Chapter 6

Yukio's phone buzzed on his new nightstand. He didn't notice it in all of his worry and anxiety. He just kept pacing and thinking, trying to figure out what would drive Rin to hurt himself so much. Shiemi had to shake him to get him to pay attention.

"Yuki, your phone is buzzing. You should answer it, it might be important." Shiemi said, patiently, holding Yukio's shoulder.

"Oh, okay. I didn't notice." He flipped his phone open to look at the text message.

Yo, four-eyes, what room did you move to?

Of course, it had to be from Bon. Maybe he was going to bring Rin over here!

Room 101. He replied. He hoped Bon would bring his brother quickly. Only a few hours apart, and he could hardly bear it.

Soon enough, a very annoyed looking Bon walked into the room. Alone. He slammed the door shut behind him, stalked over to the bed, and took a seat. "What?"

"Where's Rin!" Yukio demanded. If Rin wasn't here, then that meant that Rin was alone right now, That is not allowed. Rin can't possibly be alone in case he cuts himself again! Or what if he does something worse than that? Cutting and cutting a little deeper couldn't be that much different, right? There's no way Rin would do that. He hoped.

"I had a fight with the idiot. He refused to listen to me, and he kept claiming that there was nothing wrong with what he was doing. He told me to get the fuck out of the room since I didn't understand, so I did." Bon answered.

"But that means that Rin is alone right now. How could you possibly leave him alone right now. How could you even think that that was a good idea! Even in anger, WHY DID YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE UP THERE! HE COULD BE DOING JUST ABOUT ANYTHING TO HIMSELF RIGHT NOW! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU JUST SITTING THERE AND TEXTING FOR?" Yukio shouted as he stalked over to the teen on his bed, preparing to shake the crap out of him.

"I'm texting Izumo to ask her if she's with him. I passed her just down the hall from Rin's room after I left. She might have gone to sit with him." Bon replied, glaring at his teacher. "I do have a brain, you know. I do use it. Instead of wasting energy shouting at me, you could have been doing the same thing."

"But I didn't know that she was there! What did she say!" Yukio said, really annoyed with the student on his bed.

"She hasn't texted me back ye-" his phone buzzed, "I guess that's her." He flipped his phone open. "She said yes. She's with Rin, they're talking, and he's fine. Pfft. That liar." Bon said

"Liar? What could she be lying about!" Yukio asked

"Everything. Obviously, the moron isn't fine, or we wouldn't be here trying to help his sorry ass. And I know he's not fine because he managed to-" Bon cut himself short. Yukio didn't need to know about his brother, or about his own failures.

"What. Did. My. Brother. Do. Bon?" Yukio was hardly holding back his rage.

"Calm down, Yuki!" Shiemi pleaded, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"He didn't do anything. He just argued with me a bunch. That's all." Bon said, looking away.

"Tell me what's going on with my brother!" Yukio demanded.

"Fine! Your idiot brother clearly doesn't trust us and wants to annoy us all because he ripped his arm apart just before a nap! I didn't notice because I was already asleep after moving a whole bunch of crap into that room, and having a small argument with him." Bon answered.

"Why did you let him do that!" Yukio shouted.

"I already told you, I was asleep!" Bon shouted back. "If your brother doesn't give a damn, then why should we? I mean, he's not gonna stop, even if we try to make him. He can always use his nail if he has to. Trimming them won't do a thing, since he can just release his demon powers and have them grow out again, sharper than ever. It's a futile effort." He sighed. "Why bother trying?"

"Because you said that he was your friend!"

Bon's eyes went wide for a second, then narrowed. "Yeah, we're trying to be friends to him, but he doesn't feel the same way. To him, us and the rest of the world might as well be the demons we fight every day. We're the enemies, only he can't kill us."

"Then convince him otherwise!"

"I can't! He doesn't' want to listen!"

"Then make him listen and take away all of the sharp stuff in his room! Give him safety scissors, restrict his access to kitchen knives, and watch him more closely!"

"Then he'll just use his nails! And that won't make him trust us more! Maybe taking away his tools would help, but that's not gonna make him trust us at all!"

"But, you need to help him get better. Please? Do what I couldn't do..." Yukio trailed off, sniffling. "Please help my brother, please? I want him to get better. I want to see my big brother again." Yukio dropped to his knees. Shiemi put her arms around him to try to comfort him.

"So, what happened? Why did you- Just what?" I asked, confused. "Why would you ever-?"

"Why do you do it? Honestly, I wasn't a fan. Not my thing, I guess. I was a popper for a while, but I quit." Izumo answered calmly.

"Popper?"

"Popping an elastic band against my arm, hand, or wrist. Sometimes it would bleed a little if I snapped it hard enough, enough times in a row. And I could hide the marks with the hair tie or elastic I used to do the damage."

"And how did you quit?"

"I met Paku."

