KrisEleven : Aww, thank you! :D
whitecrossgirl: Lancelot is my favorite knight but Percival is a close second. Thanks!
SereneMayhem: Thank you! :D
lozzabluebell: Thanks Lozza! I'm glad you liked it :D And I hope this little ficlet has enough magic for you. :D
RavenclawMerlinFan: I'll work on it! ;) Thank you very much!
Laughy-Taffy the Grape: Lol, thanks! ;)
Katerina Riley: 'chillins' lol I'll use that someday. ;) Aww, I'm so glad to hear that! *hugs*
BakerTennant'sTardis: Thank you very much! :D
sarajm: He does, doesn't he? I'm glad you liked it :D
jediyam: I'm so glad I managed to fulfill that. :P
CaptainOzone: Oz! *gigantic hug* THANK YOU! ;) And here's the Gwen-Merlin bonding everybody needs so desperately.
WARNINGS: Post-Reveal, heavy angst. ( I think.)
Title: Turning Pages.
Summary: A ficlet miscellany inspired by random music/desserts/quotes/movies or thoughts. No slash.
Inspiration: Request from Captain Ozone, Gwen and Merlin bonding. Besides, it is needed after all the angst we've been through with evil! Gwen.
A/N: For you, Dear Oz. :D
With All His Heart.
"Arthur does not deserve you." Gwen had said heatedly. "He never did."
Her dearest friend hadn't replied at the time, hunching over so that he could protect her better from the roaring flames above them, and tightening his grip on her waist they flew through the rubble. Guinevere's fingers had his arm in a death grip, thinking that maybe, just maybe, that simple gesture could make him stay…for a while.
The man by her side didn't seem to mind but then again, Gwen couldn't possibly know, because his eyes were darkened by the hood he was wearing. Yet, one corner of his mouth rose up in amusement, as if the question the Queen had asked sparked something within him.
He forced her down as fire rained down on their heads, becoming a shield above her when his palm shot towards the sky and power, ancient and unforeseen, emanated from his eyes. Through a small crack on her eyelids Gwen saw the air turn suffocating orange around them but Merlin stood tall, never once wavering, as he pressed her to his side.
"I have to get you out of here."
It was more than a statement. It was a duty. He guided her throughout the destroyed camp, never once letting go of her wrist as they ran, knocking everything and everyone without so much of a glance towards whatever threatened his Queen.
Guinevere felt, oddly, safe as she went on. Distantly she wondered if this was the way her husband had felt for years without end with Merlin by his side. Because she knew there was nothing that could harm her…nothing that could touch her.
Merlin halted as they reached a safe spot in the middle of the forest. He merely guided the Queen of Camelot towards the fire –one he'd conjured with a nod of his head- and placed a blanket around his friend's shoulders, eventually sitting down beside her.
Guinevere wrapped the blanket even tighter around her as she blinked away the tears that were threatening to spill when she said gently, "why?"
For an answer Merlin pulled back the hood that covered his face and Gwen could those blue eyes twinkle with that same spark, as if no time had gone by. As if they were still young and carefree in the hallways of Camelot.
"It's not like that." Merlin said, "You've got it wrong, Gwen. It's not about being worthy." She opened her mouth to argue that 'yes, Merlin, this is all about Arthur never realizing how lucky he is to have you' but Merlin raised a hand to silence her, offering her a small smile.
"I'm going to attempt an explanation Gwen." Merlin said gently, taking the velvety cloak from his shoulders and placing it around hers. "But it will probably make no sense."
"I don't care." replied the Queen of Camelot, searching his eyes with hers. "I want to understand."
Merlin laughed. "I don't understand it myself, Gwen."
"Try Merlin….please."
With a glance into her tear-filled brown eyes Merlin's face sobered up and a shadow of solemnity replaced his goofy, familiar grin.
"It is not that simple, Gwen. As I said it is not about being worthy…."
Guinevere's hand found his and she squeezed it between her own, choking out. "Merlin…nobody in Camelot is worthy of what you've done for us."
A small ghost of his usual smile illuminated the warlock's tired features but he dismissed her words with a small shake of his head. "I appreciate that …but if asked I wouldn't change a thing."
"You have sacrificed so much…" said the Queen, looking down at the pale fingers interlaced with her own tanned ones. "…done so much for us. None of us deserves a guardian angel like you, Merlin."
She could see in his eyes that her words had touched him, and rightly so, because Gwen knew that he longed for them, deep in the bottom of his unselfish heart, so she said,
"Thank you, Merlin. For everything."
The true smile that spread through her friend's pale face made her heart tremble with the injustice of it all but yet a smile of her own answered his.
"But I still don't understand…"
He titled his head towards her and closed his eyes, as if to collect his thoughts.
"Why I haven't forsaken my King, you mean."
"You see? Merlin, he is not your King! Ealdor is not even in Camelot's territory and he betrayed you!"
