In any event 4
A/N- Hey, I started writing this just after the series finale and it turned into a bit of a therapy session, so I am sorry if it goes on a bit in parts and is less frolicsome than I had intended. I have a bit more of an outline for where I want this story to go now and it will involve a little more angst, strictly healthy levels only! For frilly frolics check out my M rated fic x
"Hi Gillian, it's me...I missed your call...?" Caroline informed, distracted by the sight of Kate in her peripheral vision, being led into the kitchen by a curious Mya, clearly in search of where their host had disappeared to.
"Caroline? Oh right, it was nothing, well...it doesn't matter now...Shit! Hang on." Gillian sounded flustered.
Caroline could hear only the muffled sound of the phone being discarded and she popped the call onto speaker phone as she turned to put her roast potatoes and veg into the oven, glancing at Kate with a quiet smile which Kate returned almost shyly.
"Oh, no...Yeah...Caroline...I might have to call you back..." Gillian's voice sounded distant and Caroline heard the sound of an angry horn in the background.
"I hope you're not on the phone whilst driving that tractor again!" Caroline warned, a hint of Dr Elliot creeping into her voice.
"No... Prick!...not you Caroline, ...I'm pulling over... Ha,try and get around me now dickhead! "
Kate frowned at the repeated bursts of loud horn, blaring in the background of the call as the loud engine noise cut out and a more relaxed voice came back much more learly down the phone line.
"Hi." Gillian sighed. "Sorry, I was just calling to see if you knew my Dad was, well...really I am trying to get hold of Raff but he isn't answering his phone and Dad is usually the best way to get in touch with him..." Gillian trailed off.
"Oh, no, not sure where Alan is, or mum, I assumed they were at home today or with you... I am just making dinner.." Caroline answered while popping a bottle of wine into the fridge.
"No...oh..bollocks...you were having Kate around this aft for "Sunday dinner"" Gillian said the last in a slow suggestive manner that caused Kate to giggle quietly.
"Yeah, she's here now...and your on speaker phone actually, so behave yourself." Ordered Caroline not unkindly.
"Ooooops, sorry." Gillian called. "Anyway, it was nothing really." She sighed heavily. "I'll let you get back to it."
Caroline frowned and looked to see if Kate had detected the worrying change in tone from her friend. Kate shrugged questioningly.
"Are you sure you're alright?" Caroline asked finally abandoning her expert multi tasking in favor of listening to the woman on the other end of the phone.
"Yeah, just been a rough day, that's all...was hoping Raff could come home and give me a hand...I've got two sheep with foot rot who need taking care of, half of the other sheep need separating to check for any signs of it, about a hundred repairs on the fence and the whole farm needs checking to make sure there are no hazards that they might be cutting themselves on, it's gonna be dark in a few hours and Ellie's mam is about to drop off Calamity...can't keep her for the night of course. Raff probably knows that...probably why he's not answering his phone." Gillian said miserably.
Caroline's face twisted into a thoughtful frown as she struggled to think of any way she could help.
"Well, we could help." Kate's voice said clearly, surprising both Caroline and Gillian.
Caroline turned to her questioningly as Kate released Mya's hand and the tot waddled back into the living room having quickly lost interest in them both.
"Yeah, we could at least come over and keep... Calamity? company for a while...I don't know if either of us would be much use to you with the other stuff." Kate admitted, speaking to Gillian but the tipping of her chin in Caroline's direction seeming to issue a challenge to the blonde.
"Naaahh, no. I couldn't let you do that!" Gillian protested.
"No. She's right." Caroline said definitely. "We'll come over. We can't make thing's any worse and I'll try mum in the meantime."
"You can't, you're making dinner...you're ...y'know...wooing her!" Gillian said in a loud whisper into the phone.
This time she heard Kate's giggle and cringed as she imagined (quite accurately) the unimpressed expression that Caroline was giving the phone.
"We wont be long." Caroline said shortly, about to hang up as she heard Gillian call.
"Don't forget to wear your wellies."
Xxxx
Caroline drove the long road that she had become quite familiar with over the last couple of years, half listening to the CD of nursery rhyme's that Kate had transferred from her car to Caroline's before they set out on their journey.
"It's beautiful out here." Kate said as she watched Caroline's eye's sweep over the wide open hills and swooping valley's of the landscape.
Caroline nodded, taking her eyes off the road for only a moment as she allowed herself a glance at Kate.
"It is...today. It's ever changing. Some days I drive up here and it feels like I am a part of something alive, natural, dazzling. Other day's it's like nature itself turns its back on you, everything looks hard, bleak, you feel completely alone, surrounded by nothingness."
