A/N: Hey, people. I'm so sorry for taking so long to update. I've just been very busy with school and dealing with other shit. I hope you enjoy this one. Again, I apologize.

Kurt was pretty sure time had frozen. It sure as hell felt like it.

He was also sure that he had not heard Rachel right.

She was not pregnant.

"No." He heard himself say. "No, no, no, no, no."

"Yes." Rachel sighed. "I am."

"That's impossible. No one gets pregnant that fast! Some couples try for years without any success!"

"Those couples are usually older or something's wrong, Kurt. It's a lot easier to get pregnant when you're young."

"That- no. No. I don't… I won't believe this. Is this a joke? Because if it is it's not funny!"

Rachel's eyes widened. "Do you think I would joke about something like this?!" She snapped and placed a hand over her stomach. "I am fucking pregnant and if you don't believe me then go look in the bathroom, there are five positive pregnancy tests in there!"

Kurt stared at her and then realized that she was telling the truth. As much as he didn't want it to be real, it was. She was pregnant.

"Are you sure it's mine?"

Rachel slapped him hard on the arm. "Yes! You idiot, I haven't slept with anyone but you in the past couple of months!"

"Ow!" Kurt touched his arm and sighed deeply. "Oh God, what are you gonna do?"

"You mean, what are we gonna do." Rachel corrected him and looked at him through narrowed eyes. "Do not tell me you're about to abandon me like this, Kurt Elizabeth Hum-"

"No!" Kurt interrupted her. "I'm not! I just mean that it's your body, so you should decide what you want to do."

"Oh." Rachel nodded and calmed down. "I don't know."

"You're seriously considering to keep it?" Kurt looked her in the eyes. "You'd be a mother. Are you really ready for that? You'd have to give up your Broadway career and everything you've ever worked for… it'd be over. And just imagine the rumors-"

Kurt interrupted himself mid-sentence because if looks could kill he'd be dead right now. Rachel's eyes were glued on him and she looked furious.

"I just love how you talk like you're not gonna be a part of this. Like I'm the only one who's gonna have to give up something and you're gonna be able to keep living the way you want to!" She yelled.

"Rachel, calm down, that's not what I'm saying!" Kurt shook his head. "I'm just saying that a lot will be lost if you do decide to keep it. It will change our lives for good and I'm not ready for that!"

"I know that, Kurt. I know. But I just can't see myself getting an abortion or giving it up for adoption, okay? I have always said that if this ever happened to me I'd keep it. It's a miracle, Kurt, it's a life. A life you and I created." She smiled a little.

Kurt swallowed thickly and sighed. "Yeah. It's…" He shook his head. "I don't know if I'm ready to be a father, Rachel. I'm twenty-one years old. I'm trying to succeed and I have yet to travel outside of the U.S. I have dreams and I'm not ready to give up on them."

Rachel placed a hand on her stomach and looked down. "I know. So do I. I mean, I'm finally going to be on Broadway. It's been my dream since I was two years old."

"So… let's just not have a baby?"

"It's not that simple." She sighed and sat down. "I can't get rid of it."

She would never admit that one of those reasons were because it was a way to keep her and Kurt connected for life.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to! I know what it feels like to not be wanted, alright? My mom left me and while I love my dads I've always wondered why she gave me up. I don't ever want that to happen to my son or daughter."

Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose. "He or she won't know because he or she isn't born yet!"

"You said this was gonna be my choice since it's my body, what happened to that?!"

"Fine! Fine." Kurt put his hands up in surrender. "Do whatever you want. All I know is that I've never felt worse in my entire life."

He felt that familiar lump in his throat and sting in his eyes. He didn't want to cry in front of Rachel so he disappeared into his room.

He threw himself on the bed and muffled his hysteric cries with his pillow.

Nothing is normal.

Nothing is how it's supposed to be.

I'm not okay.

I'm never gonna be okay.

I can't be a dad. I can't. I'm not ready.

How did things get so messed up? Why can't I just be happy?

Kurt cried because of Blaine. He cried because of the baby. He cried because of everything.

This was the world punishing him, he decided. This was his punishment for cheating on Blaine and for lying.

He really hadn't ever felt worse in his entire life.

Rachel was seated on the couch with her hand on her stomach. Part of her still couldn't believe there was a child in there. Hers and Kurt's child.

She shook her head. Maybe she shouldn't keep it. It would just cause many problems for them and she would have to quit Broadway once she was starting to show, or else the headlines would go crazy.

She felt sorry for Kurt. Of course she did. She loved him and she hated seeing him so sad. She wished she hadn't been forced to have such big news when he just got home from ending it with his boyfriend, but what other choice did she have? Waiting would have made it worse.

She knew what she had to do. And she would do it now, before it was too late.

Kurt got out of his room a few hours later. He avoided the mirror as he walked towards the kitchen, he knew his face would be red and puffy.

"Hello, old friend." He murmured as he grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge.

He popped it open and poured himself a glass and downed it right away. Strangely enough, the burn relaxed him.

He stared at the empty glass before pouring some more.

Suddenly he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He frowned, wondering who had the nerve to disturb his little soon-to-be drunk moment.

A text message from: Cooper Anderson.

Kurt's eyebrow rose. He considered ignoring it but that would be rude so he didn't. It wasn't Cooper he was mad at.

