Chapter Four

Authors notes: Sorry for such a long wait. Been crazy busy lately. Thank you to everyone for all the awesome reviews, followers and favs. I am so glad you are enjoying this fic! Hope you enjoy this chapter and please let me know what you think!

Love to hear your thoughts on this story!

Jax stood still as they waited for the elevator to open. He was extremely nervous and very afraid of Tara at the moment. He had known Tara since he was sixteen and she never had been the one to cause conflict. She had usually stayed pretty hidden, avoiding confrontation. No matter how much someone pissed her off, she would never let it bother her. But after everything Tara had been through, the pain he caused her, the bullshit with the club. Wendy. He wasn't sure what Tara would do. He was actually afraid of what she might do. Shit had definitely hit the fan.

She glanced towards him, disappointment, hurt and anger flashing through her eyes.

"Tara, I—"

"Please don't!" She snapped, putting her hand up to Jax's mouth. The elevator opened and she stepped out and turned right. Jax lowered his head in shame and followed Tara down the hallway. Tara stopped at room 202 and knocked.

After five minutes, Tara turned to Jax who was avoiding her look by staring at the ground. "She's not home, we will come back tomorrow and settle this. "Tara said, brushing past Jax and towards the elevator. Your mother is at your house with Abel. I think there is some things we need to discuss. We will go to my father's house."

Jax looked up finally, his blue eyes catching Tara's gaze. "Father's house? I thought you were selling it? You had a buyer and everything?" Jax questioned, as they stepped out into the cool night.

"I was and I did, but, things changed Jax. You made it that way." Tara whispered, as she unlocked her car door and got inside. Jax sighed, walking around the car and getting into the passenger seat. They both put on their seat belts and Tara sped off. Neither one of them spoke on the way back to Tara's fathers house.

Tara turned onto her father's street and pulled into the driveway, parking and turning off the ignition. She turned towards Jax, his eyes were closed, a frown upon his lips. Tara reached for his face, her fingers almost touching his cheek. God, he was beautiful. She had missed him so much. She sighed and pulled away quickly.

Jax opened his eyes and sat up, watching her as she slipped out of the car, his eyes followed her as she walked up the driveway and into her father's house. He sighed heavily, his right hand slipping through his long, tangled hair. He undid his seat belt and opened the car door, getting out. He reached in his Kutte for a cigarette and lit it. He figured he would give Tara a minute before he went into the house. He was prolonging the inevitable, as soon as he stepped foot in her father's house he would realize that she was really done with him. He couldn't. He didn't want to accept it. Wouldn't accept it. Jax took the last drag of his cigarette and threw it on the ground, stubbing it out with his shoe, his blue eyes glanced at the small house and they caught her figure watching him through the living room window.

He swallowed, "Let's get this over with Teller."

Tara scowled, what the fuck was happening. She was so pissed off at Wendy and Jax, she hadn't been thinking logically. What did she think would happen when she got to Wendy's room? She knew deep down that it wasn't just to talk. She wanted to hurt Wendy, hurt Jax.

'Damn this shit is so messed up.' She whispered, moving away from the window, 'What was she getting herself into? The only thought she had was Abel. Wendy would not get custody, it would take a while but in the end Tara knew in the long run, Wendy wouldn't win, but she couldn't have the long run, she needed to keep her boy safe. Away from his junkie mother.

Tara grew pale, she became nauseous and placed her hand on her stomach and began to pace her father's living room, she was furious with Jax, with Wendy. Dizziness overcame her and Tara moved to the couch and sat down, taking a deep breath and putting her head between her legs. She had been having a lot of dizzy spells lately, as well as morning sickness and irritability and this was the only thing that seemed to help with it. She breathed in deeply and she exhaled, she took another deep breath in, "How did all this get so fucked up" She asked herself and the door to her father's house shut loudly and

Jax answered, "Because I fucked it up."

Tara's green eyes lifted to Jax and his shoulders slumped, he lowered his eyes, avoiding her painful stare. "Tara— I don't know if you will ever forgive me for what I did to you, said to you— you have every right to hate me. I was a complete dick head. After I found out you helped my mother kill that nurse. I got scared, I didn't want you to have a life like that, didn't want you to end up like my mother... After my mother's rape, Zobelle, Abel's kidnapping, Half sac. It wasn't settling down. I'm so sorry for everything."

