Chapter 21
Man, that was an awkward breakfast. First, Shima starts talking to me instead of sitting with Konekomaru and Bon like he normally does. I could hear them talking and I could almost feel Konekomaru's terrified stare on the back of my neck. It was really uncomfortable.
For some reason, Shima's talking about last night. All I remember is everyone running off after getting their lunchboxes, then nothing. Weird, but I doubt anything significant would've happened, I mean, it's not like anything ever changes around here. The trio will always stare at me from afar, disapprovingly. If they don't think I should exist, it should be easier for them to just say it to my face, right? You'd think so, but no. They just have to be difficult about it and make everything awkward and painful by being so silent.
And then Shima introduced me as his friend to his brothers Juzo and was up with that? And then talking about girls and watching them while they're in the pool... No, I can't think about Shiemi in a swimsuit... that's only going to distract me more. Besides, she likes Yukio, not me. I can't expect her to ever like me, I mean, I can't even hope to begin to compare to Yukio. That, and I'm also a demon child...
BOOM!
Damnit! I got distracted again! And after I already know that I can do this!
"Don't think 'Boom,' think 'Poof.'" Shura scolded.
"Damnit. I think I just need to go cool off." I hope she buys that excuse.
"Alright then. You go do that."
I run off to soak my head under the pump. I'm just too distracted today. I mean, there's no reason for that. It's just some candles. I've controlled my flames before. I did it with the pencil sharpener, and in front of Paku, and heck, even on the train over here. It wasn't my fault that everone thought I was out of control. I wasn't, but no one gave me a chance...
Not that I really deserve it, anyways.
"Father, mother, ancestors, I feel so helpless. What should I do?" That voice. It sounds a lot like...
"Konekomaru! Hey, wait!" I call after him because he's trying to run away. Is he really that scared of me? Maybe I shouldn't be chasing him with my arm stretched towards him like this... "I just wanna get along with you? Why're you running away from me!"
"Stay away from Bon! He's having a really hard time!"
"I'm not talking about Bon, I'm talking to you!"
"I don't have anything. No parents, no relatives, but the people of Myodha raised me and I want to pay them back. Someday, I want to serve Myodha! Myodha is the only place for me, and anyone who threatens that is my enemy."
So it is because I'm a demon. "Does that mean that if I'm not a threat, you'll be my friend?" Damn optimistic side, why can't you just shut up sometimes! Or maybe it's better that I can keep up the act. "You're right that I'm not doing so well in my training," at least, not right not, "and I guess I can see why that makes you uncomfortable. It kind of scares me too, heh heh. But I'm going back to training right now, and I will get better at it." I hope that this is enough to convince him, just a little, that maybe we could be friends? I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I almost can't help it.
But, there was one thing that he said that doesn't make any sense. Doesn't Konekomaru see it?
"In case you haven't realized, you do have something. Like something important to you, or someone worth protecting."
Before I walk away, that one painful glance he gives me says it all. Just my presence, my words, my voice, everything about me hurts him. I guess we can't really ever be friends after all. Why was I so foolish enough to even start thinking that I could get somewhere in the first place?
Anyone who threatens that is my enemy.
That flame of yours can kill people!
You filthy demon child! Why were you ever born? I can't believe that anyone as kind as the Father would ever take in such a disgusting and distasteful brat as yourself! Well, he is the Lord's servant for a reason, I suppose.
Why do these thoughts and memories never leave? Gah! I can't stand it! And I have to back and do more training? How in the hell am I supposed to focus here?
Hold up a sec, is that Shiemi? Why is she working here? Isn't today supposed to be our day off?
"Hey, would you lend me a hand? One of the patients has a fever." A woman called.
"Yes! Okay!"
"Thank you for helping. I know today was your day off."
"That's all right. I'd rather be of some use." Shiemi smiled.
She's so brave, so strong and determined. Why can't I be like that? Why can't I show her and everyone else just what I can do? I can't be such a screwup. I need to fix all this. I need to show them that things can go back to the way they used to be. I really want everything to go back to the way it used to be. Since I screwed up so badly by revealing my flames, I guess I can only try to gain back some trust by mastering them and controlling them.
But I can already do that and they still don't trust me. I haven't exactly been able to show them yet, but I tried! I tried to show them while we were on the train! It didn't really matter though. They didn't even let me have a chance, and then I screwed things up even worse than before. Why do I suck so much?
I sighed. It doesn't really matter. All I can do is just keep trying until I hopefully eventually get it right, and not just when I'm alone or with a comforting presence beside me.
Finally! I got it to light in front of Shura! I did it! I can't believe that I was actually successful! And now I've shown it! Shura's seen it, so that means that everyone else can start to believe it too! I can control my flames. I don't care if she's telling me that this is only the first step that I need to do to get started. I don't care! I don't care because I can finally show that I'm not just a reckless demon with no control over my own powers. I can show everyone what I can do, and maybe they can start to learn to stop hating me so much. Maybe they'll see that they don't have to keep me away because I won't explode at them. Maybe they can let me have that little bit of social contact-
No way. What am I thinking. There's no way that that's ever going to happen. I shouldn't let myself get carried away, thinking about the impossible. I know that they won't accept me for me because I'm Satan's son, I'm worthless, and I'm probably going to kill them all. On purpose or by accident, I don't know, but I'm dangerous. Being able to control these flames, even just a little, it makes me realize just how dangerous I can be. Only the smallest of sparks will light a candle, and even a candle can burn someone. That, compared to the amount of power that I can feel inside me, it's terrifying.