She didn't mean for it to come to this but his words had stirred all the anger, pain and frustration inside her and before she knew it she was kneeling before her best friend, squeezing his hands with hers in an effort to make him see…
Merlin's blue eyes showed her that he didn't-couldn't see what she saw. An undeserved savior. An undeserved friend.
"He cast you aside…" Gwen continued, softer this time. "He forced you to live the life of a renegade, to leave home…." Her tears started to spill. "To leave me."
"Gwen…"
"But he knows he's wrong, deep within his heart he knows it Merlin-"
"Gwen, please..."
"You two are like children," she continued, paying no heed to the pleading held within his gaze. "Like bickering children that just cannot see past their hurt-" and oh, how she'd seen the hurt in each of their faces as they screamed and teared each other's hearts in the collapsed throne room. "and realize that they need each other- Merlin, Arthur needs you."
"And he still has me." Merlin said fervently. "Until the day I die I will watch over him-"
But she did not let him finish because she needed Merlin to understand how truly lost Arthur was without him at his side, not just as a shadow of a guardian… how he barely ate and drank, how his face became gaunt and his eyes were haunted dull points of blue sky, how she, Guinevere, could no longer look at him in the face without seeing a part of Arthur's soul that he'd lost lingering there.
It was then when she realized that she needn't say anything for, as she studied Merlin's face in the faint light of the bonfire, she saw the same hollowness, the pale cheekbones and the sorrowful gaze. And she saw that Merlin knew, perhaps better than her, what Arthur was feeling.
Placing a hand on Merlin's cheek so that he turned those haunted eyes towards her the Queen of Camelot whispered,
"You already know, don't you Merlin?"
And the sheer amount of agony in Merlin's eyes- the same as Arthur's- broke her heart.
"Yes." He said, placing his own pale hand upon hers. "Yes, I know."
For a moment the silence deafened everything around them and Merlin's gaze, clear and blue, settled in the snowy mountains that lay before them. Taking a handful of snow, the warlock let it slip through his fingers, until it was dispersing into white dust.
"When the sun comes up in the morning some of the snow will melt." said Merlin, looking up at the starry sky, as if he could see the sun above the darkness that surrounded them. Gwen, while placing a soft hand on his shoulder, knew he probably could. "And then the seeds will start to grow under us. Tell me, Gwen, do you think these seeds, that have done nothing but be lazy and lie on earth all day, deserve the sun?"
She stared at her friend with a pain-filled gaze. "…What?"
"And do you think the seeds will notice that the sun's warmth makes them grow into powerful trees? No, the seeds are like-like dollopheads-"his voice broke the slightest amount. "- dollopheads that are destined to feel the sun's warmth and open their branches to him. And the sun…he's there, unwavering, forevermore. Because, no matter if the trees recognize him as their benefactor he knows without giving warmth his life would be….meaningless."
She knew, by the way her dear friend's eyes glistened, and that there was as much truth in those words as there was in Arthur's heartbroken face.
"Meaningless," Merlin continued with a soft gaze and a trembling heart. "Because all of his power would be for nothing, all of his warmth would be wasted…he would spend his days alone in the cruelty of knowing there is nothing that can make his life valuable. Nothing but the fact that one day, with the first of his fruits, the tree will become what the sun always knew him to be."
A smile filled Merlin's pale lips in the middle of the heavenly silence that surrounded his next words. "So he holds on to that hope. And he waits. He always waits."
And as Gwen held Merlin's gaze and he held her hands with his own she felt tears spilling down her cheek because she understood- oh, how she did- and if she could have she would've added that the tree was not as strong as the sun thought him to be, not without it's heavenly star to give him warmth and courage...
"I still don't understand how he holds on to that hope…even after everything that has been done to him." she managed after a deafening silence in which the sun rose and Merlin's pale, gaunt face became otherworldly with breathtaking light.
He looked at her and after a soft smile that held within the spark of something ancient and unfathomable, asked her to stand, placing one of his arms over her shoulders and squeezing gently as they began the long journey towards the borders of Camelot.
"But yet he does, Gwen…" Merlin said as they walked. "...with all his heart."
For those of you who would rather not know about some recent news - though the whole fandom must be aware by now- don't read this.
Ahem, well yes, apparently this will be the last season of Merlin. I cannot stress enough how much I've loved this 4 years of it, how I've grown with the wonderful story and relinquished each treasured memory. I've met some wonderful, talented and just downright sweet people in this fandom, people who - even though we may never see face to face- have become dear friends. As a gift and, yes, a sad banner of goodbye for our favorite show I will post at midnight the first part of the Reveal! fic I've been working on for the last month or so. :P
Thank you, all of you. You've made my life so much sweeter and I hope that, after everything is said and done, we will still write for this wonderful show. :)
Love, much love to all of you,
Ocean.