Chapter 6
Not THAT Kind of Lemon
(レモンの異なる種類の巻)
(or "The Tart of Combat")

When we last left The Gang and the Marciano Sisters, they were in a shocking confrontation of a man that appeared to be responsible for the sudden hauntings in Highland, after the city was destroyed, during the Alternate Mind Fuck. However, they were surprised by the weird person, in action.

A figure, with a lemon head and a black shirt and pants, shouted out, "UNACCEPTABLE!"

The Gang and the sisters shrieked in horror, as the lemon man yelled at them, "STOP SCREAMING! WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?"

Peter cringed, "The g-g-g-g-g-g… guh…"

Percival barked, "Who the fuck are you?"

The lemon man bowed and said, "Forgive me, young wanderers and meddling kids. And no need for your gutter mouth… I am from the Kingdom of Ooo. I am the honorable heir to Princess Bubblegum. I am the royal subject, the Earl of Lemongrab."

"Lemongrab?" They asked.

He explained, "I was trotting around the cities, on my loyal steed, in hoping of accepting me, after being banished from the kingdom, for my constant proclamations."

He yelled, "I WAS FIRED FOR PUTTING THE PRINCESS IN THE DUNGEON!"

He proclaimed, "But with you now, it'll be nice to meet with each other… since I live alone… in Lemongrab…"

April aimed her gun and shouted, "YOU! Why did you terrorize this city?"

Lemongrab barked, "ME? Why would you say that?"

January barked, "You were haunting the city with your words and maniacal shit!"

April yelled, "Sister, your language!"

She glared, "I wanna know… Were you responsible for the graffiti in Portuguese, Finnish, and that other word?"

Lemongrab declared, "For the record, yes. But that was at the movie theater, saying that life was too precious."

Heather shouted, "NO WAY! You wrote that bullshit! What kind of madhouse lemon-haver writes that slop?"

Lemongrab exclaimed, "Life… Life is precious. If you don't accept life, then you get thirty days in the dungeon. THIRTY DAYS DUNGEON!"

Peter said, "That's not what you wrote."

Percival said, "What did he wrote?"

Peter said, "He said that those who destroy a city would suffer a fate worse than death, itself!"

Lemongrab proclaimed, "Yes, that's my handwriting… No worse than the thing that said that I really smell like dog buns."

Mizuki asked, "So… You're not the ghost?"

Lemongrab gasped, "The… Ghost? There's a ghost… here?"

He then freaked out, "OOOOOOHH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

He started running around, screaming in fear, "AAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

Peter and Heather shrieked, as well, running with Lemongrab. The others were stunned.

April shouted, "THAT'S ENOUGH!"

She barked, "Whoever you are, let's hope you act your age! How can you be scared of one little ghost, after YOU have done the damage?"

Peter whimpered, as Mizuki cuddled him. Heather sobbed, "I hate ghosts!"

Lemongrab declared, "I only came to stop this disturbance. I was being haunted by the ghost, as well, given a horrible note."

He showed the note, which said "Non intercedere, lemon stilla." And then he cried, "AHHHHHHHHH-OOHH!"

Heather barked, "That's no warning!"

Lemongrab shouted, "THE THING! THE THING! That ghost wanted me dead!"

He shrieked, "I DON'T WANNA DIIIIIIE!"

Michelle woke up and groaned, "Do not interfere… Lemon drop…"

She said, as she held her head, "It's Latin… It's Latino for a warning."

Percival smiled, "Michelle! You're okay!"

"Sorry. Ah, bollocks! Someone get the number on that trolley…"

Lemongrab snarled, "I am not Lemon-Drop!"

Farra asked, "So, how did you end up hurt? April, January, and I found you, outside Burger World, all bloodied."

Michelle said, "Well… All I know was that I saw a word, similar to Vendetta. But when I turned around, I was visited by a small boy. After he said some French tripe… everything went black."

She held her head and groaned, "Man… Whoever did this…"

Percival stated, "Well, be that as it may, we're glad you're okay. Right now, we may need your help."

Michelle said, "I am fluent in shit-land… i.e. France."

Farra whispered, "Born a Brit – hates the French… An old custom."

Steven said, "I always thought she'd love people from other countries."

Percival asked, "Michelle… Any idea what he said?"