But that won't stop me from cheering, just for a moment, about finally lighting candles in front of Shura.
"Smoke! Something's up at the field office. Come with me, Rin."
I followed Shura. I hope nothing too bad is happening. We get there as quickly as we can. I can't really tell what's going on, but there's a huge crowd of Myodha people and exorcists and someone shouting.
"...all of it is your fault!"
"Is that Suguro?" I ask.
"Stay put." Shura places her hand on my shoulder. I really want to go see what he's up to, but I suppose that this isn't really my business.
"Ryuji-"
"Is Mamushi right? Have you betrayed us?"
"Of course not."
"If that's true, then tell me the truth right here, right now, in front of everyone!" Suguro sounds really pissed off. I'm kind of glad I'm not the other guy. Wait, is that...
"Suguro's dad?" I ask.
"Yeah." Shura replied.
"The truth?" he paused, "It's a secret.I can't even tell my own son. It'd be better if I never have to tell you, so-"
"Despite all this, you still won't tell me?"
"Anyway, I have to go after Mamushi. Ryuji, listen to your mother and your teachers and be a good boy. Okay?"
"ENOUGH WITH THE CARING FATHER ACT! If you leave without telling me, I will no longer recognize you as my father!"
That scream. It brought back everything. It made me remember that night. When I got my powers, when I said all of those horrible words to father Fujimoto, when Satan took over his body and he killed himself to protect me. All that after I had just told him that he should never call himself my father again...
I can't control myself anymore.
"You're Suguro's father," I grabed his shirt before turning to face Suguro, "and Suguro, you jerk! I don't know what's behind all this, but you'll regret it later! Got it? Apologize to your father!" Why am I so desperate?
"This is none of your business, so shut up!" He screamed right back at me. I can't let him do something this stupid. I know how much it hurts. I need to make him fix this before it's too late.
"You can't disown your father!"
"Like you're one to talk. You say you're going to defeat Satan?" he turned to his father, "Get lost and never come back."
Something snapped. I could almost hear that thin wall holding back all of my emotions crack and break. I guess I'm never destined to have friends, not after what's about to happen.
"SUGURO!" My body burst into flames, and I started attacking. Everyone around me was scared, and I had no idea what was controlling me or what I was doing. I just needed to knock some sense into him, and the best way I thought to do that was by punching him in the face. Too bad he knows shield spells, or that might've worked. Is that Juzo trying to break up the fight?
My tail squeezed. It hurt so much! It felt like it was being ripped off of my spine before being dropped in boiling oil and then crushed by a several-tonne weight. I don't remember what Shura said to me, or what I said back. I only remember feeling the pain spike before I passed out.
Bon, for the life of him, couldn't figure out why the hell Okumura had just gone off like that. There was not reason for that. What business did he have, anyway, telling him what to do. When was it any of Okumura's business how he dealt with his own problems and his own father? Why would Okumura be so upset over something like that? It doesn't make any sense. It's not like Okumura has a father like that, since he's the child of Satan and all. Why did Okumura think that he could get away with that sort of lecture?
It didn't matter. Crazy kid was knocked out by some sort of anti-demon spell and Shura's dealing with the aftermath.
Doesn't matter. Stupid kid got himself locked up, and now he's probably going to be executed. Why did he have to do that? I mean, it's none of his business and if it bothered him so much, then why not just come up and have a personal chat after? Well, Bon figured he hadn't been all that friendly of sociable since arriving in Kyoto, but that shouldn't matter. Anyone could see that it wasn't the kid's fault, it was the stupid temple and the stupid people that lived here that were stressing him out.
With any luck, Okumura wouldn't be executed. Should the Vatican decide against him, Bon at least hoped there'd be enough time to work out the problems that they had. He did see them as friends, or at least, he was trying to be a friend for Okumura.
"Yukio!"
"Hello Shura."
"What're you doing here?"
"That is just what I had finished explaining to everyone here. The vehicle that we followed was a decoy. The enemy was buying time, so we can assume that Todo has the left eye. Now, we get here and find that the traitor Mamushi Hojo has now stolen the right eye."
Yukio turned to face the director, "Director Shima, I apologize if this seems out of place, but I need to ask you, what exactly are the eyes?"
"According to Myodha legend, when the right and left eyes come together, a new and potent poisonous gas results."
Only to spread a poisonous gas? Todo must have some other motive. Just killing people for the sake of it doesn't make any sense. There's no reason behind it. If there is one thing that experience teaches, it is that all actions have a reason behind them. It's just like his brother.
Rin must have some reason for doing what he does, and Yukio knew that he was going to find out, one way or another.
Be it physical or be it emotional, Yukio was determined to find out exactly the reasons for those actions. Both his brother's, and Todo's.