"Here you go," Alice said handing a bottle of water to Edward before sitting down beside him.
"Thanks," he mumbled in reply without really looking up from his stare at the floor– it seemed like the best way to avoid any conversation from developing. The last thing he needed was one more round of the dreaded 'How're you holding up?' questions."
Alice, of course, didn't take the hint. "So, you still haven't spoken to her, have you?" she asked, nudging his leg with her knee.
"Hmmm," he hummed noncommittally. There was noneed to ask who she was referring to.
"I heard from mom that she's been asking for you again."
"Seriously Alice, give it a rest," Edward sighed and checked his watch. "It is Christmas eve and almost dinner time. Why are you still here?"
"Uh, we drew straws. I lost," she deadpanned, but then her expression sobered. "No, I volunteered, actually. I figured someone should keep you company until dad gets off his shift."
"I don't need babysitting." He shot her a dark glare, which she didn't see, because she appeared to be busy looking for something in her handbag.
"I mean it. Go home Alice!"
"You know you're not getting rid of me that easily, right?" she commented and then dug out a suspicious looking envelope from her handbag, waving it in his face. "I've been trying to get you alone all day. Now that I have you cornered I'm not letting you go until you've listened to me, because I've got something I want to show you, something that I think you should read."
So much for avoiding conversation… "I take it this is what you've been nagging me about all day, right?" he asked, with an exasperated groan.
"I don't nag, I forcefully encourage or suggest with authority... but I don't nag... much. Now here, read this! You can thank me later," she said shoving two sheets of neatly folded papers into his hands.
"I've told you before and I'll tell you again; I don't want to do this now. Can't it wait until tomorrow?" he heard himself whine, although he already knew it was a losing battle. The truth was that he hadn't slept more than three or four hours in the past seventy-four and it was beginning to take its toll on him.
"No, it can't wait. It should have been dealt with hours ago, just like you should have manned up and spoken with Bella hours ago. This has already gone on for too long. Don't think I don't see what you're doing. You're avoiding contact with her at all cost. What are you so afraid of?!"
"I'm not avoiding her," Edward's voice rose as he rushed to defend himself. "I'm just taking a breather, hospital rooms are kind of suffocating, besides I sat with her all night and most of the morning, too."
"I know you did." Alice said with an impatient wave of her hand. "Honestly, I doubt anything or anyone could have pried you away from her bedside those first ten-plus hours."
"During which time I got exactly two minutes of sleep, so don't mess with me, alright!"
"Fine, but you can't convince me that it's a total coincidence that you haven't set foot inside her room one single time since she woke up and started having lucid moments. You're SO avoiding her."
"I AM not," he protested, though he knew she had a point. "Listen, don't think I don't care about her, because I do. I care about her a great deal …"
'Love her is more like it,' his inner voice taunted. He shook it off.
"As much as I want to be at her side, my blood still boils when I think about what she did; the lies and the ridiculous cover ups… There is simply too much anger, too much unresolved tension. ..Trust me, it's in everyone's best interest that I stay away from her for the time being."
"I don't mean to be harsh, but I think it's time for you to be the bigger person and realize that you made a lot of mistakes here too. You can't leave her hanging like this. Not knowing what's going on is probably more stressful than anything else."
"Gee, nice one Alice. Guilt trip me, why don't you! Because the stress she's under is entirely my fault." He couldn't resist the childish impulse to flick her forehead.
"Ow," she said, rubbing the spot he hit. "I didn't say it was all your fault, I just said she isn't the only one that has made mistakes."
"Fine, but I don't see how this is any of your business," he huffed, his energy level was almost nil at this point. Arguing with a stubborn Alice could be exhausting on a good day and this was definitely not a good day. "Besides, I don't see how any letter, or whatever the hell it is that you're trying to get me to read, would make me see things differently."
He smoothed out the sheets of papers, and glanced at the first line of words. "This isn't even meant for me. It says 'Alice' at the top of the page."
"I know what it says, it says 'Alice, you annoying little pixie! You're peering over my shoulder as I write this'," she recited from her memory, without skipping a beat. "Look at the handwriting Edward, look at the date. Everything is pretty self explanatory, all you have to do is keep reading."