Heather cheered, "YAY! We found our ghost!"

Michelle spoke, "Well, all he said was… He said something about Highland's Word Land. He also said in French that I am a footnote… or the French word for it…"

Mizuki said, "Post-Scriptum."

Michelle nodded, "That's it. And here I thought you weren't good in French."

"I am. Russian isn't one of my good languages…"

Percival said, "Do you remember what he looked like?"

Michelle shook her head, "No. I wish I knew…"

Lemongrab said, "Yes. As long as we find this Word Land King, he'll be in a dungeon."

April suggested, "Father, she may be onto something. Whoever created a Word Land, must be the culprit."

Percival said, "Yes. I think I know who."

"YOU BUTT! You're joining us!" He yelled to Lemongrab.

He stammered, "Uh… Join you? What do you mean?"

XXXXX

The Gang began walking to the Highland High School, again, after learning of the culprit.

Percival, with Lemongrab on his lemon horse in tow, explained the ghost:
"Martin Prince. He was born in Springfield, and is an academic doucher. He wanted to launch a huge place which had much intelligence in words, no matter what language it is. However, it never came to be, after he was devoured by a huge guinea pig. His body was found, but was cremated into ashes… and then flushed down the toilet. No one knew why… In fact, nobody cares. He is what the people call him this… a total fuckhead loser."

January asked, "What does it mean?"

Peter said, "It's another term for "Super Geek", or "Douche to the MAX". Otherwise, he's a nerd."

Farra said, "You know who else is a Total Fuckhead Loser?"

A long silence.

She snuffed, "Dang. I wish he'd come back… Whoever he is."

Percival said, "It's clear that he's been haunting Highland High, since its academia level is at an all-time low. The school that came in Last Place was a seminar about Hypno-Toad."

Michelle snarled, "What's the point of a hypnotic amphibian being educational?"

Heather said, "It learns that you cannot watch TV."

Steven said to the 4th wall, "Seriously… You don't want to know."

Percival said, "Tell you what, once we find that Prince, we-."

BANG!

April fired a shot at a dead person. It was on the doorstep, all tattered and dead. It had a bullet hole on his skull.

April said, "Zombie."

Percival said, "It's getting worse. We better enter the school and meet this T.F.L., face-to-face!"

They entered the dilapidated school, as the sky turned black. Lemongrab shivered, as January pulled out a flashlight, from in her blouse. She said, "One can be prepared."

April said, "We always hide our important tools in our unmentionable areas, if not on missions. That's for emergencies only."

Steven asked, "What else do you hide in your bra?"

Farra slapped his head. Lemongrab cried, "TOO DARK! I hate this place!"

Heather cringed, "I hate this dark… against our will…"

Peter whimpered, "Where is this ghost guy?"

Percival said, "Around the track. It's where they use the track and field events and P.E. classes, outdoors."

Mizuki said, "It's one of the places that Martin Prince didn't claim. Academics are better than physical education. All brain, no brawn. He cannot increase the sports' level in this place."

Percival said, "I do believe that he's spawning zombies of football players."

A ghost appeared and called, "Time for the flea flicker play!"

A squad of ghosts appeared, as they were wearing white helmets and black uniforms. The QB then barked, "Now! Hut one, hut two! Butchery! Mutilate! Compress! Eradicate! Terminate!"

He roared, "EXFOILATE!"

The offensive line charged at The Gang. Peter then roared, as he started to glow in a red aura.

"I LOVE FOOTBALL!" He yelled, as he launched a huge leap over the offense.

He jumped to the ghostly Quarterback and delivered a huge right punch.

"LOSS OF DOWN!" He smiled, as it connected, with his fist shimmering.

Percival gasped, "No way…"

He started to sparkle, as he began to consume the powers of the ghost. He kneeled down and was in pain.

"Holy shit!" Percival cringed, "It… It can't be!"

