Chapter 37-harsh truths part III
.

"You don't want to look, but you can't keep your eyes away. Or your hands. I bet your fingers are itching to touch this… this 'thing' I'm growing?" she said making air quotes with her fingers. "Is that it, Edward? You want to touch my belly?"

"Don't bloody think so," he responded quickly…too quickly.

"No?" She raised her eyebrow at him and he scowled in return.

"No, you heard me."

"You sure?"she asked, taking a step toward him provocatively.

He cringed, but didn't back away; instead his hands came up to rest on the wall on either side of her head. "I'd only end up getting attached, which would be incredible stupid at this point. I bet that's exactly what you're hoping for, though; emotional attachment."

She started to protest, but he was quick to shush her, placing a finger over her lips. "Don't forget that if this baby is in fact mine, I'll always have parental rights to it. This could backfire on you so easily."

"I have no intentions of denying you anything," she told him calmly, after swatting his hand away from her face in one fluid, sweeping motion. Then she changed her mind and grabbed it again, unceremoniously placing on top of the small, but pronounced bump that was stretching out the front of her T-shirt.

She heard him suck in a sharp breath, though he said nothing. For the longest of times neither of them did anything, but look at his hand, his open palmed and motionless hand. Then it began moving, fingers slowly finding the hem of her T-shirt, and pulling it up.

"This is new," he rasped, his voice wavering as he traced the dark, horizontal line that started just below her navel.

"Hormones," she muttered, both as an explanation to the hyperpigmentation darkening her skin, but also to the way her stomach clenched under his fingers.

If the intimacy of his touch startled her, it was nothing compared to how she reacted to the flicking twinge that followed. Barely perceptible movement, but movements none the less; movements that weren't her own. It would take a while to get used to THAT. She felt something again, stronger this time and couldn't help but gasp.

Edward's hand withdrew as if he had been burned. "Are you in pain or something?"

"No." Frowning slightly, she straightened her back. "I think… I think the just baby moved."

A dark shadow flashed across his eyes. "Really?"

She nodded. "It could be gas, because well, I get that a lot, but there was a definite twinge, like a fluttery jab tha-… Ah! There it is again!" she felt herself smiling despite her best efforts to remain cool and collected. "Did you feel it?"

Edward rubbed his hands across her lower stomach. "No, he frowned. You're not jerking me around here are you? This is for real?"
"It's as real as it gets. I haven't felt any actual kicks yet, just twist and turns."

His forehead creased in a frown. "Is that normal? Shouldn't there be actual kicks by now? I'm pretty sure Elliott was kicking up a storm at around four months."

"I don't know what the norm is. I just know every pregnancy is different."

"What do you mean you don't know? You haven't asked? When was the last time you saw your doctor or obstetrician or whatever?"

"My regular doctor is in New York, Edward," she reminded him pointedly and then felt guilty for it when she noticed the grim expression on his face.

"So you haven't actually done any checkups or ultrasounds or what nots in months?"

"I've been getting my blood pressure checked up regularly and there is a nurse from my Dr's office that calls every other week or so to check on me. I have this healthy diet plan that I'm suppose to follow, because apart from my blood pressure, the biggest health concern has been my 'too little, too slow' weight gain… I doubt that is really a concern anymore, though" she grimaced, squeezing a handful of excess flab on the side of her stomach.

Edward's seemed to be deep in thought as he was staring at a fixed point on the wall. "All those trips to the bathroom," he murmured. "It's so obvious, so clear now that I can't believe I didn't put it together till just now."

"They say morning sickness is a sign of a healthy pregnancy and baby. If that's true then this baby is doing A-okay."

"They say? Who are 'they'? Some advice columnist glossy magazine or a bunch of strangers on an internet message board? I'll believe it when I hear it from an actual doctor."

"If it makes you feel any better, I've actually done an ultrasound already; a really, really early one. You couldn't see anything apart from the gestational sac, the yolk sac, and a little blob with a tiny pulsating dot in the middle."

"A blob with a dot?"

