Chapter 25
"I said, "how's your brother?"" Todo asked.
"My brother's got nothing to do with you!" Yukio shouted as he shot three times at Todo's head.
"Oh dear. Finally got a rise out of you." Todo commented as he incinerated the bullets. "Asleep or awake, you're always hung up on your family. I understand. I used to be much the same way. Ha ha! Maybe it's this form I'm in, but I keep remembering! I always looked up to my older brothers, and now look what I've become. I'm more powerful than they could ever be! They let me down, but now I've showed them."
He is not like me! Yukio replaced the ordinary bullets with naiad bullets and kept shooting, hoping to hit Todo. He knew that he was being played with, but everything that Todo was saying, it just rang too true.
He looked up to Rin, idolized him, and was always amazed by everything Rin could have, could do, that he couldn't. Rin was the strong one. Rin was the one who solved all the problems. Rin was the one who chased the bullies away. Rin was able to teach himself how to cook. Rin was able to tame a demon when everyone else thought that it should just be killed! Rin can do all that, and he still feels the need to cut himself? He was always so happy! He would smile and laugh and do everything just for fun or because he could! Rin could laugh and play and be a normal kid while he, Yukio, had to train to be an exorcist, all but giving up any chance he might have had at a childhood. Why was Rin the one who had to cut? Rin didn't deserve that! Yukio felt jealous, sure, but he also knew that Rin didn't have a good reason for it. After all, what good reason is there?
What he was doing didn't count. After all, it was science. It was to help his brother. That's what he kept telling himself, anyways. If that's true, then why did he feel such a strong urge right now?
Suddenly, Todo charged and Yukio was able to put a naiad bullet right in the middle of his face.
"Now that hurt. But magic bullets powered by low-level water demons are no more than a few drops of water on hot coals. Ha ha ha! Let's start over. Do you have any hobbies? Or a dream, perhaps? Oh that's right, you wanted to be a doctor. You're taking that advanced course in high school. Father Fujimoto had a physician's license. Like him, I suppose you'll go on to get all the meisters and just teach demon pharmaceuticals at the cram school. You're just copying him."
The urge grew stronger, but Yukio did his best to ignore it. He wasn't copying anyone! He was doing what was the most useful for the current situation. All of the meisters are important. Having a physician's license means that he can have a well-paying job later. Teaching demon pharmaceuticals is appropriate because he'll be a doctor some day, not to mention that there was no longer an instructor to fill that position.
Yukio wanted to take his razor blade and drag it across his arm. He didn't know why the urge was there, but it was, and he just wanted it to go away.
"Only your brother is left. If he were gone too, what would you have left?" Yukio fired another shot at Todo, "I bet you promised Fujimoto that you would protect Rin. Your life is racing along rails laid down by Fujimoto. He treated Rin special, but what about you? He raised you as a mere tool for protecting Rin."
How dare Todo speak as if he knew anything about Yukio's life. "You're wrong!" Another shot, "I chose this for my self!" Another shot, "Father Fujimoto had nothing to do with it!" Four more shots.
"You aren't even hitting anymore. It's no surprise. Even you must wonder why you have to do this for Rin when he has no idea how you suffer. Admit it. Say "it isn't fair, it's not right, I can't stand it." Yukio, you hate your brother, don't you? Why do you have to do anything at all for him? Even pick up that nasty little habit of-"
"Shut up! You don't know what you're talking about!" Another shot, and he hit Todo in the face again.
"Oh really. You know, even those of us who have fused with demons still get the extra sensitive abilities that true half and full demons get. I could smell it on you from the moment we met up here. I've worked in schools with enough depressing teenagers to know what's going on. What makes you any different?"
"I won't let you get to me." Yukio stated coldly. Yes, he had looked up to Rin, yes he had been jealous, and yes he was frustrated. He wanted to cut, even though he wasn't a cutter. There was no reason to cut just because he was upset and frustrated with the current situation. Just because he couldn't keep a grip on his emotions was no reason for him to need to cause himself more pain like that. He just had to fight back the urge, no matter how strong it would get.
Yukio was panting from the effort of the fight and holding his emotions back. "What's the matter, Yukio? Tired already?"
"Coycia, Melaina, Cleodora, Cleochareia, Bateia, Drosera, Solaia, Periboea." Yukio chanted. The seven naiad bullets he'd shot in a circle were ready to use.
"You pretended to miss so that you could lay down a magic circle to summon the naiads. You truly are excellent. Yukio, at least be honest with yourself."