He remembered about the Congregated Control, from Aya Hoshino, during Onigiri's pre-transformation:
"The Congregated Control lets you control any power, like Kirby and his inhale powers. However, the powers you consume are uncontrollable. Plus, you can only hold up to three powers, for maximum strength. I, myself, am one of them. There are 12 known Congregated powers. Some of these abilities occur, whenever you have a certain power, which can be controlled, perfectly, by a pure heart. Only a few of us can hold a full power congregation, which is a maximum of three… Tohru, Miyu, and myself are a few of them. We go by the twelve powers, by name – Beast Gene, Robot Gene, Alien Cell, Ice Shard, ESP Perk (formerly Xatu Vision), Darkness Shadow, Nature Wisp, Flare Cell, Brick Wall, Bird Wing, Fish Gill, and Increased Suplex. They have weird names, but are useful."

Percival then growled, "Aya said that I cannot consume it, since I have no purity of the heart. But… WHY HIM?"

Peter then got up and roared, "YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, YOU B-LIST SQUAD?"

"I think you mean combine players!" Mizuki called.

January held up her machine guns and fired at the football players. They fell dead, as April held up her Luger pistol and said, "One team… eliminated."

Peter groaned, "Man… What a head rush."

Percival thought, as he was still astonished, "But… But how? More importantly, did he consume the Darkness Shadow? It was one of the powers that Aya mentioned. And… that pork loin is a ghost."

Mizuki held Peter up and said, "You're not hurt, aren't you?"

Peter smiled, "Not really. I feel uneasy… but, at least, I am okay. At first, I thought I'd be angry by these jocks, but having them haunt a city really creases me. It's my sworn duty as a hero!"

Mizuki kissed him and said, "How heroic… You sweet guy."

Percival thought, "What? Wait a minute… This guy was so… But…"

He then remembered that heartfelt speech, during the ACROSS battle:
"LISTEN! We are here to stop ACROSS, not debate over who wants what and what they dream of! Since I'm the only person who is serious over the mission, I'm in charge of the operation! You whine about everything, bitch about what problems you have, and complain over the most random acts of bullshit! You realize that if Arima wins, we all die! I've seen it in animes, before! They always pictured that the Earth, and everything will be destroyed, but they always saved it, in the end! You realize that if we stalled for time, we lose everything? Think about it, you damn dip-wits!"

Percival said, "He's pure of heart, since he wants the world protected! He cared for everybody, since that android attacked me, back when we were in LSAAWS. That guy may be brick-headed, but he gives a damn about the peace in the world… that, or he's just an idiot."

A small boy appeared and said, "Ha-hah! Good job, defeating those dull meatheads. Perhaps I shall be the one to eliminate the impediments of your stupidity of moronic amalgamation."

Lemongrab shouted, "Your words are unacceptable, you rotten ghost! YOU SHALL SUFFER!"

He prepared to fight, but was nervous, "Stand up and fight me, the Earl of Lemongrab!"

The boy was small, with light brown hair, laughing evilly. It was the ghost of Martin Prince. He spoke, "It's too bad, young lemon jalopy."

He seethed, "I am no failure! I AM INVINCIBLE!"

Martin smirked, as a group of teachers appeared, "Well, then, prepare to be eviscerated! Nay, you shall be destripar! You shall be sventrare! Nay! You will be izvaditi drob!"

Mizuki huffed, "Is he being too knowledgeable?"

Heather snuffed, "He's intelligent, he speaks in 100 languages, he's a nerd… We fucking get it!"

Percival barked, "Whatever the reason, he got eaten by a guinea pig! The least we can do is to give out our condolences!"

The Gang prepared to fight, as Heather said, "But… ghost or no ghost, I'll do my best!"

April aimed her gun and said, "More bodies for the death toll…"

"You guys will go back to where you were!" Farra yelled, "And me without panties…"

She judged, "Don't ask why, but I feel like I am an angel!"

Steven shouted, "Forget what she said! Steven Cooke will defeat you, in the end, and come out victorious!"

He said, "In simple layman's terms, we're gonna fucking cut you."

Martin then growled, "How dare you talk to me like that? I am a genius! A mastermind! I am also an idiofyía! A Tenshi! A Geniusz! And also a cheonjae! You don't know what it is like! I was to succeed in a paradise of vocab, language, knowledge, gen, wisdom, astuteness, and the finer arts! Those miserable miscreants, including Nelson and Jimbo, killed me, after a prank gone wrong! Once I eliminate you, I shall plan to eradicate these pathetic Neanderthals! You nine cannot interfere!"

"God! Damn it! Will you please shut up?" Peter yelled.

