Chapter 4

It had been ten minutes since Bon had run off, calling dibs on helping his brother, and Yukio was starting to feel a little anxious. Where could they be? What's taking so long? Bon had said that Rin was on the roof, so how long should it take for the two of them to come down? Yukio paced around his room, his thoughts racing too quickly for him to keep up. He felt horrible, guilty, and worried for his brother. Why had everything turned out this way?

Because he hadn't paid enough attention to Rin when it counted. Who was he to be scolding the exwires when he had done the same thing that they had? Since he was Rin's brother, it made him worse than the exwires.

While pacing, Yukio couldn't shake the feeling that his brother had done something especially stupid this time. What other reason would Bon have for not being back yet? Maybe they were just talking. He would love to believe that, but he knew Rin at least well enough to know that Rin won't talk. He must be terribly hurt... And that only made him more anxious.

The anxious pacing of their teacher wasn't helping the exwires either. It only lead the exwires down similar thoughts. Shiemi had tear tracks down her face, Izumo and Shima shared worried frowns, Konekomaru seemed a little panicked, although they couldn't tell just who he was panicked for, and Kuro sadly pawed against the bedroom door, waiting for his master to come back.

Needless to say, the tension was very high in the room. When the sound of footsteps (not Yukio's) was heard from outside the door, the whole group ran over and threw the door open before beginning to bombard Bon with questions.

"How is he?"

"What happened?"

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt?"

"He didn't hurt you did he?"

"Why is Rin on your back?"

"Why is he unconscious?"

"Why-"

"WOULD YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP!" Bon shouted. "Yukio, I want you to help me carry Rin to his bed, then, while he's still asleep, I want you to take all of y our shit and get it out of here. You are moving out of this room. The rest of you, either help carry Yukio's stuff out, or get the hell out of here."

"Why should I remove my things from this room?" Yukio inquired. He was relieved to see that his brother was relatively okay, but confused by Bon's orders.

"Because Rin can't fucking deal with any of you. Sure, you've shared the room this whole time and he's been fine with you, but clearly, having you here didn't help. Get your shit out, and leave him alone for a while." Bon stated, becoming a little annoyed with the exorcist.

"But he's my brother? Are you saying that I can't see him at all?" Yukio asked, alarmed.

"Except for class. You don't have much choice then, do you. Believe me, he won't want to see you. If anything, you'll only cause him to feel worse. If I know anything about this idiot, it's that he cares for you. A lot. He wants to protect you because he has such a fucking martyr complex. He'll kill himself before he lets anything, including himself hurt you. That's why you need to leave. Apparently talking to anyone means hurting them, somehow." Bon replied.

"I see. I guess you're right. I'll get out. But then where should I stay?" Yukio asked.

"I don't know, what about the rest of this empty fucking dormitory?" Bon said, extremely annoyed with how dense his teacher was acting. Sure, he's probably in shock, but that question was just stupid.

"Make sure you're cleared out before he wakes up. Konekomaru, would you use your key to go back to our dorm and get some of my stuff for me?" Bon asked

"Um, sure. I can do that. What do you need?" Konekomaru asked.

"Hmm. Let's start with about a week's worth of clothes, toiletries, a few good books, and all my homework, notebooks, textbooks, and pencils. That should last me for a little bit." Bon answered.

"You-you don't plan to stay here, do you?" Konekomaru's voice rose with each word, "He's dangerous? What if something happens?"

"If anything happens, it'll happen to him. He won't hurt me. Anyways, I've gotta stay here and make sure that he doesn't try anything more stupid. Also, for him to trust me, I've gotta trust him too. If I can trust him to not hurt me, then maybe he'll trust me to not hurt him too. It's a long shot, but I've gotta try." Bon explained tiredly. "Will you get going already? I need a new shirt. This one's torn and covered in Okumura's blood."

"Sure Bon, whatever you ask." Konekomaru replied meekly, quietly making his way to the boys dorm to get Bon's things.

"What do you plan to do with my brother when he wakes up?" Yukio asked.

Bon sighed. "Honestly, I don't know. I've never dealt with anything like this before, and I don't exactly understand everything about where Okumura is coming from. I've never done it myself, so I can't possibly know. That's what he told us all before, too. I guess I'll just wing it and play it by ear. Try to help him out if I can. Who knows, if I'm lucky, maybe I can help his grades too, do you a favour." Bon smirked.

"Not funny Bon! I just want my brother back..." Yukio said sadly.

"And that's your problem. He was never back, he was always gone. You just believed a lie. Now hurry up and grab your stuff so you can get the hell out!" Bon scolded.

The conversation in the room ended abruptly. The exwires helped Yukio trek his things out of his room, and Konekomaru returned shortly with a small suitcase containing everything Bon had asked for. He trusted Bon, so he had to believe that he would be okay, no matter how scared he was of Okumura.

After Yukio had moved out, he and the exwires left Bon and Rin alone in the room, Rin still passed out on his bed. Bon took a quick glance at Rin's sleeping form before sighing. He clapped his hands together and began unpacking his things. He figured he'd be staying for a while.

