Chapter 8: Breaking Inside

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Chapter Eight

o.o.o

"I don't wanna fall and say I lost it all
'cause baby there's a part of me that hit the wall
Leavin' pieces of me behind
And I feel like I'm breaking inside..."

o.o.o

Vanitas sat in his car for several hours.

Obviously he didn't do a good job. Obviously he couldn't keep her with him.

Images of controlling her appeared in his mind; he closed his eyes and let them flow. Kairi's suffering... her cries... her begging... it filled him with ecstasy. He longed for it again. She was hypnotic... astounding...

He could clearly remember his father and how he would abuse his mother day in and day out. To Vanitas, this was a normal thing. His mother was so much under his father's control that she would do anything for him and Vanitas could only imagine how that made his father feel. His father taught him that all women were weak; that they should serve their men. He took it to heart and truly believed it. He was twisted, demented...

'Is that why I want Kairi...?'

o.o.o

Sora arrived on Destiny Islands for the first time in a year. He clutched his arm. Right before the train crashed, it was permanently injured as he tried to escape. Every now and then he would feel pain, but it was bearable.

At that time, he almost wanted to go down with the train.

But right before the explosion, something clicked inside.

Losing his life then would have been pathetic. He never anticipated the after effects, though.

Over the past year, Aunt Rinoa and Uncle Leon took him into their small house on the edge of Traverse Town as if he was their own and did so much for him. He couldn't thank them enough for everything they had done. He felt stronger than ever in many ways, however, the memories remained. Sora may have had more confidence in himself with certain things, but the entire concept of love was shattered for him and he didn't trust any girl that came along. They were all the same in his eyes.

There was no such thing as romantic love.

Not that he got out much, anyway. Sora basically became a recluse and it took a long time for them to crack his shell. He had put up a wall between him and others and refused to be around anyone other than his aunt and uncle. That happy-go-lucky attitude he used to be known for was nearly gone and if any of his friends saw him they would hardly even recognize him. Even though he would laugh and joke with them from time to time, the truth was... underneath it all...

Coming back here so soon probably wasn't a good idea, but Sora didn't have anywhere else to go. He was tired of loathing. He was tired of being sad.

He passed the apartment that they shared. He stopped and looked up at the window where their room used to be.

'Is she still there...?'

It all happened right under his nose.

If it happened once, it would have hurt but he probably would have been able to move past it. Twice? Alright... that would have been harder but he might have been able to overlook it considering how much he loved her... as long as she was truly regretful. But no, it happened multiple times for weeks, months? He didn't know. Then she would turn around and tell him she loved him. She even accepted his proposal. It was sickening.

But why...?

The worst part was that she couldn't even tell him, thus, breaking his trust completely.

'AND she got pregnant... on top of everything else...'

Sora knew that it must have been devastating to lose the unborn child, but he kind of believed that she deserved it.

Sora decided that he had to stay strong and keep moving forward. Even if nothing was going right, he had to pretend like nothing was wrong. He had to leave the past behind him.

Easier said than done.

He bought a new cell phone. After activating it, he dialed Riku's number. He knew that they weren't living in their apartment anymore; Riku was so intent on buying a family home. As it rang, Sora wondered how Riku would react to him being gone so long. Would he be mad at him for not contacting anyone?

Riku answered after the fourth ring.

o.o.o

Kairi stayed in bed for the entire day. Roxas had to force her to eat just so she wouldn't pass out. She would only throw it up later, but he had to do something. He considered going to the police about this, but he couldn't leave her side.

Olette brought some green tea into the room and set it on the nightstand.

"Thanks, Olette." Roxas said. He had been watching Kairi from the desk chair for hours. His feet kept going from a numb state back to normal again.

"Take a break. I'll stay with her for a little bit." Olette gestured for him to get up. Roxas resisted, but decided to let her. He needed to get some fresh air, anyway. Olette took his place and he left the room. Hayner was working, so the rest of the apartment was dark and somewhat peaceful. However, his mind was anything but.

Whatever that guy did, Roxas swore that he would beat him the second he found him. He didn't care about going to jail, or even if he accidentally killed him. He would sacrifice anything so that Kairi could live a decent life. No matter what the circumstances were, Kairi deserved so much better.

He put on his jacket and walked outside. The cold breeze was refreshing and it calmed him. Originally, he hoped to bring Kairi here to his hometown and live happily ever after. But that just wasn't the case. It was like things got worse every day.

Yet he still loved her more than anything.

In a way, living for Kairi was a good thing, but it also had drawbacks. Roxas never thought of himself anymore. He was constantly on the edge. Would she hurt herself today? Would someone else hurt her? Would he be able to protect her? He already failed at that once, but no more...

But she just wasn't the same anymore...

Roxas always went back and forth like this. His love for her kept him there but her depression made him want to run away. He felt trapped; obligated, but at the same time he still hoped for a better future. This was just a test for their relationship, he would tell himself.

'But... can I pass the test?'

This was the hardest thing he had ever dealt with in his life.

o.o.o

Kairi's eyes were open, but she didn't say or do anything. She was so pale and sick looking—Olette thought.

'How does Roxas deal with this...?'

No matter how many times Kairi bathed, no matter how many times she tried to forget, the pain from what he did would not go away. She was losing the will to live as each day went by. In her mind, she had nobody. She lost the one person that she should have held onto the most because of her own selfish antics. What was the point? She didn't have a reason to live anymore.

'Sora... is never coming back...'

So that meant...

...she didn't have to live anymore, right?

Kairi shot up and tried to get out of the bed. Caught off guard, Olette was unsure of what she was doing. She thought that Kairi was running to the bathroom, but she was very wrong. She followed her into the kitchen, still baffled at what was going on. Kairi desperately searched for a knife. She spotted the kitchen knife and put it up to her skin.

No thoughts.

No feelings.

Kairi started to pierce the bottom of her arm in a vertical fashion. Blood tinkled down her arm and onto the floor. Olette screamed and grabbed her.

"KAIRI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! STOP!"

"Get off of me! I'm tired... of... this life! Just let me go!"

As Roxas was coming back up the stairs, he heard some commotion and screaming. Roxas busted open the front door. Kairi and Olette were struggling. There was blood on the floor. He quickly went and held Kairi back; he was able to successfully restrain her and prevent her from doing anything.

'She's trying to do it again...'

He knew that he needed to get her professional help... especially after this.

But where would he even start?

Olette was hyperventilating in the corner. Kairi had stopped trying to fight Roxas and just gave up, even holding herself up took too much energy-energy that she simply didn't have anymore. Roxas stayed on the floor with her.

"S-S-She's... insane!" Olette ran out of the kitchen. They heard her bedroom door slam.

'Why won't they let me... just end this...?'

'I don't deserve to live... I'm nothing but a worthless whore...'

"Kairi... please... don't do this..." Tears rolled down Roxas' face as he took a bunch of paper towels (the closest thing to him) and wrapped them around her new wound.

"...I love you... so much..."

o.o.o

A/N: -deep breath- PHEW.
CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

I hate to say that it could get worse o.o

Regardless! I love reading your comments!

I had to listen to a lot of "dark" music to write this chapter.