Caroline had become lost in her thoughts and Kate watched her quietly.
"Sorry." Caroline said, suddenly self conscious and feeling the pink rise in her cheeks.
"Don't be." Kate reassured. "I want you to be able to share how you're feeling with me Caroline."
Caroline offered up a weak smile and felt her grip on the steering wheel tighten.
"I like your new place." Kate stated, rescuing Caroline with a change in subject.
"Do you?" Caroline's smile was back in full force.
"Yeah, I mean, the last place was beautiful and very impressive, anyone would love it. But the new place just seems warmer, more intimate, you get more of a sense of...you. I guess."
"Well, it's smaller...but yes I have been able to put more of my own stamp on it. Laurence is hardly ever home so he keeps all of his paraphernalia to his room." Caroline said.
"Does he stay with John a lot?" Kate asked with interest.
"No, I mean, from time to time, it depends if Judith is around, he hates her."
"She are John are still on and off?" Kate questioned.
"Mostly off, but yeah. No, Laurence stays with mum and Alan a lot, he get's spoiled there and he gets on well with Alan. Plus he stays with Angus and other friends. I think he misses William, though he would never admit it." Caroline sighed. "But he is growing up so much too."
xxxx
"Well if it isn't Kim Tate, come back to home farm!" Gillian called as she took in the sight of Caroline, her brand new Hunter wellies and immaculate hair and clothes.
Caroline sent a confused look Kate's way and caught her amused glow.
"She was in Emmerdale." Kate informed. "Nevermind."
"Are those Jodphurs?" Gillian asked as she reached them.
"I got them for a riding trip with school, they fit in the wellies...what?" Caroline asked indignantly as the women in front and the one beside her struggled to contain their giggles.
"You must be Kate." Gillian said, boldly sticking out a hand to shake Kate's in welcome. "Thanks for coming, for offering to help."
"You're welcome, I was curious to see the farm, truth be told, and to meet you, Caroline has spoken about you a lot." Kate informed her.
"Jesus, I hope not. Don't believe a word of it." Gillian joked. "And this must be Mya. She's gorgeous, she looks just like you." Gillian remarked, to which Caroline quirked an eyebrow. "Come on inside and get a cup of tea, meet Calamity, before I put you to work."
They followed Gillian into the house, Kate looking around at the countryside setting with an approving smile.
Xxxx
Kate had volunteered to stay at the house with the girls, it seemed the obvious choice, although she was a little disappointed that she wouldn't get to do some of the farm work and even more unhappy that she would not be seeing Caroline getting stuck in, as she knew she would be. Caroline always threw herself completely into any task she was assigned, no matter what it was.
Calamity was initially somewhat wary of the new visitors to the house, not least of Mya, she had seemed to be letting the slightly smaller girl know that this was defiantly her territory, but as soon as that had been established and with Mya's obvious interest and admiration in the older girl they had been getting on well and were now sitting on the rug taking various toys out of a box and setting each one out, Calamity naming some of them importantly as she did so.
Kate heard a key in the door and stood up just in time to see Celia and Alan coming into the room.
"Kate!" Alan called happily. "We didn't expect to see you here."
"It's you." Celia said, turning pale.
"Yes, it was last time I checked." Kate said with a wry smile at the shocked looking woman.
"But that's our Caroline's car..." Celia stated.
"Yeah, I was with Caroline when she got a call from Gillian, who needed a hand with some sick sheep and as she was looking for someone to watch Emily Jane...I thought..."
Alan ushered Celia into the room and she sat on the sofa looking now at the two toddlers playing together on the rug.
"I didn't realise that you and Caroline were still in touch...I knew you left the school..." Celia said seemingly still in a state of shock.
"We bumped into each other again recently and we have...met up ...a couple of times." Kate trailed off, deciding it wasn't really her place to tell Celia what was going on between herself and her daughter, especially being that they hadn't fully established that themselves yet.
"Well, it is lovely to see you again." Alan told her kindly.
"She's yours!" Celia said suddenly, as if perhaps Kate hadn't realised.
"Yes, she is. Her name's Mya." Kate replied, smiling proudly and giving her daughter a little wave as she looked over at the sound of her name.
"Oh well she is a lovely little thing!" Alan said. "And Calamity seems to have taken to her already. Look at that. She doesn't get much time with other children her age." Alan patted Celia's hand reassuringly. "Now why don't you head up and find Caroline, they could probably do with another set of hands, Celia and I will watch the girls."
"Are you sure?" Kate asked, taking another look at her daughter to ensure she was truly settled.