Hey, look. I don't know what happened between you and my brother, all I know is that he is completely crushed and he won't talk to me. Could you please explain what happened? I am his responsibility after all and I'm getting worried. -Cooper.

Kurt groaned out loud and threw his phone across the room. He would not answer that right now. Instead he downed another glass of wine.

Rachel had tears stinging her eyes and a heavy lump in her throat, threatening to crawl up and out of her mouth like a loud sob. Her hand was placed on her stomach as she walked through the door.

That smell. That familiar smell that would never be comforting. Those people running around in green outfits, the hand sanitizers hanging off the white walls.

She went up to the reception.

"Hi, I'm Rachel Berry. I made an appointment."

Kurt sat down on the couch, laughter bubbling out of him, the whole room spinning and a bottle of wine in his hand. Everything was blurry, everything was numb and it felt fucking amazing.

He took another long sip and then put the bottle down on the coffee table. His eyes landed on his phone that had landed on the floor.

"OH!" He bursted out as he saw the cracked screen. He frowned at it for a long time until he realized the phone itself was still working and it was enough for him at the moment.

He put on some music and turned the volume up to the max. It was hurting his ears but he had no current fucks to give. He started dancing around, laughing harder and singing along.

Right in that moment, everything felt amazing.

Pounding.

Everything was pounding. Every limb, every part of him.

And that throbbing pain in his head. That dry feeling in his mouth. He knew that once he sat up he'd have to run to the bathroom to puke his guts out.

Kurt must have fallen asleep. But he doesn't remember going to bed, doesn't remember anything after he grabbed that bottle of wine yesterday.

He frowned at the sunlight shining through the window, wishing he had magical powers to blind the curtains so he didn't have to get up.

After lying there for another ten minutes, cursing the world and himself, he sat up.

"Hoooly shit…" He fisted the sheets because fucking hell, the whole room was spinning.

Not just that though, someone must have flipped him upside down and started shaking him until his insides switched places, because right now he wasn't sure he was going to make it to the bathroom in time.

Thankfully he did. And he kept cursing himself as yesterdays breakfast, and probably last years Thanksgiving dinner, came right back up.

"Ouch…" He whined as he sat down next to the toilet. Everything hurt. He couldn't remember being this hungover in a long time.

"Feeling better?"

He was startled at the sound of the voice and he accidentally hit his elbow against the toilet. "Ow! Oh my god, Rachel." He put a hand over his heart. "You scared me."

Rachel stood there in a messy braid, her PJ's still on and puffy eyes. Had she been crying?

Wait, of course she had. She was pregnant.

Suddenly all the memories from the day before came back to him. Losing Blaine, him knocking up Rachel, their fight…

The urge to vomit again washed over him.

"Sorry." She muttered.

"I don't feel better in the slightest, to answer your question." God, Kurt didn't even want to know what he looked like right now. "Where were you last night? You just disappeared."

"Wow, I'm surprised you noticed that." She said bitterly. "I mean, after everything you drank I'm just glad you're alive."

Kurt groaned. "Are you gonna tell me?"

Rachel's eyes became glossy and she placed a hand over her mouth. "I…"

"You what?" Kurt frowned and forced himself to stand up so he could wrap his arms around her.

"No." She pushed him away and handed him some pills she had in her hand. "Take this first."

Kurt sighed and stared at the aspirin. He really needed those. He went into the kitchen, got himself a glass of water and swallowed the pills down. Then he sat down at the kitchen table, relaxing as he felt his headache slowly fading away.

"Okay, I'm fine now, Rachel. Will you tell me what the hell happened?" He asked.

Rachel sighed as she sat down, carrying a cup of hot tea. She hugged it with her hands and avoided his gaze. "I… I went to the hospital."

Kurt raised both eyebrows. The hospital? Why would she go to the…

"Oh my god!" Kurt gasped and stared at her with wide eyes. "You didn't-"

"No." Rachel interrupted him. "I didn't. But I sure as hell was going to." Her voice was shaky, trying to hold back her tears.

Kurt didn't know what he felt. Anger? Relief? Sadness? He couldn't believe she was going to take that decision without him, but then again, it was her body and he had sort of been suggesting it.

He couldn't be angry with her. Not right now.

"Rachel…" He sighed.

"I went in there. I even changed into those disgusting hospital gowns and I went into the room." Tears were running down her cheeks as she spoke. "She had the tools and everything. Then she asked me one final time 'Are you sure?', and when she did I looked at her, I looked at the jar and I just…" She was shaking and Kurt placed his hand on hers. "I was so scared, Kurt, I was all by myself and I… I started crying, saying no. And then I ran out of there. I couldn't do it, I couldn't!"

"Shhhh…" Kurt sat down next to her and took her into his arms. "You shouldn't have gone there, Rachel, not alone. I'm so sorry if I made you feel like you had to do that."

Rachel shook her head. "You didn't. I just… I don't know."

"It's okay." Kurt said and kissed her head. "You don't have to know."

"But what are we gonna do?" Rachel sobbed against his chest. "We aren't ready to be parents, are we?

"I don't know, honey. All I know is that no matter what, I'm gonna do my best at making sure that everything is okay. From now on."

Rachel smiled and looked up at him. "Are you sure? You don't have to-"

Kurt interrupted her by placing a soft kiss to her lips. "Shush, Rachel. I want to and I'm going to. We're in this together, okay?"

She smiled wider and wiped her tears. "Okay."

TBC