Three Moons Later

(Or months. I'm not trying to sound like a pretentious dick, but that's how they measure time here and I've gotten used to it...kind of)

It was morning. A heavy kind of morning where the mist was still rolling over the field in front of the Front Gate (that field, the one where it happened) and the sky was a cold, dusty shade of pink. The bringing of a new day in the new kingdom of Erebor.

I am Millie Fournier.

I was, on that misty day, standing in the midst of the ruin of the ruins of Dale. I couldn't understand, at the time, how the place had been milling once with the sight of Men and Dwarves. Now, it was dead. Ruined. Scattered with the old skeletal remains of some lost souls.

I am a survivor of the Battle of five, divided armies.

Fili had been to Dale multiple times. It was, of course, part of his job as King Under the Mountain - to restore Dale, to see Erebor back to its full glory. I think he knew how Thorin and Balin felt about the place, and was restoring it for his dead (gone) Uncle.

But I have lived to see another day.

We'd left the Kingdom early, so that we could make our way over the land between the Front Gate and the hilly ruins of Dale. Three guards accompanied us, as well as Dwalin and Ori. The two had formed an unlikely friendship, built between Dwalin's stories and Ori's wide eyed, eager-to-learn gaze. Dwalin had wanted to see the place his brother had told him of, whilst Ori had wanted to see the place told within the tales.

I had just wanted to see it.

The ruins of Dale had been a story for me too, but a story within a story. With Middle Earth, at the beginning, anything that the others told me was scarcely real, but only because I was taking so much in. Even then, after everything, I couldn't believe that things like cursed ghosts and talking trees actually existed. Because, of course, I hadn't seen them. I hadn't grown up with knowing such things were real.

So seeing Dale, such a simple place, was like seeing something really quite amazing. All I could think, though, was what did that Dragon do to you, you poor, ruined beauty.

'There are more remains than that,' said Fili, standing quite close to me. I'd blinked, only then realizing that I'd been staring dully at the scattered remains of a small skeleton. I frowned. 'We're going to begin...collecting the bones and burying them with the rest of the bodies from the Battle, in the underground tombs. They deserve to be buried alongside the warriors and soldiers, for all that they went through'.

I'd looked to him, the sun casting rays against his face. For a while, he had worn a patch over his missing eye, back when he scarcely left his room. One day, I had walked in on Kili angrier than I had ever seen him, shouting to his brother that Fili should not be ashamed of the wounds he had endured in the Battle. He should wear them proudly.

'We all have our scars, Fee. We endured and gained them in protecting this Kingdom; we fought for our home and we should wear them proudly!'

Fili, in all his bitter rage, had scoffed. 'Proudly! I cannot see, I am half a finished man, Kee. Millie and you have your scars, but you can hide them beneath clothing! It's not the same'.

There had been a difference, of course, but I had been too cautious to voice it in front of Kili. But then, the anger had exploded out of him with, 'Millie may not be able to have children because of that arrow head, Fili. Do not talk of scars in front of her, but talk with her. Suffering alone isn't the way'.

He'd left after that, and a guilty look had been shared between myself and Fili. Since that day, and the talk Fili and I shared, he had not worn the patch over his eye. Soldiers did not stare, women did not shrink back. He was King. He was respected. He was honourable.

We had both been guilty of keeping our worries and feelings from Kili, but whilst Fili hid behind a closed door, I would hide behind smiles and distracting Kili with his own problems.

I just wanted to help him and Fili, I couldn't worry about the...Heir right now. Your wedding is in a week, Fournier, will the Kingdom still love you when you don't produce the next in the Line of Durin?

'It looks odd, doesn't it?' asked Fili, now standing beside me. He had spoken softly, like he did not want to disturb the quiet. The others were further from us, hidden behind rubble and ruin. 'It looks like nothing happened there at all. Just dry earth and disturbed soil'.

I couldn't look at the Battle ground, so I just nodded.

'Kili's not going to take me bringing you here very well,' he sighed, a puff of cold air whooshing out in front of him. 'No matter what, he'll try to protect you - it's in his reckless nature to do dangerous things'. Fili grinned as I elbowed him in the side. 'You're quiet,' he observed. 'Also very odd'.

I shrugged, the cold tickling at my ankles. 'I keep thinking about the wedding. I don't know half of the things that people are saying, I just want them to know that I trust them to do half of it for me. I mean, I'm learning the traditions - half of which Kili has failed to tell me - and that's all I need to know. Everyone is so helpful, I just wish they would have this mass debate over-'

I stopped short, the word literally dying in my throat with a shrinking, odd noise. Next, came the laughter. It boomed out of me in a shriek at first, surprised and thrilled at the feeling of being so amused at something. 'I can't-' I bent over, grabbing at my tummy. 'I just said that-' I snorted, covering my mouth and straightening up. 'I think I'm gonna have an asthma attack'.

