Chapter 3

Yukio stared at the door for a full thirty seconds, shocked by what he'd just seen. He knew that his brother was upset and probably depressed, but he had never imagined this. Didn't Rin know that there were better ways of letting out his stress and frustrations? Didn't he know that he could just come and talk? That his younger brother would sit and listen to him? That he still had people who cared about him? Rin was family, and despite any jealousy, Yukio felt that he needed to be there for his brother at all times, and he had failed.

This brought on another thought. How long had Rin been doing this? When had he started? Did it begin this past month while he was being ignored by the exwires? It might have. Rin has always been good at avoiding subjects that he doesn't want to talk about, but he's never been able to completely hide something from his own brother before, has he? As a brother, Yukio had had lots of experience observing Rin, and figured that he could pick up on anything that Rin was feeling at any time, as well as provide a general idea, if not specifics, as to what Rin would do about it.

Based on the past, Yukio had known that Rin was lonely, sad, and depressed. It was easy to tell. Rin would hardly talk, would stare off into space, and act on autopilot all the time. There was nothing that he did that he seemed to want to be doing. Everything became a responsibility, a requirement. There was nothing that he did for fun. He didn't smile.

That's not completely true. He did smile, but he didn't really smile. Each one for the past month had been forced. Rin was forcing himself to look okay when he was clearly crumbling inside. But why? What possible reason could Rin have for not talking about it? Did Rin not trust him? Was Yukio such a horrible brother that Rin couldn't even understate it and say that he was just having a bad day? Really, that should have been his first clue that something worse was going on...

But this is exactly what Rin did before, all through elementary school and middle school. Does this mean that this wasn't his first time cutting? How long-

"Why would he do something so stupid?" Bon shouted. It was a question that all of them wanted answered, but one that none would probably ever understand that answer to. "Does he think that he's alone? I don't understand what's going through his head!"

"I think that might be part of the reason." Yukio stated, his voice betraying his shock at what he'd witnessed.

"But why? We're his friends. He knows that. Why does he need to hurt himself when he has so many people who care for him?" Shiemi asked.

"Because he doesn't think that way. Remember what I said before? Rin is alone. Everything that had started going right in his world was suddenly taken away. He reverted to a state before square one, because he didn't have betrayal and loss the first time through." Yukio answered. He wasn't thinking about the conversation, he was just answering automatically.

"When you say the first time through, does this mean that this has happened before?" Bon asked, concern thick in his voice, "If so, why didn't you tell us immediately? That way we could have stopped this from happening."

"I don't know. I don't know if this has ever happened before." Yukio said, guilt creeping into his voice. "I'm his goddamn brother and I didn't even notice it!" Yukio was shouting now, self-hatred prominent. "I'm the only person who he's been able to trust and apparently he wasn't even able to do that! It's my fault because I wasn't good enough! I wasn't able to help my brother when he needed help! I'm the only person in his life and I failed! I never even saw it happening! Why am I such a horrible person..." Yukio trailed off, breaking into small sobs.

Shiemi took a light hold of Yukio in an attempt to comfort him. "Hey, Yuki-chan. It's not just you. We all missed it. We all made a mistake, and now we all need to fix it. I don't know how, but I know that that's what we need to do." Shiemi said.

"Yeah, we've gotta do something. After all, he's our friend and he's hurt. We'd all be awful if we didn't do something. We just need to make a plan." Shima said.

"B-But you don't know. He's always been quite reserved. He doesn't like to share anything, especially his feelings. That's why I learned to read him, but apparently I fail at that too. Now my brother is hurt, possibly beyond hope and I can't help! He might even be suicidal for all I know and I never saw it coming! That's why it's my fault and why I'm so terrible!" Yukio screamed.

SLAP!

"Shut UP! Shut up Yukio. You're right, you are a horrible brother!" Izumo exclaimed.

"I-Izumo-" Yukio stared at Izumo in shock.

"You're talking about never seeing what's going on with Rin, well it's pretty obvious why!" She said, angry with all of them for being such idiots. "You're self-absorbed! He's in there hurting himself, maybe trying to die and you're out here screaming about why YOU'RE a horrible person. It's fitting because you ARE!