"The dot being the heart. It definitely didn't look like a baby or anything human at all, but the ultrasound tech assured me that there was nothing abnormal on that scan."

"Your blood pressure has been all over the place, though." Edward's forehead was still deeply furrowed. "Christ, the crash yesterday! Did you even have your seatbelt on? I should have brought you to the hospital. You should been checked out properly!" He was working himself up to a fury again, his face reddening, his eyes clouding with conflicting emotions, none of them particularly pleasant by the look of things.

"Jebus, calm down, Edward," she told him, catching one of his flailing arms, squeezing it reassuringly. "I'm fine. I was checked out by a doctor, your father, remember?!"

"He's a surgeon, this is hardly one of his specialties."

"If your father thought this pregnancy was in jeopardy or that the baby was in distress in any way, I'd be in hospital faster than you can say 'call 911'. You know I'm right."

He racked his hand through his hand a few times in frustration. "Yeah, you're right," he finally agreed, his face solemn.

"Look, it's true that I'm overdue for another ultrasound. I'll make arrangements to have one done the minute get back home again. I actually had one scheduled a few weeks ago and I'm not saying this to make you feel shitty or anything like that, but I ended up postponing it so that I could be there for you when the result of Anthony's paternity test came back. Not wanting to miss out on another Dr.'s appointment is one of the main reason why I've been pushing to get back to NY ASAP."

She wasn't sure whether or not it was it was wise to bring up Anthony's name again, or her impending departure, for that matter, but it appeared as though her words barely registered with Edward, because apparently another realization had just dawned on him.

"WAIT, wait, wait, wait… My father KNOWS about the baby? You told HIM, but not ME?"

Crap! No matter what she said or how she phrased it, she still ended up hurting him, and in turn, herself. "I didn't tell him until I absolutely had to, Edward. I'm sorry he found out before you did."

"What about the others? Alice knows for sure… and Rosalie… How could you tell Rosalie before you told me?"

Suddenly, his hands were on her hips. She wasn't sure when it had gotten there, but she became acutely aware of it when his fingers dug deeply into her flesh. He wasn't just aggravated; he was shocked, hurt, and above all, not likely to move past this betrayal anytime soon.

"You know what's bugging me the most about this whole thing?"

"The lies I've told?" she braved a guess, but regretted it as soon as she felt him tug her towards him. It was a slow, almost gentle movement, but she could feel the steely purpose underpinning it.

"Tell me the truth, Bella. Were you ever going to tell me?" he asked, his scowl deepening with every word he spoke.

"I was… of curse I was! And for the record, I never told Rosalie… or Alice. I don't know how they know, they just do."

"I don't think you're telling the truth. If I hadn't been in that bathroom tonight, if I hadn't seen the evidence with my own eyes, you would have NEVER told me!"

"Edward you don't understand—"

"You're damn right. I don't understand," he declared, rage quietly seething under his deceptively calm tone. As he spoke he pushed the fabric of her T-shirt up and out of the way again, this time not stopping until her entire stomach was exposed. "I don't understand how you could keep a pregnancy from me for five months!" he told her hotly, his fingers tightening possessively over the curvature of her stomach.

"Ten weeks," she corrected, despite knowing it would probably only further anger him. "And I would have told you eventually. I just couldn't work out how and when. Truthfully, if Alice hadn't called me and convinced me to come up to Seattle, then yes, I probably would have waited until after the birth. Either way, this certainly wasn't the way I wanted you to find out," she explained softly, begging for him to understand.

"But Alice did call you and we were cooped up in a cabin for several weeks alone together. You had all the time in the world to tell me," Edward said his voice softer now, but still laced with anger. "What stopped you?"

Bella bit her lip again, wanting to keep her emotions in. "You were still bonding with Anthony. I didn't want to mess that up. And also, I wasn't sure where this thing between us was going to lead. The sex was mind-blowing, sure, but I got the impression that you didn't want and couldn't handle anything too serious, which is perfectly understandable considering everything you've been through."

"You're good," he muttered. "I can't even tell when you're sincere anymore."

