Chapter 15
I sighed. Of all the types of shopping that I could be dragged into, it just had to be something as boring as school supply shopping. Apparently I don't have a large enough supply of paper, pens, and pencils to make it through a decent portion of the semester. Why is Bon such a hard-ass about these things? Why can't he just get over it. I'll do my homework if and when I feel like it. It's not like high school matters to me. I know he said something about promising Yukio to help out with my grades or whatever, but come on, school supply shopping? Really? This is such a damn waste of time. I could be sleeping or something right now.
I sighed again. Well, I just have to get the things on this list and anything else that I see and think that I might need. After that, I have to meet Bon at the checkout to pay. Let's see, pencils, pens, lined paper, ruler, extra ink, and pencil leads. How about I just get wooden pencils instead? That'll save both pencil money and pencil lead money. I walked through the store aisles and picked out the things one the list.
This is super exciting. I can't wait until the next time we come back. God, I hate this.
Something glinted in the corner of my eye. I stopped and looked, then asked myself a question. Why am I staring at pencil sharpeners? Oh yeah, wooden pencils need sharpeners. Right. So there's a pack of two medium sized ones with cases or a pack of four small ones without cases. They're the same price...
Surely the ones with cases would be more convenient, since I wouldn't have to stand over a trash bin to sharpen the pencil, but they only have a total three blades for sharpening between the two of them, whereas the 4-pack has four blades...
Blades. Blades that are held in by only a single small screw. Blades that stay sharp enough long enough to sharpen pencils for a very long time...
A warm feeling crept into my chest. I am such a genius. Who will think twice about buying or using pencil sharpeners? Who actually considers pencil sharpeners to be a sharp object? Who actually thinks about how the blade could be released from the plastic? Who actually notices that it's only held in by a screw?
Yes. I love it.
I grabbed one of each pack of pencil sharpeners, just to test which type of pencil sharpener will be the easiest in the future. I also went and got a small JIS screwdriver (Japanese Industrial Standard, the equivalent to North American Phillips head) so that I'd be able to remove the screws. Shopping done, I can pay.
I met up with Bon and started putting my things on the checkout counter.
"What do you need so many pencil sharpeners for?" Bon asked
"I want to see which type I like best. Wooden pencils need to be sharpened. Anyways, pencil sharpeners are cheap. I'm not wasting money." I replied.
"Okay... and a screwdriver? What the hell do you need that for?" he asked.
"You know, it's a handy tool to keep around. Never know when one of the doors in the dorm will suddenly fall off and we'll wish that we had a screwdriver to screw the hinges back in place." I said. Kind of a messed up lie, but so ridiculous that he probably won't think twice about whether or not it's a lie.
"You're a weird one, Okumura." Bon said as he put his stuff on the belt with mine. We payed for the supplies, and went back to the dorm. Time for another boring Saturday of avoiding Bon and his homework lectures. At least I'll be able to try my new toys.
I stopped at the bathroom on the way back to our room. I needed privacy to open up the sharpeners, and it's an excuse I can pull off.
"School supplies won't be coming in with me, but I see no need to make two trips around the hall. Besides, I really gotta go."
I'm taking my time. It's not like Bon's gonna bother me here. I ripped open the packaging around the screw driver, and started with the 2-pack of sharpeners. They had a weird shaped lid, with a curve in the plastic coming out to almost cover the blades. There's still enough room to wiggle the screwdriver in though.
I wiggled, twisted, turned, and tried to get the screwdriver in the screw, but the angles were absolutely horrible. Damn it, why didn't I think this through? Now how could I get past this plastic? If only I had better control of my flames, I could just melt it.
Or why don't I try that anyways? It's training. At best I only have two tries to get these blades, rescue them from the plastic casing that keeps them trapped. Essentially, I am saving them from captivity. Get it right now, or else they die. In this case, get covered in melted plastic, and trapped where I can't get them.
All right. I set the plastic on the floor. I only want to melt that one curve of plastic. I'll melt it, and gravity will make it melt away from the blades. That's how it's going to go down. I just need to concentrate now, and give it only a small spark of power and then...
A very tiny flame appeared on the plastic, on that curve that I'm trying to melt. Don't get excited, just concentrate on keeping that flame small, don't let it get bigger, don't let it spread to the rest of the sharpener, don't let it consume it. Just like Aang in Avatar. Don't let the fire spread on the leaf, don't let the fire spread on the sharpener. Keep it as small as possible. Maintain control over this power.
After a minute or so, the plastic started bending. It's curling away from the blade. I'm succeeding, and it's working. I am controlling my flames!
After another three minutes, it's melted away enough for me to get my screwdriver in there properly. I unscrew the blade, and it falls into my hand, no problem at all. This sense of accomplishment, I never knew how great it felt before.
Maybe I should keep the other curvy plastic one as my real pencil sharpener though, it's more effort than it's worth. I'll just unscrew the 4-pack. The screws are sticking straight out, with no guard. It'll be much easier.
I took the other blades out, and put my new toys in my pocket. Five new playthings, and no one will be the wiser. With my new treasures retrieved, I headed back to my room with a grin on my face.
