Chapter 18

"So Todo has betrayed the True Cross and stolen the left eye of the Impure King. He has allowed himself to become a demon and Mephisto believes that he will be going after the right eye next. The right eye is in Kyoto, and it is said to be housed at the temple run by Suguro's father. Several of the people that inhabit the temple have already gotten sick from the miasma that leaks from the eye, and my job is to watch over the exwires as we provide treatment for the sick and injured." Yukio read from the memo he received. "Also, I need to keep an eye on Okumura Rin so that he doesn't burst into flames, expose his secret, and lose control, and kill everyone. This'll be an interesting trip."

Yukio looked around his room, deciding what he should pack. A mission like this one, especially one involving a betrayal of one of their own members, would probably take a couple of weeks. That means clothes, toiletries, his weapons, his medical supplies, three extra pairs of glasses, and... Did he really want to bring the blade? He needed to help his brother, and taking a break from the research could mean that he'd have to begin again, if his sample, himself, got spoiled.

On the other hand, if Shura caught him again, the consequences would be very unpleasant. If she ended up telling Mephisto, if his health "status" got out to all of the exorcists, he wouldn't be taken seriously anymore, not to mention all of the lectures and the talks that he'd have to suffer through for no reason. It wouldn't be fun at all.

But that's only if he gets caught.

Yukio smiled at the thought. Could he really do it? Yes, probably. He knew that he could get away with fooling people with his attitude. He doesn't really talk to people, except for what directly concerns the mission, so not talking won't seem out of the ordinary. He always looks serious and emotionless, so being in some sort of dissociative state won't make him seem too different, except to Shura. If it's only Shura that he's concerned about, all he has to do is keep talking about mission-related topics, his brother, and give her the occasional taunt. Even in such and unfeeling emotional state, he felt that he could pull it off. It was all calculated like this, then it wouldn't matter if he wasn't going to use his emotions. All he had to do was act like they were there. It wouldn't be too hard. All he had to do was smile, and people would think that he's doing fine.

A smile is an easy manipulation tool.

Is that what Rin thought when he was hiding all of the self harm from him?

I am so screwed when I get back to the dorm. Shura's gonna see what I did to my arm, and she's totally gonna chew me out for it. She told me to relax, to behave myself, not to stress myself out over anything, and to just not hurt myself for a night. She believed in me, and I failed her and now it's all gonna suck because she's not gonna let this go as soon as she finds out. I'm such a dumbass.

Well, if she's gonna lecture me anyways, one more to help me deal with it won't hurt.

I took one of the blades out of my pocket and ran it along the outside of my left arm. Not deep enough to scar, just enough to bleed a little. Maybe I can say that I fell out of a tree? Eh, doesn't really matter that much. She'll think what she thinks, whatever excuse I try to give her.

And now I'm here. I know that Shura's waiting for me just inside, so I guess this is it. Time to get this over with.

I opened the door. "Shura, I'm-"

"Hey. We've got a mission. Pack yer stuff, 'cause we're leaving tomorrow morning. Also clean up that mess on yer arms. I wanna talk to ya a little before ya start packing, and I don't wanna let that get infected or anything while we sit here." Shura instructed.

"Thanks, I'll be back in a few minutes." I bowed, turned and left. Well, I guess I know what she thinks. She doesn't even want to hear the excuses. I guess being outed means that I've lost my right to being believed when I'm trying to give excuses. Not just the right to being believed. But my right to give an excuse at all. I sighed. I guess that's fair enough, but it still hurts to think that she can't trust me anymore.

I went into the bathroom and started scrubbing the dried blood off of my arms. A minute later, they were clean and only spotting the blood. Good enough. Guess I have to go back and face the music. I sighed again.

"Hey, I'm back." I said to a half-asleep Shura. Why is she always so tired in the middle of the day?

"Hey yerself. We've got a mission. We're gonna be going to a temple in Kyoto and all of you exwires are going to be running errands for people in the temple. Collecting herbs, helping with medical treatments, possibly preparing lunch boxes, that sort of stuff. You aren't going to be doing any fighting, not if we can help it, anyways. Mostly, yer just going to be taking care of the sick, and I'm supposed ta be watching you specifically so that you don't go and burst into flames and start killing people. We leave tomorrow on the 12 o'clock train." Shura explained.

"Okay. I have a couple of questions though. The first one, well, if we're going to Kyoto, does that mean we'll get to see the Kyoto Tower?" I asked. I really hope I get to see it. I've always wanted to visit the Kyoto Tower.

"No. We're there for a mission, not for sightseeing. Do you have any serious questions?"

"Yeah, sorry. The other question is why are the people sick? Why are we going to Kyoto?"

"The left eye of the Impure King has been stolen. He's a powerful demon, when summoned, and the eyes leak a miasma that is extremely toxic to humans. The right eye is in a temple in Kyoto, and we need to protect it so that it doesn't fall into the hands of the traitor who stole the left eye. It takes both eyes to summon the Impure King, and he can't do it with only one. Since you exwires aren't fit for battle yet, you'll be helping the doctors with treatments. And you specifically will have to take an hour or two every day to keep up yer training with yer flames." Shura explained.

"Okay. But what about when I can control them?"

"We'll get to that when that happens."

"Oh, alright then." I looked down. I can't tell her yet. What if I disappoint her? And can she really trust my word right now? I mean, I might not even trust me right now.

"You doin' okay, Rin?" she asked.

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, fine. I really believe that. Tell me what's goin' on. 'Cause whatever yer doin' right now ta help yerself, it ain't workin'. Maybe I can help ya out?"