He grew into a huge black and transparent ghost, shouting in anger, "NO ONE SUCCEEDS IN THEIR MISSION, WHILE I AM IN AMBITIONS!"

He grew into a huge ghost, dressed in a professor's hat and gown. He then shouted in glory, "AH! Sweet Academia! KILL THEM ALL!"

Peter whimpered, "Oh, fudge…"

The ghostly teachers charged at them, as Steven said, "Maybe… Maybe we overdid it."

Farra said, "Well, fuck me in the kipper. A ghost from Springfield."

Mizuki said, "Ready, guys?"

They charged at the ghosts, "ATTACK!"

January fired her guns at the ghosts, while Farra and Mizuki struck them down, with huge kicks and punches. Michelle charged at the ghosts, using hooks, jabs, and uppercuts, eradicating them. Percival then held up a gun and started shooting at Martin.

"DIE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" He yelled.

Peter and Steven stepped back, as they were surrounded, while Lemongrab was being beaten to a pulp.

"HELP! SAVE ME, OR FIVE YEARS DUNGEON!" He screamed, as Martin's minions were slapping him with rulers and pointers.

Steven shouted, "GET OFF OF HIM!"

He slammed the ghosts down, with a dropkick and a lariat at their bodies. Peter then roared, as he tackled them down, onto their faces. He then shouted, "See how YOU like it, you jerks!"

He crushed their heads down, burying them in the dirt. Martin grew livid, as Percival, April, and January fired at the huge ghost. Martin was unaffected. He called out, "YOU CANNOT BEST THE GOD OF ACADEME! Even with lead or silver, NO ONE can destroy me!"

Heather cried, "I don't understand you!"

He launched a huge barrage of long words, written in paper, and shouted, "Attack, my definitive distiches! Go forth and lacerate these trollops into garlands!"

Lemongrab shrieked, "YAAA-A-A-A-A-A-AHH!"

The papers then went to Lemongrab, as he was sliced into ribbons. He was reduced into lemon strips, with just a head.

"NO!" Percival cried.

"GET DOWN!" Steven shouted.

Everyone ducked out of the way, as the long words, marked in small paper strips, flew at them. They ended up nicked and with severe scratches. Farra shrieked, "YAH! It hurts!"

Heather cringed, "Loose-leafs!"

Michelle shouted, "WHAT DO WE DO?"

"WE HAVE TO GET THAT GHOST!" Percival shouted, as he was laid low.

Peter yelled, "HELP! IT'S TWELVE-LETTER WORDS!"

Heather sobbed, "I WANNA GO HOME!"

Mizuki said, "Guys! The longer this keep up, the closer he'll reduce us into mulch, much as Lemongrab did!"

Michelle said, "Yeah! Stay low!"

Farra remarked, "Uh… That's a problem."

Another word flew by, and it struck Peter in the right hand. He cringed, "Ow… It hurt-ed!"

Martin glared, "It's not even a word! Allow me to use pronunciation and enunciate it for you!"

His hand started to bleed, as Peter sobbed, "AH! PAPERCUT!"

Mizuki cried, as he got up, "NO!"

"PETER! GET DOWN!" Percival shouted.

"Don't be a hero, big guy!" Farra shrieked.

Peter stood in position, as the long strips of sharp paper pierced at him. He then growled, "No… I won't… let you win… you…"

Michelle snapped, "YOU BLOODY TWAT! YOU'RE GONNA GET KILLED!"

Martin smiled, "YES! Deluge yourself in librettos of acumen and be threadbare to bits, Beast Man!"

He shouted, still bleeding and all lacerated, "RAAAAAAAAHH!"

He began to glow in a dark red aura and began to grow at about twenty feet. He grew at the size of Martin, who was about fifteen feet.

Martin cringed, "What the funnel cake?"

April shrieked, "Oh, god! What is that?"

Heather gasped, "Oh, nefarious knucklehead!"

Percival whispered, "The Beast Gene… OF COURSE! That QB was a beast! I thought he was a ghost!"

He cried, "He's the combination of George Harrison, crossed with Crash!"

Peter shouted, as he was huge, "YOU STUPID UGLY WORTHLESS NERD!"

He grabbed him by the neck and punched him in the face, smashing it into a contorted mess.

Martin groaned, "You cannot do this! I am the master of Webster's long lexicon of great terminology!"