"I fail to see how anything that Bella wrote weeks ago have any bearing on what's going on right now."
"Just keep going, or would you rather have me read it aloud for you?"
"No, thank you," he grumbled. "I'll do it, but only to get you off my back."
And read he did. He began skimming the first few paragraphs, but as the words started to filter into his mind, he realised he had to go back and read trough it allagain,more closely this time.
.
….
.
"So, what do you think?"
Edward did not respond, nor did he acknowledge that he had been spoken to. Not until a hand was waved in front of his face. Then he blinked in startled surprise.
"Hm… What?" he asked, snapping back out of his thoughts. He had all but forgotten Alice was there.
"I asked, what are you thinking? Now that you have read it, what are your thoughts?"
"My thoughts?" he repeated, his mind struggling to process. "I'll tell you what I'm thinking. I'm thinking this…" he said, waving the offending pages in his hand. "…doesn't justify anything. It just proves she knew all along that her actions would come back to bite her in her lily white ass."
"Yeah, obviously she kept secrets from you entirely too long and obviously she knew it was wrong not to tell you straight away. However, s self-serving as her reasoning is, she's also spot on about a lot of things, especially what she wrote about you needing time to bond with Anthony."
"Next you're going to tell me everyone has flaws and sometimes you should just forgive and forget."
"No, I was just going to point out that by avoiding her you're proving her right. She feared you were going to shut her out and that's exactly what you're doing."
"How in the fuck I'm I supposed to talk to her in a civil manner, when all I want to do is strangle her? Can you answer me that?"
"How about telling her that you're not ready to talk yet, but that you're not going anywhere either."
"You make it sound so easy," he scoffed.
Alice just shook her head and snatched the two sheets of paper out of his hands. "It seems to me like you're making it more complicated than it needs to be." She folded the pages and placed them back in her handbag. "Speaking of making things complicated…. Do I need to bring out the duct tape and tie you to a chair?"
"Wh-.. What?! "
"The recordings, Edward. Apparently there are some sort of voice messages on her phone that she wants you to listen to. I've got the phone and her pin code."
"Right… If I do this, if I listen to them, you'll leave me alone for the rest of the night," he demanded although it came out sounding more like a plea, than a demand.
"Yup. So, you'll do it?"
He sighed heavily, knowing that if she had been annoying before, she would be unbelievably unbearable if he didn't go along with this.
"Yes."
.
xXOXxxXOXxXOXxXOXxXOX
.
3008… no.
.
3108… no.
.
0109…nope.
.
0209… no.
.
Bella's phone was a mystery. It was a dark, nondescript one; a smartphone for sure, but not an iPhone, Blackberry or any Android phone he had ever seen before. Edward had caught her casting envious glances at both his and Alice's iPhones more than once, but he knew the back story. He knew she had been forced to take drastic messieurs after her mother, Renee, had managed to hack her SIM card. Kind of scary, seeing as Renee could hardly be described as a technical whiz!
.
0309… no.
.
0409… still no luck.
.
Apparently Bella had some sort of dictaphone app installed on her phone. Edward had never seen her use it, but according to her colleague she recorded stuff with it quite regularly.
Finding the right app had been easy; it had an obvious name and also she really didn't have that many apps installed to begin with. Accessing the audio files, however, was a different matter all together.
Knowing the pin code wasn't enough. According to Clearwater the actual recordings were password protected as well. Of course they were, no surprises there. However, the guy had not been very forthcoming with details.
Did he know the password? No. Swan changed her password once every three weeks, FBI policy. Did he know how she picked her passwords? No, just that she tended to base them on specific dates. Not her birthday or anything that could be easily guessed though. Did he know any of her past passwords? No, but Swan had once mentioned that she always alternated between the same three passwords. One of those three passwords was the same combination that she had used for the padlock on her locker in high school. Did he think there was any significance behind that admission? Yes, especially seeing as Swan had coached him what information to give away if any member of the Cullen clan ever contacted him and asked questions about her phone and those voice recordings.
The result – Edward was testing various combinations of digits related to their relationship and high school milestones, like the date of the day they first met, the date they first kissed, the date they first…. No, it had to be the date they first met. It HAD to be, because very few people knew when and where that fateful event had happened.