Yukio gave Todo the worst stare he could think of. The urge was strong and he had to let something out. He lost control before he could melt into his negative emotions.
"I love my brother and hate him too! But more than that, I hated myself for being small and weak. The one I really hate is myself!" Yukio shouted, "Naiad water cell!"
A water bubble appeared around Todo, imprisoning him. Yukio knelt and panted with the effort. Why did he just give Todo, the enemy, all of that information? Suddenly, the bubble burst and evaporated, and Todo slowly floated down to the ground.
"Bravo! You're not even a tamer but you summoned all of those naiads. You still have much to learn." Todo darted forward and grabbed Yukio by the throat, knocking his glasses off. "So that's your answer? You're more interesting than I thought. Too bad that now you have to die! I wonder, with all of your behaviour, your habits, are you even going to care? I wonder how long it takes to reduce one human to ash?
In that instant, all Yukio could see was blue, and Todo backed off immediately. What was that?
"I instinctively leapt away. Those aren't your eyes-" Todo was cut off as Juzo Shima hit him in the face with his staff.
What had happened? Why did everything look blue for a moment. His demon blood was dormant, so there was no way that that could be it. Yukio carefully took our the blade he'd hidden in his coat and nicked the inside of his wrist to ground himself. He wasn't cutting, it was only a scratch, and definitely just a one-time thing. He put the blade back. No one noticed as they were still fighting, and losing, against Todo. This was no time for angst.
"I have an idea!" Yukio shouted, and he told them. Todo burned, regenerated, then melted into ash as it began to rain.
All that, and he still felt just as frustrated as before. Taking down the enemy didn't help relieve him whatsoever. Why didn't it work? Anger was supposed to disappear in the face of an accomplishment, but all Yukio felt was an overwhelming depression. He still felt as though he'd failed, even in the wake of this victory. The self-hatred didn't go away because fighting Todo wasn't the cause. Rin was the cause. Rin was to blame. It was all for his brother, after all. It was because of his brother that he hated himself.
"Wow, it's starting to look like buildings." I commented. The Impure King had gotten really big, probably at least the size of a town by now.
"We'd better hurry." Bon said in reply. He was breathing hard because of the miasma.
Rin! Run! This mountain is possessed by a demon! It's dangerous! It really stinks! Kuro jumped out from the bushes beside us. I had almost forgotten the little guy. I had mixed feelings about seeing him right now though. I didn't want Kuro to get into trouble.
"You mean the Impure King?" I asked.
"We're going to defeat it." Bon stated. Does he understand Kuro? No, he must be inferring from my half of the conversation.
It's too dangerous! You can't deal with that thing!
"But someone has to."
You idiot, Rin! It's dangerous so I'll take you! Kuro grew into his larger form. I can't believe the luck. Flying on Kuro will be a lot faster than running, and an aerial view might give us a look to see where we can cast the spell.
"Kuro, you're the best! Hop on, Suguro!" I called. Bon didn't look too sure about it, but Kuro won't drop us. He's the best friend/pet/cat/familiar/whatever a guy could ask for.
The miasma began chasing us as soon as we got close to the Impure King. It made finding a landing spot difficult, but Kuro managed to find a huge rock for us. Perfect for the spell, and perfect for me to fight the miasma on. I can keep some demon goo away from one rock. I hope. I'd better, or else.
"Honestly, I'm completely terrified." Bon said.
"That's because you're sitting in the back."
"I'm not talking about that, dumbass. You can't even draw your sword! You're just a strong kid sith a stick. Aren't you scared at all?"
Honestly? I'm absolutely terrified.
Kuro landed on the boulder with a crash.
"You're not giving up hope, are you?" Bon asked.
"Of course not!" I replied, "Not yet, anyway... Anyways, you're the one quaking in his boots! I bet everyone's doing all they can right now, so we will too. Start working on that barrier, chicken head."
"What? Who are you calling a chicken head, you stupid monkey! Damnit! You don't have to tell me to start working!"
"Good, then get to it." I'm glad that Bon was able to shake off some of his nerves. I tested my sword again. It still won't budge. I guess I'm doing this the hard way, flame free and all on my own strength. Nothing I haven't practised for years, at least. "Come on Kuro!" We began the fight, and Bon started the barrier spell.
I slashed as quickly as I could to drive back the demon goop with my sheathed sword. It was effective enough to stop each piece I hit, but it didn't stay back for long. It also seemed to get faster and faster as I kept fighting. Did this mean that the Impure King was gaining strength? Bon seems to be stressing out over there, watching me fight. I can't have him give up or collapse because of me.