"Oh yes! Don't you worry, I am a dab hand with little girls these days." Alan assured Kate. " I'll put the kettle on." He said to Celia who sat still, staring slack jawed at the child who was unmistakably Kate's.
Xxxxx
Alan had told Kate where she could find some spare wellies and an overall that she supposed belonged to Gillian's son or an employee, she guessed that the farm must have workers during lambing season, it was a generous fit. Kate could see the landrover with the trailer attached to it in one of the far fields and she made her way over, feeling almost buoyant, who knew that the prospect of getting her hands dirty would have been so exhilarating.
Gillian was laughing uncontrollably and clutching her middle as Caroline struggled to get a particularly stubborn ewe into the trailer.
"You are supposed to be helping!" Caroline said sharply as she nudged the woolly creature with her knee, almost tumbling off the ramp as the ewe side stepped and hopped off and away from the entrance.
"Sorry..." Gillian said trying to get her breath. "You can leave her...I didn't really need her moving, she's impossible to get on the trailer, I just thought it would be funny to see you try!" Gillian swiped at the tears of laughter which had seeped from the corners of her eyes, but sobered up drastically when she saw the look on Caroline's face.
Caroline advanced on Gillian menacingly, sending the smaller woman racing backwards on her heels and tripping over her feet to land on her arse in a particularly muddy patch of field. Caroline smiled smugly and offered Gillian her hand to haul her back up with a delightful burst of laughter.
"Looks like I've been missing out on all the fun." Kate said now as she reached the women.
Caroline turned quickly to see Kate standing watching her.
"Yeah, we were just..."
"Finished here." Gillian spoke up.
"Your mum and Alan turned up and sent me over to help." Kate explained.
"Oh great, well if the two of you can head back up to the pen, check they're all settling in nicely, I'm gonna go repair a fence and I'll meet you back up in the barn, you can help me bathe the feet on them two." Gillian said moving around to pull open the door of the trailer.
As Caroline strolled bedside Kate back up to the farm buildings she boldly took hold of her hand and slightly swung their linked arms back and forth as they strolled.
"Are you okay?" She asked. "My mum wasn't awful was she?"
Kate grinned. "I don't think she was thrilled to see me, but no, she wasn't awful and Alan was there, as ever, to act as the Celia buffer, I had forgotten what a sweetheart he was, he always made me feel welcome."
Caroline squeezed at Kate's hand momentarily. "I know not many of us did." Admitted Caroline shamefully.
"Gillian's nice." Kate said, moving swiftly on. "The two of you seem to get on well."
"Yeah." Caroline nodded. "We do. We shouldn't really, you know?...on paper. We are very different but...I suppose now, we have been thrown together, we're family, we've shared things." Caroline confessed.
They walked in a thoughtful and comfortable silence up to the barn via the sheep pen and Caroline wondered idly if she should buy a farm, it was so peaceful, apart from the racket the sheep made when the were being moved en masse, but even that was quite a pleasant sound.
Xxxx
They waited for Gillian in the barn as she had asked, seated together upon a wall made of hay bales. Caroline still held Kate's hand and turned it over in her own to examine Kate's palm, tracing the lines written there.
"I know it seemed harsh when we finished...I know you tried to tell me you were sorry..." Kate began shakily, out of nowhere.
"That's not important now.." Caroline cut in.
"It is...I need you to know, how it was." Kate sounded resolute.
"Alright." Caroline agreed. Very unsure about whether she wanted to hear this or not.
"For months, Caroline, for months before we even kissed, I had spent the larger part of my day thinking about you." Kate admitted easily, ignoring Caroline's raised brow. "I took the route around corridors at school based on which way was most likely to have me cross paths with you, I invented reasons to come and see you, about the choir, about anything... And when things finally started to happen...I was...crazy...I was crazy about you...you knew that." Kate shook her head before she continued.
"I fooled myself into thinking that the things that were happening were about us...my moving in, was really about pushing John out and sticking your fingers up to your mum..." Kate said quickly, as if, like a plaster removal, it would hurt less.
Caroline's protest died on her lips.
"Asking me to buy into the house was the same...the only way you wouldn't loose it, wouldn't loose face." Kate said sadly. "It wasn't about wanting to make a home with me, though I stupidly tried to tell myself it was."
Caroline's face burned with shame and she saw a tear slip from the corner of Kate's eye.
"And then, when it came to the baby..." Kate took a deep breath. "I knew your heart wasn't in it. I was already so angry with you about the hotel fiasco and then the way you reacted to Greg was just..." Kate's voice trembled and she cleared her throat.