Of course Bon has to start talking to me and ruin my good mood.
"Homework. Get it done. You only have one day left to do it, you know." he said.
"I know. I'll do it later. Don't be such a hard-ass. You already made me go shopping with you today, so just give me a break." I complained.
"Fine, if you don't want to do your homework, then don't." he stated.
"Is it really that easy?" I asked, suspicious.
"Yep. If you don't want to do your homework, then don't. That's your choice. But if you don't want to do it, then I'd like to sit down with you and finish that talk we started, sort of, a week ago." Bon said. Crap, he looks serious about this one. "Made your choice? You said you didn't want to do homework. Pick your favourite sitting spot, Okumura."
I sat on my bed, bag falling to the floor and blades in my pocket calling for me. I really didn't want to do this. This is horrible. Why do I need to talk about this? I don't want to be here. I want to run away.
"I wanted to start with an apology, Okumura. I shouldn't have said what I said back then, and you were completely right. I don't know a thing about you or what you've experienced before, so I shouldn't make assumptions. It was wrong of me. Will you accept my apology?" he asked. What the hell is he talking about?
"What the hell are you talking about, stupid rooster?" I asked.
"You know, a week ago I was on your case for taking things too seriously, then you said that you don't have very much experience with friends and how the relationship is supposed to work? I'm apologizing for that. It was rude, and it was wrong." he said.
Oh. I'd forgotten about that already. "Whatever. Sure. Is that all you wanted to talk about? Honestly, it wasn't that important in the first place." I said.
"I'd disagree. Judging by the way you reacted, I'd say that it's very important." he said.
Get out of my face. I don't want to talk about it. I really don't want to talk about it. Leave me alone. Let me be. Don't get into my business. I wish that I could run away.
"You want to go first, Okumura? Tell me what's really going on inside your head whenever anything involving friends comes up?"
"No, I don't want to talk about it."
"Too bad, you have to."
"Why, though? Why does it matter? It's never mattered before?"
"Because I think of you as my friend, that's why. I like to help my friends whenever there's a problem. Problems are best solved with teamwork, right? Once we know what the problem is, we can fix it, but I won't be able to help if you can't tell me what's up." Bon stated. Just like Shima said, he's straightforward, do this, get that, no gray area. Hard-ass is a great term to describe him.
"There isn't a problem. I'm fine."
"Fine. If you won't answer that question, I'll just ask a different one. Who was your first friend?"
I didn't have to think. "Yukio."
"No, he's your brother."
"Then what do you mean?"
"How about this, who was your first friend after Yukio?"
I had to pause for a moment. Who was the first person I'd considered a friend after Yukio? "Uh... Shiemi, I think?"
"And how long ago was that?"
"Um... maybe four months ago?"
"And after her?"
"All the rest of you guys, maybe a week or two later? I don't know! What does this have to do with anything?" I asked, confused.
"Because I asked you before if you've ever had friends, and you replied with 'Fuck no! Why do you think it's hurt me so bad, what you guys did? How am I supposed to understand everything you guys take for granted when I don't have your kind of experience to rely on? '" Bon replied.
"And what does that have to do with anything?" I asked, very annoyed.
"Because if we're the first friends you've ever had, there must be a reason for it. Either a reason why you accepted us, of all people, or why we're the first to accept you. Whichever way you look at it, it's a really sad story, and one that you need to let out before it keeps eating you up from the inside."
"That's none of your business." I said
"You made it my business by shouting it in my face. Talk, Okumura, or do I need to bring in Izumo, Shima, or Kuro as reinforcements? Don't put it past me, I will." he threatened.
"Shut up! Why do you need to know so bad?" I asked
"Because I'm your friend, and this is honestly the best way to help, whether or not you believe me. If you hate me afterwards, you have full rights, but let it out, because nothing good will happen if you keep it in. You'll just keep living the way that you are right now. Is that acceptable? Is that what you really want?" Bon asked.
It's not that I hate living, it's just that I hate this life. Isn't that what I thought before? Something changing, isn't that what I wanted? Damn it, why is it so fucking hard like this? I don't want to live that way but I can't talk about it or make things change. Talking about it will change everything, but it won't change for the better, it'll only get worse. I'm a demon, a monster, and it's in my genes. I can't change that, and my past behaviour will only make them all hate me more, if that's possible.
But I can't be a hypocrite, can I? I wanted things to change, so why? Why am I such a coward? I don't know what to do.
"You all right Okumura?"
"Shut up, you stupid rooster. You're just going to hate me more if I tell you anything, so why can't you just cut your losses?"
"Because I didn't hate you in the first place. I was just frustrated by you trying to do everything all on your own instead of taking the help that was right in front of you. This time, I'm being patient. Yeah, I know you're Satan's son, but so what? I don't like my old man either, and your parents don't define who you are. You do. I hate Satan, not you. Let it out, let me help you. Friends help friends when they have problems, so you should do your share!" Bon explained.
"That's some twisted logic you've got." I commented.
"Maybe, but it makes sense, doesn't it?" Bon said.
I couldn't say anything. He took my silence as an affirmative.