I wailed with laughter once again. Mass debate. Oh God, how I'd missed being immature. How I'd missed belly hurting laughter at my own stupid mistakes - childish things that no one understood, which only then made them so much funnier.

Fili stared, quite concerned. 'I think I preferred you being quiet and sullen'.

'But she's one of the last few to arrive! That makes me nervous. What if she's annoyed at us for having the wedding a few days after she finally arrives to a place she hasn't seen in years. Lots and lots if she's going to want to get to know it and me before I marry her son and become a P-Princess of Erebor - that's her title-!'

Kili silenced me with a careful nudge at my thigh and a stern look. We had been sitting upon his bed (with thicker quilts and a thin mattress upon the stone) discussing the arrival of his mother. In the three months that I have skipped - nothing worth writing about happened, and whatever did happen is easy enough to write about now - Erebor had received a steady flow of Dwarves from various clans, mainly from the Blue Mountains and those who were not already with us from the Iron Hills. With this steady flow of Dwarves their came supplies - materials, food, hands to help rebuild Dale and, above all else, women.

Clean, bearded women.

The next day, Kili's mother would be one of the last few women to arrive from the Blue Mountains. The she-Dwarves had only begun to arrive in those last two weeks, because the male Dwarves had made it safe and hospitable for them. Dale, though, was still a mess.

'I think that you're putting a little too much thought into my Ma's arrival, Millie. Tell her, Fili'.

Fili, who had been sitting on the armchair in the corner of the room, chewed around his thumbnail. His voice was mild when he spoke, and only one blue eye flashed up to us in the firelight. 'When you meet our mother, you will understand that she is not one who is hard to please. She'll like you enough, Millie. Trust us'.

Kili had given me a pointed look.

I remember that day well. A day that so close to my wedding day, and the day before Dis was to arrive with her small band of Dwarven ladies and male Dwarven escorts. Kili told me that some had chosen to stay in the Blue Mountains, preferring to stay where they had made a life.

I remember being scared, I remember worrying that something would go wrong, I remember tracing along the braid in my hair.

'Although, you'd better not be in here when she arrives. Our mother is much like Thorin - she believes strongly in tradition'. I had smiled - I still smile now, thinking of it - when I'd remembered Thorin catching me in Kili's room in Laketown. At the time, the incident had seemed so awful, but after everything we'd been through...

I'd have a million shouting matches with Thorin (no matter how terrifying he was), just to have Kili and Fili smiling at their Uncle once again.

Tradition is all I can think about. The ceremony, the dress, the braids, the feast, the body paint, the heavy golden jewellery, the wedding night. I had spoken to a sparse amount of Dwarven ladies, and upon them finding me to be the 'brave Lady Millie', they had all helped me in preparing and getting used to the the Dwarven traditions. To them, I had been the lost Dwarf who had grown up among the race of Men, on a small farm on the road to Gondor.

How I had actually ended up with the company of Dwarves, a Hobbit and a Wizard was a story we had been struggling to make up.

'I think I should go now anyway,' I sighed, kicking my legs off of the bed and swinging myself away from Kili's suddenly pouty face. 'Traditions, remember?' I told him, ducking to kiss him on the hairy cheek. 'I'm not even supposed to be here. Something about not seeing the betrothed two days before the wedding. Didn't think I'd find that one out, huh?'

'He didn't think you would make friends as fast as you are, nor that they would tell you so many things that he is choosing to hide from you,' pointed out Fili, silenced by Kili's startled look. He just smirked. 'The Ladies are always talking to you'.

I turned, glaring at him. 'They like me. They think I've got spunk'.

Fili just cocked a brow, subconsciously going to ghost a hand over his lost eye. 'You've got what?'

I flounced over to the door, skirts twirling around my ankles. I had been bare foot (the indecency but, hey-ho, this was the family quarters. We had been the only ones in that part of the Mountain) and regretting it. The floor was cold. 'Just something you don't have'.

Kili look completely flabbergasted. 'Are you honestly going to leave me without saying goodbye?' He was already halfway off of the bed.

'So needy,' I muttered, but quietly enough so that he would not hear. The smile, though, he saw.

'I,' said Fili, standing from his chair. 'Will be meeting with the Royal Council. There are matters to discuss'. He said it with a twinge of bitterness, but smiled faintly nonetheless. 'And tell her the full details of the wedding tradition. She needs to know what will happen in those two days'.