Jax sighed heavily, he reached for her, his large hand clasping over hers. She tried to pull away but he tightened his grip on her, "Tara, I couldn't imagine what it would feel like if you did that to me. I meant every word I said at the hospital that day after Donna died. There is only one face I see Tara, no matter how hard I tried. It drove me crazy after you left. I would try and move on, enjoy life." Jax snorted, "It didn't matter who came to my bed, who I used. It was always you. Do you know how fucked up that is? How weak I felt that you had left me and I couldn't move on. Even ten years later, I lied to my friends, my brothers, my mother. But I couldn't lie to myself. I knew I would never be truly happy unless I was with you."

"Why do you say that shit? Every single time Jax, even when we were sixteen. Every time you fucked up, you ALWAYS retreated and said bullshit stuff that would reel me right back in. When I left and went to Chicago, the only thing that kept me for coming back was knowing we both had to grow up."

Tara sighed and she turned to Jax finally, "Do you really see a life for us Jax? Away from the club? Ever since your mother got raped, I couldn't shake this feeling that something bad was going to happen. I couldn't go a minute without wanting to pack my bags and leave for Chicago. I tried so hard to leave but I'd get pulled back in, by your mother, by you, then I realized the only damn thing keeping me here wasn't you, or your mother, it was Abel." Tara paused, seeing the hurt in Jax's eyes at her words.

"I love you Jax and I have loved you since I was sixteen years old, I really don't think I have a choice in that, believe me I've tried to stop but I think I need some time away. My aunt is moving next week to Australia, I need time alone. i am going to help her pack and say my goodbyes to her."

Jax swallowed, his gaze averting Tara's, he stood and headed to the kitchen. 'What the fuck was going on here, was she really thinking of going back to Chicago for a visit? What if she didn't come back? Fuck Teller, what the fuck are you going to do?'

"When are you going? Do you know when you will be back? I have my arraignment in a few days. I'm going to be charged Tara." He knew what he was asking for was selfish but he didn't care. In two days he would be getting charged and going to jail for a minimum of eighteen months. A lot could happen in a year and a half. He needed to react quickly if he wanted her to stay.

"I know this is a lot to ask for and I have already called Roslin. I want you as Abel's legal guardian. There's no one else I trust more than you, Tara. Stay until my arraignment and then take Abel with you, go as a family."

"The Wendy thing, if you don't deal with it, I will. She attacked me at my workplace, threatened us, my job. Thankfully Margaret is actually giving me a break for once and not riding my ass and threatened her with calling security. I was so close Jax to hurting her...my hands were wrapped around her neck." Tara whispered, her lips trembling slightly.

"It's done." Jax stood up, his hand reaching in his pocket for his cell phone, he dialed and exited the room.

Tara relaxed as Jax exited the room, knowing Abel would be with her in Chicago instead of here in Charming was more than enough satisfaction for her. She wanted them all to be a family once again, but she couldn't forgive Jax just yet for his betrayal. Tara knew not telling Jax about the baby was a bad idea. She knew secrets hurt, but after everything he had put her through, he deserved not to know.

Jax entered the room and stopped as he realized Tara wasn't in there, he turned as he heard the tea kettle go off in the kitchen, he followed the sound and found Tara pouring hot water into two mugs, then picked them up and passed one to him and took a seat at the table.

"What will happen to Wendy?" Tara asked, as she took a sip of her tea, leaning back in her chair. "Is it Illegal?"

"It's dealt with, you will never have to see Wendy again. Trust me, she'll never get to see our son."

Tara nodded, "It's late and I'm tired." She stood, glancing down at Jax before brushing past him quickly, "I'll get a hold of you sometime tomorrow. Goodnight Jax."

Jax was taken aback by her abruptness and followed her towards her old bedroom, he stopped in the doorway and leaned against the door frame. "Could I pick you up in the morning, take you and Abel for breakfast at the diner and then maybe go to the park. We could spend the day together." Jax whispered hesitantly.

"We will see." Tara answered, walking over to the dresser and pulling out a nightie. "You can take the cutlass home. Good night, Jackson. I'll see you in the morning."

Jax wished Tara had wanted him to stay, he had so much to apologize for, show her how much she really meant to him. How sorry he was for everything that had happened. He knew tonight wasn't going to be that night, but, tomorrow was a new day.

"Good night, Tara. See you in the morning. I love you."

Jax knew that it would take a while for him to get her trust back, but he didn't care he was going to do whatever it took to get her back, even if it meant him hiding out in Chicago with her... leaving the club forever.

Tbc