"I just wanted you to want me for me; not because you needed my professional advice or because you needed my body for distraction or because you needed a substitute mother figure for your son. I just wanted everything resolved, settled and healed, before I dropped the next bomb."

"How do I know this isn't just another one of your lies?"

"You're just going to have to believe me. I know my word don't mean much to you right now, but I'll do anything to earn your trust back."

"Anything? How about telling the truth? How about admitting you never wanted me to know, that you never wanted me to have any part of this!"

"That's not true!"

"So you weren't getting ready to run, to disappear, to go into hiding?! That's what bugs me the most, what hurts the most," he admitted, pausing to take several deep breaths, as if it was a struggle to get the words out. "You are no better than HER! You were going to rob me of this whole experience, just the same way SHE did!"

There was no question who 'she' was; he was making a direct comparison between their current situation and the nameless, faceless woman who had been the first to spring a child on him and it stung. Bella felt tears welling to her eyes again.

"Edward, I hope you know that I never meant to hurt you, ever." She reached for him. He tensed, but let her touch his cheek. "Hurting you is the last thing I wanted to do."

He grabbed her wrists and pushed her backwards. Again, it was a gentle, cautious movement, but still abrupt enough for Bella to sway on her feet. She instinctively clutched her stomach, as if to protect the spark of life in her womb. It was an action that caused the front of her T-shirt to stretch over her torso and chest in a way that had Edward cursing under his breath. His eyes were clouding over again, with what, she wasn't sure...

She didn't get it at first, not until saw where his eyes had wandered. Oh. Ooooh….. Wet, almost see through T-shirt, cold air and shit loads of hormones…. It was an easy out, a cheap shot, a card she knew she shouldn't play, but there was no controlling her body's reaction. She didn't have to look to know her nipples were rock hard and clearly visible through sheer fabric.

"I guess these wet rags do me no favors, eh?" she muttered, embarrassed by her lack of self-control. "I'm not trying to purposely distract you or anything…" she heard herself ramble. " I mean, I was before, sort of…. to stop you from leaving, but not now… now it's just cold."

"Relax Swan, it's cold, I get it," he shrugged it off as if it was nothing.

It didn't escape her notice that he was back to calling her by her last name, which sounded oddly like an endearment in her ears. It was an old tradition between them and she took it to mean that his anger had eased somewhat. Or was it just wishful thinking on her part?

As she studied him carefully, looking for clues, he ventured over to a wooden bench, which turned out to be a storage box. "It's partly my own fault. This wouldn't have happened if I had gotten you this when you first asked for it," he admitted, returning with a bath towel in his hands.

She reached for it, but he held it away. He was certainly looking way more collected and put together than he had done just minutes ago. There was simply no way of telling what would come next. He was a loose cannon, there was no predicting his actions and reactions.

He motioned for her to pull her T-shirt over her head and strangely, she felt like she had no other choice but to comply. This was madness. She knew she was setting herself up for disaster.

"This makes you feel vulnerable?" he questioned, his eyes lingering on her form, no doubt taking stock over all the ways her physique had changed over the last few months.

"I guess," she admitted meekly. Like everything else she was feeling for Edward, this was new, and sharp, and almost too much to bear. She felt unattractive, flawed, awkward… vulnerable. Yeah, vulnerable summed it up pretty well.

"Good!" he rasped, in a voice that had dropped nearly a full octave. "You're always so in control, so rigidly in charge of every situation. You've been the one in control from the moment you and I met. You're not in control now, and believe me when I say that you will never be in control over me again."

Was that how he really felt? Her mind reeled through memories of the two of them together. He was right about one thing; it had always been a power struggle between the two of them, but was that really such a bad thing?

"Take off your bra," his terse command cut through her spinning thoughts.

She hesitated, swallowing hard. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious. You said you'd do anything," he said in a more soothing voice, "Did you not mean it?" he challenged, reaching behind her and expertly unclasped the hooks of her bra. Her breasts spilled out and bounced downward. They were sagging a bit these days, being more rounded and less supported than they'd been just a few weeks ago, here was no denying that, but they still seemed to fascinate him to no end.

