Chapter 17
There were three short raps on the door. Yukio turned, mildly curious as to who would be in the dormitory at this time of day. Rin supposedly didn't want to see him, and Suguro wouldn't give up his pride and ask for help dealing with Rin. If not any of that, who would possibly want to see him? Why was there even another person here in the first place?
"Oi, Yukio! Opens the damn door or I'm gonna break it down on yer four-eyed chicken self."
Yukio realized who it was and a knot started forming in the pit of his stomach. If he wasn't in such a detached state at the moment, he might have started actually panicking. As it was, he was just mildly concerned about how to clean this mess up and cover his arms before Shura barged in.
He quickly turned the taps on to full power to wash the blood out, and stuck his arms beneath the water to clean off some of the congealed blood. At least it would be less likely to stain his clothes. Why did he have to pick today of all days to wear a white shirt?
That's right. He wasn't expecting company.
"Yukio, what're ya doing in there? I'm gonna give ya fifteen seconds ta answer me before I just come in. Make sure ya've at lease got yer pants on." Shura warned.
Yukio scrubbed the blood off of his arms and dried them on his pants. They were black, they could handle it. The sink was clean, but his arms were still spotting a little bit. He grabbed some toilet paper, wadded it over each arm, and just had enough time to pull down his sleeves when the door slammed open.
"Yukio! What'er ya doing ignoring me like that? I'm yer superior, yer elder, and yer partner for the next mission! Why weren't ya answering the door?" Shura exclaimed.
"Is it my fault that you caught me on the toilet?" Yukio asked, "Also, what mission would you be talking about?"
"The one to Kyoto, dumbass!"
"Excuse me, but I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't been briefed for any mission to Kyoto." Yukio folded his arms over his chest. He could feel the new marks he'd made, and it wasn't entirely unpleasant.
"That's 'cause ya skipped out on the meeting that we just had!"
"The meeting?"
"Weren't ya paying attention? There was supposed to be a meeting today for all exorcists in the nearby cities ranked lower middle class and higher. It was discussing various jobs for the problems in Kyoto. We've got a nasty one this time. Someone's after the eyes of the Impure King." Shura explained.
"I see."
"And you and me have been assigned to watch over the exwires. This'll be their first real mission, doing odd jobs and taking care of the injured and the like, and since I'm Rin's trainer, and you're his brother, as well as a doctor, we're the ones in charge of them."
"That makes sense. Very well, I'll see you when we depart. When is that?" Yukio asked.
"Tomorrow at noon. And I'm not leaving just yet. We two have a little something to chat about." Shura said.
"Oh really? I can't think of anything that we need to discuss at the moment. Are you sure you're not just trying to be nosy, getting into someone else's business for the fun of it?"
"There is one thing that we definitely need to discuss, and I'm not going ta put up with any of yer bullshit, ya got that?"
"Maybe if you'd explain to me what you were talking about, I'd have the slightest understanding." Yukio said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose with his left hand.
Shura suddenly grabbed his arm.
"What are you doing? Let go of me!" Yukio shouted. Shura looked him right in the eye and pulled down his sleeve, never breaking eye contact. The wadded toilet paper fell to the floor, flecks of red marking the plain white tissue.
"Care to explain?"
"I don't think there is any need to. I'm sure you're intelligent enough to recognize what you see. It's an injury. The skin is open and it is bleeding. I was trying to stop the bleeding when you came in here. Surely, after years of being an exorcist, you should know what a wound looks like. Surely you know that to treat a wound, it has to be cleaned, and the blood needs to be forced to stop." Yukio explained.
"What the hell, Yukio! I don't expect this kind of behaviour from you!"
"I don't understand what you mean."
"Self injury! I mean, I knew you were a coward and all, but I didn't think you'd really stoop to this level just because you can't see yer brother for a couple weeks. I was just trying ta prove his suspicions wrong, so I could tell him yer fine and he could cheer up a little. Not ta mention we are gonna be partners in this mission, and I need to know yer current physical and mental health status to be able to work with you properly, and possibly request a transfer for one or both of us."
"This isn't self injury." Yukio stated coldly. It was only then that Shura noticed his monotone and blank stare. It was like his mind wasn't even in the room, his body just acting on autopilot.
