palms. 'Aye, Bilbo. You are right. I do not forget the layout of these halls, nor where we should go next. Take all that you must, we will depart shortly'.

It only took ten minutes, though, for Thorin's sharp voice to drift throughout the cavernous room. 'I have searched and searched, as have the others - it is not here, yet I know that it should be, Balin!'

None of us had said anything. None of us had looked at each other.

Only Fili and Kili had shared a short, worried glance. Thorin had become agitated at the loss of the Arkenstone, in case you had not guessed. The Heart of the Mountain. I still think that he was so desperate to find it because, somehow, it would show that he was the true ruler of Erebor, of the Lonely Mountain - not Smaug, nor anyone else.

After a short moment, Thorin had come back into view to find many of us halfheartedly searching through the gold, and the rest sitting back against the mounds. 'Come. We must find safer ground'.

And we had. We had used one of the Dwarves tinderbox to light torches, and with that we had followed Thorin out of the chamber through a small archway that had been at the top of eight, small steps. Thorin seemed to address this place with memory, glancing back once at the mess of gold and treasure. He had been the only one to look back.

We walked along a corridor that had been all chipped rock and golden, straight patterns along the walls like Aztec art. The very design of the walls and the flooring reeked riches and good architecture, and every single one of the company had been in utter awe at where they were. Where we had finally reached, after so long.

The corridor had seemed to fall out from around us, and soon only the floor had remained, suspended over hundreds of feet below us. There had been nothing to hold onto, and the floors and pathways ran all around us, all with steps that led off into separate doorways, all up and down the cylinder of the rocky cavern. We had all stared around us, craning our necks to look about the walls, which had been traced with thin veins of gold and gems.

'Mahal,' breathed Oin, nearly tripping over his own feet as he had stared about the silent, dead walkways and walls. Our torches caught the light of the gems and gold in the walls, and this had created a domino effect of glinting and shining.

We stopped short and I heard Thorin say quietly, 'The Throne - it is where the Arkenstone once sat in the days of my Grandfathers ruling'. And I had seen the Throne in the dim lighting of the room, illuminated at the end of the long pathway. It had been tall and grey, with a design that I could not quite make out at the distance we were at.

I thought for a moment that Thorin might approach it, but he had given a deep sigh that had sounded oddly like,

'Not yet'.

I didn't get to focus much on Laketown and Millie's guilt as much I would have liked (and I know I mentioned it a bunch of times). I'd also like to point out that Kili forgiving her wasn't some romantic thing, it was an act to show just how much he knows Millie needs him by her side. He sees how guilty she is, and how distraught she is my her actions and knows that she seeks out the truth and comfort of him. So he doesn't sugar coat his words - he tells her exactly how bad it was, but that she can be forgiven.

Gloin, on the other hand, cannot fathom as to how she acted in such a way. I guess that's how some of you are feeling, so I knew that I needed to include that. The other Dwarves are not talking to her because they don't know what to say. Plus, thee are bigger things to worry out. Smaug returning, for one.

Anyway, I thought that would be a nice place to end the chapter :) I might update either today again, or tomorrow!

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