"I said that day, that I would have done anything for you...but I lied." Kate looked directly at Caroline now. "I would have given up my job,my home, everything else, but I decided that day, I wouldn't give up my last chance to have a child...I chose her...the possibility of her... And I'm not sorry that I did. If we had stayed together then...I might not have her..." Kate looked almost fearfully into Caroline's face.
"I understand." Caroline said, nodding as she reached out to cover Kate's hand's with her own. "That's as it should be." Caroline assured. "And perhaps if I had shown you how much you meant to me at the time, you wouldn't have been so insecure... You might have felt you could trust me."
Kate's face creased, had she really not trusted Caroline? The blonde reached a hand up to caress her cheek.
"I want you to trust me now." Caroline vowed earnestly.
Kate's reply was to push her hand up into Caroline's hair and as Caroline tilted her jaw, her eye's fluttering shut at Kate's touch, Kate brought her lips down to meet hers. Kissing her softly, tenderly. Caroline felt it in her stomach, and in her chest, she thought she might forget to breathe.
Their kisses became more insistent, more heated and before Caroline knew what was happening her hands were inside Kate's borrowed overalls, searching for skin, finding it and then seeking out Kate's breast. Kate pushed into Caroline's touch and gasped, moving both hands to Caroline's shoulders and pushing her back against the hay, throwing one long leg over Caroline and settling herself in position straddling the blondes lap.
"I trust you." Kate breathed now. Why wouldn't she? It was all she had ever wanted.
Lips crashed together and hands roamed and neither woman noticed the creak of the barn door or the clearing of a throat.
"Don't mind me ladies, but I just have to get to the effected sheep." Gillian called out casually as she strode across the barn, trying not to look directly at the scene and making some effort not to laugh.
There was a slightly delayed reaction of sitting to attention once Kate and Caroline had untangled themselves from each other and now Caroline sat with a horror stricken look on her face, until she dared to glance first at Kate and then Gillian's clearly amused expressions and allowed herself to smile at the situation.
"Well at least you weren't my mother." She spoke up finally and the barn was filled with laughter.
xxxx
Caroline pulled up in front of Kate's house and turned off the engine, she was saddened by the thought of their time together ending but that was nothing compared to the sickening feeling that suddenly flooded her as she followed Kate's troubled gaze through the window.
Slumped on Kate's doorstep was a figure that Caroline had only seen on one other occasion, over two years ago now, but which was burned into her brain. She had called the image of his face to mind countless times, torturing herself with thoughts of him and Kate together.
"Greg." Kate sighed deeply. "What the hell is he doing here?"
"You didn't know he was coming?" Caroline asked more calmly than she felt.
"No!" Kate snapped a little. "He hasn't been in touch in months, I told him not to contact me again."
Kate slipped off her belt and made to get out of the car, Caroline followed her lead, Kate moving around to the back seat to her daughter and setting about unclipping the car seat and removing Mya from the seat. Caroline came to her side, expecting to be given the car seat to carry but finding herself having Mya slipped into her arms.
The little girl looked around before smiling up at Caroline, and for a moment the stress of the situation completely left her and Caroline was filled with the fierce feeling that she would make everything alright, that she would protect Kate and this little girl, no matter what and that everything would be fine.
Greg had jumped up from his seat as he saw Kate and he came over to the car now.
"Kate...I've been waiting for you..."
"I can see that." Kate said coldly.
"I need to talk to you...about Mya." He said.
"We don't have anything else to talk about." Kate told him as she swept past him to the front door and took out her keys.
He picked up the car seat from where she had placed it by the door as if he meant to help her inside and Kate ripped it out of his hands.
"Leave us alone." Kate said through gritted teeth.
Greg frowned and looked back now to where Caroline had hung back, Mya on her hip now, fingering the necklace Caroline wore, seemingly oblivious to the appearance of Greg.
"You?" He said, glancing back at Kate. "I thought she was long gone." He sniped.
"Well as you can see, she isn't." Kate said firmly.
"Really? not gone back to her husband and her big house? Or has she got bored of that again and thinks she'll have another dabble." Greg shook his head. "You are not seriously letting her back into your life again Kate? Not after the way she treated you?"
"It's not really any of your business Greg is it?" Kate said impatiently. "Now, I'd like you to leave."
Kate stood barring the entrance to her house and for a moment Caroline wondered if the idiot was going to try and push his way inside.
"I think you better do as she says." Caroline backed her up.
Greg swung around and glared at Caroline. "I'll be back." He promised as he stormed past her and away from the house.
Xxx
A/N- Thank you all for the reviews and support. Back soon xx