"Chill out Suguro! If you keep freaking out, you'll collapse from exhaustion!" I called to him.
I kept up the fighting, testing my sword after every ten or fifteen swipes. Still no good. Why do I keep expecting it to work?
"Okumura!" Bon called. The goop appeared right in front of him. I ran over and slashed it, leaving my back open. Kuro took the hit for me when the next demon goop drew itself up behind me. Kuro got hurt because of me. I just kept attacking it, leaving my mind empty. I can't think about this right now.
The biggest pile of demon goop yet drew itself together just in front of us. It even looked like it had eyes and a mouth. I guess it did because those eyes turned towards us, and that mouth started spraying an even thicker miasma in our direction.
"The Impure King's heart?" Bon asked. He didn't let go of the seal he made with the ground. How can he tolerate that much?
"Hey, are you all right?" I called to him.
"Karura, protect me." Bon said to the fire demon, and bright orange flames spread around him, burning the demon goop away from the rock he was on. I could see and hear the strength leaving him faster as his breathing quickened and exhaustion creeped into his face.
"This won't last another fifteen minutes. My body won't last. I guess this is the end." Bon said with defeat.
I can't believe we made it this far, only to lose, and I still can't draw my sword. I can't use my flames, and I'm almost happy that they're stuck away in there. It means I can't lose control and give everyone another reason to hate me. At the same time, I can't try to save them either. They're going to die because I can't burn away this rot! Because I can't control myself! I need to try again! Try harder!
"Every second counts. While this barrier lasts, you should run." Bon told me.
What the hell is he talking about! I'm not leaving him behind, as not-friend as he is. He can last long enough to let me figure out how to pull out my sword. I just have to give him the spirit.
"Kyoto tower. I wanna go up to the Kyoto tower!" I put on a grin and used my most believable excited voice, "Take me there tomorrow! You're a local, so you must know all about it. I hear it even has a public bath. It would suck if we didn't save Kyoto. It would suck if we didn't save everyone. We're gonna win this."
"Why the Kyoto tower! There are plenty of other famous spots, temples, all that! Ahaha! You're scared, but who cares. It doesn't really matter. I'll play along with your optimism, if that's what you want. After all, we're friends Okumura, whether or not you believe me or believe in me, I believe in you. Whatever's stopping you from drawing your sword? Forget it. Forget all of it. Forget about the reasons why you're scared and afraid of everyone. Forget about why you hate yourself so much that you do what you have to do to get by. Forget about whatever dumb shit's going on in your head that's making you think that you're gonna screw it all up. There's a reason you're here, so prove it! There's nothing stopping you, so just do it!"
Why did Father Fujimoto save me? I'm worthless, pathetic, impossible to control, but he still saved my life. Why? Why would he save me? I pulled my sword as hard as I could, and I felt it give way in the sheathe. I could hear the blade slide against it's canister, and I could feel the flames spring to life, flowing over my skin like water. With just one swing, I took down that large pile of demon goop with the eyes and the mouth. The Impure King is so going down.
"Leave Suguro to me!" I turned and saw Shura calling to me, "Only you can beat that monster. You promised me, right? You said that you'd prove that Father Fujimoto was right to save you, so prove it! All you lack is confidence. Just win a place for yourself."
Just then, Bon collapsed. Dread filled every inch of me as I searched my brain for a way to stop this thing.
I cannot bear to watch.
What was that demon voice?
I am Ucchusma. I will join my purification flame with your flame, and then you must guide it. Speak the sutra and let me go.
The words just came into my head, "Fire, Life, Samadhi." I concentrated the power into a large ball, but I couldn't let it spread too far. I released it and sent it into the nearest mass of demon goop. It was completely destroyed.
Why do you hesitate?
The flame will burn everyone. It will burn me up too. I have to suppress my power. I am a beast who burns everything!
But Shiemi wasn't scared of me. And before that, Paku wasn't scared of me. Why am I scared of me? I was safe and fine the first time I controlled my flames. Paku was perfectly fine the second time. Shiemi didn't get burned at all last time. I did that, and everyone is counting on me. This time, I can use my strength, my power, and it will turn out right if I succeed. I can't let them down.
A wave of calm spread from my mind through my arms, to my fingers, past my chest, into my legs, and all the way to my toes. With the next slash, I sent my flames across the whole area, anywhere in the range of the Impure King.