He woke up a few hours later (he thought), in his bed, with the TARDIS greeting him overly-cheerfully.
Hello, he thought to her.
"You're up," he heard River say. Carefully, he shifted out of the bed, and walked toward the door, opening it slowly.
He flinched at the sudden appearance of bright light.
"Sorry for that," River said, much too loud, though she didn't sound sorry at all. "The pills I gave you, that's one of their side effects."
"What exactly is this side-effect?" he asked. He could feel a headache starting.
"Hyper-sensitivity," she explained. "Come over here."
He wasn't surprised to find that their room's door had been transported closer to the console room. He walked quietly until he was a few feet from River.
"I spoke with Vastra," she said. He tensed, and waited for her verdict. Certainly it would not be in his favor. He was like a murderer with all of the evidence against him. There was no hope for this situation- Jenny and Strax probably already knew.
"We're letting you off with a warning," she said.
The world refocused (still much too bright), and he looked at her with confusion.
"What?" he asked.
"I thought that would make you glad," she taunted.
"I'm very glad," he reassured. "But," he stammered, "What I mean to s- I'm just a bit surprised, that's all."
"I researched everything I could about that cluster of nerves," River explained. "It triggers the closing of every receptor in the brain that allows the production and absorption of serotonin. You couldn't have enjoyed it."
"Why would I enjoy it?" he asked. "Isn't that why you like to hurt yourself?" River asked, "You like being in pain?"
He shifted. "So how would that get me off the hook?" he deflected.
"The fact that you are assured not to do it again," she said, "And we managed to create an effective system because of it."
"System?" he frowned.
"If you hurt yourself inside the TARDIS, she'll ring Vastra," River announced.
"I have quite a loophole for that," he said, amused. "I can always hurt myself outside the TARDIS."
"You won't, though," she said with certainty.
"How do you know?" he deflected.
"Spoilers," she flirted. "I should leave now."
He deflated internally. Of course she did. He should have expected that. Was he really stupid enough to think that she would stay, even for a second?
His mind only settled on that for a second, before he realized he was politely bidding her farewell.
He frowned. "What else did you slip into the water," he asked.
She smiled even wider, just before she closed the TARDIS and undoubtedly crackled away with her Vortex manipulator.
He shook his head and started going into the hallway, hoping to find the med-bay.
Carefully, he stopped at a random door and opened it.
Please be the med-bay, he begged to the TARDIS.
He felt a negative presence in his mind, just for a second, before opening the door to see the kitchen.
"Not letting me know what she slipped into that water, then," he mused, closing the door.
The TARDIS laughed gently into his mind.
Bored (a new emotion, all of his previous empty moments filled with thoughts of self-hate and idealizations of self-harm), he started walking.
What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to just do nothing?
He thought back to River's advice, and briefly considered going to find a puzzle or challenge, but shook his head at the suggestion.
He wanted something fun, something interesting. The idea of doing something that wasn't substantial just wasn't appealing.
Wait, he caught himself.
His thoughts had rapidly descended into a path that would lead him to go outside, without the idea of pain on his mind.
Which lead him back to his dropped question. What had River put in his drink?
With a new urgency, he ran back (running?) to the console room, and asked the TARDIS, "Can I have a complete scan of all chemicals in my bloodstream?"
The TARDIS blinked her lights for a second in rapid succession.
"Is that a no?" he whined. The lights shot up in brightness, and he sighed.
"Alright then, you're hiding something, with River," he accused. The lights sporadically blinked on and off, and he shook his head.
He would go out then. He was plotting it already, exactly what he would do.
He would go outside (outside!), and take the main street, so he wouldn't be tempted (though he oddly enough didn't feel the urge that constantly tugged on his mind), and he would go to Paternoster Row, and ask Vastra (carefully, observantly) if she knew what he was drugged with.
It was his only chance until he could interrogate River to find out what. He wasn't that patient. He might forget and then he would never know.
With conviction, he walked out of the doors and scrambled down the staircase, practically jumping off the ladder.
He was just getting out of the park when he noticed it.
It was broad daylight (he was the perception filter made it easier to explain where he had came from), and there was quite a crowd in the park.
When he saw a man follow him (subtly, but not enough) out of the park, he was duly confused.
He turned around suddenly, hoping to confront him, only to find no one there.
Muttering, he shook his head, and he continued on his way (taking the main road, trying not to look through the back alleys), walking calmly toward Paternoster Row.
Vastra was outside, veil on, watching him approach.
"I thought you might stop by," she said with certainty.
"Do you know what River drugged me with?" he said, ignoring her attempt at small-talk.
"A sleeping pill," Vastra said. "That you took willingly."
"There's more," he convicted.
"Do come inside," she invited.
He bit his lip. What were her intentions?
"Jenny and Strax are inside, and by no doubt know that you're here," she said. "It would be such a disappointment if you denied them the pleasure."
"Translation: Just go inside already?" he guessed.
"Something like that," she smiled. "They know nothing of our agreement."
"That's comforting," he said sardonically.
"I do know of what other things she gave you," she said. "Will you take that as incentive?"
"What am I doing?" he asked.
"You're going inside," she said, opening the door.
Frowning, he walked inside.