.
0509… no.
.
Alice had wisely pointed out that if Bella wanted Edward to access those audio files, the password HAD to be a reference to something that only he would know about. Yeah, well, guess what?! He had no freaking idea what it could be. After a few minutes of futile guesswork, Alice volunteered to go to the source; to go ask Bella.
Edward was glad to see her leave. Finally, some peace and quiet! He felt like a tool for even wasting an ounce of energy on this stupid password quest. If Bella had something to say, she should say it to his face. He sighed and rubbed his temples as he realized the absurdity of that thought. Not that easy to reach out to someone when you're confined to a hospital bed and when the other party is avoiding you like plague. Still he was tempted to throw the phone in the trash and forget about the whole thing all together. He'd already heard enough excuses and lame justifications from her to last a lifetime.
His fingers moved on their own accords though, punching in numbers after numbers until suddenly…
.
0609… Bingo!
.
The phone chimed, announcing that the app was ready to use.
September the sixth… Just because he couldn't remember the exact date, didn't mean he had forgotten about it. He'd been handcuffed to a chair at the police station back in Fork's, when SHE had walked in… or stumbled in… the police chiefs, jailbait daughter. Ah, the memories… He could still picture the whole thing in his head like it was yesterday.
…
(AN: If you're curious to know how they met you should go ahead and read the end of chapter five of 'A twisted tale', which you can find it in my profile.)
…..
Edward had to literally shake his head to rid his mind of those images as he tried to force his attention back to the phone in his hands. It took him a few seconds to get a grip of what he was looking at. It wasn't just one or two messages, it was a whole archive of recordings. Everything seemed to be sorted by date and the entries went back as far as six months.
Where to start? Where to start? Surely she didn't expect him to listen through them all?! That would take ages.
He could start with the most recent one and work his way backwards, but that would probably be confusing. He assumed this was a diary of sorts, though in actuality he really couldn't be sure of anything. He could see that there were quite a few deleted messages. So whatever this was, it was probably heavily edited and censured to fit Bella's… what was the wording Alice had used?… 'Self-serving reasoning'.
There were a few gaps in the entries. Like for example there was nothing from the time when her hu-... when Black had died. Also there was nothing from the time when she had waltz back into Edward's life again or from the time of… eh… well, conception. Too bad, it would have been insightful to hear her thoughts on all three of those events.
Where to start? Where to start? He wracked his brain, trying to remember what she had told him. She was 19 weeks along, but had been more than two months along before she found out about the pregnancy. So she must have found out around mid September. September again, huh? He was sure Alice would say it was cosmic irony. She was big on karma stuff.
So… mid September… He double clicked on the entry from the 13th of that month. There was a crackling static noise and then Bella's voice filled the room.
.
September 13th
.
People alive right now who think I'm batshit crazy: 2.
Appointments made with shrink: 0 and NO, I do not want to talk about it.
Ugh, I just realized I have that last evaluation coming up in a few days….
Painkillers: 4, I should probably not mention that to the doc.
Calories burned: 413, not tooo bad.
Remember to buy milk, cereals, toilet paper.
.
End of message…
.
September 15th
.
Phonecalls: too many, too early.
Alcohol Units: 0 but I feel lightheaded. Actually I feel like barfing. I knew I shouldn't have eaten that last Twinkie!
Paikillers:2
Coffees:7
Remember to pick up jacket from dry cleaner.
.
End of message…
.
September 16th
.
Minutes spent in the bathroom throwing up: 17. There was definitely something wrong with that darn Twinkie!
Buy more Pepto-Bismol ASAP!
.
End of message…
.
September 18th
.
Time spent online working: 47 min.
Time spent online not working: 317 min.
Online purchases: 5 pair of shoes, very bad. 4 books, very cheap. Groceries, convenient. Bought 3 flavors of ice cream. Bad. The delivery boy was cute though, so I might try it again.
Paikillers:2. I really should try and get by without these suckers. Thankfully the stomach bug seem to be gone.
Coffees:5
Calories burned: 287.
Note to self: must not forget the appointment on the 21st.