"They've grown," he stated unnecessarily. "I though it was just my imagination, but even your nipples are bigger."

"Areolas," she corrected him, automatically. "They get darker so that the baby will see them better when it comes time to breastfeed."

"Babies have bad eyesight?"

"I guess," she shrugged, feeling rather silly and exposed, just standing there like that. "I'm not a lexicon or a medical doctor. You should Google it, if you really are that interested."

"You really think that's such a good idea?" Edward smirked, seemingly unfazed by the absurd direction this had taken.

"Oh shut up!" Bella shuddered as horrid images flashed through her mind. "On second thought, don't Google it, ask your father instead, or better yet your brother. I bet he can provide a wealth of information on this subject."

This time it was Edward's time to shudder. "Yeah, thanks, but I think I'll pass," he grimaced, his eyes never once leaving her chest. "I can't get over how big and swollen they look."

"They feel swollen. Everything feels swollen, even my feet. You can't possibly find any of this particularly appealing?" Bella sighed, gesturing with her hands up and down her body.

"Yes, Swan, You're absolutely repulsive, that's why I'm standing here gawking at you," he mocked her with a short laugh. Then he tugged at her hip and surprised her by pulling her fully against him.

"Actually I'm planning on doing more than just gawking. I'm going to touch, squeeze and knead and you're not going to stop me."

He didn't wait for her response before cupping each full globe in his hands. Bella gasped, and it wasn't entirely in pleasure. The tenderness of her breasts nearly brought her to tears.

He kissed her then, not gently, not tenderly. He didn't kiss her to comfort her. He kissed her to shut her up and it worked. She clung to him, kissed him back, drank in the taste of him, revelled in the feel of him.

Initially he just squeezed her breasts lightly while flicking his thumb over her hard nipples. When she started to respond to his touch, he moved on to full on massaging them, testing their texture and firmness with ruthless gentleness.

She felt a hand snake its way into her panties, felt it come into contact with her moist folds, and realized with absolute certainty that she didn't have the willpower or even the desire to deny him anything.

Shudder after shudder ran through her body as he stroked her into a frenzy of arousal. His mouth moved from her lips, down to the sensitive hollow of her throat and then on to the tightly pebbled peaks of her breasts.

"Not so in control now, are you?" Edward breathed against her skin, before pulling back to look her properly in the eye.

She shook her head and then moaned loudly as several fingers were plunged into her wet, slick heat.

"Let's keep it that way," he grunted, nudging her feet apart. Her knees buckled then, threatening to no longer support the weight of her body. A strong arm was wrapped around her to keep her upright and she found herself being backed up against the nearest wall for support. As their combined weight hit the glass pane, there was a muffled but definite thump that had Bella jerking in startled surprise.

"It's just snow," Edward muttered, his mouth returning to the valley between her breasts"…sliding off the roof."

"And here I thought the walls were caving in around us." She tried to laugh at her own joke, but it came out sounding more like a sob as Edward sucked one of her nipples into his mouth.

"Don't worry, we'll get to that in a minute," he promised, scoring his teeth across the ûber sensitive tip. Bella's eyes fluttered shut and she bit her lip hard to keep herself from whimpering out loud.

Edward's skilled fingers were once again moving mercilessly inside her, but now his strokes had became bolder and firmer. Another finger joined the party, increasing her pleasure tenfold. Unable to restrain herself any longer, she moaned loudly as her hips rocked frantically against his hand.

She felt him chuckle against her collarbone, his tongue trailing along her skin. He twisted his fingers, curved them, until he found the spot that had her twitching and gasping uncontrollably. "Cum for me, Swan," he rasped, his teeth teasing the nerves on the side of her neck, as he made his way up to nibble her earlobe. The pad of his thumb began circling her clit and she fell apart, clenching and pulsating around his fingers. Wave after wave of pleasure rocked her body until she collapsed, sweating, and breathing hard, against Edward's chest.