"If this isn't self injury, then tell me what it is."
"It's research, an experiment. I'm learning. I am trying to understand why my brother does this by attempting it myself. It's all science. Emotions don't come into play here. Self injury implies that the person is doing themselves harm because they are emotionally overloaded, or far too emotionally detached. At least, those are the common connotations associated with the concept. I am doing this for science, therefore making it an entirely different process." Yukio explained, still in his monotone.
"Like hell it is, Yukio. You hurt yourself, it's self injury, simple as that. And as if emotions don't come into play. Why would you be "studying" as you call it, if you didn't care about your brother?"
"I'm not sure. But it feels like I should be doing it this way. That's all I know." Yukio answered.
Shura sighed angrily. "Come here ya bratty four-eyes. I'm gonna fix this up, you're gonna quit what yer doing, and I'm not gonna tell Rin or Mephisto about this. Yer gonna go back to yer normal self, and we'll never have to speak or hear of this again. You got me? You are gonna quit this right now. You are not going down that road."
"I don't understand your problem."
Shura sighed again. "You don't have to. Just know that we don't just care about the one son of Satan. Both of you are equally important. Now I'm gonna dress this up, and I'm gonna leave, and I expect ta see you at the train tomorrow with all the exwires and acting like yer normal self. If yer not, I might just have ta tell the higher ups so that you can solve this problem of yers."
"Don't worry. There will be no need for that. I'll be fine."
"Dear god, Yukio, I hope so."
"Is that you, Okumura? What are you doing out here?"
"I live out here. I should be asking you the same question." I replied. No one comes out here, these dormitories are supposedly abandoned.
"I was just collecting some fungi samples for my biology class. I figured the edge of the woods here might have what I was looking for." she replied.
"Ah, I guess it would."
"You wouldn't happen to know of any good rocks or trees that might have some interesting plants for me, would you?"
"No. I don't really explore much."
"Oh? Then why come out here? You don't really look like you're relaxing, if the look on your face is much to go by."
"Paku, why are you trying to get into my business?" I asked harshly.
"Because you look like you could desperately use a friend, and not one who will make a big deal of the mess on your arm. If you'd like me to leave you alone, I can do that too." Paku answered.
"No, it's okay." I said, "I'm not mad at you or anything, I'm just stressed out right now. I didn't mean to take it out on you."
"Don't worry about it. I'm friends with Izumo, after all. I've gotta have some tolerance for mood swings and very forward behaviour, whether or not it's directed at me." Paku giggled as she sat down beside me. What is it with girls and giggling?
"Yeah, well, she's the one who's been the best so far. People keep trying to talk to me and pry into my business, but she – well, I don't know – she did something right. She didn't bug me, she just let me talk it out, you know? And she explained some things to me that I really hadn't thought about before and told me about you and her and why she's okay and how things can work but I don't know if I can really believe it and everything's just so confusing right now especially with Bon and his homework and talking and trying to force me to talk even after I told him that my only condition was not to tell me to stop!" I ranted. I felt a tear sting my eye and I wiped it away. "Sorry about the rant. That probably didn't make any sense."
"It's okay. Did Izumo really tell you about her and me? She must really care about you if she was willing to talk about how the two of us became friends. I'm assuming that that's what you were referring to?" Paku asked.
"Mhm." I nodded.
"Well, she's not much of a talker, and she really hates talking about herself. Her past wasn't all that easy, from what she's told me. Even I don't really know anything about it. But you and her, you have enough in common. I guess she could relate to how you're feeling right now. I know that she still remembers how hard it is, so she was probably trying to comfort you in the same way that she needed it way back then. Once you've experienced that type of pain, I'd imagine it's hard to wish it on others, especially on those you call friends."
"I guess so. I think you're right. Comfort doesn't necessarily come from talking it out, but knowing that someone's there, right? Even if they don't know anything, just that they're willing to sit there and chat about nothing, or sit and do nothing, or ignore each other while being in the same room just because they can, it's comforting. Just being around people and not expecting anything bad to happen, it's a nice feeling. No worry, no dread that you're going to do something stupid, or that someone's going to treat you unkindly for something that you can't control, just feeling safe is wonderful."