Peter shouted, "NOT ANYMORE!"

He launched a fiery right hand and roared, "JUSTICE RAILWAY UPPER!"
TOOT! TOOT!
The sound of a bullet train's horn was made, as…
POW!
…the huge fist connected into his face, in contact, smashing the ghost into oblivion.

Percival called out, "Hey, Prince! Here's a language word you could try! REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER!"

"OH! The abhorrence!"
BOOM!

Martin exploded into bits, reducing into nothing. Peter shrank back to normal, as he was still hurt.

"Ow! Man, that was deadly…" he moaned in pain.

Mizuki hugged him and said, "Oh, my huge teddy bear… I'm so glad you did it!"

Steven said, "So… What just happened?"

Peter said, "Nothing. When I saw you guys hurt, and I got a paper cut, the beast inside of me started to awaken… then everything went black…"

Percival said, "I have got to see Hanajima, about this… She and Aya will be shocked by this outcome."

He stated, "Peter, I may find out about your sudden powers, but you must not be conspicuous about it."

Farra scolded, "Darling, if that conspicarous means is what I think it means, I oughta slug you, right in the nose."

Steven smiled, "Hey, he's just being a genuine Latin intellectual. He means that it cannot be seen by evil spies."

April asked, "What school do you go to?"

Steven smiled, "Burleigh County, North Dakota."

April replied, "Then you better go back to Cass County."

As they were regrouping, three coins fell down from the heavens. It had a gold shine and with an "H" on it. Percival picked it up and said, "I'll take these with me."

Steven suggested, "Wait! Why do you get the money?"

Percival said, "It's not just any money. I'll explain later."

He ordered, "April, January, you take Peter, Steven, and Farra home. Mizuki, take a sample of Lemongrab's body and examine it. We're not sure about this guy. Heather, Michelle, you guys come with me."

Peter asked, "Where are you going?"

"I need to make a private phone call. I'll need you, when I am ready."

Farra remarked, "What about the others?"

Percival said, "We'll be fine. We're done here. Take the van and head home. We'll provide our own means of transportation. As for the Earl of Lemongrab…"

His shredded body was still on the ground. Percival addressed, "I think we'll leave him for the Great Will."

April bowed, "Yes, Father. Good luck."

Mizuki stated, "Just make sure you come back, in one piece."

He nodded, "I will."

Heather asked, as the others left, "Why do I have to go with?"

Percival said, "We need to make a brief stop at Daten City. But first, I have to make a phone call to a friend of mine. I think this thing has been happening before."

Michelle whispered, "Percival, it cannot be Onigiri, as you stated, even if it was nonsense…"

"It's the powers that Tohru and Aya have that I am worried about. How can Peter, of all people, consume this weird power?"

"That's the 500 Pound question. I'll stay by you, nonetheless… Maybe we'll meet this Electric Girl I've heard about."

"Maybe…"

Heather asked, "What are you whispering about?"

Percival and Michelle stammered, "Nothing…"

He said, "Let's move."

They walked together to the nearest phone, as the sky started to brighten a bit, since it was dusky out, now that Martin Prince's spirit is put to rest.

Minutes later, Percival was alone in a payphone, while Heather and Michelle were in a restroom. He spoke with Saki Hanajima, on the phone, the woman that he met, during Tohru Honda's transformation to Onigiri.

Hana spoke from the receiver, "I'm sorry you wanted to speak to her, but she is currently busy with a mission."

Percival asked, "Is Aya still around? Perhaps she could shed some light about Big Guy owning the Beast Gene."

Hanajima said, "No. I'm sorry. She'll only appear, whenever the new Chosen One is found."

"Hmm… I see. Suppose that this girl I met could help… Haruka, I mean. We met her, after the New ACROSS took F City… but we manage to rescue her, after she was exhausted. However, we met her at the Broken Shades. We only met the other neighbor, Miyazawa, who know of the girl, during the assault."

"I think I know… This girl named April, of Plas City, told me of the powers she have."

"Powers?"

"Yes. It's already taken care of. She hired me to help her. I haven't met her, face-to-face, but I shall meet her, soon."

He then said, "Okay. Just remember to come see me, anytime, as long as you're not busy."