.
End of message…
.
September 20th
.
Dr. Evans, 9:30 AM, tomorrow morning, right across from Mickies diner.
Putting the sparkly stuff on ice.
No more desk duties…..Can't wait!
.
End of message…
.
September 21st
.
OMG! Need a drink!
Make appointment with an OB/Gyn ASAP!
.
End of message…
.
September 30th
.
Still in shock!
Coffees: 2, trying to cut down.
Teas: 2 failed attempts. The herbal stuff is truly disgusting.
Remember appointment on the 5th.
.
End of message…
.
October 3rd
.
Phone calls made to E: 0.
Face-to-face meetings with E: 0.
E-mails to E: almost 1, but really 0.
Coffees: 0, very good
Painkillers: 0 excellent
Bouts of morning sickness: 2, I think or maybe it's just nerves. Doubts: 16542. I should put an end to this while I still can.
.
End of message…
.
October 5th
.
Current weight: 117lbs
Gestation: 8 weeks
Blood pressure: high, apparently. Not surprised.
Coffees: thrown up 1 (that's a new one)
Peanut butter: 15 table spoons, my only comfort from now on.
Pints of ice cream: 2, ok, and ice cream, because the cold stuff is comforting too.
Chocolate bars: 5 . and, yes, Chocolate too; my three comforts left.
Calories burned: uhm…. not many enough…
Life-altering decisions made: 1
Phone calls made to E: 3. That's right! I made three whooping calls, but the jerk hit ignore every single time… Or maybe he really is out of town, like rumor has it.
.
End of message…
.
October 5th, 2nd message
.
I was just thinking, what, if anything, would I like to remember of this day…
Got to hear the heartbeat today, sounded like a galloping horse. I know, I'm supposed to feel something; joy, elation, fear, anything… But it seems the only thing I'm able to feel besides shock right now is this fucking emptiness. Note to self: must. not. start. comfort-eating.
.
End of message…
.
October 14th
.
Dizzy spells in front of the boss: 1
Trips to the ER: 1
BP: 140/90, high.
Dehydration: yep. See, that's what happens when I can't have my coffee…
Bouts of morning sickness: 6, bad day, I tell you…
Uncomfortable conversations: 1
Never in a million years did I think my boss would be the first one I told… Crazy!
Phone calls made to E: 0, a big fat ZERO. I e-mailed him though. I came up with this bogus, case related question that I hope he will feel compelled to answer.
.
End of message…
.
October 16th
.
Horrible abdominal cramps: check!
Spotting: check!
Fatigue, feverish, chills: Check!
Hours slept:4,5
Minutes waiting in phone cue: 37
BP: probably sky high
Reassurance from phone call: absolutely none.
Emergency appointment scheduled: 1
Reminder: Dr. Evans, oct 17, 7:70 AM
.
End of message…
.
October 16th. 2nd message
.
Went into work this afternoon against better judgement…
E-mails in inbox: 87, but none of them from E.
Stuff to buy: ice cream, bread, eggs, tomatoes, creme cheese.
.
End of message…
.
There was a knock on the door that made him jump. Seconds later Carlisle popped his head in. "Can we come in, son?"
"Of course, it's your office."
Carlisle opened the door some more, allowing Alice to slide through. "See, I told you he was more likely to be fiddling around with that phone than sleeping," she told her dad pointedly all the while giving Edward her classic 'I'm-dying-to-know-spill-it-right-now' look.
"How am I supposed to get any sleep when you're constantly moving your mouth, Alice?" Edward retorted, his voice carefully bland. "No offence dad, but I swear if one more person pokes their head through that door and asks how I'm holding up I'll break their figgin neck. "
"Ah well, at least I'm getting paid to ask those kind of questions and like you pointed out, this is my office after all." Carlisle laughed, ushering Alice further into the room. "Speaking of which, I have some paperwork I need to catch up on. If you guys want to stay and keep the old man company, you're welcome to."
Edward frowned, "I sense a 'but' coming…"
His father nodded. "But Edward, I think you should consider going home for a little bit."