I stared at my feet for a minute. I didn't know what to say. I mean, what can possibly be said? What words would make any difference? I already know that nothing will make a difference. I mean, it's kind of the same for me. What could anyone say to make me feel better? I don't know, and I don't know what to say to her. Maybe I should just keep listening to her? Wait, Paku. Paku helped somehow?

"How did Paku help?" I asked.

"She was my first friend."

"But how did that help? Didn't she just ignore you, or get angry when she found out?"

"I almost wish she would have. It would have been easier than what she did do. But I'm glad that she did what she did, or I don't know what would have happened. I don't know what I'd be like right now, how I'd be treating myself, how I'd be feeling, I don't know if I even want to think about what could have been." Izumo answered.

"This might now be any of my business, but, um, what did she do?"

"We became friends in elementary school. A bunch of kids were picking on me again, and I ended up dropping my books. Paku, being the amazing and nice person that she is, walked over and helped me pick them up. She told me that she wanted to be my friend, and that she didn't like being friends with those who hurt or bully others. Heh. She's still the same way now. Even though I told her that she'd only be hurt by being my friend, she stuck with me. I couldn't understand, and there was a weird feeling building up in my chest. It didn't feel bad, just kind of weird. I didn't know what to call it.

"I was the school freak. I was the crazy kid. The one who saw imaginary monsters all over the place, just looking for attention from the adults. I was the kid who cried and pretended to be scared just so that the teachers would comfort me. They didn't know about demons, and neither did I, really. It took me a little while to figure out that the other kids couldn't see them, and that they weren't just lying and picking on me for no reason. Paku didn't seem to mind, though. And when she became my friend, people stopped picking on me.

"Even though things got better for me, it didn't take much to set me off. I would use just about anything as a reason to snap the band against my wrist. If my test mark wasn't high enough, if I couldn't understand a homework problem, even if I just felt a little lonely. A few times, I didn't even have a reason. But it all had to come to an end one day. One day, Paku caught me.

"She saw me snapping a band against my wrist several times in the past, but I talked her out of thinking much of it. I mean, I just told her it was to keep myself from getting too distracted in class, and she didn't question it. But one day, she caught a snap that made me bleed. She grabbed my hands and told me to tell her what was wrong. She told me that making myself bleed wasn't helping me to accomplish anything, and that it hurt her to see her friend hurting so much inside that she had to take it out on herself. She said it hurt to think that her friend didn't trust her enough to tell her that something was wrong."

I looked down and flinched inwardly. Maybe that's how Yukio feels right now.

"She got me to look her in the eye and tell her what was going on. She got me to admit my fears and doubts, and she got me to start thinking that I could trust someone else again. That weird feeling in my chest that I felt every time Paku was around grew stronger than ever during that time. I later learned that the feeling was comfort and love.

"Sounds corny, right? Well, I don't care that much. I'm allowed to love my friends. Or in this case, friend. Paku was basically my family from that point on. I could tell her anything, and she would help me out. Either of us could say anything, share inside jokes, and not feel stupid about it. To me, it was the best thing that's ever happened. I started to feel happy for the first time in a very long time.

"Because of my friend, I was able to stop popping. I didn't need to do it anymore. I'd found a healthier coping method. I talked. To a friend." Izumo stared at me. "You don't have to do it, and to be honest, I don't think there is a single one of us who doesn't want you to stop. But I know that there's no point in telling you not to. You won't stop, and you won't listen to us. Not until you learn for yourself what you need to learn."

I could only stare at the floor. What do I need to learn? I already know enough. I know that I can't trust people, especially those people. They all hate me. They don't care about me. They never did, and I doubt they ever will. I'm not going to listen to them, especially without a good reason. I don't care if hurting myself is considered wrong by most. And now I know that Izumo would be a hypocrite if she said anything. I guess I know now why she's so cold to people. But that's not the same as me. She doesn't know how it feels to be me. She never will. She has Paku, and Paku is too nice to ever ignore or betray Izumo. If what she says is true, then she's at least safe for a while. She's safe from it all until she and Paku have to part forever.

That doesn't matter. I need to think about me. Thinking about other people means that I might start to care about them. I can't do that! I can't start to care, only to have those people turn on me and destroy my heart again. I can't take any more hurt feelings. I can't afford to give a damn about anyone else anymore. Except Yukio. Yukio is always my exception, but I can't face him now. I don't know if I will ever be able to.

I felt something warm fall down my cheeks. I closed my eyes and put my hands on my head.. I can't look at anything right now. I don't want to see, I don't want to hear, I just want my chest to stop hurting and my eyes to stop burning. I want to cut so bad...

I felt something warm touch one of the hands on my head.

"I think I know what you want to do right now, and by all means, go ahead. I just want to tell you that it's not hurting just you, and I don't think it's worth it."

Why does my chest suddenly feel so warm? It almost feels nice.