Sometime, after everything, Chilton had turned off the basement light and untied Brian's wrists. The handcuffs had jangled softly before Brian's ankles were free and the doctor fell back on the mattress, curling up and going to sleep almost instantly.

Brian willed himself to fall asleep as well, but he could not. This was not one of those situations he'd be able to hold his emotions off until the morning. His own bed seemed very far away tonight.

The sound of Chilton's breathing echoed on the basement ceiling, so much higher than the one at his home. Brian's arms clutched for sheets that weren't there. But most of all, there was the careful way Chilton had crawled back onto the mattress so he and Brian weren't touching. The foot between them seemed like a mile, and Brian couldn't help the small whimper that escaped him. It was lost somewhere between the bed and the ceiling, making no echo.

Brian didn't regret his actions…but perhaps he did. Just because Doctor Chilton wanted more from him didn't mean he'd get what he wanted in the long run. What did he want in the long run…? Not this. If Brian had pictured this night in his head, he would not be curled up on his own side of the mattress but lying against Chilton, connected as they slept. He would have pictured a bed, a real bed, with covers pulled up to their chins in the doctor's bedroom. Something that spoke of love and care, not…whatever this was.

Sex was good. Sex was great. But Brian realized that his car was still parked outside Chilton's house, his clothes on Chilton's floor, and he wasn't going to risk discovery for anything less than love. He wouldn't walk out on Chilton in the night, but he would explain his feelings very carefully…

Making that decision did little to help Brian sleep. He lay awake most of the night, listening to Chilton's breathing echo in the lofty basement.

He awoke before Chilton did, hands wrapped around his body against the morning chill. Brian climbed off the mattress, collecting his briefs and pants from the foot of the bed and his shirt from the floor. He watched Chilton as he buttoned his shirt, the rise and fall of the doctor's chest. Without his beard he could have passed for a child. He looked almost peaceful. Brian closed the basement door quietly behind him.

The remains of the dinner he had shared with Chilton lay scattered on the table. With nothing better to do until the doctor woke up Brian began scraping and washing them. He wasn't surprised to see that it had snowed again. There had been snow on the ground the night he met Doctor Chilton, after all.

He was almost done when Chilton entered the kitchen. He turned, placing his hands on the counter, and noted that Chilton had taken the time to put on a bathrobe. The doctor was grinning, his hair mussed, looking like a mischievous teen.

"Hi," Brian said softly.

"Hey." Chilton grinned even wider, crossing the small kitchen to stand in front of Brian. "You don't have to do that, you know," he said, placing his hand on Brian's and nodding at the sink. "Next time I'll make sure to clean up beforehand…"

"No, Frederick—" Brian couldn't help himself, he pulled his hand out of Chilton's grip. "I wanted to. I had to think, had to get myself out of that room…"

Chilton's smile faded as he gauged the expression on Brian's face. This was not the same man he'd led down the stairs to his basement the night before. Brian was more resolved and, a cause for more concern, there was pain in his eyes.

"Brian…"

Brian pushed past Chilton, standing far enough away that Chilton couldn't touch him. The doctor's bathrobe was open at the chest, revealing dark hair and strong muscle, but Brian needed to think. He closed his eyes as he spoke.

"I—I'm sorry. I really am." He licked his lips. "This doesn't…work…for me."

The doctor frowned. "What?"

"Look…I'm sorry, it's hard for me to explain…" Brian ran both hands through his hair. "Look, you're the shrink. Tell me what I'm thinking."

Chilton leaned back against the counter, watching Brian, frowning. "You're afraid." He said softly. "And angry. And I don't understand why—"

"Because this is a big deal!" Brian burst out, glad to raise his voice. "I'm still living in the closet, if you hadn't noticed. And my car has been outside a man's house all night, and I'd rather no one put two and two together!"

Chilton raised an eyebrow. "And that's it…you're ashamed of being caught in a homosexual relationship? Do you plan to keep your sexuality a secret forever, even if you find a relationship that you're happy with? Because you aren't happy now."

"I am happy! Well, was happy…" Brian felt his hands clench into fists. "It's just—" He fell silent, hands on the counter, head down, nails biting into his palms.

Chilton watched Brian. At one point he considered reaching out to the other man, but thought better of it. "What made you feel like this?"

"Well…" Brian let out a breath in an angry huff. "For one, just being your play-thing. You used me and left me lying in your dungeon like the riding crop and handcuffs. Not—well, not that I didn't enjoy myself, but I thought—" Words failed him again, but Chilton caught the discrete flicker of his eyes towards one of the far doors. Every once in a while, he experienced a flash of true insight…this was one of them.

"Would you have preferred to a more traditional setting?" He asked, a faint smile creeping up his lips at the suggestion. "You must understand why I have the bed in the basement set up the way I do…less mess, easier access…"

Brian saw that the hungry look had returned to Chilton's eyes. He felt his body responding to that even as he shook his head. "It's late. I really should get going."

"It's a Saturday." Chilton replied, bridging the gap between them with two strides, pressing Brian against the wall and kissing him fiercely. "Let me show you my room."