Kili nodded, looking fairly guilty that he had not told me enough. I stepped away from the door, smiling at Fili as he passed, but frowning when he said, 'I will see you on your wedding day, oh fair maiden', with a funny little smile and crinkle at the corner of his one eye.

I curled my mouth to the side. 'But, I thought-'

He was already half gone. 'Talk to him. He was expecting you to find out on your own, the lazy oaf-' With that, he shut the stone door tightly behind him. I turned, after a second, to Kili.

'What's gwanin?'

Like so many times, Kili's mouth opened as if to say, 'What?' but he instead had shaken his head. 'It's not only me that you will not be seeing over the next two days'. He stood, braid in his hair swinging and blue finery heavy on him. I'd wanted him to shrug it off, to seem less like a hulking form to me. 'It's all men. You'll be in the company of women from now until our wedding, when you will be delivered into my care'. At that, we had shared a rueful look.

'Or you'll be in mine,' I joked, reaching for his hand and linking it with mine. 'I can handle that. The women are lovely. What is the seamstresses name? Gi...Giva. She's very nice - she keeps asking what kinds of things I would like a wedding gown to consist of, though she won't let me see it'.

Kili smiled, warm eyes looking down at me. 'Giva is one of the youngest women from Ered Luin. The escorts were outraged when they saw just how much leathers and wools she wanted to bring to Erebor. I never understood it myself'.

I elbowed him, unlacing my fingers from his. 'Let me be excited, yeah? I can't wait to see what the dress looks like'.

Kili, with his dark eyes and an amused smile on his face, touched his forehead to mine. 'Nor can I, I assure you'.

I snorted oh-so prettily, earning an eye roll from him as he pulled away. 'You charming dog,' I fake swooned, clutching a hand to my heart while he laughed, linking an arm around my waist and silencing my snorting with a sound kiss.

Two days, then years of this.

Sounded pretty good to me.

But still...

'Kili, we do need to talk about the matter of children. I've stopped avoiding the subject, now it's your turn'. I held onto his forearms, glad that we had this opportunity to talk of it. 'I need...I need to know that we both know there is a chance that- that arrow might have done more damage to me than we thought'.

In my world...we would know. With advanced medicine back home, my home, we could find this kind of thing out. Here, though, it was impossible to know.

The subject had been broached a month after the Battle. Oin had sat beside me, telling me that the area that had been hit was damaged, and the arrow went deep. I knew...I'd worried of it myself, but never said a word on the taboo subject. That might have made it real. He told me, fidgeting and red faced, that although I may bleed, that did not necessarily mean I could have children.

I knew that, of course.

'It is a matter of knowing when it happens, lass. I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, after what you have been through. A wee baby would bring joy to all of us, I know'.

I did bleed, and told Oin as he had instructed. I told myself to not be awkward with him, to remind myself that at that time he had been the only Healer in the Mountain. Even then, Kili and I made sure that only he, Fili, myself and Kili knew. Kili and I were happiness in a time of sorrow, we needed to keep it that way for the rest of the Kingdom.

Kili held my face, shaking his head. 'I will love you, with or without children. I am not marrying you for the chance of an Heir, Millie. I am marrying you so that I know you will be by me until we both die. If we have a child, then we have a child-'

Wow, buzz kill.

'But you said, ages ago, that-'

Kili shook his head again, holding me that little bit tighter. 'Things are different now. We are different now. We have time to think of such things...I just want you right now, with more than a ring on your finger and a braid in your hair to show that you are promised to me'.

I swallowed the rest of my worries. 'Hey, I want people to know that I bagged you too, you know'.

Don't let him worry about it right now. Remember, he doesn't think you're less of a woman. He doesn't think you have failed him. Remember that, Mills. He loves you. I reminded myself this daily, in a desperate plea to my concious to shut up.

It was time to be happy, it was just getting there that was the hard part.

I AM BACK, AS PROMISED.

Sorry if this is a shitty chapter, I really tried with it, it was so hard to write and I really don't know why. I think it was the variety of different topics that I touched upon. Blah.

Firstly, thank you to those who have not given up on me. Just so you know, I will never ditch this story. I will finish it, I'm just super slow at doing that.

Secondly, thank you for the beautiful reviews!

Thirdly, DoS was so so so good. Kili was so nice and had such a big part and Smaug was so scary and Bard was so cool. I need to see it again, to say the least.

Fourthly, I hope you liked the chapter. I had to cram a lot in, so expect some explanations and mentions of things in this chapter in the next chapter. I will be bringing in the Dwarves again, I miss writing them! Aaaaaalso, check our my tumblr to see when I will update - chekwov!