I was sleeping just fine, and now Yukio's puttering about on his side of the room, being really noisy. Can't he take a hint? That noise, those slamming drawers and that cloth on cloth noise, it's really irritating and Yukio's doing it really loudly. Well, I guess I'll just have to joke at him about it and get him to stop. It's annoying and I just want to sleep.

I sit up, rub my eyes, and put on my best smile. "Oi, Yukio. That's some of the loudest clothes-folding I've ever heard? Ya don't need to be reorganizing your room now, do ya? What's the special occas-" I open my eyes and I don't see Yukio. "Bon, why the HELL are you in my room?" I'm beyond pissed. He has absolutely no right to be in here. I don't want him here. I want him to go the fuck away so he can hate me from a distance and I can be lonely and depressed and everything can go back to normal. I don't need him in my room, packing his shit into Yukio's space.

"Someone's gotta watch you, and Yukio wasn't doing a very good job." Bon replied. Still placing his neatly folded clothes into drawers.

"So this is a fucking suicide watch? You don't need to bother. I'm not gonna do anything." I grumbled.

"If you wanna call it that, go ahead. I'm just here to keep you company, though." Bon said.

"How long?" I asked.

"Well, that depends. You asked me not to tell you to stop, so I won't. I don't get what's going on, not completely. You're totally right about that. I'm just here to keep you company until I do, or until I'm convinced that you aren't going to start up with this nasty habit again. It's really up to you, when you want me to leave." Bon answered coolly.

"That's basically the same thing as asking me to stop, you know. I'm not gonna kill myself, I promise. Good enough? I'm under no obligation to tell you anything, so why don't you just go away?" I asked.

"Because you're my friend, you idiot. I'm trying to make up for a mistake by explaining myself to you and trying to help you get past all this because I am part of the cause. That, and because it's the job of a friend to help other friends out, right? You've got a problem, talk about it. Ask for help, Okumura, especially when you need it. We aren't gonna let you down, you know." Bon said

"You already have." Fuck! Stop being honest with him just because I'm pissed! He'll learn things! Fuck! I should just shut up, no more talking to him.

"I know. And I apologize. You don't ever have to accept it. It's your choice. Either way, I'm staying because you clearly need help. I don't care what you say about it. You said I shouldn't tell you to stop, and I said that I'm not giving up on you. Sucks to be in your shoes, right? You have to deal with me until you help yourself feel better, however you plan to do that. Honestly, I don't care how you make yourself happy, even if it involves ignoring me forever, I just want you to stop feeling the way you've been feeling for the last month. No one deserves that kind of hurt, Okumura, no one." Bon explained.

"Then why don't you just leave, I'll continue with my life, and you continue with yours. That satisfies everything you just said. What I do makes me feel better. It drowns out the depression and the loneliness. I don't have to talk to you or anyone, and you can just leave me alone. You'll be happy, I'll be happy, and you never have to see me again. Works beautifully." I said.

"Except for the part where you aren't happy." Bon said, "I may not get everything about why you do what you do, but I do know what it feels like to be shunned and lonely. I'm the child of the cursed temple. The whole city of Kyoto knows me and ignores me too. I can't do anything about it. I do get that part, at least. Now why don't you just give in and let me help you?" Bon asked, as he slammed the full drawer closed. Finally all of his clothes were packed away.

"Simple. I don't trust you, I never will, and I don't need to. Just get the hell out of here. Leave." I said.

"Stubborn idiot." Bon replied.

"An insult. That makes me feel loads better." I roll my eyes.

"I'm not gonna mollycoddle you, ya ass. If you can't handle it from me, that just proves you can't handle it from all the people in the rest of your life who are gonna think the same thing. Think of it as practice for the rest of your life." Bon replied, before laying himself down on the bed, and turning his body away from me. I guess he's just as happy with the new rooming assignment as I am. I wonder who's idea this was, anyway?

Maybe he's right though. Maybe I can't handle it. If the rest of my life is gonna be full of people hating me, I don't really want to be living it. I've had enough of it in the last fifteen years of my life. No one is going to suddenly change their minds and decide that I'm an okay person and treat me like I actually matter. No one is ever gonna care about me. I don't need to delude myself about that.

I turned over to face my wall. I hear soft snoring from the other side of the room. I guess the moving tired Bon out enough for a nap. Taking advantage, I slipped my hand down the crack between my bed and the wall. I picked up the sharp toy I'd hidden there. A piece of a CD case that I'd snapped in half a long time ago. It's big enough that I can hide it there and grab it, and it's in a place that no one will ever find. If they try to clean my room out, they'll fail. They'll never manage to find all of my toys.

Bon says he want to help me? I say "fuck him." I stab the pointy plastic into my forearm and rip it across. Blood starts pouring immediately. No need to hide the blood since he already knows. I tucked my plastic back into the crack, then settled myself down. Another nap would be nice. It'll be nice when I wake up. I can't wait to see and hear Bon's reaction to my new red tie-dye sheets.