When he started to protest, Carlisle laid a hand on his arm. "Isabella is sleeping right now. I upped her drip, so she's set for the night. If you want to come back later this evening and spend another night here at the hospital, that's fine. However, I really think you should try and make time for your son, because he is still just a child. I doubt he understands all the sudden changes that are occurring in his environment right now. Bottom line, I really do think you should be the one that put Anthony to bed tonight."
His father was right, Edward realized with a pang of guilt. "I guess, I should… maybe… No, scratch that. You're right dad. I SHOULD go home." His shoulders sagged as he meet his father's eyes. "You still have a few hours left of your shift, right?"
"Yes, I'll be here for at least another three hours."
"If I leave… will you call me if anything changes? With Bella, I mean…"
"Of course," Carlisle agreed, with a firm nod. "I think we can expect an uneventful night. Everything looks stable at the moment. Plus I think it helped that I had a good, long talk with her. We went over everything she should know about her condition and treatment options. It seems to have calmed her."
"It calmed her?" Edward asked, his hand running through his hair like it always did when he was nervous or distressed. "You told her EVERYTHING, and it calmed her?"
"Yes, Edward. She had a lot of questions. Sometimes not knowing is a terrible void. Sometimes not knowing is far more stressful than having all the facts, even when they are grim.
"That's what I said," Alice chimed in.
"So what happened? She didn't freak out… like at all? I though you said it might be too much for her to handle."
"Obviously, I was gauging her reaction as well as her stats and vitals, but it all went over better than I thought it would. I guess she's a lot stronger than I've given her credit for," Carlisle admitted.
"I could have told you that," Alice butted in again. "She's like trained to handle stressful situations."
Edward rolled his eyes. "She's trained to handle a gun and deal with criminals. That's hardly the same thing as facing a personal crisis of both medical and emotional nature."
"True, there is no preparing for something of this magnitude," Carlisle agreed. "Are you upset with me, son? You might not remember this, because things were still kind of chaotic at the time, but I did ask you how you wanted to proceed with this and you said that you preferred not being the one breaking the bad news to her."
"No…. I remember. I just expected you to wait a little while longer with telling her, that's all, but if it calmed her, then I suppose it was the right thing to do."
"Good, that's how I feel too," his father nodded. "It looks like she's finally getting the rest she needs, which is why I'm advising you to go home. You'll have plenty of time to put the little guy to sleep, eat a nice meal, take a nice shower, get a good night's sleep and then come back here in the morning."
"Right…"
"The ultrasound is at nine sharp. That's one appointment that you REALLY ought to be present and alert for."
"You're planning an ultrasound? on Christmas day? If that's not a good luck omen, I don't know what is," Alice gushed with genuine surprise. "Can I come? I can act as a distraction if things get too tense. I'm good at that."
"Alice! I don't think that's such a good idea."
"Dad, please!"
"Wouldn't you rather spend Christmas morning with your fiancé and your nephews? Besides it's not me you should ask."
"Edward?"
"What?!" He sort of kind of zoned out, but came to with a start when he realized he was being asked a question. "Oh, um . . ."
"Please, say yes. I won't pester you about the phone, Bella's messages or any of that tonight. I'll leave you alone for the rest of the evening, If you agree to let me tag along tomorrow."
"Fine, but if Bella doesn't want you there ….." He made a cut-throat gesture with his finger while pointing to the door.
"Great, that settles it!" Alice declared, clapping her hands in delight.
.
xXOXxXOXxXOXxXOXxXOXxXOX
.
AN: Okay, don't expect me to be all perfect with the medical stuff, I'm no doctor here. I should have made that disclaimer several chapters ago, but it slipped my mind. You've been pretty good to me with your reviews though, so I guess I haven't messed up too bad.
I got my computer up and running again. Turns out it really was the video card causing that was the trouble, but I managed solve the problem without having to replace it with a new one. I know changing a video card isn't that difficult (like some of you were kind enough to point out, thanks!), but my computer is custom built so the maneuvering space inside the case is beyond tight. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get the old card out without damaging something in the process. I managed to mess up a motherboard while putting in more RAM memory in a computer at work a few years back, so I'm a bit cautious. I have bad tech Karma. Must be from the time I spilled OJ all over my old laptop.