A Toxic Lullaby Chapter 40 – Bella's Brask note, a twilight fanfic

Chapter 40 – Bella's Brask note
(The chapter title will be explained in the AN at the end of the chapter.)

Alice sat cross-legged on her bed with her Valentino Garavani denim petale Rose Bag in front of her. It was still dark out, but she couldn't sleep anotherwink. She had planned on letting the purse and its contents sit on the nightstand until morning, but the suspense was killing her. Curiosity was burning a hole in her inquisitive brain, like a fresh paycheck in a shopaholic's purse and it had been that way ever since the evening before when Bella had first mentioned the envelope… no, scratch that… It had burned a hole in her brain and purse ever since it had first been handed to her all those weeks ago.

Silently, she counted backwards in her head, trying to figure out when exactly that had been. Four weeks …. A month… Had it really only been a month since they had first learned the DNA test results? It felt like much longer. Crazy! However, if her memory served her correctly, it was later that very same night that Bella had penned down the words that were now protected by thereused, but very carefully sealed envelope that was stored away in her purse.

Yep, definitely that night, she remembered Edward being broody as hell and not at all pleasant to be around. It hadn't taken much to convince Bella to tag along down to the hotel bar for a chat over a few well deserved pink fizzy drinks and martinis. Actually,come to think of it, Bella had stuck to non-alcoholic cocktails that nigh, which of course, in hindsight, made total sense. Anyway; martini buzz or no martini buzz, it was only natural that her brother's name was mentioned quite a few times during their gossip-fest andman-bashingsession that night.

Alice had always had a strong feeling about those two; Edward and Bella, ever since high school really, when she had watched her brother acting oh so indifferent around the 'new girl' when in actuality, he had been smitten from the get go. He had tried to be stealthy about it, but let's face it - when you're a hormonal teenage boy, stealthy isn't exactly easy to pull off. Their attraction had been instant, and quickly progressed to a full blown fling. The fall-out had been... harsh. Although, Alice wasn't truly surprised by this. After all, love and hate are related and both signs of strong attachment. A relationship that intense, at such a young age was bound to leave its mark – on all the involved parties.

Time had proved that the incident wasn't an isolated occurrence. It was a pattern, one that had come to repeat itself whenever their paths had crossed from that point on. Their futures were linked together for sure. Alice saw two possible scenarios on opposite ends of the spectrum; they would either implode and self-destruct all together, or merge into a strong and unified force that would last a lifetime. The vibes she had been getting lately were all pointing in the same direction; her brother was about to face a crossroad.

Alice knew a lot of things ahead of time. Her mind was like a sponge, taking in everything she saw, read or heard and as a result she seemed to be picking up on things that no one else seemed to notice. She 'saw' things happen before they happened. It had been a more frequently thing when she was growing up, now it just happened a handful of times in a year. When it did happen though, the things she 'saw' weren't visions in the normal sense of the word. Most of them weren't visual at all, more like sudden flashes of comprehension that would strike her when she least expected them to.

Strangely Edward, was the exception to that rule. Whenever her intuition was trying to tell her something, anything, regarding her brother there would always be actual images involved. Not that she had seen many of those, just a few glimpses here and there. Some of them were lovely. She had seen herself dance at his wedding. She had seen him with multiple children; close in age and with similar physical features, but she had also seen vivid, dream-like images of her brother being tortured by a dark, toxic force; horrible, vicious and downright frightening images. Two different visions that seemed to represent two very different fates and she figured it would be one way or the other, hence the crossroad. She figured time was running up and that a decision would have to be made real soon.

That night in the hotel bar, she had decided to up the notch, by trying to push Bella into some sort of emotional revelation, but, as per usual, Isabella had been far too savvy to fall for that trick. She had agreed to one thing though, a wager of sort, or perhaps it was be better described as a challenge. "Well, Alice, you're right about many things, but you're way off about this," she had said and asked the bartender for a pen and paper. She then instructed Alice to put her predictions in writing while she herself wrote down some contra-predictions of her own. Once they were done and once they had managed to find something to use as envelopes, Bella had sealed them and handed them toAlice for safer keeping. Right there was perhaps the biggest challenge as far as Alice was concerned; to have Bella's prediction in her possession, but not being allowed to read it before New Years Eve.

