Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
"You killed him! I thought we agreed there would be no deaths!"
Jason stared angrily back into Bruce's eyes.
"It was that thug or the Replacement." Icily calm, like a storm ready to start thundering. "There was no other way."
"There is always another way!" He turned and walked away.
"I'm sorry, alright?" Jason yelled at Bruce's back.
The feeling of disapproval radiated around the room. Tim didn't comment, and Dick just looked at his feet.
"Anyone else want to yell at me?" Jason asked the silent cave. No one replied, so he grabbed his helmet, got on his bike, and drove away.
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
Jason had to admit that by saving the Replacement he hoped he would get Bruce's approval again. But in the heat of the moment, he hit too hard. He hadn't even meant for the man to die.
Can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me
Well, if Bruce couldn't accept him, then he didn't deserve Jason's respect. Nothing would change him. Not even his mentor. But the turmoil inside didn't accept that.
'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry,
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry,
I can't be perfect
Fuck them all.
'Slam!'
He shouldn't have saved the Replacement.
'Bang!'
He hated life.
Jason looked around him. All the goons were down. And he realized that he hadn't killed a single one. All of them still breathed.
And suddenly, it was all so pointless. There was no reason to continue living. None at all. The knife in his hand drew closer to his wrist, slowly, achingly. But he dropped it before it got there, and banged his head against a wall instead.
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
Bruce was his hero. The Batman had saved him from living on the streets. But he had let him die. He had let the Joker live. Why? Why was he not good enough?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
Bruce was cold and collected as he paced the study. Jason leaned against the doorframe, waiting for the yelling to commence. But there was no yelling. He just handed Jason a sheet of paper and left.
Jason didn't look at it before throwing it into a waste paper basket on his way out.
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
He didn't want to fight. Not anymore. The knife started inching towards his wrist again, and he couldn't stop it. Not this time.
If he were honest with himself... He didn't really want too, either.
'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Bruce panicked when, as Red Hood, Jason was found passed out in an alley. He got the call from Commissioner Gordon at twelve at night.
Luckily they managed to keep it secret.
They found the knife in his hand, and the cuts on his arm, and Batman completely lost it. That was the only time Gordon was clueless on what to do. Luckily Nightwing showed up.
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again (right again)
Please don't turn your back
When Jason woke up to the beeping of heart monitors, he internally groaned. He hated hospitals.
And then he saw Batman looking at him, sitting in a chair by the bed.
"You can say it. I'm a stupid idiot to throw my life away like that. I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have gone on patrol. I should have talked to you, or golden bird. Well, Fuck it! I'm tired of this, B."
Batman turned his head slightly. No reaction. No nothing.
"Yell, shout, anything!" Jason half-screamed, half-laughed. And then, almost to quiet to hear, "… Please don't turn your back again."
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand (you don't understand)
And maybe Bruce didn't understand, or he didn't hear, because he just sat there. No reaction. Jason almost started crying.
And then the last thing he expected. Batman hugged him.
"You died. Again. Don't ever worry me like that, ever." B murmured into Jason's ear. "And I mean it," he warned, and the tightness in his voice said everything not in words.
'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
But really, there was no reason to apologize. And Jason knew that now.