"He can smile and say it's okay. Maybe you don't believe him, but you won't do anything because most of your mind WANTS to believe in that illusion, believe that everything is okay. That leaves him breathing room to do whatever he wants to do, or thinks that he needs to do to make himself feel like someone cares! If he's acted like this before, then there's no doubt he's done this before, but you were too STUPID and SELFISH to even take a second glance! He manipulated you, and you fell for it. Now that you know, you're still out here crying about yourself instead of in there and DOING something about it!" Izumo yelled, hoping to get her point through Yukio's thick head.

"I-Izumo-" Yukio was cut off.

"Rin!" Bon yelled as he broke through the door to the bathroom. "You idi- what?"

A quick look at the room revealed that Rin was no longer there. "RIN! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO? IF YOU AREN'T DEAD BY THE TIME I FIND YOU, I'M GONNA KILL YOU MYSELF FOR BEING SO STUPID!" Bon screamed into the empty room.

"Hey, Bon. The window's open..." Konekomaru commented weakly. Bon rushed over to the window and looked out. He looked down, and thankfully didn't see a body at the base of the building. The small relief was short lived, when he realized that Rin was still missing.

He looked left, right, and up until he saw the blood on the dies up the building, trailing up to the roof. "He's on the roof!" Bon said to himself, relief filling him now that he knew the location, and dread filling him as he began to think about the conversation with Rin that would soon follow.

Bon turned around, rushed out of the bathroom, and ran towards the stairs to the roof. He wasn't half demon, so he couldn't climb up there like Rin did. As he ran, he shouted to the others not to follow him. "Oi! It's going to be one at a time to talk to him, you here me? All of us hurt him for too long, and I doubt he'll be forgiving! I don't think he can deal with more than one at a time! Dibs to be first!"

Bon climbed the stairs and slammed the rooftop door open with a huge bang. "Rin! Oi, Rin! Whatcha doing? Rin?"

He saw Rin laying on the roof, facing the sky and completely ignoring him. He guessed he deserved that, but Rin didn't look like he'd noticed Bon arrive at all. No twitch of the ears or flick of the tail. He was dead still...

...Dead?

"Rin! Wake up! Get up you moron!" Bon shouted as he ran over and started shaking Rin. He looked asleep, but it was more likely that he was unconscious. Bon did a quick scan of Rin's body and found a likely reason why. The idiot had shoved a large shard of glass into his leg. His pants were thoroughly soaked and caked with his blood. Only a demon could lose this much blood and still be breathing... But Rin's only half demon. This could really kill him! There would be no suicide while Bon had any say in the matter.

Only one thing to do. He couldn't let the idiot leave that piece of glass in his body, slowly festering with bacteria that could eventually kill him. He just had to get the thing out and deal with the injury as best as he could.

My leg hurts a little. Why does it feel like there's something wiggling under my skin? Did demon worms work their way in through the glass wound to slowly devour my organs from the inside? I dunno. Sounds like a painful end, but I don't deserve anything nicer. After all, I'm Satan's son, the worst of all.

"AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEAAAHHH!" Rin screamed out loud as his leg felt like it had suddenly been ripped off where his wound was. He curled his leg towards himself, grabbed it and kept screaming, keeping his eyes shut. He was definitely awake now, but he didn't want to see another sky. Another sky meant another day he had to spend on this earth, living with all of the hate and ignorance that he received every day. He didn't want to do it.

"Oi, Rin. I got the glass out, now let me fix up your leg." A Bon-sounding person instructed. I don't answer. I am in pain and don't want to deal with the likes of my "friends" right now.

"Oi, I know you're awake. Stop ignoring me and let me help you. If that gets infected, you could actually die, you know. Demon healing or no, your immune system still works the same. If it fails, you die. Now let me fix it up, you damn idiot." Bon said. I kept ignoring him. "Hey, stop annoying me!" Bon said as he shook my shoulders.

"Like you ignore me?" I quietly jabbed back. The jerk. He deserves it.

No answer. Damn. I hate him. He can't even reply to it. He knew what he was doing and still kept doing it! Am I really that awful? Does it make him feel better to know that I'm hurt? I guess so, I'm devil-spawn. I don't deserve kindness, even if I try to be kind and try to help. All I can do is get it wrong. There's nothing good about me. He's back to ignoring me now. I'm not even worthy of an answer now that he knows I can speak again. I guess being able to say four fucking words means that I'm a-okay and he can just go back to normal and keep on ignoring me. Why did I have to be born?