"I'll know if you break the seal. It might be 'just chewing gum' but I'll know if you cheat! This is potent stuff; you won't be able to keep it to yourself."

To say that Alice had been itching find out what Bella had meant by 'potent stuff' was an understatement. She had not given in to the temptation though, mainly for two reasons; one, she had given Bella her word and two, something told her that timing would be of great importance in all of this, something told her that this letter was going to be the focal point that would decide the outcome of… well… everything, which brought her back to the dilemma at hand. To open, or not to open the envelope, that was the question. New Years was still a week away, but Bella herself had given not only permission, but a friggin direct order to go ahead and open it. Granted, she had been severely shook up at the time, but lucid and level-headed none the less. So, did this mean the timing was right? Or was it just a test? Was the universe testing her strength and dedication,to see if she had the power to remain true to her word?

No, Alice decided after a few more moments of thought. This wasn't about her; it wasn't even about Edward anymore. It was about her nephew and his unborn siblings. It was about giving Anthony a two-parent, loving and happy home to grow up in.

With one final, swift movement, she tore the envelope open. Carefully avoiding the chewing gum that held it together, she emptied its contents on the bed. As expected she found two sheets of vertically lined and neatly folded white hotel stationary; the same sheets of paper she had seen Bella drop into that envelope four weeks ago. Anything else would have been very surprising, considering no one touched one of her Valentino's or any other of her purses and gotaway with it!

She squinted in the dark. It took her eyes a few seconds to focus, because even with the light from her cell phone it was nearly too dark to read. The first thing she noticed was that only one of the two sheets of paper was addressed to her, the other had her brother's name written at the top left corner of it. She would read them both, she already knew that much, hell, even Bella must have known that much when she wrote this, but for now she focused on the one that had Alice spelled out in hastilyscribbled handwriting.

Alice,

You annoying little pixie! You're peering over my shoulder as I write this, trying to sneak a peak even though you promised not to. I don't have much time, but I'm basically writing this because I predict I'll be needing your help with something, something important or I would have told you to shut the f*ck up about this maid of honor nonsense a long, long time a ago.

You say you predict wedding, babies and more babies in the future for your brother and me. You say an engagement is impending, you say I'll wear his ring before New Years Eve. A year ago I would have laughed you in your face and asked what clinic you escaped from. Don't get me wrong I still say you're nuts, but I have to admit you're right about one thing; your brother is a very virile man with an exceptionally healthy sperm count. That's all you're getting from me right now, well that and my contra-prediction, which is as follows; I predict Edward and I will be on non speaking terms again by the time the New Year rolls around.

This is where I need your help. I feel it would be a shame to waste another half a decade on miscommunication and mistrust, especially seeing as it appears as though one of those babies you've been going on and on about is already in the pipeline(Yes you were right, there I've said it!) He'll listen to you, I know he will. I'm not asking for you to speak on my behalf or anything like that. Your alliances should lie with your brother, that's the way family ties work, that's the way it should be. All I'm asking for is that you help me keep an open line of communication this time around.

I've prerecorded something for Edward, something I hope he will listen to even after he throws me out and wows never to speak with me again. He might not go to those extremes, but he will shut me out and he will close himself off for sure and when he does, I want you to tie him to a chair and play this recording to him. I'm kidding, obviously! Don't tie him down, he hates that. Just make sure he listens to the messages. Yes, messages, there are more than one. You'll need my cell phone or at least my SIM card for this. I'll make sure that when the time is right, you'll get access to them one way or another. My pin code is 1782. Find Seth Clearwater in my contact list; call him, he'll tell you what needs to be done.

Love,

Bella.

P.S. Keep an eye on your brother and step in if he needs help. He's been through so much in such a short period of time.

Huh? With shaking hands Alice lowered the sheet of paper down on the bed. She felt confused and puzzled and unsure of the exact nature of what her friend was asking of her. She knew that her brother had been hurt, but was only now just starting to see the damage done. Bella was someone she considered a friend though. Her instincts told her she was someone that could be trusted, that she wasn't out to hurt anyone on purpose. Did her instincts weight more than her brothers words? Well, technically her brother hadn't told her much of anything… yet. With that in mind Alice figured she owed it to everyone involved to iron out all the facts before she decided on what her action should be. That, of course, meant reading the second letter that was addressed to her brother.