"Doubtful, but I will. And thank you for speaking to me on this matter."

"And sorry again about Aya. Later."

He hung up and said, "Good. Now we shall charter a ride to Daten City. I owe a guy a favor, since he and I met, during my travels."

He stepped out and was to meet with the girls. But…

WHIZ! SNAP!
A fan flew by, nearly nicking his neck. It impaled onto the payphone, as Rei Tachibana smiled evilly, from atop of a convertible.

"Well, well, well. Scum like you don't deserve to live."

He growled, "TACHIBANA! YOU!"

She smirked, "Thanks for exterminating Martin Prince. He was a pawn to the boss's plan. This is a warning to you, FeraI skunk… No one will stop us… We will avenge everybody who had died in this disaster… And since Chris McLean is deceased, no need for vengeance."

Percival gasped, "No… The vengeance notes… It… It…"

He yelled, "IT WAS YOU, WASN'T IT?"

Rei smirked, "Give the c(BEEP) a sticker."

Percival said, "The deaths of many… Chris McLean's death… Everything with ghosts in it… Who do you work for?"

Rei then threw a smoke bomb and disappeared in thin air. She spoke in echoes, "One day… One day, you'll know why I am still around. The boss will be happy for your arrival, once you arrive at Daten City. Wait for me, darling Percy… I'll be waiting… for your blood and death."

She cackled, as Percival growled. He then smashed the phone booth with his bare hands and shouted, "GAH! REI, YOU BITCH!"

He threw a tantrum and shouted, "GAAAAH! RAAAAAAAHH!"

He kicked a trash can and roared, "RAAAAAAHH!"

Heather appeared and restrained him, "FUCK, STEP-BRO! CALM DOWN!"

Michelle asked, "What happened?"

He composed himself and said, "Daten City… We have to go… to Daten…"

Heather said, "Right!"

Michelle stated, "We'll need a ride. Luckily, I manage to find a working car, close by."

Percival smiled, "Cool. Now, let's get rocking!"

They headed to a black Rolls Royce and began to drive off. Michelle was driving, as Percival was in shotgun.

Heather snapped, "Next time, I get shotgun!"

Percival said, "You keep your mouth shut, until we get to Daten City."

Michelle asked, "You okay?"

He said, "I'm fine! I'll explain later."

Michelle then asked, "So, who was that on the phone?"

He shushed her and whispered, "Heather mustn't know… AT ALL! This is between you and me."

She said, in a stern look, "If you say so. … … …So, where are we going?"

XXXXX

Elsewhere, in her home, Hanajima was pondering, while packing her things.

"Maybe I could help out this situation…" she said, "I'll check out the Broken Shades motel and see if they'll squeeze me in for a room."

She then whispered, "Maybe… we'll find… another chosen one."

Of course, THAT'S a different story for a different time.

Meanwhile, the Sisters, in The Gang's home, were exhausted. They were all laid out, tired from cleaning the bathroom. They never bothered ordering out.

April, January, Peter, Farra, Steven, and Mizuki came home, seeing the house spotless.

Farra said, "I don't even wanna know."

May groaned, "Next time, leave the cooking for the pros… Why did you puke all over?"

Farra yelled, "YOU LITTLE BITCH!"

She was being restrained, as May got up, all dejected, "I'm going to bed. I don't feel hungry."

The others left, as April thought, "What's gotten into them?"

January said, "I think I know."

While the mystery in Highland has been settled, this sets up FURTHER mysteries.
In our next chapter, Percival, Heather, and Michelle head to Daten City, where they'll meet a familiar face… and two well-known citizens.

All that and a steaming cup of Chuck, with a stinking hunk of mustard, next time on…

The Gang
-(Now IN-COLOR)-

Meanwhile, in Highland, Lemongrab's head was on the ground. It then began to regenerate itself, as it was in pain. After his body was whole again, he got up, all naked, without his clothes on, since they were tattered and destroyed. He screamed and ran off, jumping onto his steed, galloping off from Highland.

"I AM ALIIIIIIIIIVE!" He shrilled, "YOU MADE ME!"

He then disappeared and shrieked, "YOU'RE! MY! GLOB! YOU'RE MY GLOB!"

The Great Will appeared and said, "Sorry. That wasn't my fault, this time."

WHAT? But how?

To be continued…