"I'm sorry. I deserve that. I didn't mean it the way it came across, and I realize that now. You have no reason to forgive me or ever trust me again after all I've done to you, but I do realize my mistakes and I just want to help. Will you let me fix up your leg?" Bon apologized quietly. It surprised me. I almost want to believe him, but it's probably just a trick to make me feel worse. I won't fall for it, but this leg does need a little bit of patching up...

"Do what you want. I don't care, but I know you're not sorry. Don't lie to me. I'm not falling for your trick. I'm not going to let you be nice to me and let me believe that we're friends just so you can turn around and hate me again. I'm not that stupid you know." I said. "Besides, what's to forgive? You weren't in the wrong in the first place. I was in the wrong for ever assuming that I could live the same as you all." Why did I just admit that to him? Am I really that desperate for company and companionship?

"Fuck it! Don't you know that we actually give a damn about you and what you do? Why don't you take a look at the truth? Look at me and see what I'm saying! I was wrong! I apologize! You don't have to forgive me, but I'm sure as hell not lying to you!" Bon shouted. I cringed. I knew that he hated me. He must have seen the flinch because he immediately quieted. "I was just mad at you for not telling us sooner. Friends trust each other, right? You didn't seriously think we'd turn on you just because of who your old man is, did you?"

"But you did." I hope my words stung.

They must have, because Bon went silent. He took off his shirt, ripped it, and wrapped it around my leg.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I have no right to even be talking to you and trying to earn any sort of forgiveness or relief from this guilt I feel for hurting you so badly. If anything, the roles should be reversed. I've been the demon." Bon said quietly, but just loud enough for me to hear. "I'm not giving up though. You look like you haven't seen a kind face your whole life. Everyone deserves at least that."

My eyes betrayed me. They started tearing. I had been waiting for such a long time to hear someone say that, to try to give me some sort of comfort, but I can't accept it. To accept it would be like admitting that it had never happened. This is not something that I will ever forget.

"Whatever you might think about me, I do just want to help. I want you to stop and learn to trust someone, even if it's not me. I just want you to stop and please, never do something this stupid again." Bon said. I could hear the hurt in his voice. I guess he's been telling the truth this whole time, but he made one very big mistake.

"I guess you aren't ready to listen to me at all. Maybe having someone to talk to would be nice, but I can't trust you. You can't even listen to one small condition." I said, letting my voice grow hard and cold.

"What? What was it?" Bon asked.

"It's just what I said before. You don't understand. You will not understand how difficult what you're asking me is. I said 'don't tell me to stop.' Please leave now. I don't want to see you." I said.

"And I don't want to see you attempt the same thing you just did! Maybe I'm not ready to listen, like you say. It's your choice, but you sure as hell aren't staying out here. You are getting the fuck back into your dorm and getting some fucking treatment for that leg of yours. Even if you don't want me to, I'm not letting you kill yourself. Not so long as I can do something about it." Bon stated firmly. He walked over and picked me up. He squirmed and got me onto his back, piggyback style.

A part of me was happy that someone cared, but the majority of me was disappointed that I was now on suicide watch, even though I didn't really want to die. Now I wouldn't be able to cut, not with this much supervision.

"You aren't going to make this easy, are you Rin?" Bon asked. I didn't know whether he was talking about getting me to trust him, or getting me to get off his back and walk back to my room myself. I know I'm a heavy weight to carry. All muscle. I just relaxed and made myself heavier. I smirked when I heard Bon grunt with the extra work that he suddenly needed to do. Hah. Serves him right. He says he wants to help, but he really doesn't understand. He never will. He can try, but until he's cut himself, he won't understand what I'm talking about. He can only see from his side, so he doesn't know just how much it takes to keep up the appearance, to look like I'm not dying from the inside out.

He doesn't know, and he never will. Not if I can help it. I don't want to talk to someone who doesn't even know the first thing about cutting.

Once you start, you don't stop. Maybe you'll be sober for a day, a week, a month, maybe even ten years. It doesn't matter. You'll still do it again.

That's why I told him not to tell me to stop.

I only managed to get one sentence out before I passed out again. Maybe he'll get it this time. "Don't tell me to stop, you stupid rooster."