11/03

Edward,

your sister is peering over my shoulder as a write this, so I'll have to keep this short and to the point. I saw you handle snot, tears and dirty diapers today. You were struggling, and will probably struggle for a long, long time with this, but you didn't bolt in the other direction. That speaks volume about the man you're becoming. Therefore, let it be known that this day marks the day that I've decided that I will be sharing my wonderful, yet terrifying secret with you. I wasn't sure before, I wasn't sure when or if I would ever tell you but now…. Now I've given your sister permission to read this letter on New Years Eve, so if I haven't told you myself by that point, Alice will butt in and… well, I'm sure you get the picture. I guess you could say I've given myself a deadline that I can't escape or take back.

This, of course means, that by the time you read this you'll know what secret I'm talking about, one way or another. You'll know that I've lied to you and kept something of utter most importance from you. That I have once again let you down by failing to open and honest with you. I really don't deserve your trust or your forgiveness and I won't ask for either of those things.

I'll ask one thing, though, please don't take this out on those who love you the most. You know how I grew up, you know I envy you for your loud and rowdy family. I think I must have told you this a million times already, but they are truly great. Please don't lose sight of that, and please promise me you'll give Anthony the unconditional love and the sort of upbringing he needs and deserves. That little boy should be your first priority, everything else is secondary.

I hope that some day you'll come to understand the unique blessing that each and every child is-no matter how they were conceived or whichever relationship they resulted from.

Your sister has predicted wedding, babies and more babies in the near future for us. I don't see how that is possible, but I do hope you will end up with all of those things eventually; kids and a happy, healthy relationship with someone who truly deserves your love.

Having grown up as a lonely child myself, I can tell you that being blessed with a siblings to love and play with is one of the greatest gifts you can give a child. That being said, I hope that some day we can find a way for us to be civil towards one another, for the sake of the children, if nothing else…

Yours always,

Bella

P.S. I'm not trying to turn Alice against you. I just think we should have try and keep an open line of communication and confiding in Alice seemed like the easiest way to achieve that. I haven't told her anything too personal, she knows very little about what's really going on. She's just a small pawn in this game of emotional chess that we've got going on. Please remember that she is still your sister, your ally and nothing will pry her away from your side.

Huh? Again, Alice felt had expected an apology, or some sort of explanation at the very least. This letter contained neither, but then again it's hard to apologize for or explain your wrongdoings weeks in advance. Boy, this was messed up. She felt like a pawn alright, but without a clue as to what game she was being used in.

What to do? What to do? She could either tell her brother what she had learned or she could follow Bella's instructions and place that phone call. It was a no brainier. She was the curious type. The very, very curious type. Always seeking answers and validation. Bella knew this. Bella counted on this. Damn, she hated to be this predictable, but she wanted a chance to get to know her new nice or nephew. She couldn't risk her brother screwing this up… It was a no brainier, really…

xXxXxXx

You've reached the inbox of me, Seth. I'm afraid I'm a little busy at the moment, but leave a message after the beepy thingy and I'll try to call you back… Unless of course I don't feel like speaking to you, or I'm too lazy to call you back, but you can leave a message anyway.

*Beep*

Hi, this is Alice, Alice Cullen. I'm not sure if you remember, but we've met a few times. You work with Bella, who is a childhood friend of mine. You're suppose to be expecting my call from what I understand. I've been told you have information for me…. uhm, instructions, maybe…. I'm sorry, I'm rambling. It's the middle of the night and I-…

*Beep*

This is Alice again. The machine cut me off before I was done. There is one more thing I think you should know. There has been an accident, a collapsing building. It's a long story, but seeing as you work with Bella, you should probably know that she is in hospital. It looks like everything will be alright, but they are keeping her for observation. Call me back and I'll tell you more about it.

*Beep*

xXxXxXx

Jasper's eyes opened a sliver to see Alice sitting up in bed. He rolled over onto his back, rubbing his face against the soft pillow and muttering, "Alice, what are you doing? Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I'm checking my phone for messages," she replied in a whisper.

"It's four a clock in the morning, and that's not even your phone," he grumbled, checking the time on his watch sitting on the nightstand.