He graciously let her lean on him while she came down from her high. The head rush from having a standing orgasm was incredible. She made the mistake of gushing to him about it; telling him how amazing it had felt and how she should let him be in control more often, to which jerked away from her as if she had just delivered a slap to his face.

"Let me? LET me?" he snapped in a growl. "I'm not a lapdog. I'm a grown man. I'm not letting you walk all over me anymore."

She stroked his chin, forcing him to look down at her "I never thought you were, but good for you!"

Edward wasn't that easily placated.

"I wish you would have told me sooner… You shattered every ounce of trust I had in you by not telling me sooner."

Placing one hand over her heart Bella tried to bring her breathing back under good regulation. "You shut me out. You stopped talking to me, you told me you didn't want the things I wanted anymore. "

"You could have told Alice, she would have made me talk to you."

"You make it sound so easy, Edward." Her chest constricted painfully and she focused on breathing in and out to try and calm himself. "Alice DID force you to talk to me and look where that got us," she forced out, swallowing the lump in her throat as her stomach continued to rise and fall rapidly like there was an alien in there trying to get out.

"Yeah, look were it got us," Edward sighed, wiping his hand on his pants. "We are still messing around when we should be talking. There is no fixing this, no way to make this work." He shuffled past her, heading for the door.

She ran after him and grabbed onto his arm. "Yes, there is…" Not caring if she was pleading – begging, she clutched the front of his shirt. "…there HAS to be!"

"What's done is done, and... there is no going back." He pushed her aside, shaking his head. "There is no repair for a mercilessly smashed heart."

"NO! Don't say that," Bella could literally hear her own heart breaking into a million pieces. "You don't mea-..:" she started, but found herself interrupted mid-sentence when the sickening cracking sound grew into an intensity that stopped just short of unbearable. It was followed by an ominous, deep rumble that reverberated through the entire pool house as the walls began to shake around her.

Yes, this time the walls really were caving in… or portion of the glass roof to be precise. The weight of the wet, thawing snow had finally become too much for the structure to bear. With a deafening roar the construction caved and all the glass panes came collapsing down like a deck of cards.

.

.oOo.

.

AN: * knocks on screen* You still there? You still breathing? Good! So are Bella and Edward, I promise. Key phrase in the last fraction of the chapter are the words " portion of the glass roof". It wasn't the whole roof that came falling down, only a portion of it. I'm not killing anybody off, just yet, ok?!

These three past chapters actually came to me in a dream about a month ago. I've never dreamt of a fic I've been writing on before, ever (or any fic I've read for that matter). I've always rolled my eyes a little every time I've heard talk about Twilight coming to her in a dream. Because… yeah, that explains SO much…. ;) Anyway, sparkly vampires aside… This was fun to write, hope it wasn't too bizarre for you. I'm looking forward to hear what you thought of it.

There is actually a little bit of a true story mixed into this. A few years ago we were blessed (or cursed) with an unusually snowy winter. We're talking meters of snow, here. I loved it, but others hated it. Several buildings in my little hometown caved under the weight of the snow, among them the rec center where my aunt used to go swimming every week as a part of her rehabilitation (hip surgery). No one was hurt as it happened during the night, thankfully! Another building that collapsed was an old indoor tennis court. It was being used for a Rabbit Exhibition when suddenly the roof came tumbling down. Again, it happened during nighttime so no humans were injured, but hundreds of cages were destroyed and there were unfortunately a few casualties among the rabbits. Most of them survived though and had the time of their life 'socializing' with their friends before they could all be chased down and returned to their owners. A lot of new little baby rabbits saw the light of day after that incident ;)

Speaking of babies… Do you see Anthony with a baby sister or a baby brother? Someone mentioned that it would be cliche if the baby was a girl, because so many fics ends with the main couple having one of each and then living happily ever after. Personally I prefer uneven numbers - 3, 5, 7(!) and as for gender… My brother's baby turned out to be a little girl and I'm having so much fun right now shopping little dresses and girly outfits =) That's not a hint though as to how this story will end. I'm still a bit indecisive about that one… hence the question…