"So you don't feel safe around the other exwires?" Paku asked.
"Not really. Before they learned that I was Satan's son, I was afraid that they'd all shun me if they learned that I was a demon. Back then, I just tried to be friendly, happy, and stay in their good books, never saying too much or talking about anything personal, just getting by. After they found out, They shunned me. At least I thought they did, apparently their view is different. Now I'm just afraid of hurting them because I can't control my flames properly. I did manage to control them earlier, so maybe I shouldn't be so scared of that, but I also know that they did completely shut me out once. Who's to say that they won't do it again? What if they decide they hate me again? I don't know if I'll be able to handle it." I explained.
"I guess that explains your tail, then." Paku commented.
"My tail?"
"Yeah, you never did tell me that you were half demon, or talk about either of your parents before. I quit the cram school before that was revealed. I suppose that's how you were able to keep the demon off of Izumo and me that day in the girls bathroom."
"Oh, yeah, I guess so. Aren't you scared of me?"
"Why should I be. You're a very kind person, Okumura. I know you wouldn't hurt anyone. I don't think you could hurt anyone you cared about, even if you tried."
"But you haven't seen me lose control. I almost hurt Shiemi. Shura had to knock me out to take me down. I don't ever want that to happen again." I said.
"But you just said that you were able to control your flames, your powers, I assume." I looked up. Where was she going with this? "And from what you just said, I know that you're a good person. If you can control them, and if you don't wish to harm any of your friends, then shouldn't your flames respond to that? Shouldn't they all be safe from you now?" Paku asked
"I've only done it once. I can't know for sure." I said
"Then show me. Try it again. Do it twice, and that should be plenty of proof for you. It'll show you that you can control them for real. Not to mention I want to see what they look like. Are they blue like Satan? If so, I bet they'll be really pretty." Paku said. It made me smile.
"Well, I can try, but I want you to stand far away, you know, just in case." I walked around the base of the tree and picked up three short sticks. I then shoved the sticks into the ground to be just like the candles. "My training is to light the tips of the two on the outside without burning the middle one. They both have to be lit at the same time. I normally work with candles, but sticks should be fine. They'll just need slightly more power. Now you back up like, twenty feet, okay? I don't want you to get hurt if I screw up."
"Don't worry about it, Okumura, but I can back up if you wish."
"Thanks." I said. I focussed my thought, just like with the pencil sharpener. I have one try, and I can't mess it up. If I do, I'll forever be shamed, condemned, and I'll have failed in front of the only one person who believes in me right now. Come on, sticks, just the tips, light for me.
The left and right sticks were burning like soft blue candles, and the middle one stayed cold. I did it.
"That's amazing, Okumura! And it's beautiful, too. I love it."
"Thanks, Paku."
"Now don't you go feeling bad anymore. You did great, and I know the exwires. They don't hate you, they just don't know what to do. Give them a chance. Give them a little time to work it through, and while they're doing that, show them all just how much you can do. Prove it to them, make them believe. You're a great person, you know, and I'm sure that they all see that."
"Thanks Paku, and you can just call me Rin if you want to."
"Sure, Rin. Just don't forget what I said, okay? Give them a chance, they'll come around. And I'm always free to talk to too, alright? If you ever need to get something off your chest, I'm just a walk across campus away."
"Thanks, I'll remember that." I said, feeling a lot lighter than I had earlier. "Oh, and if you need good fungi, try the southern edge of the forest. I know moss and stuff likes to grow southwards."
"Thanks Rin, I'll look there. And you might want to hide your arm. It looks like there's someone headed this way from the dorms."
"Is it Bon?" I asked nervously.
"No, it looks like a woman. She has pink hair-"
"That's Shura. You're right, I should probably clean up. Have a good rest of your day." I said.
"You too, and I'll see you around!" Paku waved as she walked away.
I headed back to my tree and tried wiping my arm on the grass. It wasn't terribly effective, but it did something.
"Oi, Rin! Come back to the dorms with me! I gotta talk ta ya about something!" Shura called from a distance.
"Yeah, I'm coming!" I called back. I wonder what she wants. I hope it isn't bad. I hope she doesn't want to talk about what she's sure to see on my arm. She told me to relax and all, and I couldn't. I don't need her mad at me too.