"Fine, I was checking mine AND Bella's phone for messages."

"Can't that wait until tomorrow?"

"Sure, it's just that technically it is tomorrow already. I woke up with a feeling that there might be updates."

"Right, I almost forgot…" hefrowned and rubbed his face with his hands wearily. "Have you heard anything?"

"No, no news yet. Last I heard Bella was sleeping and everything was under control."

"Let's hope no news is good news then. What about you Alice? Have you gotten any sleep at all?"

"Of course I have," she insisted, but her body language seemed to be telling a different story, because Jasper said nothing, he just watched and waited for her to crack, which of course, she did after half a minute or so.

"Fine," she relented, sighing in mock exasperation. "I've slept some… Ugh, alright. I haven't slept much at all. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Alice, Alice, I love you, even when you try to deceive me." He patted her head like she was a pet when she glared at him.

"I was going to apologize for waking you, but I take it back. I'm not sorry at all."

"You don't have to apologize for something you didn't do. It was Tony...AGAIN." Jasper revealed, his eyes drifting to the toddler sound asleep in a bundle of blankets on the bed between them. "When he isn't snoring in my ear, he is digging his little toes into my ribcage or smacking me in the face with his flailing arms."

"Aww, that's because he has taken a liking to you," Alice mused, with a smirk. "He was inconsolable when Esme tried to put him to bed, but you calmed him 're a natural. You're a lot better with kids than you think you are."

"Don't get any ideas," Jasper looked somewhat horrified, but also plenty amused. "I'm double wrapping it from now on."

"Pff, you want kids just as much as I do."

"Sure, but I don't want as many as you do and I don't want them just yet."

"Time is such a precious thing to waste. We could have lost family members last night, you realize that right?"

"Yes, I know."

"They were really, really lucky they didn't end up crushed underneath all that snow and glass."

Jasper leaned over the sleeping boy and reached out to cup her cheek. "Not just that, if you hadn't been level-headed enough to demand that Emmett shut off the gas and electricity before going in, there is not telling what could have happened."

"Don't go making me some kind of hero. Something really terrible happened to someone really close to me. I should have seen it coming, God knows there were plenty of signs, but I didn't. The only warning I got were these vague flashes of flames, something resembling an explosion-like fire, that's all."

"That's plenty enough. Like I said, there is not telling what could have happened if you hadn't stopped him. One ambulance might not have been enough, you know."

"I still feel inadequate, like I should have been able to do more, like I should be doing more, like I should be there at the hospital right now."

"Why? I don't see what good it would do, not when it's four o'clock in the morning and everyone is asleep anyway. They need their rest."

"Bella is asleep for sure. Edward is more like me. He's awake and restless, I can feel it. I don't think it's good for him to have too much time to replay all his blunders at the moment."

Jasper sighed, but nodded like he understood. "What about the kid? We're not even married yet and you're already dumping all the responsibilities on me," he joked, gesturing towards the little boy, sprawled out in the middle of the bed.

"He should be asleep for another hour or two."

"And after that? I'm not changing any diapers, just so you know!"

"I'm sure you'll figure something out," Alice replied patting his shoulder as she slipped out of the bed. "And if not, prepare for a lot of noise," she winked at him as she took off for the bathroom.

…oOoOoOoOOOo

AN:

Brasklapp, (Brask note)

The expression comes from the Swedish bishop, Hans Brask, who was a member of the council of the realm in 1517. One of the things that the council decided upon was the removal of another bishop, Gustav Trolle. Brask was opposed to this decision, but eventually put his mark and wrote his name on the official document. However, it is said that Brask secretly placed a note (=lapp) saying "To this I am forced and compelled" under his seal before he signed a document.

Three years later, at the trials that preceded Stockholm's bloodbad (the Bloodbath of Stockholm), it is said that Brask presented his note and escaped the death sentence. Basically, he saved his neck with a hidden note that revealed his true feelings on a particular matter, at a particular time.

Now as for the title… The letters and recordings mentioned in this chapter are Bella's Brask notes. She did not want to repeat her old mistakes, but felt she had no other option at the time. This is her way of acknowledging that allthough her reasoning is somewhat flawed, her intentions have a certain amount of good to them, which is something she hopes that the messages she has recorded will show.

Stay tuned in other words…