"No, I'm okay. It's no one's business, and it's no one else's problem. I'll deal with it, just like I always have. If I can't figure out something as easy as this on my own, Can I really think about being an exorcist?" I asked.

"Maybe. But ya know, the thing about being an exorcist is that we never fight alone. We are always on a team with someone else, because that's the only way that we're going to survive. If you can't trust a teammate, that's the same as signing a death contract, and I know that you don't wanna do that. If you did, then who's gonna kick Satan's ass?"

"Bon."

"Aren't you gonna beat him to it?"

"Aren't you going to lecture me?" I shouted, staring into Shura's eyes. Why hasn't she tried talking to me about it yet? Why is she stalling? This is so frustrating!

"Do ya want me to? I can lecture ya about how stupid yer being right now, but I think ya already know that, and you don't need to hear it from me. What would that accomplish?"

"I-I don't know." I looked down.

"I think I know, though. You want me to yell at you because you want someone to tell you what's right and what's wrong. You want someone to tell you that hurtin' yerself when yer upset is a horrible thing to do so that you can either keep doin' it and prove them wrong, or take it as a reason to give up. Either way, the reasoning behind that is stupid. If yer gonna stop, all I can do is encourage it, not throw it in yer face. Get over it."

I have to think about that. Is she right? Well, no, I don't want her to lecture me. Definitely not for the reasons she just said. It's totally wrong! I'm not spiteful like that, and I'm not just doing it for attention. She's wrong. But is she right about her side? All she can do is encourage me and hope I quit on my own? I guess so, that's the way it should be. But I'm not going to quit. I don't think I can quit. Not forever.

"Do I need to get over it?" I asked.

"Is that even a question?"

"Yes. Do I need to get over it? Usually people only need to "get over" something because it's a problem. But it's not a problem. If it were a problem, then it would be causing me harm. Since it helps me, I say it's not a problem."

"And I say that it is. How does it not hurt you? If it hurts, and if it bleeds, then yes, it's hurting you. It's that simple."

"But it helps me!"

"How? Tell me so I get it."

"Because it-" I paused. Does she think I'm stupid? "I don't need to talk it out because it's not a problem. You aren't going to trick me into it."

Shura sighed. "I'm just tryin' ta help you, Rin. I don't wanna see you go down a bad path, especially when I coulda done somethin' ta help you out. Sorry if that speech annoyed you or anything, but I think you really need to talk it out with someone."

"I'll be fine. I always have been."

"Just as fine as Yukio?"

"Nothing's wrong with Yukio. He's an amazing person, he's always been better than me, in everything. I still want to protect him, but I don't think that he really needs my help with anything outside of fights."

"You sure about that?"

"No, but you can stop getting into our business!"

"I think you need to talk to him."

"That's none of your business!"

"Maybe not, but I think I know more about our four-eyed chicken than you'd think. Try talking it out with him. Yer bound to learn something."

"You don't need to tell me what to do. Yukio is my brother."

I know. That doesn't mean that I can't try to help him too."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Shura." I turned to walk away when she grabbed my shoulder.

"Hey, just relax. Take it easy, calm yerself down, and we'll meet up tomorrow. Try to get some practicing in, and I really don't want to hear from Suguro that you've gone and done this again. Not tonight. Just try?"

"No promises. And it's none of your business."

I walked away quickly.

How was he ever going to get Rin to talk it out? The brat was way too stubborn about all of this. Why won't he walk about why the whole concept of friendship bothers him so much? It just doesn't make any sense. He's hurting, he has friends, why not take advantage of the help that they're offering?

Did he hate them all that much for ignoring him for the better part of a month? Well, Bon wouldn't blame him if he did, but it still didn't make sense to him. Friends help each other. Teamwork and cooperation are the best ways to get through any tough situation.

Maybe he should talk to Izumo again. She seemed to know what she was doing. And she also seemed to be hiding some sort of secret of her own. Bon can see her posturing because he postures. Because he also postures, he can understand the basics of the motives behind it. She said that she can understand Rin for the same reasons that he can understand the posturing, so that means that she must have tried the whole self-harm thing at some point. The question is why? And does she still do it?

That's why he needs to talk to her. He needs help figuring out Rin so that one, he can help the kid out, and two, so that he can move back to his room. He has to help Rin and Yukio fix up their problems, and then he can move out. To do that, he needs an expert among their group of friends to at least give him some direction. That expert is Izumo, and she needs to do her part in helping the team.

Bon decided that, once he knows what he plans to do, he can get the other exwires in on it, they can carry out the plan, and finally, they can get this whole mess behind them and start working as a team. That's what friends do. They help each other.

The only problem would be Izumo. Cooperation and sharing don't seem to be her thing. Once he breaks down her wall, maybe they could get somewhere.

Rin burst into the room.

"Hey. Sorry about bothering you earlier, but we will talk it out eventually." Bon said.

"What's with everyone and trying to talk to me!" Rin shouted.

"Hey, calm down. I'm not forcing anything out of you right now, so don't take it out on me."

"But you started it all!"

"I started it?"

"Yes! You were the first one to try to talk to me and the only person who did anything right was Paku!"

"Paku? When did you see her?"

"When I was outside. She was walking around, and we talked a little bit. It was nice."

"Yeah? What did she do right?"

"She listened. And she didn't tell me to stop."

Rin flopped on his bed and turned towards the wall. Bon knew he wasn't getting any more answers tonight. At least he had something new to think about. Paku listened. Paku didn't tell him to stop. Is that really all it would take?